20 Things I Learned From 20 Years of Marriage

Standard

20 Things I Learned From 20 Years of Marriage
By Bernadette A. Moyer

marriage1

1) Commitment is key
2) With the right partner all things are possible
3) Most things aren’t worth arguing over
4) Loyalty matters
5) Your partner must feel that they come first
6) Falling in and out of love to some degree is normal
7) Always choose love and it is a choice
8) Kids and money really are the stressors
9) Not every day is going to go your way and that is okay
10) Check in multiple times during the day
11) Choose wisely, make big decisions together
12) There is a time to come together and a time to give each other space
13) Set goals and work together to achieve them
14) Always make the time for fun and laughter
15) Do as many things together as you both enjoy
16) Share a common vision, gratitude and willingness to learn and grow
17) Support each other’s dreams and goals, show up and be present
18) Compliment and appreciate each other frequently
19) Make love, lots and lots of love
20) Talk to one another and really listen and hear one another

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Taking Responsibility – Making Time

Standard

Taking Responsibility – Making Time
By Bernadette A. Moyer

 

taking

Today our son achieved his weight loss goal. He lost 50 pounds in six months, six months almost to the day. He has taken responsibility for his health and his life. He set a goal for himself and he achieved it. There was no trick, gimmick or special pill; it was all diet and exercise. He had to change his habits and how he thought and he had to make an effort.

When we change our thinking, we change our lives.

We take time and we make the effort for people and for things that are important to us. If our health is a priority we make the time and the effort to achieve good health. The same can be said about all of our relationships including the one we have with ourselves.

We show people we care about them by taking time out of our lives to spend time with them. How we treat ourselves also says a lot about who and what we are all about.

Recently my husband and I were talking to a salesperson and in that casual conversation he shared that he was recently divorced. He said that it was the result of neglect. The marriage died due to a lack of effort. As we drove home my husband and I continued the conversation that most relationships will die without any real effort. It takes work and it takes effort to make a marriage work long term.

A good marriage takes work and it takes effort, it is pretty plain and simple, there are no gimmicks or special secrets. We agreed that we work really hard at making our relationship a priority. Taking responsibility and making time for the things that matter to us is what we do to feed out hearts and our souls and to live our own best life.

Here is to taking responsibility and for making time … for all the people, places and things that make us happy and whole.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Ice Cream for Breakfast

Standard

Ice Cream for Breakfast
By Bernadette A. Moyer

ice-creams-ice-cream-34733238-640-480

Open up the windows in January and build a fire in June, eat ice cream and pizza for breakfast, why not? Sometimes doing things against our “norms” is a good thing and a healthy thing too.

Break all the rules! We are bound by our own code to live by and by our belief system. What part of our lives or anyone else’s will be harmed or somehow less than by letting fresh air in our homes in January or by enjoying the warmth and excitement of a fire during the summer. How about that cold leftover pizza for breakfast?

It becomes easy to live our lives by routine and mindlessly going about our day, and by doing what we have always done.

One of my least favorite lines in response to change is; but that that is how we have always done it! And when you have set new goals that excuse is not good and not good enough. If you want growth and you want development you must embrace change and a new way of doing things.

Change your thinking and change your world …

Try new things, set new goals, visit different people and new places … eat ice cream for breakfast … try something new and different and exciting …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.bernadetteamoyer.com
All books by Bernadette A Moyer on Amazon and Barns & Noble

The Process

Standard

The Process
By Bernadette A. Moyer

process

We give so little credit to “the process” as we tend to think more about the end result. However the more life experience that I attain I tend to give more and more attention and respect for “the process.”

Our most thoughtful and best decisions are often derived as we complete the process. We learn about what we like and what we dislike we learn about what fits and feels right for us. I used to give all the credit to the end result to success to coming to the conclusion and completion but now I am giving so much more credit for the process that we go through until we arrive at our destination.

What advice would I give to my 20 year old self?

“Don’t be in such a hurry, stop, reflect and thoroughly enjoy the process!”

As someone who was always a high achiever I was always completely focused on the end result, looking back I can see where I rushed through much and could have enjoyed more with a better understanding of the value that is held in the process.

process2

It doesn’t matter if they are personal goals or professional goals, some much is attained when we take the time to not only go through “the process” but revel in it. I have also come to know that my best responses may not be my first responses but the ones where I took the time to reflect on all sides and took the time to process as much information as I could so that I could then arrive at the very best decisions.

Gathering information and educating ourselves should not be rushed but should be treated with respect and understanding as to the value of allowing for the process to unfold and the answers to revealing themselves.

So here is to placing more value and time and attention on “the process” …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Losing Weight Feeling Great

Standard

Losing Weight Feeling Great (part 1)
By Bernadette A. Sahm

bern pic

Getting Started

Like everything it starts with an idea or a spark of interest. My husband and I are members of our local Y and just before Thanksgiving they were posting notices for the annual Turkey Trot fundraiser. I thought why not? It is something that our family could do together and it would help raise money for children and youth programs at the Y. It was just a 5k and that translates to a 3 mile walk or run.

I have never done anything like this before but my husband and our son were just as eager to join in the efforts to raise money and do something healthy for ourselves. All I wanted was to finish and to do so in under an hour and I did. We also met our fundraising goals with the help of a handful of friends. It was a great way to start the day on Thanksgiving.

Then for Christmas I purchased an activity tracker for both my husband and myself. I was unsure if he could like it or go along but he loved it and we started some friendly competition. Many conversations that started with “did you make your goal?” or “how many steps did you take today?” We were having fun and started to take walks together. We supported each other in achieving our goals.

At this same time we were both going to the Y and he was walking/running on the treadmill while I swam. Together we would enjoy the sauna and it became our routine.

During Lent we gave up meat and Brian lost 5-6 pounds and our son started losing weigh too. I was taking off a pound or two but nothing substantial.

The First 10

My tracker goals were not much in the beginning like around 7,500 steps a day and most days I made the goal. On lazy days I was short. Every time we went to the gym my husband would invite me to come and work out on the treadmill and I always declined until one day I said okay I will try it. He was doing about 30 minutes then. When I joined him I started a brisk walk for 40 minutes each day eventually going to an hour. With me by his side he extended his time too. We were good company and good encouragement and together exceeded our individual goals.

After 3 solid weeks of going every single day, brisk walking on the treadmill for an hour and consuming fewer calories I lost 10 pounds. I was thrilled and liked how my clothing were starting to fit me.

At age 56 I am really working hard at working out and loving it! Up until now I was that person who swam a little, walked a little and rode my bike a little. Nothing all that strenuous.

Today

I started trying on my smaller sized clothes that were a little snug and really liked how I feel in them. When I am pushing myself on the treadmill I remind myself of how much better I look taking off the weight. My tracker goal is now over 11,000 steps a day. This week I had several days that I came in with over 14,000 steps a day and one day when I had over 18,000 steps in a day. I am walking between 5 and 7 miles a day and more than half of it is a fast walk.

Overall I feel great except for all the blisters all over my feet in various places. I have been going through the Band Aids and different sneakers!

With the blood circulating more and more, my skin is glowing without any make-up. I sleep better too. Dietary changes are less food intake, much more water and zero calorie beverages. Except on the weekends when I enjoy some wine.  I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. Nothing like the treadmill to make you acutely aware of how long it takes to burn off that donut or piece of chocolate cake you were certain that you had to have …

The Next Part

In August we celebrate our wedding anniversary and then September is Brian’s birthday and October is mine, I want to take off another 15 pounds. I am determined. I go to the gym once and day and yesterday went twice once alone and in the evening with my husband.

I’m enjoying my workouts and my only weak link is my right foot but I am hobbling through the pain in hopes that this will pass. If not next month I will be seeing a foot doctor. I have tried three different pair of walking and running shoes and don’t think I have found the perfect pair yet. I am having fun though with my workout wear and the high that comes from a really good sweat.

Losing weight the old fashioned way with diet and exercise, I just want to look and feel better and so far I do.

Part 2 when I hit another goal … stay tuned …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Comfort Zone

Standard

Comfort Zone
By Bernadette A. Moyer

life-begins-at-the-end-of-your-comfort-zone

We all have one! We all have a comfort zone where things come easily to us and where we are most comfortable. However, it has been said that “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Neale Donald Walsch

Most of us would agree that real growth happens when we do step out of our norm and that which is known to us and when we try something new. It could be a new job or a new relationship or travel to a foreign country and learning a new language.

As soon as we try something new, we begin to learn again. Over the Thanksgiving holiday I entered into a 5k walk/run for a local charity. I am not a runner! I never had any intention of running but I did want the experience and to support the cause. My goal was a fast paced walk and to complete the course and do so in under an hour. I met all my goals. Not only did I meet the goal I had set but I also took at least three photos along the way, stopped to tie my sneakers and grabbed a complimentary sip of a drink. Point is that if I was really serious about my time I wouldn’t have hesitated for photos, shoes and a drink. Next year the goal will be to beat my own time!

Entering in a race is completely out of my comfort zone and considering I was tasked with cooking a complete traditional Thanksgiving dinner later that day I could have easily opted out. But the race was my idea and I had engaged my husband and our son too. We were all thrilled to do it and it was a great weather day and a perfect early morning start to our Thanksgiving holiday. It looks like we may have created a new family tradition.

I felt so good after and yet this was completely out of my comfort zone … age 56 and yet another experience I can now add to my life!
Setting goals and trying new things is what life and living is all about. It renews our spirits when we challenge ourselves and when we leave our comfort zone to do so.

“The real value of setting goals is not the recognition or reward; it’s the person we become by finding the discipline, courage and commitment to achieve them.” Catsmiley.com

So here it to living a life that includes brand new experiences, meeting new goals and accepting new challenges as we take a step outside of our own self-created comfort zone …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble