Month: October 2017

Bummer Box

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Bummer Box
By Bernadette A. Moyer

box

Most of us have a first-aid kit, right? So why don’t we have what a writing colleague refers to as a “mental health kit” or at least what I am going to call it a “Bummer Box?”

I’m thinking we could all use a Bummer Box filled with a list or with things that make us happy or cards and pictures from and of people that bring us joy. This way on days that we aren’t feeling our best or when we are struggling we could open up that kit or box of things that would help us to feel better?

So what could go inside our Bummer Box?

A favorite bubble bath or bath bomb, some chocolates, cards with affirmations, a new fresh journal or diary, funny socks, a beautiful new magazine, some crayons, colored pencils and a coloring book, all sound like good stuff to me. New earrings or a bracelet, a $20 bill?

For me I am also thinking it could include cards from my husband, photos of our precious pooches, keepsakes from our many travels, our kids when they were young and some of their childhood drawings and cards and notes too. Inside maybe a pampering list of things to do so that we could get our outside look aligned with our inside feelings.

I think everyone needs a good “bummer box” so when we do have a day where we might need a lift or something to help elevate our moods, it all there, ready and waiting for us.

So here is to the fun in creating that “bummer box” and also to those days when we just might need one!
Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Along The Way and Another Way books available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Good Work Speaks for Itself

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Good Work Speaks for Itself
By Bernadette A. Moyer

good work

I have never been fond of people that toot their own horn. I prefer to look and see and view the work that they do and then form my own opinion. Bragging about oneself never looks good on anyone and at the end of the day, good work speaks for itself.

At the age of 26 I was the youngest Realtor in my office most were much older and more successful than I was, at that time I wasn’t even a homeowner, not yet, that came later that first year. One of the things I loved about my broker and our office was the huge white board that was hung in a prominent place in our office. It was placed where all the agents passed by in route to our own work stations. The board contained all the recent homes that were listed and sold and their status such as “active” “under contract” or “settled” and the name of the agent who listed it and/or sold it.

At that time in my career nothing made me happier and prouder than to see my name up there! And when my name appeared multiple times with different properties that I listed or sold I was beaming. I never had to toot my own horn as any production in our office was clearly posted for all to see. You were achieving or you weren’t and it was right there in black and white.

Later when I transitioned into the not for profit arena, there was no white board to tout success. The nonprofit arena was much more humble and more about servant style leadership. Generally work in the nonprofit world you are looking at success through a different lens. As a professional fundraiser I learned early on that I need to throw a big net, garner as many supporters as possible to achieve our goals.

“Me” was definitely replaced with “we.” The competition I experienced as a Realtor up against all other Realtors to get that listing or sale was replaced with a wider view on what defined success. We weren’t in competition but rather trying to work in alignment to achieve success.

The success that I achieved, professionally was on a quieter level, it was more about knowing I did my best had done the necessary research and that I extended my hand and heart to as many people that we could 1) support and serve and 2) gain support from in both time and treasure. It was far less about “me” and seeing my name up there and all about moving the ball forward as a team to achieve the goals that the team set.

Success was sweet but it was also quiet. You knew when you did a good job because the quality was in the work that you did. I was fortunate to have great mentors in my career both in the business community and the nonprofit community.

Every single day things change in the business world whether it is for profit or not for profit, change is a constant. The good news though is that a few things never change and one of the most important things is that “good work speaks for itself.”

“Don’t ever put your name on it, until the quality is in your work.” A Mentor

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Along The Way and Another Way books available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Managing Anxiety

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Managing Anxiety
By Bernadette A. Moyer

calm

I have lived with anxiety my whole life. For me I believed it was a by-product of having been raised in an Italian Catholic family. There was a lot of yelling and calling one another out. There was confrontation. That is just the way it was and often the end result for me was a certain degree of anxiety.

My father wanted us to be good kids and to be smart and involved and there were definite goals and boundaries. We were expected to get good grades be high achievers and to be polite and well mannered. That was the least that was expected of us. Often the expectations created anxiety in me. How would I measure up? Would I and could I achieve good grades?

Later in my life I appreciated my parent’s high standards for me. We were supposed to excel not to just get by but to be our very best. My dad was a proud man. He believed that everyone should work and work for what they needed and wanted. Hand-outs for him were an insult. Yet there were many times when I was a young child that my parents could have used a hand up to help them with raising their five children.

For a long time probably until my late twenties and early thirties I didn’t even know what “anxiety” was just that I could be sick when confronted with pressure. The pressure of a job interview or the pressure of a business meeting often made the pit of my stomach turn.

Looking back what was almost funny was that age 26 I was the youngest Realtor in my office and it was once confided in me “how put together and accomplished you come across” and yet before that big meeting you could find me in the rest room having just dumped my lunch. I would get so nervous and sick and worried that I literally made myself throw up.

Today “anxiety” is referred to as a “mental illness” and recently I spoke with a handful of people that like me have certain degrees of anxiety or have a child or loved one who experiences “anxiety” and like me they do not consider it a “mental illness.” One friend said, “Who doesn’t have anxiety?”

I know there are different degrees of it, some people can’t function, and they become so anxious that they just can’t function to do normal everyday tasks. Even the smallest meeting or taking them out of their comfort zone causes anxiousness and an inability to function. Many are medicated as a result.

For me I have learned to tackle the things that make me anxious and to push through it. There are times I have to talk myself down and tell myself to breathe and to calm down. Mind over matter often works for me. I also imagine what the other side will look like, how will I feel when I accomplish the task that is making me anxious? How will I feel when I have mastered that which makes me nervous and anxious?

On many levels my anxiety made me better, it made me try harder, it made me more aware it contributed to my drive and to being successful. Recently I was watching an interview with Tom Petty and he said that before he performs it “takes him all day to work himself up to perform and then all night to bring him back down” I am sure that every single performer lives with a certain degree of anxiety before they actually take the stage.

And for most all of us life is our stage and it seems normal to me that any time we leave our comfort zone we will experience some degree of anxiety. The single greatest thing that I have found to help with my anxiety is being prepared. Do your homework and know what you are walking into and what you are entering. Nothing helps reduce anxiety like preparation. Take deep breathes and visualize what success will look like and feel like. Imagine how good you will feel when you get past the anxiety and accomplish what you have set out to do.

Today I would tell my younger self, calm down, breathe, take it easy, you will get through this, you will survive!

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

The thing about anxiety is that you have to manage it, because if you don’t it will manage you …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

What Do I Want

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What Do I Want
By Bernadette A. Moyer

whatwant

What do I want? What do I want out of life? What do I want out of today and tomorrow and next week and next year?

Seems like many times in life we should rethink and ask that question as it is sure to change as we continue to grow and change.

I truly believe the happiest people are the ones that are living their lives in a way that answers that question. What do I want? What makes me happy? How do I want to live my life and take care of myself? What do I need to be happy?

When we are young we are consumed with “what do I want” and answering and doing what we want then comes life and responsibilities, that career job, owning a home or a car and having children or pets all depend on us to produce and to provide. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in what does everyone need rather than in what do I want.

Having children and raising them is one of the most selfless acts and responsibility that we will ever take on, being responsible for another human being is the highest calling and requires giving and giving and giving on a minute to minute hour to hour and daily basis. It is never ending, but it also requires us to put our own personal wants and needs on a back burner. Kids have immediate needs all they know is now and later, adults can and do wait.

Then it happens the kids are raised, and full fledged adults out on their own and once again it is the perfect time for us, just us.

What do I want? It sounds so easy, right? But is it? How do you go about answering that question?

“Be careful what you wish for, you may receive it.”  W.W. Jacobs

For me its starts with a gut check, how am I feeling? Then it goes to making lists, what else do I want to do and accomplish in this lifetime? Then jumping off and staring, diving in, trying, learning, giving it a whirl.

No other person can answer that question for us and sometimes it takes thought, aloneness and quiet for us to come up with it ourselves. All I know for sure is that the only road to true and lasting happiness is finding a way to afford what you want in both time and treasure and then setting out and making it happen!

Here is to your happiness and here is to getting and appreciating all that you ever needed and wanted …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Happiness Heals You

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Happiness Heals You
By Bernadette A. Moyer

happiness-quotes-261

You have to want to be happy and you have to want to be healed and both come together as a package deal. Happiness heals us! It just does …

The more things that you can do that make yourself happy, the healthier you will feel and become. If one area of life isn’t going well for you then focus on the areas that bring you joy and happiness.

Happiness is infectious and contagious. There is no limit or end to the happiness you can create. Spread it around and see it take on a new life and more growth and power. What you put out into the universe comes right back to you.

We all come with our own issues, things that we were born with or things that happened in our childhood or later in life, hurts and disappointments are a natural part of living life. Most often they are here for us to learn and to grow. We can stay stuck in our disappointments or we can gather up the lessons learned and move forward with grace and love and happiness.

It is possible all we have to do is desire it and we do this by acting in ways that show our love and gratitude for the lives that we lead. Learning to live in the moment knowing that yesterday is over and tomorrow has yet to come.

We do create our own heaven or hell, it all depends on us. Every single situation gives us the opportunity to respond with love. Happiness is a choice. Love is a choice.

Do the things you love, surround yourself with the people that you love and strive to be the best version of yourself. No one can make you happy unless you want to be happy. No one can heal you unless you want to be healed.

“Folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” Abraham Lincoln

Today I pray that you have enough happiness to heal all the things that have hurt you. Seek happiness!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Forward March

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Forward March
By Bernadette A. Moyer

gardening-tips

What lies ahead is so much more important than what was left behind. Today is a new day, today is the first day of the rest of our lives. What will we do with it?

I’ve often thought that if most of us knew what was ahead, we would just stay stuck? We live in hope, we hope that what comes next will be good for us and make us happy and yet so often that just isn’t the case.

But then again many times it is… what lies ahead can be better than anything we have yet to experience. If we believe it, we can receive it!

“The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams.” Eleanor Roosevelt

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” Peter Drucker

“Sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you expected or hoped. That doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. If you don’t limit yourself to your first version of your life there’s always a bright future ahead.” Michael Josephson

Your future will always be bright when you stay focused, optimistic and confident. There is no future in the past … the future starts today … forward march …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Hurting Hearts

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Hurting Hearts
By Bernadette A. Moyer

live

Our hearts are broken after witnessing mass murders in Las Vegas, Nevada. Who does this? What kind of a person kills 58 people and wounds over 500 more and why? We want to know why? While we still demand an answer to what kind of “why” response will it ever be good enough. It won’t!

What causes such hatred and anger in a human being that they would go on a killing mission? Prepare for it, plan on it and then carry it out? Thank God most of us will never understand that mindset and those horrific actions.

This story this event is so hard to process and I knew it would be even more difficult when the faces and the ages and the professions of those murdered would be published. These are people who should have had years and years of living life ahead of them. People that have families and friends who are left to grieve their loss and all the while trying to understand why one human being would do this to any other human being. People that should never have died so young were killed as though they didn’t matter by someone who didn’t even know their name.

Most of us will never understand this and that is a good thing, to identify with this crazed mass murdered isn’t normal for anyone that values human life.

Today I cried, it was tears of anger and shock and grief and loss. As if these murders and gunshots of hatred in Las Vegas wasn’t enough we lost an icon rock and roll star who also died unexpectedly and too young. In a recent interview Tom Petty talked about his desire to travel less and do less shows so he could be there for his grandchildren. It was as if he knew how much he missed out on with his own children and acknowledged that this time things would be different, he wanted to be there.

What can we take away from death? What should the lessons be and what should we do next? We can’t control what other people do, we can’t control many things in life except for what we do and how we handle what comes next.

Grief and loss are tremendous teachers and if nothing else they are supposed to drive home that all we really have is the here and now. The way that we treat people says so much about us. Kindness counts. Every single day we are afforded opportunities to respond with love or with hate. It is a choice.

Whatever was motivating and disturbing the Vegas killer he chose to respond with hatred. There is a lesson here. Hate and anger and killing never ever look good on anyone, not ever. There is no justifiable reason for the killing of innocent people. And the cowardly way in which he chose to murder from a distance and to their backs and then take his own life.

Everything in this event is difficult to process …

What should we come away with? How about what can any one of us do? There are two parts here for me; first and foremost we must live all of life to the fullest. Our days here are numbered and we should live like the Tim McGraw song, “Live like you are dying” do the things that matter to you, spend the time with the people that you love, live life without regrets so when the end does arrive, you know that you did live fully.

And the second thing is to check your anger and hate, let it go, use if for the fuel to do good. Hate and anger although normal emotions in humans can be controlled and redirected into something positive. Always try to lead with kindness and with love. Sometimes it is difficult to do but always, always worth it. Something good can always come from something so horrific … if we seek it, we will find it!

“And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying” Country Music Artist Tim McGraw and song written by Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble