God

57 Things I Learned in My 57 Years

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57 Things I Learned in My 57 Years
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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1) My life and my happiness is my responsibility, period.

2) Kids will come and kids will go, build a life that is meaningful long after their departure.

3) Don’t take it personally, nothing other people do is because of you, it is because of them.

4) Gather as much information as you can and then make informed decisions.

5) Pick the guy who believes in you, supports you, loves you and thinks you are beautiful.

6) Bad boys are just that, bad.

7) Trust few but always trust in your own inner voice.

8) Every single day is a blessing.

9) Nothing lasts forever, this too shall pass.

10) People will come into your life and people will leave your life, let them.

11) You are beautiful just the way you are, believe it! No one knows your heart like you do.

12) Work hard, go that extra mile but play hard too.

13) Nature offers peace every single day and in every single season.

14) Animals have incredible souls and are capable of the most love and loyalty.

15) Writers write.

16) Estrangement is strange. It isn’t normal and there are no winners.

17) Trust someone the first time they reveal themselves to you.

18) Marriage requires ongoing efforts and commitment grounded in genuine love and care.

19) Surround yourself with people, places and things that you love. Create your own beautiful life.

20) I was a shy kid that stuttered; today I could debate with the best. Where you start is just a start.

21) Never ever give up on yourself.

22) Campy as it sounds, “Into each life, some rain must fall.”

23) Learn from it and then get over it!

24) Beauty exists everywhere and so does ugliness.

25) Good people can and do make bad mistakes.

26) You are not defined by one person, one experience or single life event.

27) Everything that seems bad really can be turned around and into something good.

28) Be a life-long learner. There is always something new to learn.

29) Gratitude is an attitude.

30) Life goes on …

31) God is good. In an ever changing world God is my salvation.

32) Family is so much more than blood; it is the people that love, support and see the best in you.

33) Girlfriend time is always time well spent.

34) Stress less. Pray more and worry less.

35) Eat the good foods and exercise. Life is about balance.

36) Make love, lots and lots of love.

37) Negative people are just that, negative.

38) Take the time to get to know yourself and always be your own best friend.

39) There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

40) Peace is always possible.

41) Stability doesn’t have to be boring.

42) Make something build something bake something create more. Just do it.

43) Build on a solid foundation.

44) Embrace change. Don’t fight it be open to new things, new people and new experiences.

45) Painful lessons are lasting lessons.

46) Pretty comes and pretty goes but being nice will last forever.

47) Share as much as possible but don’t allow yourself to be taken for granted.

48) Hatred and anger doesn’t look good on anyone. Not ever.

49) Forgive but don’t forget.

50) Not everything ends with “happy ever after” but that doesn’t mean your happiness has to end.

51) Give back! Every single person has something to offer.

52) Never wrestle with a pig, because you will both get dirty and the pig likes it.

53) We all have a birth date and a death date, no one gets out alive. Enjoy everything in between.

54) Getting old is a gift, cherish it.

55) Wisdom is born with age.

56) Breathe. Take long deep breathes.

57) Most things can be cured with a long hot bubble bath, a cup of tea or a glass of wine and a big warm embracing hug!

BONUS!

#58 Just because someone said it, doesn’t make it true.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

New Eyes

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New Eyes
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Some things only become clear to us after they pass and after they are said and done. Funny at different times in our lives we may view the same situation and see it through different lenses and “new eyes.” I think most people could look back on their life and recall different scenarios when they felt that they were young and dumb. Hindsight is always 20/20 vision.

“Don’t criticize what you can’t understand.” Bob Dylan

Some of us did things that with a little life experience we would never do again. Or we learned from our mistakes. We all grow up and we all change and grow. Life has a way of handing us the lessons we need to learn whether we want to learn them at all. Some people need to learn the hard way, others can learn from what they witness in people that they know and others in the world.

Changing our views on things in life can be about maturity and about having new and updated information. When our hearts change so often does our vision.

“A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.” Goethe

As we age we learn that when we are open to “new eyes” all things in life can take on a new appreciation for us. That‘s the beauty of life; the willingness to see things differently not only as the world changes but as we change and learn and grow.

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Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Autumn Shows Us

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Autumn Shows Us
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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The season is changing and so are we! Autumn leaves show us exactly how beautiful it is to let go and let live and let die. What can you let go of? What can you make room for? The seasons change and so do we. We change how we dress and what we eat and we change what we do and where we go.

I remember as a little girl listening to a song that my father liked it was called Autumn of My Life by Bobby Goldsboro. He sings “and I’m content in the Autumn of my life.”

“Autumn the wind blows colder than the summer, Autumn my loves gone with another. Did you ever lose something that you thought you knew, did you ever lose someone that was close to you?” From the song Autumn written by Edgar Winter.

The seasonal changes teach us so much about life and about letting go and living in each and every moment. The seasons pass and eventually so will we.

I want to celebrate this autumn with leaves, and sweaters and hot cider and apples and pies. I want to celebrate it with open windows and with warm beef stew. But more than that I want to celebrate by reminding myself there is a season for everything and a time and a passing.

What is important now? What do we need to do to prepare our homes, our families and ourselves for what is directly in front of us? Seasons change and so do I, and so do you. Time waits for no man.

Every Autumn represents the letting go of and making room for all that is next in the life cycle. In living our lives much like the same way that the leaves change colors and eventually fall away, so it will affirm for us again and again how life changes just like the seasons change.

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In each decision that we make; we must consider our life and how it not only defines us but impacts those that are closest to us.

Each day I pray to God for the wisdom as to what I give my time and attention, and asking for His help for me to be busy with the right things and to give my best to those things. Amen.

Autumn gives us so much to embrace and also so much to let go …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

And Then We Die …

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And Then We Die …
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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But have we truly lived? We all know that death is a definite, no one escapes it! If I live to be 100, I will only have known and experienced 100 summers and 100 Christmas holidays. It doesn’t seem like that is a whole lot so I have tried my best to live as full of a life as I can live.

When I was widowed at just 23 years old, I learned how quickly and unexpectedly life can be taken away. Through the years I have encountered people who when they learn this fact say, “oh I am sorry.” But for me it was a huge gift. It drove home for me how precious life is and that I wanted to get the full experience out of every single day and every single experience. I learned NOT to take anything for granted, our time here is not a given and it is limited.

I learned to appreciate the here and the now. My husband was also left at just 32 years old, when his wife Stacey unexpectedly died. Together we are mature beyond our years and often associate with people that are much older than us. Our peer group never really got it. Why would they? When I was 23 and declared a “widow” my peers were immersed in living while I was trying to comprehend death.

This “gift” has strengthened my faith in God, my understanding of life and of death. Initially when it first happened I couldn’t understand it. Then one of my older work associates stated, “Find a tree and visit that tree. Visit it in the spring and the summer and then again in the fall and the winter. That is life and that is death.” I learned this almost 30 years ago and it has been the view of life that I have come to understand. We are living and then we die just like that tree I visited in every season and every stage of its life.

When my first husband Randy died I had the following poem, Comes the Dawn, read at his funeral in 1983. I still live by it today. He was the one who shared it with me and it wasn’t that long before his passing that he shared it. Although his death was accidental and unexpected, I have often thought to have shared this with me, he might have known he was coming close to the end of his life and it was his way of saying good-bye.

Comes the Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security

And you begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes wide open

With the grace of a man, not the grief of a child
You learn to build your roads
On today, because tomorrows ground
Is uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of going down in mid-flight
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone else to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn … and you learn
With every good-bye you learn

(Author Unknown)

Through the years, people have told me, “Your life is so interesting!” Some of it is by design and some of it is purely by life circumstances. However, I can and do appreciate it all. I do my best to squeeze every moment of life out of this life, this life that God has given to me.

As much as we know that death is coming nothing really prepares us for it, or for the loss of the people that we eventually lose to death. My mother was famous for saying, “We live in hope and we die in despair.” I don’t know how I will die but I do know that I do live in hope. I hope and I pray for love, for health, for understanding, for compassion amongst other things and I hope and I pray that when my time ends here on earth I will know that I have lived fully and with few if any regrets.

And as much as I know that I want to live, and to live for as long as I can, and with as much zest and exuberance as I can, I also know “and then we die.”

So let us all live and live fully and with no regrets …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Glory Be To God

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Glory Be To God
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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God is good! God is great! I am so very thankful for my faith in God, I have lived long enough to know, that for me, without my faith in God, I may not have survived. And not only have I survived, but I thrived and often in the face of much adversity.

If you are not a God person or a faith filled person, this blog may not be for you and so be it. As a writer I have opened myself up to both compliment and criticism, I have been chastised by some who are angered by my faith and I have been blessed by those that concur with me. I hold no harm to non-believers and I fully appreciate that not everyone has faith nor believes in a God. But I do have faith and for me God has always been an integral part of my life.

