Our Shared Journey


Our Shared Journey
By Bernadette A. Sahm


We are all more alike than not and all of us are on a shared journey. Most of us are looking for love to give love and to receive love. Some of us express our love through the work that we do and some of us in our friends and family circle. Our stories are important as are sharing them. This is how we connect with others.

Today we celebrated with our son on his 24th birthday, his father shared stories of what it was like and what transpired up until his birth and the weeks that followed. Along with his twin sister he stayed in the hospital for weeks after his birth and was unable to leave the hospital until late February after a January birthday, his twin was not released until March. I wasn’t there as I met the twins when they were already 87 days old.

The stories that my husband is able to share are both heart- warming and deeply saddening. His wife and the twin’s birth mother went into comma just days after having the twins and she never regained consciousness again. She died.

They were a young couple with a new mortgage, two career jobs and twins on the way. It was the American dream that soon turned into a living nightmare. The soul and character of my husband as he treaded these unknown waters was both concerning for his family and others and inspiring for the people that lived through it with him. His spirit and deep belief in God carried him through it all.

We delight in Brandon’s birthday and are mindful of the many challenges that he has faced since his pre-mature birth. Every single person has a story; some of us have shared experiences. The stories that my husband has to share during that time frame are so close to the heart. Now 24 years later it is still impossible to understand how a 29 year old married woman could go to the hospital to deliver her babies and how she would literally never walk out of that place again.

“When the pursuit of natural harmony is a shared journey, great heights can be attained. – Lynn Hill”

We also can’t imagine our lives being any other way as I have been their “mother” since their infancy. How and why things happen like they do may never be fully understood except that we have a deep faith in God and know that we are all here together and on a shared journey.

Who knows what each day may bring? Will it bring us happiness or heartache? Everyone is looking for something? Something that will help with the meaning of life and we want to know what will come next and what will happen. We are seeking to understand. We are looking to uncover all that we think and feel that we need to feel full.

I didn’t find genuine love and I didn’t find genuine peace until I stopped looking for it? Funny as it may seem that is what happened. When I just loved my life and was doing what I knew that I should be doing all the other things I was searching for and seeking just naturally made their way to me.

Our history and our family stories are so important as they help us to understand who we are and how we came about and just where we come from when our lives began.

So many people think that they need this thing or that job or that relationship or something else before they can be fulfilled and happy. Yet wisdom is born of age and we learn that much of what happens in life literally is beyond our control. We take what we get and hopefully we make the most of it. Take the lessons and leave the rest behind as we proceed on our shared journey called life …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble under author Bernadette A. Moyer

Original artwork attached by Brandon R. Sahm (my son)

Jeans, Jean Jacket and a Jeep


Jeans, Jean Jacket and a Jeep
By Bernadette A. Moyer


That was my dad, jeans, jean jacket and a Jeep since he wore jeans, a jean jacket and had an army green Jeep. As a little girl I was most often his side-kick and sported my own matching jeans and jean jacket as we tooled around our farm and small town in his army green Jeep.

Our farm had a mountain and 33 acres of land and dad would drive us both up that hill that had like a 95% vertical grade. It was a steep hill that most cars would never even attempt yet that Jeep made it a challenge and a fun experience that we shared together.

He was a tough guy and a man of few words. When he did speak you did listen. My husband has that same type demeanor.

I loved my dad and have many fond memories of spending time with him. I also have some really scary and dark memories of him too but I make the choice to focus on the good times. I am more and more convinced that my happy healthy and long term marriage to my husband Brian is a direct reflection on the love I had for my dad. My dad loved me too and often fought for me and stood up for me much like the love and support I have in my marriage.

I love men and am still intrigued by them, they are built and wired so differently and truth be told given the choice I prefer the straight talk demeanor of most men over the drama that many women seem to thrive upon. Not me I am a straight shooter, I also appreciate the less is more and quiet moments in the company of my husband and I can reflect upon spending many hours of quiet moments right alongside of my dad too. The joy was in just being there, being there aside of him. That was enough for me.

