My Friend Jack Died

By Bernadette A. Sahm

Each and every death forces us to face our own mortality. My friend Jack died yesterday on April 10th; I learned this early this morning after I received a text from his daughter Dawn. She sent it the same day that he died. That same morning, I mailed him a card. I was just saying hi and I am thinking of you, mailed it from our local post office. I had no idea that just a few hours earlier he had passed away.

Jack came into my life in early 1999, we met at my retail store located in the old Hunt Valley Mall. He lived in Pennsylvania just north of our location. He had a huge warm and happy demeanor. He soon became my friend and not long after like family to me and my family.

God knows what and who we need, the year I met Jack my heart was broken. A few months earlier my then teen daughter graduated from high school and weeks later estranged from me. I was a walking wooded wreck. I was writing and shared some of my stories with Jack. Initially I believe he felt sorry for me and couldn’t understand it. He had been retired with grown adult children who remained in his life, and some of them he was very close with … he openly welcomed me and my heart break into his family.

We went to his home in Pennsylvania on an Easter holiday and got to know him and his family. It was exactly what I needed at that time. Years later he moved to Mississippi to be close to his daughter and grandchildren who had relocated there. Again, our family made the long trip from Maryland to Mississippi to share Thanksgiving with him, his wife and children. Always fun to be in Jack’s company.

One year Jack and his wife Marlyn came back to our area and stayed for a week with us in Maryland. During that time, he attended one of my fundraiser events Trends, Tulips & Tea at a special needs school. He came with his family and was as usual so complimentary and supportive. That same trip I drove Jack and Marlyn to our beach house in Delaware for a few nights. He loved it! He loved the ocean and could see why we would eventually retire to this beach town.

Jack loved it that I was an author and supported me and my books. One year I had a tent at the Baltimore Book Festival and Jack showed up. He ended up staying and helping my husband Brian sell my books. It was there and over a few beers and book sales that they bonded.

The last time I spoke with Jack he sounded rough and that he was struggling to speak. I felt bad and wanted to get off the phone. He was in his 90’s and I knew the end was near. Yet today I find myself fighting back the tears. I have so many memories! All good ones! One year I flew down to Mississippi by myself for a long weekend visit. He was waiting for me at the airport. Jack couldn’t wait to tell me he had purchased tickets to see Travis Tritt in concert at the local casino. It was a birthday surprise for me and I loved it. He didn’t need another daughter as he had three of his own, and yet I felt totally embraced and loved by Jack.

He would love it that I am writing about him and sharing some of our stories. If he was alive and I wrote all this, I just know he would take it to all his friends and family and share my words and stories. He was so proud of his friend being a writer and made sure everyone knew it.

Heaven has a new angel, and those of us who knew and loved him are both saddened by his departure and warmed by all the love and fun times we shared with him. Oh, and then there was the time we went to Elvis’ house, Graceland in Memphis together and another the opening weekend at the movies for the Johnny Cash movie Walk the Line. One year we met up during the holidays at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville, Tennessee. Many memories for sure …

Jack loved his wife Marlyn, and he loved all his children, he loved them dearly and deeply, and to know Jack was to love him. RIP my dear friend, you will not be forgotten. My life is so much better for having you in it.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer and Instagram @bernadetteamoyer @bernadettesahm

#friends #death #life #loss #love

What is love?

By Bernadette A. Sahm

I remember when I worked with someone who said that love was the most overused word in the English language. And I was like absolutely not, you can’t say it enough and you can’t act on it enough! LOVE LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, just saying it makes me so happy!

For me I love so many things and so many people, I love my husband more than anyone else and I love my friends and my precious pooches. I love our home, family and friends. I could go on and on about all the many things that I love.

But on a deeper level, what is love? An emotion, a feeling, an act, a way of life? How do you define love? Is it simplistic or is it complicated? I’m guessing it can be many things to many people.

For me it feels good to love and to be loved. My husband has been my greatest “love” in both giving me love and in receiving my love. For days I thought about writing this blog. What does love mean? Is it caring, it is sharing is it _____?

When I asked my husband Brian, “What does love mean to you?” In a very sober and rapid response he said, “One word, Bernadette.” Wow! I didn’t see that one coming but what a great response. At least for me!

We are retired; we raised three children together. We had career jobs, a few houses, many cars, many travels and five precious pups. A lifetime of love built on a solid commitment of caring, devotion and love. I was initially afraid to get married because I had failed relationships and never wanted to be divorced.

My husband has loved me more and longer than anyone else. I know how lucky I am and how lucky we are as we thrived and survived through many life altering events. It has not always been easy, and it has not always been without our share of friction. One of the best parts of this stage of our lives is that we are so happy together and at peace, we love.