God was with me when things went my way and when they came easily to me He was also there with me and for me when I struggled. I was lucky that I never felt alone as I had faith and I had God.

I can also see where many people are turned off by faith and religion and yes a God. When people that protest to be faith-filled and yet act in unloving and uncaring ways, I too have struggled with what some religious have done in the name of God, things that no man should do to any others. So I understand when people are hesitant and skeptical. I get it.

All I can do is speak from my heart and from my own experiences. I learned about God as a child but I didn’t fully appreciate His value in my life until I struggled as a fully matured adult. God was there for me! He is with us when we shine on our very best days and also with us when we feel the darkness of defeat and hurts and loses.

As my life matures I am more and more convinced that I am not alone, there is a force that lives deep within me, a higher power, a conscience and a voice that comes from God. For me there is no other way, it works!

When faced with situations and with people that act in ungodly ways, I do my best to try and see the face of God in them. We may never fully appreciate what others are going through and what is happening in their lives but when we have faith and when we have God, we know that everything here on earth is a blessing.

Even the darkest days and the darkest moments can be turned around to find their blessings! We are alive, we are here, we are breathing and until we take our last breath it is not over.

Earlier today I watched two people in public pray together in public before they ate their lunch. A simple act and yet one that we don’t witness often these days, prayers for their meal that they were about to share together, it meant something to them and to me as I passed by their table.

For some people God seems to have lost fashion here in America and yet I personally can’t imagine living my own life without the presence of God. Life is tough enough and having faith and having God just makes it so much less difficult for me.

Glory be to God! It’s Sunday and I am happy and blessed and filled with faith and love for God above. It sounds so simple and for me it truly is … live and let God in … and you just may find if you haven’t already that life is sweeter and lovely and better with faith, hope and yes God.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Our Children Are Not Placed Here

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Our Children Are Not Placed Here
By Bernadette A. Moyer

 

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Our children are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
It is not their job to complete us
Or to go along with what we need or want
Or feel is best for them or us

Our parents are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
It is not their job to complete us
Or to go along with what we need or want
Or feel is best for them or us

We strive for love and we strive for acceptance
We strive to be understood and we strive to understand

Did we receive the child we hoped for
And/or the child that God alone gave to us

Did we receive the parents we wished for
And/or the parents that God alone gave to us

Our children are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
Our parents are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud

Oh … but isn’t life easier and oh so sweet when they do …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Beautiful Things

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Beautiful Things
By Bernadette A. Moyer

 

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In a world that can be filled with ugly and with hatred, I make the choice to surround myself with beautiful things and with beautiful people. When I see the anger and the hatred and the killing in this country and around the world I do my best not to give it more attention. Instead I combat the ugly with beauty.

There is beauty every single place here on earth. It exists in people and it exists in places and it exists in things. As I filled my paper cup with coffee the man standing next to me, a complete stranger handed me a cup holder and said, “You are going to need this!” The coffee was so hot and he was right. But what he was in that moment in time was kind and beautiful and thoughtful. His actions may be minor but as I reflected upon his kindness I thought how easy it is to be kind and in turn beautiful.

Every morning when I awake I walk around our home and take in the flowers. I enjoy see the beauty in the new blooms and what is growing and green. I think it would be difficult to be depressed or suicidal or angry and destructive if you were surrounded by beauty? Wouldn’t it? And I may not bring about world peace but I can start with my own little world that is steeped in beautiful things, people and places.

“In all ranks of life the human heart yearns for the beautiful; and the beautiful things that God makes are his gift to all alike.” Harriet Beecher Stowe

We can all appreciate beauty and we can all create beauty. Like most things in life, it is our choice.

My environment that includes my family and my friends are all so attractive and beautiful to me. I see beauty in the faces of my closest inner circle. I see beauty in the faces of my two precious pooches. I seek beauty. I seek it in the places that I frequent and in the people that I share my life with. I seek beauty in words and in deeds. I seek beauty in art in all its many forms. I seek beauty in music and in thoughts.

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And yes beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So my mission today like every single day and my challenge to you my readers, look for beautiful things and you are sure to find them. Be on a mission to create beautiful things. Be on a mission to be a beautiful thing.

The only way I know to combat the ugly and the hatred and the violence is to showcase our beauty. Our inner beauty and our outward beauty can do more to combat the ugly in this world than any other measures.

When we feel good and when we feel beautiful we set the stage for even more beauty. Be a beautiful act, be a beautiful cause, be a beautiful heart, be a beautiful soul and in turn you are sure to be a beautiful human being.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

On Bended Knees

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On Bended Knees
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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As I was driving back home from the gym today I noticed a car with Texas tags, and living in Maryland I know just how far that Texas is and how many miles to drive from there to here. I had a rush of memories about the year that I lived in Beaumont, Texas with my first husband and our daughter who was just one year old.

I thought about how I came to Maryland to start a new life and to flee an abusive relationship. When I arrived in Maryland more than 35 years ago, I prayed I cried and I reminded myself of how I had to save myself and our daughter. This man that I married had a history of abuse from his previous relationships forward and I was warned about him. But just like any young girl/woman at just 19 years of age I had to make my own decisions.

If I had any doubts about leaving him our final day together soon took care of that as his parting “shot” literally was to punch me in the middle of my face. I skidded across the kitchen floor and ended up in a corner when he picked me up by my shirt and went at me again. That next morning I set out on an over 1,600 road trip home to my mother in Maryland. I wanted better for myself and for our daughter.

Less than a year later he died while taking a shower and had a seizure in the shower, he drowned to death. I had my share of guilt as he was alone at the time. As a society we don’t speak ill of the dead and since our child was so young I put the best spin I could on our marriage and our relationship. Just before her 18th birthday I told her the truth about him and it didn’t sit very well.

Victims live in shame and have all kinds of reasons for denying themselves and others the truth. It doesn’t change though, it is what it is and was what it was, an abusive relationship. Today I know better and am more than blessed. I don’t think he was a bad guy, I believe he was a troubled guy. Troubled from what he experienced in his first family and troubled from 6-years in the Navy during Viet Nam. His service experience left him an alcoholic (by his own admission) and with a seizure disorder.

He was a charming man and good looking too. Both his daughter and his first born grandson look just like him. I still celebrate our union on bended knees at least once a year at his gravesite. I thank God for all that I learned during our marriage and all the many lessons learned from his early death.

Thinking about Texas and that period in my life also reminded me of how important it is to pray and to bow down on bended knees. We don’t have all the answers but prayers and hope and forward marching have always saved me.

During tough times we find out what we are made out of. We can shrivel up and cry or we can turn it around and become stronger. Our hurt our anger and our disappointments can be used as the fuel that helps to propel us forward.

When I came to Maryland I arrived in an old late model Mercury that had a bad engine and probably took as much oil as it did gasoline. I lived with my mother for a few months until I could afford my own place. I was lucky to get a really good waitress job in a high end restaurant. I worked really hard and chuckle at the uniform of high heels, brown skirt and white dress shirts that we wore. I made great money and made wonderful friendships.

I became friends with many young people that were my age and made me feel new and young again. I was making it on hope and a prayer that first year. When my husband died we were still legally married and I was so fortunate to receive help from the Veterans. Things changed for the better. I changed for the better. I was resolved. I made my share of mistakes that’s what young people do but I always ended up back on my feet after so many prayers on bended knees.

Today I can look back with peace and with love and most importantly with gratitude. Every experience, the good and the bad contribute to who and what we are and above all else, I am a survivor.

My husband today keeps talking about our 25 years together and that next summer we will celebrate 20 years of marriage. We already have a trip planned. I am so happy but I never ever forget what my knees are for as I continue in prayer for all that I have and all that I have experienced.

Everything in life is either a blessing or a curse and for me with the power of my prayers and the strength of my knees I’ve known many more blessings!

You never know what will trigger a memory, today it was something as simple as Texas tags that took me back to another time, a time when I grew and matured and learned what it would take to care for both myself and for my child. It wasn’t easy but it was definitely meaningful.

Life is rich … and so much richer when after the struggles we find enlightenment. So many times it literally starts with the power of our prayers. Peace and prayers!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Five Fingers Five Toes

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Five Fingers Five Toes
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Parents want their children to be healthy and happy. The first thing a parent does is count the fingers and the toes of their children. They want to know that they are healthy and that they were born as perfect as possible. But the truth is every single child born is as perfect as possible. They are all gifts from God.

I don’t know of any parent that doesn’t want a healthy and happy child and to see that child grow to become a healthy and happy adult. Yet not every single person will be healthy or happy hard as we try and as much as we hope and pray.

My husband and I have raised three children and one child is a gifted and talented artist. He has also taught us how to raise an upside down child in a right side up world. He is different. He struggles socially and he struggles with the “norms” placed on many young adults. We could continue to fight him and push him or we could let go in love and accept him as he is … I just finished reading Love That Boy.

