Month: March 2016

The Fox, The Birds and all The Bunnies

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The Fox, The Birds and all The Bunnies
By Bernadette A. Moyer

redfox

With all the wildlife in our neighborhood, you might think we live on a farm. We don’t. We live in a community with homes that are situated on a quarter acre sized lots. However, there are animals everywhere. We have also witnessed several deer among the fox, birds and bunnies that surround us daily.

A few nights ago I took the dogs out around 4:00 in the morning and what do I see? A red fox that is boldly looking back at me! I’ve seen this guy before or at least his relatives as they are most probably habituating in their den located under our deck and pool area. This is the only animal that somewhat frightens me. I hold the dog leases tightly and encourage the dogs to do their business quickly. I want to return to the safety of our home, inside our home. And now I know why Happy our older Bichon Frishe was barking so loudly. She knew Mr. Fox was out there!

At this same time we have a mother bird sitting upon her nest, she has been posted there for a few days now. We did catch a glimpse when she was gone briefly of the two eggs that she is resting upon. In the midst of all this there are always bunnies running around and through the yard. The sounds of the birds are a welcome sign that spring has arrived.

As I take in all the animals that we share our property with I am struck by how we all co-habitat together. It’s about respect. Animals are smart like that. They know who to mess with and who to leave alone. Just like I sit back and watch the animals, I know not to touch them, to respect them. Mother bird doesn’t want any human hands touching her nest and unborn.

The fox runs when he sees you, he doesn’t want to mess with you any more than you want to mess with him. It’s the circle of life. I can say I don’t ever see rats or mice and I suspect it is because the fox tends to those animals.

We go out of our way not to poison the environment on our property so that the animals can exist and live a healthy life. I’m not crazy about the red fox though; I look closely when I am out back of the house and near the area where I suspect they are living. They can stay as long as they respect us the same way that we have chosen to respect them.

Then I think about people and how often a lack of respect is at the root of the problem. People don’t get along because they don’t respect that another person might look differently, practice a different faith or live another way. Yet the entire premise of the all living things is to show respect for whom and for what they are. It’s about getting along.

What kind of world would it be without birds, bunnies and I have to say that red fox is pretty damn impressive with its long tail, fit slim body and quick reflexes. He just wants to live and to survive the same way that we do.

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Gandhi

There is a way to survive all together, there is a way to get along, there is a way to respect that each living thing has just as much a right to be here as we do …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

5 Minutes with God

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5 Minutes with God
By Bernadette A. Moyer

LoveofGod

Recently I read a blog about what the writer would say if they had 5 minutes alone and face-to-face with God. For several days I pondered this question. Funny thing for me, there wasn’t one thing that I could think of that I would say in those 5 minutes. There wasn’t one thing that I could think of to do or to say that I haven’t already said to God.

Not one single thing! I talk to God every single day, sometimes I tell him I am sorry and I ask for forgiveness, sometimes I ask if I am getting it right and doing His will. Other times I tell him I’m not getting this at all, please help me to understand. Many times, I thank Him for all my blessings!

My prayers aren’t that complicated either, same old tried and true, Our Father and plenty of Hail Mary’s. For me it doesn’t have to be so complicated. There is no question I have screwed up in my lifetime and I suspect that no one knows it better than God himself. Most of the time, I know that I am living true to God because I have been true to my own heart. A heart that I believe He gave to me. For most often I do get it right and I try hard as I can to make this gift of my life, count as much as it possibly can for the something good.

Another writer wrote about the meal they would have and all that they would do if they knew it was their last day here on earth. I didn’t have that “list” either since I already have the people I love closest to me and the ones who aren’t here anymore I have wished them well. I pretty much eat healthy and fresh and do the things that I enjoy. I have learned that this is it. This is my one life to be lived like it was our last day. There are no guarantees in tomorrow, so I take what I get today and try and make the best of it.

So if and when I get my 5 minutes alone with God, I’m pretty sure I know what I would say. It probably would go something like this, “Hi it’s me again. Sorry for all my screw ups, I tried and I’m still trying. I understand the lessons about this and that and I get it. As you know I’m still struggling with this one particular thing. Is this the time? The time that it is revealed to me, what I was supposed to learn and why it happened? And again I am sorry for the times I fell short and I truly appreciate all that you have given to me. And thank you for taking the time to see me.”

And in parting I would ask, just so I was clear “What will you have me do now? What do you want me to do next? Thanks again for seeing me, and for never forsaking me. Thank you God!”

Then I imagine that we would pray together, pray like we have so many times before. I have had many 5-minute sessions with God. I feel His presence in my life and I know that He sees me and loves me and it looking out for me. I know that I have been God blessed. And that doesn’t mean that everything has gone my way or that my life was easy. It actually means the opposite, I have struggled, I have hurt, I have been hurt and at times lost. Yet it was always God that took me back, God who embraced me, God who gave me the strength to carry on …

God is with me every single day, He lives in my heart. Where it might be nice to have that 5-minute face-to-face meeting with God, however, if by chance, we don’t, I know that I have already had it.

God be with you …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes &Noble
Bern

Inez Totani’s Daughter

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Inez Totani’s Daughter
By Bernadette A. Moyer

Inez

It is coming up on the 5th anniversary of my mother’s death. I am Inez’s daughter, her second born daughter. Yesterday I visited her gravesite. I shed no tears. My heart is filled with love and with peace. My mother had many wonderful qualities as she was a brilliant nurse, an excellent student and a force of life. Her weaknesses were in the men that she chose. Both of her husbands were men who were abusers.

You couldn’t tell her anything once she made up her mind about something or someone there was no changing her mind. Any facts that flew in the face of how she wanted things to be were dismissed and destroyed.

My mother would have been proud of me for standing up against a child molester and for taking a stand. The only problem is/was that the child molester was her second husband.

In my mid-fifties, I no longer need my mother’s approval nor do I really need anyone’s approval. I know who I am. I am Inez and Bernie’s daughter. I am Ariane’s mother. I was Randy’s wife. I am Brian’s wife. But most importantly I am my own person and a really good person.

You never know what you would do in any given situation until you find yourself there. Hind sight is always 20-20. We are a wealth of all our experiences.

Yesterday as I drove through my parent’s small town in Northeast Pennsylvania and the little farm where I spent my early years, I am proud of where I come from as a small town country girl. I know my roots but I also celebrate the full and rewarding life that I later secured for myself.

My parents taught me that if I wanted something I needed to work for it and I have worked for the lovely life I lead. My parents taught me that it is through the struggle that we find enlightenment. My parents taught me to persevere. My parents taught me to have faith, to have faith in God and faith in the world and ultimately to have faith in myself.

On this Good Friday and just a few weeks from the anniversary of my mother’s death I know that my faith is stronger than ever before and that I have forgiven all those who have hurt me and disappointed me. I have forgiven my mother.

I believe that my mother watches over me and that when I do pass through this life, she again will be one of the first people that will greet me. I have faith. I have forgiveness. I have God. I have love.

Being Inez’s daughter is only part of my journey and only part of who I am … I am grateful for my life. I am happy to be here and I thank God that I was able to come out whole and through it all to the other side.

Peace and love …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Best Parenting Advice I Ever Heard

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Best Parenting Advice I Ever Heard
By Bernadette A. Moyer

parenting

When it comes to advice about parenting, everyone is an expert or so they think. I once had a dear friend tell me “advice is free and maybe that is what it is worth, nothing!”

In retrospect there are probably two lines that I have heard in my more than 30 years of parenting. The first came to me from movie producer James Robinson when I was just a young waitress in my early twenties. He had seven children of his own and they all seemed to be doing really well.

He said, “Kids, when they deserve your love the least is when they need your love the most.” Through the years I have reflected upon his statement.

However just recently I read a line that really stuck with me. I wish I had this stream of consciousness much sooner. The line was; “Don’t handicap your children’s lives by making their life too easy for them.” After reading that I had an immediate moment and thought about how often both my husband and I have been guilty of this one.

Our intentions were good and we thought we were helping but it wasn’t helping but definitely enabling them to do less for themselves and for them not to take responsibility for their choices and their own decisions. Simply put we gave them much too much and did them an injustice by making life far too easy for them. We couldn’t see it at that time. Today we clearly do.

For us our parenting years are far behind us but to anyone who is still in the parenting trenches I believe both lines seem to be 100 % true.

  1. Kids, when they deserve your love the least is when they need your love the most.
  2. Don’t handicap your children’s lives by making their life too easy for them.

Prayer for Grown Children – Marian Prayer Book
Lord, as Mary’s Son, you experienced the love between parent and child, a love that begins as one of total dependency and matures into a love of equals. A parent ought to feel a job finished at that point, but it doesn’t work that way, at least not for me. I continue to worry about my grown children, and their lives, jobs, and families. If I could I would probably try to protect them from all problems, much as I tried when they were small. Fortunately for them and me, I have no such power.

I know that they must make mistakes in order to develop to maturity. I know their lives will include problems, and in fumbling for solutions thy will discover themselves and their values. I pray, therefore, not that You protect them from all evil, but that You give them strength to conquer the evil they meet. I pray for myself, too.

Let me learn as Mary learned that day You remained behind in the temple, and gently reminded her that You were about Your Father’s business. Help me to know when to be silent and when to speak, when to help and when to refuse. Develop in me the discretion and tact I need to be a good parent for my grown children. Amen.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

An Easter Blessing

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An Easter Blessing
By Bernadette A. Moyer

easter-flowers

And He will raise you up on Eagle’s Wings Psalm 91:4
The Lord has risen
May you find peace and an abundance of love and light
In the spirit of the season
With bright pink tulips
Cherry blossoms abound
Vibrant yellow forsythia
New rich green grass
Lit with bright and shiny endless blue skies
There are miracles in every moment
A fullness and newness in the air
Hope lives eternal
May you know the richness and exuberance of every single day
The belief that every moment in every life truly matters
And that life is so much bigger than any single soul
Because I live, you also shall live John 14:19
Rejoice in the resurrection of the Lord
May He fill your heart with happiness and joy this Easter season!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Dear Baby “E”

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Dear Baby “E”

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Your name could be ”Elizabeth” or “Eric” or any other name; you are the innocent child of a parent or parents that decided for you that your grandparents were not worthy. They have issues with their mom and dad and have dragged you into their battles. Whatever war they are raging and for whatever reason you are the collateral damage. You will miss out by no fault of your own.

Sometimes your parents chose this to hurt their parents, sometimes they chose it because they are petty and jealous and most often you will be told it was for your own good. You will be told a distorted version of the truth so that you are easily manipulated into their scenario. They have reduced you to a pawn. And because you are a minor child there is nothing you will be able to do about it. Well at least not right now.

You should be concerned and even angry and you should be upset and you should find out for yourself as soon as you are of age to do so. You may have grandparents that you would have loved and adored and they would love and adore you too. Sadly that would make mom and dad furious. They want you to be a part of their life choices, they want you to estrange from their parents the very same way that they have done. The difference is that it was their choice and you never had a chance to choose for yourself.

Your grandparents are another place for you to receive love and support. Your grandparents are the place where you would learn about your family history and your roots. Most grandparents are loving and supportive and have so much to offer you.

There are grandparents that have moved clear across the country to help raise another grandchild so the parents could work, that child is lucky and well-loved and that child is your cousin. You could have shared that same love and experiences that they are receiving.

Grandparents are givers, givers of love, givers of wisdom, givers of experiences, treats, toys and treasures. They want to teach you and they want to share with you and they want to give to you. They want to be a part of your life.

One day when you become a grown up, you will have questions of your own. You could blindly believe mom and dad or you could seek out your grandparents on your own and then decide for yourself. Be wary of any adult that doesn’t want you to think for yourself and formulate your own opinions. Be wary of the person who decides for you that someone else is not worthy. Be concerned about anyone, mom or dad or otherwise that may have manipulated you so that they could be right and someone else would be wrong.

For decades I have worked with parents that are estranged from their adult children, and grandparents that were either cut off from their grandchildren or never allowed to formulate a relationship with their grandchildren. This is happening in record numbers and happening all around the world.  It is not just happening  in your family.

What I know for sure is that your grandmother and grandfather will welcome you with open arms. I know this because I have witnessed first- hand just how big their hearts are and how much they have to give you and how much they want to give to you.

Don’t fall for the “abuse excuse” it’s the biggest excuse out there and used by an overwhelming large majority of adult children as to why they chose to estrange themselves. Once the word “abuse” is thrown out there, everyone gets behind the self-proclaimed victim, without even considering that it may be for the sole purpose of manipulation. This single declaration could be used to get the reaction that estranged adult children need and want to help them to justify their decision and behaviors.

And many parents/grandparents will just give up and walk away after hearing such declarations, grandparents that would never have chosen to turn their backs on their grandbabies and grandchildren.

In life, there are always two sides to every story, make informed decisions by listening to all the sides before deciding for yourself what the best decision is for you.

Until that day when you get to decide for yourself and meet your grandparents, I want you to know that due to your very existence, there is so much in this world that is there and it is there just for you!

In God’s Peace and Love

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Excitement Ahead

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Excitement Ahead
By Bernadette A. Moyer

excited

“Life isn’t lived in the rear view mirror” F. E. Feeley Jr., from Objects in the Rearview Mirror

Through the years I have done so much grief work for myself and with others, first it was about death and later about family estrangement and the overall question is always the same, how did you do it? How did you survive it?

Honestly sometimes I did better than other times but in retrospect and with 20/20 hindsight vision, it was my belief that something good would come of it and that something better was yet to come, and it always turned out that way!

One of the things I have learned to do for myself and for the quality of my life was to look ahead, plan ahead and make sure that I always had something special to look forward to in my life. I am always planning to go somewhere to see something and to spend time with the people that I most enjoy. I also make a point of talking to strangers who I meet along the way. The secret to me for living a happy life is really pretty simple, surround yourself with as much love and light as possible and schedule events that make you happy.

That is what I do and knowing that I have an event, or an outing or an occasion just up ahead helps me to deal with most everything in life. It keeps me happy, it keeps me energized and excited about living.

And yes I have had my share of being stuck, stuck in my upset and stuck in my grief when things didn’t work out like I thought they should. Today those very same things I once grieved over I can now see how blessed I am to have lost them. The lessons were learned and it was time to move past it, so often freeing up space where the voids were allowed me to choose more wisely. I made better choices and how could that ever be a bad thing?

In the past few months I have enjoyed business meetings that were both productive and informative and I have enjoyed meeting new people and going to new and different places. We are only limited by our choices. There is so much excitement ahead.

Even the season that is about to change is cause for celebration, so is St. Patrick’s Day and Easter and day-light saving time and that lunch with a friend, trip to the grocery store, making that special cookie or cake. Just about any activity that we engage in can have the potential to create excitement. And yes the converse may be true as well if that is how we decide to view it.

I don’t want to be sad anymore! Does that mean that I will never experience sadness again? Of course not but it does mean that I don’t have to stay stuck there and the probability is that if I plan something fun and exciting to look ahead to doing, any sadness won’t last and it will be short-lived.

So what lies ahead …lots of life and fun and travel and events and yes hard work too, most notably this week I will do something that I have resisted doing for years. Moving past the pen to paper and by invitation I will be co-hosting a talk radio show. I’ve never done this before and yes I have been asked by television and film producers over the years to share my stories about grief and loss. I wasn’t comfortable nor was I ready.

Today I have moved past the personal parts of it to the greater good; I’ve listened to thousands of others and I’ve swapped stories and it is no longer so personal for me. The events in my life that I have shared through my writings I will now begin to communicate verbally and I am thrilled and happy that I am in a place where it is all about healing our hurts and learning to live with the lessons. We can all make the choice to choose happiness.

So here is your homework, make a list of the things that make you happy and do as many of them as you can and schedule/plan activities that excite you and live with knowing that there is much excitement ahead … because you not only channeled it but planned for it.

Look at how excited small children become when they learn that the things they like to do are planned for them and just up ahead. Take the time to plan for exciting experiences and watch how quickly the hurts, losses and voids are replaced with new and better events, choose healthy, choose wisely and choose fun and exciting … everything/anything is possible.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

When It Is More Important To Be Liked

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When It Is More Important To Be Liked
By Bernadette A. Moyer

liked

Who doesn’t want to be liked? We have built a culture in our society that is driven by “likes” how many “likes” do you have on your page, article, post?

We all want that desired feeling of acceptance and likeability. Years ago I had an attorney refer to his client as “A really likeable guy.” The guy he was speaking about left his wife for another woman when she was pregnant and was a confirmed cocaine addict with bill collectors and other unsavory types constantly after him. He was in and out of court with driving offenses and never seemed to accept any responsibility for his choices in life.

But … he was likeable! This guy never took a stand, never had an opinion and never outwardly offended anyone. Was he a good person? I guess it matters whose yard stick is being used to measure him.

Most business owners know that if they display a religious or political statement, they could lose business from potential customers with another view. So they don’t take a stand nor do they speak out on any issues.

I was listening to Dr. Ben Carson from Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and who was recently a Presidential candidate, and during his speech he made numerous examples of how wanting to be politically correct has eroded our abilities to communicate. People are afraid to say what they think and what they know for fear of offending someone.

Parents often have to make decisions in raising their children that deem them unlikeable by their children. I remember a time when one of my kids was failing and they became angry with me? And I said, “Let me get this straight, I should applaud your failure, tell you great job for NOT doing your assignments and for cutting class?” What kind of mother would I have been if being liked was more important than trying to install values like completing your work, being honest and giving it your best effort?

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” Alexander Hamilton

Dr. Carson talked about the importance of communication and of respect. We don’t have to agree on every issue but we should respect everyone’s right to an opinion. The type person, who slams someone with a different point of view without hearing him out, is a bully. No two people agree 100% on every single issue but out of discussion, dialogue and fighting for what you believe is right can help to flush out the best solutions.

Having an opinion might cost us a few “likes” but truth be told, when we fear speaking our truth we have paid a far greater price in our silence. Not taking a stand, not being heard is a stand; it allows the louder voice and the bully pulpit to be heard and in this to win every single time.

Taking a Stand by CD Taylor

Send me a light to guide my way
To carry me through my darkest day
Make my heart warm, soft and pure
But strong enough to endure

Help me to walk a path that’s right
Keep my eyes on the guiding light
Let me harm none as I live my life
Let me not meddle in envy or strife

Let me be humble and to know my place
Help me remember life is not a race
It is not a contest to be lost or won
It should be filled with love, joy and fun

When I meet people who don’t understand
Let me help them as I take my stand
With kind actions, words and a helping hand
Let me not sink into their pits of stand

Being “liked” and winning seems to have taken the place of standing up for what you believe is the right thing to do. What messages are we sending to our children when being politically correct has replaced being morally responsible and true to our own code of values?

Not that long ago I was working with a team of people that openly kept their “truth” and true feelings from their Supervisor because they knew he wouldn’t like it. So to his face they were in complete compliance and as soon as he turned his back they did exactly as they wanted. They knew they would never be heard by this guy and they believed that they were right and he was wrong.

This happens often in the workplace, “truth to power” people are afraid to stand up for what they believe in right and go up against someone is a position of authority.

“Speaking your truth is an essential aspect of living a life of passion, fulfillment and authenticity. However, for many of us it is much easier to talk about speaking our truth than it is to actually do it.” Mike Robbins

Being liked and politically correct might make you popular but it surely won’t be an authentic life of integrity. A really smart man isn’t afraid to hear from the opposition, because he knows that until all voices are heard, all positions are represented, the best solutions are seldom possible.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

You Are Not Alone

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You Are Not Alone
By Bernadette A. Moyer

not alone

Life is tough, let’s face it; we all experience so many challenges. When I am faced with life challenges I always think that I am not the first person to ever go through this, others have triumphed and so will I.

What new experience is there that someone else has not already experienced and made it through to the other side?

No matter what we are facing it always helps to know, “you are not alone.” We know that we come into this world alone and one day we will be called home to our maker. As simplistic as it is every single person has a birth date and a death date. What we do in between is up to us.

When I am faced with upset and conflict, I typically retreat and pray on it and if it is something that is making me feel bad, I go through my list of affirmations. That list usually begins with “you are a child of God and you have a right to be here” then I pray about what am I supposed to learn by this current situation? What message is there in the take away?

Retreat is really underestimated as it can be the very tool necessary to help us regain our center and our sense and place of peace. Withdrawal for the sake of contemplation is not a bad thing but often a necessary exercise that helps energize us and gives us the tools that are required to move forward.

Our answers are within and often in the noise of life we lose our center but we can take the time to reflect and to calm the waters within then our next steps become clear to us.

“Every failure, obstacle or hardship is an opportunity in disguise. Success in many cases is failure turned inside out.” Mary Kay Ash

There are many things in life that we can’t change or do anything about; they are above and beyond our control. And when I can accept this and if it truly is something that I can’t change I have learned wholeheartedly to let them go. I can share my stories and I can connect to so many others who may be struggling as I have struggled too.

As I age I no longer see things as black and white or as good and bad but rather as me learning to live peacefully in any situation that I may find myself. It took some time but when I could finally learn that I wasn’t alone and that I should not take things other people do personally, I was free.

Not only was I free but I was also at peace … and in that free and peaceful state of being, I was able to give and to receive so much more genuine love.  Finding that perfect balance between sharing time with people that love us and support us and also taking the time to pause and to reflect and retreat is to me the answer to most all that ails us.

(The following is part of a poem called Desiderata that I have enjoyed for decades and story has it that these words were copied from an inscription found in Old Saint Paul’s Church, Baltimore dated 1692 but was actually written by an Indiana poet named Max Ehrmann and is registered with the Library of Congress in 1927)

Desiderata
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New Books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Always Trust Your Instincts

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Always Trust Your Instincts
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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The one thing that I do that makes me most-angry with myself is when I don’t trust my gut instincts. Sometimes I think women tend to be polite past the point of trusting in that inner voice. That inner voice that knows when to protect us and that knows when it is time to fight or to flee.

The following is a true story as told by Cindy (not her real name)
On December 1st of last year I was scheduled for a phone interview for a position with a charity that is doing good work, they are housing the homeless.

At this stage of my career I am interesting in using my time and talents for worthy causes. I want to throw my time and talents toward worthy meaningful work.

After the initial hour phone interview with the human resources person I was scheduled for a full in person interview on December 17th. I arrived 10-15 minutes early and was asked to have a seat in the lobby. In the lobby I noticed how sloppy, overstuffed and smelly the area was and I also noticed scotch-taped signs that were hanging on the walls. The one sign that most caught my attention was the one that read “perfume free zone” and went on to say that some people are sensitive to scent. I thought wow I worked in many places and most were run by a really progressive team and they didn’t do that? Neither has any other place that I ever worked, but okay.

My appointment was for 8:30 in the morning and after the clock struck 8:50 I gathered my brief case all my papers and my jacket and I was about to leave. The place was dirty, cluttered and smelly and now they were more than 20 minutes late. Everything inside of me was saying; get out now!

As I had my hand on the door and was ready to leave they called for me to come in for the interview. It was a panel interview with five board members and the current director. She made it clear that she would be staying on for the transition period up to six months. She also moved away from me at the meeting table declaring that she was “sensitive to my cologne.” She was the one that the signs were posted about in the lobby.

Her office was in the trailer in the parking lot and not the dirty, smelly office space that the rest of the staff was using. All I could think about was all the many interviews that I had conducted through the years, how being on time meant something to me and if by chance I was running late my assistant was instructed to make the interviewee comfortable and offer water, or coffee and let them know that I was running late. I would bet that 99% of the time I was on time. I always had respect for the people that came to interview. My standard operating procedure was not only to introduce myself but to hand over my business card, this team didn’t.

I left there with mixed feelings, from the outside property to the inside offices it looked like the housing projects that no one really took any pride in, there were tell-tale signs everywhere. Something inside me said, “stop this isn’t the right fit for you.”

Later I was surprised when I was called back the next week for another panel interview. They had mentioned that someone was expected to be there before but hadn’t shown up.

Once again, don’t ask me why but I agreed to meet with them in the new year on January 7th and it was another panel interview. In my gut it still didn’t feel right to me. My sense was that the director was not going anywhere and that this was some type of smoke screen. I was given little information and then asked how I would proceed and what my vision would be and yet I had no back story except for the word on the street. I also suspected that there was a reason I was not getting the total picture like the director was hiding something, I had nothing concrete but a gut feeling.

Driving away from that second interview I wasn’t sure if I would be a contender for the position. I was really sick with a head cold and not at my best. It was communicated to me the next step would be to meet with the donors before any decision to hire would be made, again this was odd to me but what the director said would happen. She was the one running the show, running the interviews and looking or so she said for her replacement. My gut said otherwise.

Two days later I was surprised to hear from my references that they had been called. So I was sure that an offer of employment would be forth coming and yet nothing … not a word. So after two weeks I e-mailed the initial contact who conducted the phone interview. I e-mailed her asking if anything else was required from my end. No response? Not even a courtesy response.

The entire process my gut said this is not right, something here just does not add up. Now the position is again being advertised and being handled by another human resources professional. Clearly there are problems there. Bottom line for me I should have listened to my gut, something wasn’t right and I knew it yet I stayed engaged. I am only upset with myself.

This story is true and rang true for me and many others, how many times do we ignore our gut feelings and later come to the conclusion why didn’t I just stop myself and listen to my gut feelings? So often we could save ourselves a lot of grief if we just take heart to what our inner core is telling us to do?

“Trust instinct to the end, even though you can give no reason.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can’t tell you how many times I stayed in something whether it was a meeting, or a relationship or a situation and stayed out of politeness when I knew full well my gut was saying, “this is not right for you!” And later felt really bad because I should have been more honest sooner and just excused myself. We live and we learn!

Always trust your instincts …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

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