When we go to sleep at night, my husband holds me until I fall asleep, He holds me every night. We laugh because he says it hurts his arm but don’t worry, I am here to hold you until you fall asleep. I don’t believe my love, our love, is supposed to look like your love and that is the beauty of love.

Many times, my husband has said that he would die for me, my response is always the same in, but I want you to live for me!

“I don’t know about you, but I was put here to live and love so what if I don’t do it like everyone else does.” From the song Like It’s A Bad Thing by Gary Allan

MY WISH is that we as a community and as a society would focus more on love and all that we love instead of hatred and discourse. I want love for all the friends I have for all the family I have and for everyone. Love more and your life is sure to be so much happier, we get what we focus on, we receive what we put our energy into.

“Where there is love there is life.” Mahatma Gandhi

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer Instagram @bernadetteamoyer @Bernadettesahm

#love #caring #relationships #happiness

What Is Meant For You

By Bernadette A. Sahm

What is meant for you, will find you! I am a firm believer in this statement. If it is meant to happen, if someone is meant to be in your life, it will happen.

Several years ago, I was working on a project with another professional colleague. We shared some personal stories. I was talking to her about a relationship that ended and left me quite sad and gutted. Her response was, “It wasn’t meant to be.” At the time that was not what I wanted to hear. Since then, I have often reflected on it. It wasn’t meant to be.

We all get older and hopefully wiser. My younger self wanted a different outcome. Today my mature self believes what is meant for you, will find you. If it doesn’t it wasn’t meant to be. Peace and happiness come from acceptance and understanding.

All that I have is meant for me, all that I don’t wasn’t meant to be. I know it sounds so simple, but I think that it’s meant to be that simplistic.

Think about all things that just came naturally and at the time when you were open and ready to receive it. What is meant for you quotes emphasize that destined opportunities, relationships, and successes will naturally align with your life, and this encourages patience, trust, and letting go of forced outcomes.

What is meant for you, will find you!

Peace and blessings, Bernadette

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer and Instagram @bernadetteamoyer @Bernadettesahm

The Grief I Carried

by Bernadette A. Sahm

The grief I carried was deep and not because of all the hurts I survived

But rather for the empty holes left inside of me, by you

The pain of real loss, loss in not having but

Knowing you should have had, the pain of no desire for understanding

The pain of your many convictions, the pain was real and yet through it all

These many years lives so deeply that its no longer relevant

Nor present on a daily basis that pain of believing

I had you, loved you, knew you and only came to realize

I never had you, nor could I love you enough to right all your many wrongs

And in the end, I found that I never knew you at all

My peace didn’t come from trying to hang on, it came from shedding

It was the letting go with grace and in God’s love

Where I survived and thrived in love and in happiness

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer and Instagram @bernadetteamoyer @bernadettesahm

#life #lessons #wisdom #love #grace #peace #faith #God

He Gone

by Bernadette A. Sahm

You can’t open any news source without learning that celebrity couple Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman have split after 19 years of marriage. Like most people I am a bit shocked and saddened as it appeared they were a happy and loving couple.

This celebrity news has caused more than a few “couple conversations” with my husband. We have been together for 34 years now and married for 28 years. It is not always easy, but we are committed and stay in love. I hate the term “work at it” as I would rather say we try to keep it fun and happy. We enjoyed each other’s company and like many of the same things. We grew up during the same time period.

They say Keith moved out from the family months ago and are just now making it public knowledge. My husband’s immediate response was “somebody didn’t want it” in regard to their marriage. It made me think that yeah, the only “secret” to a happy marriage is that both people have to want it.

When a man moves out of the family home and purchases his own private residence you can almost guarantee it is because he has found a new partner. I am willing to bet that Nicole has been replaced with a younger version. We have witnessed this show before …

I am a firm believer that when it is over, it is over, both people have to want it for a marriage to succeed. I can’t imagine what is more difficult to leave or to stay in a relationship that you don’t want to be in and are unhappy.

What I think is that he is gone and in my life experience Nicole will find someone or someone better!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Instagram @bernadetteamoyer @bernadettesahm

I Want History

by Bernadette A. Sahm

I want to have history with you, he said.

I want to take care of you, he said.

I want to love you, he said.

I will give you everything I have, he said.

Let’s do this, he said.

Will you marry me? he said.

I am here for you, he said.

We will outlast them, he said.

You have my whole heart, he said.

You are the only one for me, he said.

You are not alone, he said.

You are the love of my life, he said.

You did all of this and so much more, I love you so much! She spoke.

Follow me on Facebook at http://www.Facebook,com/bernadetteamoyer

Instagram @bernadettesahm

(Happy 33 years together and 28 years married! I think we have “history” …)

Beach Vibes

By Bernadette A. Sahm

Endless colored beach umbrellas

Suntan lotion wafting through the air

Salty sea scent

Sandy toes

Cool breeze

Bright sunny skies

Rolling waves

Crashing shoreline sands

Seagulls and baby birds

Children playing

Adults escaping

Guards onsite

Its July

It’s the beach

We are here

Sitting on beach chairs

They have been here before

Sharing space

Sharing time

This is my lifeline …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

#beach #summer #July #ocean #beachvibes #nature #outdoors

When I Grew Up

By Bernadette A. Sahm

Life seemed so simple when I grew up, there was a code of conduct and rules that we lived by, they were just common sense. Here are the ones I remember that had a lasting impact on me.

Remember your P’s and Q’s (please and thank you)
We are NOT heating/cooling the outside world (reference to leaving doors open)
Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about
Idle time is a devil’s workshop
Clean your plate! There are starving people in the world.
What did YOU do? In reference to any time, you complained about other kids or what others did
Just because everyone else does, does that mean you have to do the same? If they jumped off a bridge, would you?
Because I said so!
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
Doesn’t leave much to the imagination! (In reference to skimpy revealing clothes)
Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

I grew up in a time and in a home where these were the lessons and the house rules. Most of these were from my parents and grandparents. They definitely formed me into the adult I am today.

Bernadette On Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

The Buzzsaw

By Bernadette A. Sahm

You can’t speak the truth

Because they chop your head off

Keep lying stop trying

Stand for something fall for anything

They gather together

Spy on you

Keep the lie going

Keep the lies growing

That’s what they do

They are a buzzsaw

All against you

You leave and walk away

Over it and over them

Sad but true

They knew and so did you

It’s a circular cut

The blade so abrasive

She called it “love”

I had to laugh

This from the person who knew the truth

But chooses to live a lie

She called the table “purple”

Everyone could see it was white

They looked at her

They looked at eachother

Then agreed it was “purple”

You stood there loudly proclaimed

“It’s white and you are all liars”

Birds of a feather

They do flock together

Love no, not at all

Mentally not well

I will take the white table

And the truth please

No thanks on the buzzsaw

I couldn’t care less

I’m happy now living truth and love

You are sadly purple and as stuck as ever

You can’t cut me anymore

1000 cuts I survived

Stronger, smarter and healthier

Not playing your same old tired games

I look back and shake my head

And I laugh and I laugh

I thank God that I’m good

Loved beyond measure

Peaceful tranquil and content

Over it and over you

I had to leave

I couldn’t take all the lies

I tried but I knew it was wrong

And we all knew it too

Keep your buzzsaw

I am planting a garden and

Collecting sand in my shoes …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

#truth #survival #abuse #life #lessons #reality #buzzsaw #sand #lies

The Good Daughter

by Bernadette A. Sahm

Recently we met our friends Audrey and Art for breakfast on the day after Easter. We always enjoy getting together with them. During breakfast Audrey mentioned that her daughter calls her every day just to chat and catch up. When she can’t get her mother on the phone, she calls Art. Last summer when the four of us were out to dinner her daughter and boyfriend met up with us. Audrey wanted me to meet them. Our friends live in Maryland but frequent their beach house here in Delaware. Their home is perfect for when Audrey’s daughter comes to visit as they have their own private place in their home to stay. Although the daughter lives in Colorado and far from her mom, she makes the effort to stay close. All I could say and think when Audrey shared the frequent phones calls was “that is a good daughter!”

Then I started thinking about my friend Carole who passed away a few years ago and the loving mother-daughter relationship she had with her daughter Kathleen. You couldn’t be Carole’s friend without knowing and meeting Kathleen. They loved being together as they traveled together, shopped together, dined together and vacationed together. When Carole passed Kathleen said, “she was my mother, she was my best friend, and most of all we just had so much fun together!” how wonderful is that? One of the greatest gifts Carole left me is the ongoing friendship we have with her daughter and granddaughter. Kathleen is definitely the definition of “the good daughter.” And I know for a fact just how proud and how much love Carole had for Kathleen.

Then there is my neighbor Diane who recently had surgery that required a long recovery period. Her daughter came from out of state and stayed a few weeks to help her mother during her time of healing from the surgery. Diane wanted us to meet and when we did, I asked, “how long will you be staying?” Her response was “a month” and her mother was like maybe two weeks, not because she didn’t want her daughter’s company but rather that she didn’t want to disrupt her life for that long a period of time. We watched the care, concern, dog walking and more that Diane’s daughter was happy to provide to her mom. Again, another definition of what a “good daughter” looks like.

I don’t believe that moms ever expect to be on the receiving end when it comes to their daughters as most moms just want to give rather than receive. But how wonderful to witness up close and personal the loving good daughters many of my friends have and I am so thankful for the stories they share and bringing me in to witness so much love between mother and daughter.

So today we lift up all the good daughters out there as they truly are the greatest gift to their mom.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

#daughter #mother #relationship #love #family #happy #joy #happiness #gooddaughter