Just Because
By Bernadette A. Moyer

Today after about a month of “social distancing” I decided to start this weekend off with a nice dinner/drinks/dessert at home and in our dining room. I wanted to make it nice and special but also support local businesses that have supported me through my years in the nonprofit arena, work I have done for more than two decades.

So I opened up the china cabinet as I thought “why don’t we use this pretty stuff and why is it just for company?” so I took the inserts out of the table and made it more comfortable for two people. It would be dinner for two at Chez Sahm!

The crystal champagne ice bucket and champagne glasses reminded me of all the special occasions that we used them for and toasted with in the past, and I thought why not now? Why not celebrate “just because” and I pulled them out and cleaned them up. I thought about the people that gifted us those crystal pieces during much happier days. Warm and welcome thoughts embraced me. It felt good.

I had placed a grocery order days earlier that would be coming from Wegmans through Instacart and I decided our table needed flowers. I wanted to support Radebaugh’s Florist in Towson. Normally I would go pick out my own floral arrangement partly because of the added expense of delivery and partly because I enjoy picking out exactly what I want. But in “isolation” and “social distancing” I ordered online.

As I was placing the order I was asked if it was a special occasion like a birthday, thank you, thinking of you etc. and it was not any of them but rather “just because” just because we are going to be home all weekend and I wanted to celebrate being home, life and living it with my husband. Midway through the week he expressed feelings of depression. And I wasn’t in a much better place myself. You can call it what you want but often it does feel like “home detention” and given that we normally lead very active and social lives, it was sad and heavy on our hearts just like everyone else.

Just because my husband is “essential” and works really hard and he deserves it. Just because it is Friday, the start of the weekend when we would normally be going out for dinner and drinks. Just because my husband mentioned late last evening that I might consider getting “gussied up” since I have been wearing tattered old worn sweat clothes for several weeks now. Honestly clothes that even Good Will wouldn’t embrace accepting. Just because I might consider wearing something a little nicer and not my I am cleaning the house attire.

Next up I wanted to support Fairgrounds Discount Beverages in Timonium, again a liquor store that has supported many of my special event fundraisers. So I ordered champagne, the good stuff, the champagne we normally only drink for truly special occasions. Again tonight’s dinner theme is just because! We often run around town and beyond a lot and never truly appreciate our pretty dining room that has been here with us for almost three decades now.

I knew that like myself, my husband needed some joy, some happiness and a night when we didn’t grab dinner from the kitchen and rush to the family room so we could watch endless hours of the news regarding COVID-19. We needed a break and to celebrate life, just because we still have a life to celebrate.

Many of my followers and readers know that I have written about death and about estrangement and many sad stories tied to my life and life experiences. Brian and I share coming up in poverty, he was city poor I was country poor. We knew losing a spouse to death and having adult children estrange. All of our parents are long gone. We have experienced extended periods in our life with deep sadness and sorrow.

One of the great gifts of grief is getting through it and to the other side. One of the greatest gifts is learning that your happiness comes from within and not from other people or things or places.

We have lost much in our lives and have learned to view each loss as a gift, we learned to be better people and to never take life or the quality of life for granted. We learned very early on that life can change in a moment with no advance notice.

Today we appreciate everything we have and share as much as we can with many that are in need. I am a firm believer that giving is for the giver.

But last night was giving to ourselves, taking care of ourselves and one another. We talked for hours without the interruptions of the news and electronic devices. We paused and looked deep into ourselves, each other and our home where we have lived for over 28 years. We are God people and believers who know that like everything this is temporary and will pass.

Last night was so fun, we ate a nice dinner with a few drinks in a pretty dining room with pretty china that we seldom use. We prayed together and we played together. We dusted off our old vinyl records and Brian played DJ as we listened to music from being teenagers and forward. We played games and even danced together.

During this pandemic I have thought deep and long about what is happening. I continue to work from home making phone calls and sending notes and cards to many supporters. Everyone has been thankful to hear from me. People want to talk and to connect.

The hardest part for a person like me who loves people (most people) is the inability to be with them. But maybe that is exactly what this period in time is all about. How do we treat others? What are we saying about them and doing to them to this planet and to the earth? We have a lot to think about and the time to reflect.

We have many friends with many views on life, on religion, on God and on politics and many that are not necessarily on how we view things but we enjoy hearing and seeing from different perspectives. I try hard to see the best in people even the ones that are adults and resort to name calling our political leaders. In my mind, though, I think if you don’t like it and you can do better join forces with others who believe as you do and be the change that you want to see. Sitting back on your sofa and making fun of or calling leaders names does not bring about change.

Peace is so important to me, inner peace where I can be alone with myself and accept myself warts and all, and that came after years and years of working through so much grief, loss and heartaches in my lifetime.

I have nothing to complain about, all in all I have lived a very full life and I don’t want to die of COVID 19 or any other disease, but if I did and when I do, I don’t want to regret not living each day to its fullest no matter where I am and what situation I find myself. We need to appreciate everything and celebrate all that we have no matter how much or how little … just because … it is not over until we take our last breath.

At age 23 I was widowed and I learned the single most valuable lesson, life is for the living, live it, just because you still can …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

The Title of Your Life
By Bernadette A. Moyer

She lived, she loved and she learned! I was reading an article about what would the title of your life story be and how would you define it.

The very first phrase that came to mind was “she lived” and then she loved and boy did she learn. Today as I write this we are in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and most of us are self-isolating and social distancing. We are alone with our inner thoughts and have the time for self-reflection.

As I made my bed this morning, (yes I still start each day with making my bed) I looked out the window to the bright red bird feeder surrounded by birds. There is a tiny red cardinal among the others. It stands out for me as I do believe in the folklore that suggests that red cardinals are like angels and messengers from those that have passed.

This is the week that nine years ago my mother passed and then a week later her mother my grandmother passed. I don’t dwell on these dates and am aware of them due to legacy.com e-mails that remind me.

Who we are and how we live and have lived our lives is centermost on my mind these days with death dates and rampant illness all around us. I am also Catholic and thinking about Easter and Christ and his last days before he was risen again, and about spring, renewal and rebirth. This year more than ever they are not just words but point to my inner being and how I have lived my life.

I am certain turning 60 just 6-months ago has also been a catalyst on my life and how I have lived it, and continue to live it. What will I do with the remainder of my days here on earth, these days I have the time to truly think about my best life and how it has changed through the years and what it may look like down the road.

If nothing else I have been true to myself and where I don’t live in the past I do trip down memory lane and look at myself through the years and with so many lessons learned. What made me who I am today, for some reason I thought about my school uniform and how I received a “demerit” for wearing a non-regulation sweater over my blue wool jumper with the peter pan blue collar blouse. This was during my senior year in high school when I was pulling away from family, becoming more independent and trying to figure myself out. I have always been a bit of a rebel.

One of the greatest gifts with aging is the quiet that rolls over you where you have a thought, a feeling, or a comment but do not feel the need to share it. You become more accepting. You enter less battles.

I live in gratitude for all the living that I have behind me and in excitement for what I hope and pray lives ahead for me. There is nothing that I view as all good or all bad just what is and what was, I never view life as what happened to me but rather as what happened for me.

Every time I thought that I was losing, it always turned out to be a win. What was let go was replaced with new and better. Today I look at this Easter as a profound time in history to practice grace, gratitude and peace and to remember each life is different and unique. We have but this one life and how do we choose to live it?

What would the story of your life be called? Who would the characters in your story be? What work would you do? What belief system would you hold? Who would you love? What would best life living look like?

For so many people this pandemic will create loss and yet an opportunity to begin again, a time for renewal and a time for rebirth.

For this Easter and always I pray that you are living true to yourself and taking the time to ponder and to decipher what would the title of your life story be called?

Peace and abundance of all that is good …
Bernadette

This Sucks!
By Bernadette A. Moyer

This sucks and I am not going to put lipstick on a pig and say otherwise. This is NOT the “American Way” as we enjoy freedom, our ability to work and travel and share exchanges of hugs and handshakes. Whatever routine you have, this is most certainly, NOT it!

But what are we learning or have we learned so far? Mostly just how vulnerable that we humans are in life. That one virus could stop us, literally dead in our tracks. That no matter how much we have if we don’t have the right mindset and the right spirit to handle whatever we must face, we fail.

Like many people I suffer from anxiety and we all know that there is much to be anxious about these days. What am I doing about my anxiety you ask? Breathing and keeping busy. My grandmother was famous for saying “idle time is the devil’s workshop.”

Simple things like cleaning and cooking. I hand washed and neatly folded something like 15 scarves that I own. I wear a scarf all year long. To me it is like an adult version of a baby blanket. It comforts me and keeps me warm even in the summer when the air conditioning in many places is a deep freeze. I love having a scarf on. And I have NEVER hand washed them before. Each scarf has a memory and they are all good memories of places we travelled or occasions that we celebrated.

What else am I learning, well I think, how I look at my life during this period in life will help define how it plays out for me. Believe me I think to myself, so this must be how “home detention feels” but then I quickly think about all the rest/sleep that I am getting and how thankful I am for my husband our home and our precious pooch. Thankful that we both have the ability to work from home. Thankful for the time for self-reflection and self-analysis, thankful for a chance to re-boot and re-connect with myself.

I think about how little we really need in life, certainly if we are staying home, why do I need dress clothes or dress shoes? And yet I can’t wait for the day to put them back on and march out the door with a purpose and with work and to see friends, co-workers and other people.

It continues to amaze me just how much can be delivered to me at home, pretty much whatever we need can be dropped off at our front door. I am also mindful of those that don’t have and make a point of giving and donating even more that we normally do. Even in the best of times, I hate to see people do without having their basic needs met.

It is through the struggle that we find enlightenment and I certainly believe that most of us will survive this with a greater understanding of who we are and what makes us tick. In the meantime I pray that our leaders lead us quickly and safely out of this and that we can all work together to re-build what has been lost and worthy of coming back.

In the meantime, let us all agree, “this sucks” and then get up, take our showers, drink our coffee or tea, share what we know and what we have with the ones we can, and pray together for the people most in need of our prayers.

I pray for the caregivers and the sick and the most vulnerable but I am also praying for you, for all of us that we remain calm and kind and look to the future. Today I look out my window and I see the morning sun shining and the green grass and new growth in plants that are coming back from the dead of winter.

Just like those plants coming back to life, so will we, we must believe and we will receive!

God’s peace and prayers,

Bernadette

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble