Month: July 2016

Our Children Are Not Placed Here

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Our Children Are Not Placed Here
By Bernadette A. Moyer

 

children

Our children are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
It is not their job to complete us
Or to go along with what we need or want
Or feel is best for them or us

Our parents are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
It is not their job to complete us
Or to go along with what we need or want
Or feel is best for them or us

We strive for love and we strive for acceptance
We strive to be understood and we strive to understand

Did we receive the child we hoped for
And/or the child that God alone gave to us

Did we receive the parents we wished for
And/or the parents that God alone gave to us

Our children are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
Our parents are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud

Oh … but isn’t life easier and oh so sweet when they do …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Beautiful Things

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Beautiful Things
By Bernadette A. Moyer

 

beautiful things

In a world that can be filled with ugly and with hatred, I make the choice to surround myself with beautiful things and with beautiful people. When I see the anger and the hatred and the killing in this country and around the world I do my best not to give it more attention. Instead I combat the ugly with beauty.

There is beauty every single place here on earth. It exists in people and it exists in places and it exists in things. As I filled my paper cup with coffee the man standing next to me, a complete stranger handed me a cup holder and said, “You are going to need this!” The coffee was so hot and he was right. But what he was in that moment in time was kind and beautiful and thoughtful. His actions may be minor but as I reflected upon his kindness I thought how easy it is to be kind and in turn beautiful.

Every morning when I awake I walk around our home and take in the flowers. I enjoy see the beauty in the new blooms and what is growing and green. I think it would be difficult to be depressed or suicidal or angry and destructive if you were surrounded by beauty? Wouldn’t it? And I may not bring about world peace but I can start with my own little world that is steeped in beautiful things, people and places.

“In all ranks of life the human heart yearns for the beautiful; and the beautiful things that God makes are his gift to all alike.” Harriet Beecher Stowe

We can all appreciate beauty and we can all create beauty. Like most things in life, it is our choice.

My environment that includes my family and my friends are all so attractive and beautiful to me. I see beauty in the faces of my closest inner circle. I see beauty in the faces of my two precious pooches. I seek beauty. I seek it in the places that I frequent and in the people that I share my life with. I seek beauty in words and in deeds. I seek beauty in art in all its many forms. I seek beauty in music and in thoughts.

flower.png

And yes beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So my mission today like every single day and my challenge to you my readers, look for beautiful things and you are sure to find them. Be on a mission to create beautiful things. Be on a mission to be a beautiful thing.

The only way I know to combat the ugly and the hatred and the violence is to showcase our beauty. Our inner beauty and our outward beauty can do more to combat the ugly in this world than any other measures.

When we feel good and when we feel beautiful we set the stage for even more beauty. Be a beautiful act, be a beautiful cause, be a beautiful heart, be a beautiful soul and in turn you are sure to be a beautiful human being.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Losing Weight Feeling Great (part2)

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Losing Weight Feeling Great (part 2)
By Bernadette A. Sahm

tracker

After losing my first ten pounds it feels like the next 5 were even harder yet I did it! My clothes are fitting better now that I am down 15 pounds since I began my workout and weight loss program. Actually I am down 1 full size. I go to the gym most every day and work out on the treadmill or cycles for an hour. I have increased my speeds and incline to where my workout is worth 400 to 500 calories!

It is all about the math. Energy expelled versus the calories taken in and I have increased my activities all the while reducing my caloric intake to help me lose the 15 pounds. I still eat! I still east what I want, I just eat less of it and I try to consume most calories before 8:00 in the evening. I honestly don’t feel like I am missing out on anything.

During the week when my husband is away at work it is easier and I am more mindful of everything that I consume, I deliberately try and save my calories for the weekends when we tend to go out and I like to have a cocktail or two. So far, it is working for me.

I’ve invested in better sneakers that seem to help with my right foot issues and I do ice wrap and soak it when I agitate it. Part of the gym experience is a dry sauna for at least 15 minutes and I love sweating out all the toxins before I take my shower. I see it in my complexion where my workout has also helped my skin to look healthier too.

What is next?

I want another 10lb loss and then a plan that I can stick with to help me keep it at that weight which should be another dress size and I feel good. My tracker was burning up during the month of June where I hit my goals for the entire month. In July so far I have given myself permission to miss a few days meeting my step count of over 12,000 and not feel guilty about it.

Going to the gym has been a godsend and also helps me with my stress level and it is something that I do just for me. I want to invest in an upgraded tracker by Christmas and some new workout clothes too. This is my new healthier normal!
I always look forward to the days when my husband is able to work out with me, it is fun having a partner but I do okay by myself too.

Funny … because most people that know me well would never believe how much I am enjoying the process of losing weight and feeling great and doing it the old fashioned way with both diet and exercise.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

The Only Answer is Self-Love

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The Only Answer is Self-Love
By Bernadette A. Moyer

self-love

I’ve come to the conclusion that if more people had self-love, the world would be a happier and a healthier place. People that have a healthy love and have confidence in themselves tend to do better in life. They are able to shrug off the negativity of others and they are well aware of who they are even in the most challenging times.

With age comes a certain degree of wisdom and self- acceptance and self- love. I see all the turmoil that our country is currently facing and the battle seems to stem from a serious lack of self-love. If you can’t love and accept yourself then you aren’t in a frame of mind to love and accept others.