Men who become fathers should know just how important that father-daughter relationship is and how it translates for women into all their relationships with all other men in their life. I can’t say it enough I am certain that the success I have in my marriage is a direct reflection upon the relationship that I had with my own dad.

My father was many things and had his own share of demons, but the depth of his love and his loyalty were never lost on me. He would have taken a hit for me, his love was unwavering and if and when I did things he didn’t like or approve of it never affected the way that he treated me. His love was unwavering.

Recently, I was thinking about how my husband who as a father and how he was also such an important part of the twin’s lives. He was there and he was present. He never missed a single doctor visit, school conference, school event or outside activity. He may not have shared many words but he was always present and there for the kids. His love for them was fierce and loyal. The twins will be 24 years old soon and I look back and think just how much he loved and gave and how great a dad that he was too.

Having peace and having love with my dad allowed me to find and have peace and love with a wonderful man that I call my husband. And I am pretty sure that is how it was designed to be … appreciating my dad, jeans, jean jackets and Jeeps …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer can be found on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

New books Along The Way and Another Way published in 2015

Abuse Small Word – Big Reaction


Abuse Small Word – Big Reaction
By Bernadette A Moyer


What an insult to those that have been abused when false accusations about abuse are made. It is a very small word that carries with it a very big reaction. It seems like every young person that gets into trouble was “abused” or so it is stated by their defense attorneys as a way to defend them.

“The word “abusive” is issued so lightly these days, yet it has the effect of completely tarring and feathering the accused as completely at fault. There’s not much to think about if you are talking about an abuser. All of society will support and encourage you to turn your back.” “J”

For more than a decade I have been involved in several support groups for parents that have become estranged from their adult children. One of the single most declared reasons by the adult child is that they were “abused” by their parents. Yet when you listen to the thousands and thousands of parents who have been accused of “abuse” it just doesn’t seem to ring true. Why? Because these same parents are so grief stricken and are seeking answers and counseling and are so hurt and so humiliated and want nothing more than to make peace with the very same offspring that have used that declaration.

What I’ve learned is that one word; “abuse” will stop a parent in their tracks and send them into a complete tailspin on what to do if anything at all. Some kids have used the courts to issue orders against the parents for their perceived actions of “stalking” when parents try to visit or send gifts and cards. So what do the parents do? Most often they give up as they grieve because that is all that they have left to do. Many more are finding one another and supporting one another through various support groups.

Yes! There are kids that have been abused by their parents, and yes, there are kids that have lied about being abused by their parents. These matters need to be handled very carefully as to support a child who is abused but equally as important not “tar and feather” a parents who has been falsely accused.

There are two stories that were communicated to me by the child who grew up and later regretted their actions of false abuse allegations. One successfully integrated back into the family and the other was not as lucky.

Here there are;
When Jane (not her real name) was visiting with a family member she called “911” to report that her parents were “abusing her” the call was traced and Jane was identified. The parents were investigated and deemed “unfounded” allegations. It turned out that Jane was angry with mom and dad and this was her way of getting back at them. Jane came to her senses and was truly sorry and her parents never held it against her. Jane now in her 30’s has a very happy adult relationship with both parents.

When Sue (not her real name) had the car privileges taken away from her at age 17 because of her poor grades in high school, she retaliated by slamming herself up against the car and then called “911” when the police arrived she showed them her red marks on her body. Sue told the police her father did that to her and dad was immediately arrested. He never had any record or other issues with the law. Sue eventually told the truth and dad was released, however he was unable to forgive Sue and no longer wanted her living in the family home. She came of age living with extended family. Their relationship never fully recovered.

Seldom do victims that have been abused speak out so freely, often because they are shame-filled. The ones who so easily and readily throw the words “abuse” and “abused” around, probably should be looked at more closely as to what truly  is their motivation.

As a young wife and mother myself, I used to subscribe to the theory that “kids never lie” I have since learned that kids, just like adults, can and do lie and most often it is about manipulation. One of my greatest regrets in dealing with children is that when I was confronted with a child who claimed to be “abused” I not only instantly believed them but I also gave them a big reaction and I coveted them. From that day forward I tried to shield them from any other harm in any way that I could. Decades later I can clearly see where my “big reaction” helped to create someone who learned how to achieve “big reactions” all the rest of their life and learned how easily they could manipulate others into doing for them, protecting them and fighting for them. They now have a very long documented history of how they have been “victimized” and “abused.” They also have a documented list of people that have fought for them all of their adult life.

Think about how we treat someone, anyone who declares that they have been “abused” we immediately want to protect them and fight for them. There are many kids and adults who are smart enough to learn how to use this to their advantage.

As a young married woman I sought out counseling just after I was first married. My first husband had epilepsy and I needed help learning how to deal with it. The first group meeting I attended they said “you are only a victim if you choose to be.” This has stuck with me for decades now. The thought was that yes, you could truly be “victimized” but if you decide to stay there in “victimization” it is by your own choice …

People that survive and thrive after hurtful life experiences inspire me. People that dwell on their hurts and losses and choose not to move past it and learn from them, well, over time they become really unattractive. Part of growing up and part of maturing is accepting that life is not perfect, people are not perfect and to learn to take what you get and to make the most of it.

Some people are truly abused and victimized and some people wear “abuse” as a crutch so people will feel sorry for them do for them and so they can go about life with their own self- proclaimed narrative. Whereas there are other victims that are not as easy to identify because they don’t hold themselves out as “victims” but rather as “survivors.”

True story (Donna not her real name) and I were friends for about a decade before I learned that she was a rape survivor. We took trips together and we wrote together and although she was old enough to be my mother, we were friends and colleagues. There was never anything about her attitude or anything about her demeanor that said “abuse” victim. It amazed me that she had such a healthy attitude and no visible signs of being a victim.


The beauty of life is that even the most challenging, difficult, unattractive and yes “abusive” experiences can be turned around for the greater good, for the lessons to be learned and to cherish the human spirit that says, I am so much better than any one life experience and I have the ability and the capacity to move above it and beyond it.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer can be found on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

I Am in Love With Hope


I Am In Love With Hope
By Bernadette A. Moyer

“We live in hope and we die in despair.” Charles Dickens


“A leader is a dealer in hope.” Napoleon Bonaparte

“Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” Martin Luther

“Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.” Charles Caleb Colton

I could go on and on quoting really greats quotes that direct us toward hope, without hope and faith we die. I am a “hope” junkie! I live on it and I am in love with hope!

Without it, what would we have? We hope for a better world, we hope for better health, we hope for sunny days, we hope for bigger bank accounts, we hope for good friends, we hope for success. We hope for love and for peace and for purpose. We hope for better days.

But what is hope, is it an idea, a thought, a way of life, prayer? Is hope about having faith? I don’t think a day goes by where I am not hopeful and filled with hope and faith.

There is such a great high that comes from hoping that all things go well, it’s a brand new year and a fresh new start to all that we are hoping for in our lifetime. Are we building a new house, starting a new career, having a new baby, looking for that perfect life partner, are we living in a way that all that we wish and hope for comes our way?

Do we hope and pray for better health and for a better joy with an increase in pay, are we hoping that our children will learn and will grow and will become a new generation of “hopeful” adults?

What would we become without hope? We live in hope and I am in love with hope. Hope for all that is good and great, hope for a better world for all of us. Hope it is a really good thing! Hope doesn’t cost anything but prepares us and sets us up for all that we hope and dream for in our lives.

Hope … what are you hoping for in this brand New Year… it starts with a thought with a desire with a willingness to believe that what we hope for can actually become realized.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble