There Comes A Day

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There Comes A Day
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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There comes a day when you learn that letting go is so much healthier than hanging on. That love can be and is the best gift and best medicine for most all that ails us.

That laughter releases the negatives and soothes the soul and that you listen and see and hear and yet never feel the desire to speak. And then comes the day when just like your garden, that changes daily, weekly and with each season, so too have you changed.

Then comes a day when you accept and embrace the flaws within yourself and in others and you come to that place of peace where there is nothing that you are willing to engage in, if it isn’t love or coming from a truth based place of love.

Then there comes a day when you find all the joy, love and peace within your own heart and soul. Rather than seeking out others to fill your own voids.

There comes a day when you are content with little and lots just looks like more to manage. There comes a day when you realize that enough, truly is enough.

There comes a day when you are in alignment with your own heart and centered enough to know who and what you are all about, that nothing other people do or say is about you. It never was or will be about you, but rather all about them.

There comes a day when you are free and understand what freedom means,  what it really is and brings with it and places upon us.

There comes a day … when we finally trust enough to let go and let God lead us and we know that there was never a need for control or fear or anxiety.

There comes a day …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Losing Happy

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Losing Happy
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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On June 14, 2018 we had no choice but to put our most precious Bichon Frise Happy down. She was in kidney failure and suffering. It was the day before she was scheduled for surgery. It would have been her third surgery for removing bladder stones. The bladder stones never really went away.

Happy was a heart stealer, anyone and everyone took to her. She was regal and intense and sweet. She had a mind of her own, she let you know what she needed and wanted. When you pay attention you really can connect and communicate with an animal.

From the day that we brought her home she was a family member, she was our child, she was our baby. We loved her, we took care of her and we protected her. Happy was smart, she was tuned in and she was sensitive. On a rare occasion if we corrected her, she immediately responded with affirmation of a lick or cuddling up. She always seemed to understand us and we felt that we understood her too.

Happy traveled with us, slept with us, ate dinner with us and was that family member that was always so easy to be with. We joke that we preferred her company over some people that we knew. She was pure delight.

Love is ongoing and a learning experience, we learn to love and we learn to give love and to receive love. Happy was one of our best teachers, as she was easy to love and she freely loved us all in return. The exchange of unconditional love is what we will miss the most. She never failed to greet us with kisses and expressions of happiness to see us.

Happy was a pure bred Bichon Frise and named after our first Bichon Happy, her full given name was Happy Again and that was exactly how she made us feel, we delighted in her, she brought us so much joy and so much genuine love. Real love where you give and you give and it is all given without any expectations.

Our hearts are broken, we are beyond tears, but we know that heaven has a new angel and we know that because of Happy we are better people, who learned to love better and to love deeper and to love without any conditions.

But we are also at peace, we are at peace because we know that we all shared in a good and meaningful and loving exchanges of life and living life. What more could we really have asked for?

We let her physical being go in love because we knew there really was no other choice, but Happy Again will live forever in our hearts, in our memories and in our prayers.

We love you Happy and we already feel the void of the gift of you, the gift of your presence in our lives … RIP sweet baby girl!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

What’s In Your Heart

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What’s In Your Heart
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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What is in your heart? Is your heart filled with love and gratitude? Or is your heart filled with anger and resentments? Is your heart full or is it empty?

Like most things in life, our hearts are our responsibilities and what we allow in them says everything about us and who we are …

Lately I find myself making definitive choices about what I will put on my heart. I find myself turning away from hatred and conflict until I am able to come to a peaceful and loving conclusion. I no longer allow the hatred and anger of others to enter my heart. It is their stuff, not mine.

Making the choice on those that I allow into my heart has allowed me to be a better and brighter and happier more loving person.

And if and when a confrontation is necessary, I lead with and I speak from my heart. There is a lot of hatred and garbage out in this world; we choose what we allow to enter into our hearts. Where I will always feel compassion and love for others, I have learned to draw the line when it comes to who and what I allow to enter my heart and my soul.

I can’t change anyone else but when I present my best heart, change naturally occurs for the better. Fill your heart with love. Fill it with people, places and things that you love. Plant the seeds of love within yourself and watch them grow in you and in those that you attract and associate.

What is in your heart? Might just be the single best question you can ask yourself every single day …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes& Noble

Check Yourself

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Check Yourself
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Check yourself? What are you putting forth into the universe? Is it love, is it hatred? Thoughts become actions, what are you thinking about? Are they positive thoughts that are rooted in love or negative thoughts rooted in hate?

Earlier today I watched a documentary about kids with guns and kids age six and up that not only used a gun to commit murder but the days, weeks, months of thinking about it that lead up to the killing.

Then later I read a social media post that encouraged “open mindedness” and most posters were of the same mind set and then came an opposing view. This person was bullied, ganged up on and eventually left the group. They said “open minded” but what I witnessed was anything but that.

Today you can turn on any so called “news stations” I call them “editorial stations” and hear complete one sidedness regardless of any other view point.

Then I think about the mind of a child who doesn’t have the maturity and life experience to process all this and how they act out. Acting out often of anger and frustration because they can’t process what even a skilled adult would find difficult to process.

What can we do? We can check ourselves! What are we putting out into the universe with our own thoughts and actions? What verbal and nonverbal communications are we putting forth? You want more love in your life, be more loving, do you want more hurt and hatred? It all comes back to us.

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Our world will get better when we are better. If we continue to fight, to disagree, to hurt others, to spew hatred all we have done is to grow more hate. Remember when we learned that if you couldn’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?

In the climate we are living through today, I don’t think it is a bad idea to check ourselves? What are we putting out into the universe? Would we want that same thing to be put back upon us? I am not saying it will be easy, it is hard to love a hater, hard to love a difficult person, hard to love someone that we don’t like or agree with … it may be hard, but it isn’t impossible.

There is something good in everyone … we are all works in progress … try and focus on the good and what you can support and can love … check yourself … when you can respond to even the most difficult people and things in your life with love then you too will be rewarded with love.

A six year old boy wasn’t born to be a hater and a killer, I can’t imagine what formed him to become like that, but I do know that when we choose love, choose to respond with love, we are more likely to be met with love.

Check yourself and check your heart …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Delete Remove and Replace

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Delete Remove and Replace
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Sometimes in life you have to know when it is time to delete and remove and replace something or someone. Not everything and everyone is intended to stay in our lives forever or how would we grow and learn?

Change is a given and a constant, everything changes, we change. As we mature and we age we become more and more aware of how much life is already in our rear view mirror and we do our best to look ahead at what is worthy of our time and attention.

Just like our bank accounts are not without limits either are our days here on earth. Everything has a beginning, and middle and an ending. Choose to fill your life with love!

Some people enter our lives just to teach us how we don’t want to be and how we don’t want to act. Relationships that end seldom come back to their original glory, someone that has chosen to delete you and remove you from their life, does so at the risk of being replaced.

When our first Bichon Happy died we were heartbroken and sad. She was with our family for thirteen years. After several months of grieving her death we got another Bichon named “Happy Again” our second Happy was cherished even more than her predecessor because we already knew what it felt like to have that hole in our hearts. We often comment that “Happy Again” was taken even better care of than our first Bichon Happy because of our first dog!

People that love and people that give do so freely and willingly but also know that it comes with a cost and risk of being hurt.

Sometimes we are forced to give up a relationship because it just is not healthy and respectful. A person who outwardly and publicly repeatedly dishonors and disrespects you must be deleted and removed from your life. You might think that you can bring them around, but someone, anyone including family members that cannot show you the basic respect that even a stranger would command, just can’t be allowed in and eventually will be replaced with others who show us common regard and respect.

“People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.” Abraham Hicks

The way others treat us is always, always all about them. The way we respond is always our choice and all about us. Some people will need you to be the bad guy, so they can justify their words and actions. Let them, take the high road, be the best person you can be, move on, there are really good and great people in the world. Seek them out and don’t be afraid to make room for them by removing and replacing and deleting the people and the things in life that just are not healthy, have run their course and are no longer good for you.

Make wise choices, surround yourself with the best people and the most loving and loyal people and you are sure to thrive and live a much happier life. Don’t be afraid to delete, remove and replace and to make room for all that is good and loving.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Another Way and Along The Way books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

My Name is Brandon

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My Name is Brandon
This is me ….

by Bernadette Moyer and Brandon Sahm

The words below are from our son Brandon not a single word was edited. As a point of reference, just before the holidays this year, I told his father, my husband that I wish I could write about this but out of respect for Brandon it wasn’t my story to share. Oddly, two days later, he called me from yet another hospital crisis admission stay and asked me if I would help him write his story. There is so much more I could say here but I am choosing to keep it in my heart, at least for now.

He was always different but I chose to see the best of him and often chalked it up to him being an artist and an actor. Looking back with hindsight and 20/20 vision he was extremely well supported and loved or he most probably would not have had the successes that he did achieve. His birth mother died when he was born, I got him when he was 87 days old along with his twin sister. His natural father and I raised them together.

After what we lived through these past two years I no longer have that luxury of seeing him how I viewed him before this all began two years ago. I have loved him dearly and deeply. Today I know that I must let go… as difficult as that is for me. I am no longer the answer …it is so much more than what I am built to manage. I just want him happy and to be his best, however he decides to define it.

(You might want to grab a tissue…)

His words, his story, from his own handwritten journal and by his request …

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My Name is Brandon Sahm. I’m an Eagle Scout, a high school graduate, and a young adult who has recently been diagnosed with Autism and mental illness. But before you say anything I want you to know it wasn’t always like this. It’s just the last two years was like going through hell which it was. At 24 I lost my job at Yo Lavie, a frozen yogurt store one that I worked at for 3 ½ years. It was hard because it was a job I worked hard at and one I got on my own. Three-hundred job applications later I started working again at Texas Roadhouse. It was also around that time that I got my driver’s license. However, the job would be very short lived, after seeing the struggle of keeping up in a fast-paced environment my boss decided to let me go. I was devastated, and instead of going straight home to tell my parents I decided (and this was out of anger) to get drunk.

By the summer of 2016 my jump from hospital to hospital began. It started at Franklin Square in Essex. I wasn’t really fond with the care looking back because the groups didn’t talk much about their problems and did nothing but arts and crafts. Also it felt more like a place for people on drugs.

In August of 2016 after fighting with my parents out of impulse and anger, I attempted to end my life and commit suicide. It was raining when it happened. What stopped me was contemplation, I was halfway over the bridge on 695 when I stopped and got down. Soon after that the police came and took me to Saint Joseph Medical Center. There the groups were more active and the staff did care about the patients. After my lengthy stay and release I was an outpatient for 30 days. It was my mother who took me to all those daily appointments. I had many hospitals stays all kinds of diagnosis and according to my mom “more pills than any human body should ever consume” time and time again I called a crisis team and was picked up and readmitted. It wouldn’t take long before I would return for the holidays. On January 13, 2017 I was discharged again with a diagnosis of mental illness and Autism.

I was surprised to hear the word Autism but at the same time I had a sense of clarity and everything I did socially made sense. Because growing up I didn’t have many friends yet I excelled academically. As I said I became an Eagle Scout, made National Honor Society, graduated from high school all before the diagnosis. But of all the people that would tease me, my sister was the biggest bully yet. I remember every year she would make me lie about our report cards, and make me buy food for her at the mall. So at 18 when she left and changed schools I felt free for the first time. It was also our fights that made me think about suicide for the first time. And at that time when I told my mom, she said, “I had no idea.”

Sometimes when I think of suicide I think of how easy it must be to end the pain because to me I’ve always felt like a burden to my family. But now I see I have much to live for and now every time I pass by that bridge I think to myself, “wow I could have end it all but I didn’t.”

Back to the hospitals the next stay would be in Sheppard Pratt. I was there because I had a fight with my dad physically and realized I needed more help especially with my anger. I was there for almost two months and then sent to Harbor House.

I would be coming back to the house a few times including the holiday season. When I left back in December of 2017 I ran away because of the Christmas season, missing my parents, struggling mentally to accept what I can’t change. I hated myself even more for letting it happen, so much my desire for death was intensified. So I ended up spending Christmas in the hospital again and a Christmas day visit from my parents.

I still count myself lucky and grateful to have parents like them. I’m not much for writing but it is helping me express how I feel and it’s therapeutic, just like my art or any form of art for that matter. There are so many things that can influence us and make us into who we are, we just have to embrace it. My mom is like my best friend, we’re thick as thieves and she’s also my cheerleader. She’s known for her writing many of which I enjoy reading. What makes my mom special is that she has always been there for me, even when my sister and I were babies. The same goes for my dad, he could have easily left me and my sister up for adoption but he didn’t. My dad is a hard worker, a quality I picked up from him. He also introduced me to classic rock which I still enjoy today. My dad and I may argue sometimes but he is still my dad and I love him for raising us.

One of my fondest memories is being in boy scouts. One of those memories includes summer camps and getting to spend time with my dad.

(PLEASE keep Brandon and our entire family in your prayers as we continue to stumble through all of this)

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer