Let it Go, Let it Go, Let it Go …
By Bernadette A. Moyer
Bishop TD Jakes words of advice “Let it go” and Disney’s Frozen was about “let it go.” How often do we hang on to things that people did and said to us? And we would be so much better served if we just “let it go?”
“When people walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anyone that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it is dead.” Bishop TD Jakes
Not everything or everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. How often do we hang on to that which no longer serves us? Let it go!
How much mental illness or our suffering points back to an inability to let go? Forgiveness is the ability to let it go, it is what we do for ourselves when we forgive.
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” Ajahn Chah
Anger keeps us connected in negative ways, letting it go allows us to move forward with love and with grace. Brain scientists suggest that nearly 20% of us suffer “complicated grief” when we long for someone that we lost and we romanticize the memories of the relationship. Often when people die we make them God-like, all of a sudden they become perfect. We don’t speak ill of the dead. Even if they were far from “angelic” they become angels to us. It is healthy for us to forget and forgive the bad stuff, it allows us to let go.
The secret is to know when it is time to let go. Hanging on to hurts or to anger or to any loss is often at the expense of wellness and growth. When we are stuck we are unable to move forward.
Remember the movie Up, iIt is a Disney film that came out in 2009 and told the story of a widower who couldn’t let go. He couldn’t let go of the past and the house that he previously shared with his wife. Basically he couldn’t “fly” and lift off without letting go. Once the main character could let go of the objects that weighed him down, he literally was able to fly and move on and ahead.
There was no much angst in my family and so much hurt and loss. For years I kept it alive by carrying it in my head and in my heart. After my mother died I was initially indignant as to how her lack of any desire for any reconciliation and how it affected me. But the truth is she was dead and gone from me for decades before her actual passing. It was an open wound until the finality of her death.
Recently I visited her grave which is littered with messages from her other children. Their grief and loss is so new to them. I am finally free and at peace. When we can finally “let it go” we have a full and open heart that has a greater ability to love and is peaceful. I know because that is where I live now. It is a choice. I find it easier to let many more things go. So little is really worth hanging on to and what this has done for me is it allows me to be present in the moment and to live in the moment and literally one day at a time. My anxiety is far less and my joy is far greater.
The real gift is not in the holding on but rather in our ability to let it go …