Love That Boy was written by Ron Fournier and is about a father that had to learn about love and parental expectations. Parents often have a vision of how a child should act and how they should behave and how they should look. Many parents put their expectations upon that child and sometimes that child is unwilling or unable to meet those expectations. The child in Love That Boy is a child on the autism spectrum. His father was often concerned about his son embarrassing himself or his dad.

Let’s face it every single well baby visit measures by “norms” on size and weight and developmental skills. There are charts on where a child should be to be considered “normal” we do measure our babies and our children.

Our kids go to school and they learn math and English and all kinds of text book learning but they also learn social skills and they too measure on what is “normal” and what is “different” or problematic. The parent’s job is to give their children what they need and not necessarily what they want. Sometimes knowing what a child needs is difficult to discern. We never really know what goes on in another person’s mind.

The single greatest challenge is to love that child regardless what they say and what they do, we learn to separate the words and the actions from the person. Real love transcends it all. There are always gifts and talents if we are willing to look for them and to appreciate them. Each child born is a gift from God.

Our son acknowledges his difficulty with social skills and yet I personally don’t notice them, we have an easy and loving relationship. I’ve had to learn to stop measuring my children, they are who they are and they are what they are and very little or any of it has to do with me. They are their own unique and individual person.

Where five fingers and five toes are important, what is most important is what is in someone’s heart. Our son has a huge heart and a conscience and always tries to right his wrongs and learn from his mistakes. What else could any parent hope for?

Today is Mother’s Day and this mother is both proud and pleased, we celebrated our relationship yesterday with breakfast out and a movie, we had fun and he planned it all! So although he struggles with several developmental markers, in my book he is still learning and growing and trying and therefore doing just fine …

We may not get the child we think that we want but we definitely get the child that God alone intended for us. And that is good and good enough …

Happy Mother’s Day! Celebrate what you have and what you had and what you learned well beyond five fingers and five toes!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

5 Minutes with God

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5 Minutes with God
By Bernadette A. Moyer

LoveofGod

Recently I read a blog about what the writer would say if they had 5 minutes alone and face-to-face with God. For several days I pondered this question. Funny thing for me, there wasn’t one thing that I could think of that I would say in those 5 minutes. There wasn’t one thing that I could think of to do or to say that I haven’t already said to God.

Not one single thing! I talk to God every single day, sometimes I tell him I am sorry and I ask for forgiveness, sometimes I ask if I am getting it right and doing His will. Other times I tell him I’m not getting this at all, please help me to understand. Many times, I thank Him for all my blessings!

My prayers aren’t that complicated either, same old tried and true, Our Father and plenty of Hail Mary’s. For me it doesn’t have to be so complicated. There is no question I have screwed up in my lifetime and I suspect that no one knows it better than God himself. Most of the time, I know that I am living true to God because I have been true to my own heart. A heart that I believe He gave to me. For most often I do get it right and I try hard as I can to make this gift of my life, count as much as it possibly can for the something good.

Another writer wrote about the meal they would have and all that they would do if they knew it was their last day here on earth. I didn’t have that “list” either since I already have the people I love closest to me and the ones who aren’t here anymore I have wished them well. I pretty much eat healthy and fresh and do the things that I enjoy. I have learned that this is it. This is my one life to be lived like it was our last day. There are no guarantees in tomorrow, so I take what I get today and try and make the best of it.

So if and when I get my 5 minutes alone with God, I’m pretty sure I know what I would say. It probably would go something like this, “Hi it’s me again. Sorry for all my screw ups, I tried and I’m still trying. I understand the lessons about this and that and I get it. As you know I’m still struggling with this one particular thing. Is this the time? The time that it is revealed to me, what I was supposed to learn and why it happened? And again I am sorry for the times I fell short and I truly appreciate all that you have given to me. And thank you for taking the time to see me.”

And in parting I would ask, just so I was clear “What will you have me do now? What do you want me to do next? Thanks again for seeing me, and for never forsaking me. Thank you God!”

Then I imagine that we would pray together, pray like we have so many times before. I have had many 5-minute sessions with God. I feel His presence in my life and I know that He sees me and loves me and it looking out for me. I know that I have been God blessed. And that doesn’t mean that everything has gone my way or that my life was easy. It actually means the opposite, I have struggled, I have hurt, I have been hurt and at times lost. Yet it was always God that took me back, God who embraced me, God who gave me the strength to carry on …

God is with me every single day, He lives in my heart. Where it might be nice to have that 5-minute face-to-face meeting with God, however, if by chance, we don’t, I know that I have already had it.

God be with you …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes &Noble
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