Recently I watched some of the protests and what stood out for me were not the peaceful protesters but rather the ones that were trying to ignite others and instigate confrontations. I watched the police stand the line and protesters mock them dance in front of them and do everything and anything possible to show disrespect and try and get the police to respond. It didn’t make me think less of the police but when I watched the instigators all I could think was you don’t have any self-respect or self-love because if you did you would act in a different manner.

We can all show our anger we can all respond out of a lack of love but what that says is so much more about what comes from within and not what is transpiring outside ourselves. One of my favorite quotes is “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Gandhi

If you want more peace be peaceful if you want more love be loving if you want to be accepted be more accepting. It begins and ends with us.

There is a lot of talk in our culture about “narcissism” and that is not what I am suggesting here, I am suggesting that until or unless we are able to love ourselves we will never be able to love any others.

When we take care of ourselves our minds, our bodies and our souls we are better able to handle all that life throws our way. The Boy Scouts have a Scout Oath and in part it reads; “To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.” It is about taking ownership of ourselves.

The most dangerous people are the ones who don’t have self-love and self- respect and self-care. It is our responsibility to keep ourselves fit and strong and it begins and it ends with self-love. Taking the time to nurture our hearts and our soul matters and creates an environment for self-love. When we invest in our health and in our education and make learning and growing a priority we fill our own cup up and lead with love rather the an empty void.

More self-love = a better world full of more loving people that are better able to give and receive love.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

On Bended Knees

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On Bended Knees
By Bernadette A. Moyer

kneel

As I was driving back home from the gym today I noticed a car with Texas tags, and living in Maryland I know just how far that Texas is and how many miles to drive from there to here. I had a rush of memories about the year that I lived in Beaumont, Texas with my first husband and our daughter who was just one year old.

I thought about how I came to Maryland to start a new life and to flee an abusive relationship. When I arrived in Maryland more than 35 years ago, I prayed I cried and I reminded myself of how I had to save myself and our daughter. This man that I married had a history of abuse from his previous relationships forward and I was warned about him. But just like any young girl/woman at just 19 years of age I had to make my own decisions.

If I had any doubts about leaving him our final day together soon took care of that as his parting “shot” literally was to punch me in the middle of my face. I skidded across the kitchen floor and ended up in a corner when he picked me up by my shirt and went at me again. That next morning I set out on an over 1,600 road trip home to my mother in Maryland. I wanted better for myself and for our daughter.

Less than a year later he died while taking a shower and had a seizure in the shower, he drowned to death. I had my share of guilt as he was alone at the time. As a society we don’t speak ill of the dead and since our child was so young I put the best spin I could on our marriage and our relationship. Just before her 18th birthday I told her the truth about him and it didn’t sit very well.

Victims live in shame and have all kinds of reasons for denying themselves and others the truth. It doesn’t change though, it is what it is and was what it was, an abusive relationship. Today I know better and am more than blessed. I don’t think he was a bad guy, I believe he was a troubled guy. Troubled from what he experienced in his first family and troubled from 6-years in the Navy during Viet Nam. His service experience left him an alcoholic (by his own admission) and with a seizure disorder.

He was a charming man and good looking too. Both his daughter and his first born grandson look just like him. I still celebrate our union on bended knees at least once a year at his gravesite. I thank God for all that I learned during our marriage and all the many lessons learned from his early death.

Thinking about Texas and that period in my life also reminded me of how important it is to pray and to bow down on bended knees. We don’t have all the answers but prayers and hope and forward marching have always saved me.

During tough times we find out what we are made out of. We can shrivel up and cry or we can turn it around and become stronger. Our hurt our anger and our disappointments can be used as the fuel that helps to propel us forward.

When I came to Maryland I arrived in an old late model Mercury that had a bad engine and probably took as much oil as it did gasoline. I lived with my mother for a few months until I could afford my own place. I was lucky to get a really good waitress job in a high end restaurant. I worked really hard and chuckle at the uniform of high heels, brown skirt and white dress shirts that we wore. I made great money and made wonderful friendships.

I became friends with many young people that were my age and made me feel new and young again. I was making it on hope and a prayer that first year. When my husband died we were still legally married and I was so fortunate to receive help from the Veterans. Things changed for the better. I changed for the better. I was resolved. I made my share of mistakes that’s what young people do but I always ended up back on my feet after so many prayers on bended knees.

Today I can look back with peace and with love and most importantly with gratitude. Every experience, the good and the bad contribute to who and what we are and above all else, I am a survivor.

My husband today keeps talking about our 25 years together and that next summer we will celebrate 20 years of marriage. We already have a trip planned. I am so happy but I never ever forget what my knees are for as I continue in prayer for all that I have and all that I have experienced.

Everything in life is either a blessing or a curse and for me with the power of my prayers and the strength of my knees I’ve known many more blessings!

You never know what will trigger a memory, today it was something as simple as Texas tags that took me back to another time, a time when I grew and matured and learned what it would take to care for both myself and for my child. It wasn’t easy but it was definitely meaningful.

Life is rich … and so much richer when after the struggles we find enlightenment. So many times it literally starts with the power of our prayers. Peace and prayers!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble