20 Things I Learned From 20 Years of Marriage

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20 Things I Learned From 20 Years of Marriage
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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1) Commitment is key
2) With the right partner all things are possible
3) Most things aren’t worth arguing over
4) Loyalty matters
5) Your partner must feel that they come first
6) Falling in and out of love to some degree is normal
7) Always choose love and it is a choice
8) Kids and money really are the stressors
9) Not every day is going to go your way and that is okay
10) Check in multiple times during the day
11) Choose wisely, make big decisions together
12) There is a time to come together and a time to give each other space
13) Set goals and work together to achieve them
14) Always make the time for fun and laughter
15) Do as many things together as you both enjoy
16) Share a common vision, gratitude and willingness to learn and grow
17) Support each other’s dreams and goals, show up and be present
18) Compliment and appreciate each other frequently
19) Make love, lots and lots of love
20) Talk to one another and really listen and hear one another

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
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Play Your Game!

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Play Your Game!
By Bernadette A. Moyer

yourgame

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting on the beach with a good friend and we were talking about people that are competitive and always looking at what someone else is doing and achieving or not achieving. They seem so focused on others rather than on themselves and what they are or are not doing.

We talked about siblings that do it and others that we knew. We talked about people that always seem to be eyeing someone else and their game rather than focusing on their own game and how they should act and handle their life.

Just think … if we all played our game, used our own unique gifts and talents, made our own decisions, did what was best for ourselves rather than looking outward for answers but kept true to our own hearts and souls? What if we did just play our own best game?

What if we lived a life with no regrets?

“You played the hand that you’re dealt and the dice that you rolled” Gary Allan

How does our life change and unfold for us if we make the effort to play our game without interference and without being predicated upon something or someone else?

I have to believe that when we are 100% true to ourselves and that when we are in total alignment and our hearts and our heads are in sync and doing and going after what makes us tick that we play our best game and that is how we come to our highest ideal and happiest and peace filled self.

Play your game! Play your game! Play your game!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

You Are A Survivor!

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You Are A Survivor!
By Bernadette A. Moyer

survivor

There is always a process when you write; a topic and a subject come to mind and then what to share and to say. Normally something happens and triggers the idea. I have started just doing the titles and then getting back to the subject. Do I still want to blog about it a few days or maybe weeks later when I didn’t get right to it the first time after that first thought. Then is it something I have to think about and ponder before I actually put words to my thoughts.

This was a topic and a word that my “other mother” threw around several times during a recent lunch. She was treating me to lunch since I was the “winner” of our bet, she was certain that Hillary would win and I went with Trump and of course the rest is history.

But during that lunch conversation she repeatedly called me a “survivor” and it struck me because in my mind we are all “survivors” aren’t we? Or we would cease to exist. I never thought there was any other choice but according to her there was, I could have quit, just curled up and died but I always came back from whatever knocked me down. I always got back up again. To her that meant I was a “survivor.”

I had to stop and look it up what was she saying about me? And why was it a point she was making over and over again. The definition that felt right was this; a person who copes well with difficulties in their life. After reading that I could relate and was getting it, often I hear from readers who write and tell me that I “saved” them with my sharing of my stories. Actually they “save” me right back when they write and connect and affirm me.

When I think back most all of the “hits” and knock downs were from people that were supposed to be closest to me, people like family; one was a friend of thirty years. You would think that these people, the family and the long term friend would be the least likely but it reminds me of a phrase my grandmother often used, “familiarity breeds contempt.” And it translates to “extensive knowledge of a close association with someone or something leads to loss of respect for them or it.” She was old and wise and she was right.

We teach people where we are vulnerable and where they can hurt us. Most people close to us know our soft spots.

Looking back on the things and the people that tried to hurt me and knock me down not one of those hits was worth the attention I once gave them. It reminds me of my thought process regarding getting upset over things, if it is something that you probably won’t remember next week, next month or next year it probably is not worth being upset over, and it isn’t.

I think being a “survivor” is a state of mind and one that we should all exercise … because what is the opposite of “survivor” the antonyms are words like victim, loser, weak and unfortunate. Who wants that? Not me!

So as hard as whatever you are facing may be just know that you can and you will survive it, we can all make the choice to be a “survivor” and I do believe that it is a choice.

Bernadette on at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

What ever happened to the Golden Rule?

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What ever happened to the Golden Rule?
By Bernadette A. Moyer

golden-rule

Remember the golden rule? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” Matthew 7:12 has it gone out of style, treat others as you would want to be treated? And with it went kindness, proper behaviors and respect?

I read everything and I’ve learned to comment on few things. Yesterday I read political posts from people that I know and like and basically they were full-throttle trashing the President. All I could think was/is if your son or daughter or grandchildren said the same things about their class President would you think that was appropriate language? I know they wouldn’t. No school would allow a student to talk to another student with such disrespect.

We model all our behaviors for our children and for our grandchildren, would you take pride in your child or grandchildren if they spoke the same way and used the same words that you use? How about this, how about if someone said that same things to you and about you? Would that be okay?

In a world full of change and filled with different opinions and views, I still do my best to live by the golden rule. Spewing hate about anyone just makes YOU look bad it doesn’t make the person you are attacking and degrading look badly.
Civility and kindness cost nothing and yet so many seem to forget that. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE PEACE AND LOVE, BE FILLED WITH PEACE AND LOVE!

I will never get the mental image of both Madonna and Ashley Judd out of my mind, the way they spoke during the Women’s March and the words they used didn’t make me think badly about their intended targets but it made me look at them in a very different light. I can’t think of any situation where I would ever want to be like them or speak like them.

The attacks all seemed beneath them Ashley Judd saying Trump looks like he rolled around in a bag of Cheetos? Really that is your supporting statement? I love a good debate but on the merits and not on personal attacks. When you have to go so low to try and make a point, you probably don’t have a very good argument to begin with, sad.

anything-nice

My mother was famous for saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Seems to me this is still good advice. I worry and I wonder about a generation of young people who witness what goes on in this hateful divisive climate and how what they witness today will do to affect their own behaviors tomorrow.

And what about Karma, when you spew hate and unkindness I don’t think you can be surprised when it all comes right back at you? What you sow in the universe becomes your very own garden. I prefer to sow the seeds that grow love, kindness, understanding, tolerance, acceptance and most of all I do believe that the Golden Rule is still relevant and I do my best to treat others in a way that I would want to be treated.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Best Parenting Advice I Ever Heard

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Best Parenting Advice I Ever Heard
By Bernadette A. Moyer

parenting

When it comes to advice about parenting, everyone is an expert or so they think. I once had a dear friend tell me “advice is free and maybe that is what it is worth, nothing!”

In retrospect there are probably two lines that I have heard in my more than 30 years of parenting. The first came to me from movie producer James Robinson when I was just a young waitress in my early twenties. He had seven children of his own and they all seemed to be doing really well.

He said, “Kids, when they deserve your love the least is when they need your love the most.” Through the years I have reflected upon his statement.

However just recently I read a line that really stuck with me. I wish I had this stream of consciousness much sooner. The line was; “Don’t handicap your children’s lives by making their life too easy for them.” After reading that I had an immediate moment and thought about how often both my husband and I have been guilty of this one.

Our intentions were good and we thought we were helping but it wasn’t helping but definitely enabling them to do less for themselves and for them not to take responsibility for their choices and their own decisions. Simply put we gave them much too much and did them an injustice by making life far too easy for them. We couldn’t see it at that time. Today we clearly do.

For us our parenting years are far behind us but to anyone who is still in the parenting trenches I believe both lines seem to be 100 % true.

  1. Kids, when they deserve your love the least is when they need your love the most.
  2. Don’t handicap your children’s lives by making their life too easy for them.

Prayer for Grown Children – Marian Prayer Book
Lord, as Mary’s Son, you experienced the love between parent and child, a love that begins as one of total dependency and matures into a love of equals. A parent ought to feel a job finished at that point, but it doesn’t work that way, at least not for me. I continue to worry about my grown children, and their lives, jobs, and families. If I could I would probably try to protect them from all problems, much as I tried when they were small. Fortunately for them and me, I have no such power.

I know that they must make mistakes in order to develop to maturity. I know their lives will include problems, and in fumbling for solutions thy will discover themselves and their values. I pray, therefore, not that You protect them from all evil, but that You give them strength to conquer the evil they meet. I pray for myself, too.

Let me learn as Mary learned that day You remained behind in the temple, and gently reminded her that You were about Your Father’s business. Help me to know when to be silent and when to speak, when to help and when to refuse. Develop in me the discretion and tact I need to be a good parent for my grown children. Amen.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble