An Amazing Love Story!

Standard

An Amazing Love Story!
By Bernadette A. Sahm

love-story-quotes-Favim.com-575432

It is an amazing love story and it is ours! My husband has often said, “Wouldn’t it have been great if we met in high school and started our relationship then?” My answer is always the same, “no because we would not have been ready for one another.”

In my view our timing was just right and some have even called it “a marriage made in heaven, by heaven.” We were both widowed with children when we met and we had both been pretty broken up by some life events. We knew what it feels like to be hurt by love.

No one is more surprised by how happy and content I am in our 24 year relationship than me, in the past I was averaging about 5-years as a “long-term” relationship. After 5-years I was either bored or broken.

Brian and I have faced many life altering events together, we came together with two broken families and tried to merge two half’s to make a whole. I give him the credit for having the patience he has with me. Early on he often said, “You are not alone.” This was in response to my extreme independence and my history of going it alone. I had trust issues and they were multi-layered.

I came from a family that had no boundaries when I was growing up and severely lacked any respect. Sadly this has remained the same throughout adulthood. And learning to let my guard down and to trust was really difficult for me. I did not come from a loving family, hard as it is to admit it, it is the absolute truth.

Whereas Brain grew up knowing that his parents loved him and that they were really proud of him. He also credits sports as the vehicle that saved him from growing up in the inner city that was surrounded by poverty, drugs and violence.

I always knew that my father loved me and I always suspected that my mother did not. When I was born she remained in the hospital and I was sent home. She had difficulties after giving birth to me. My father favored me and I was his female namesake. When she died I was excluded from her obituary as though I never existed. Affirmed and affirmed over and over again, our strained relationship.

When I left home I immediately jumped into yet another abusive relationship, this was what was known to me and what felt normal. It took a lot of strength and a lot of work to rise above it and to move away from abusive relationships. Today I have zero tolerance for any abuse that is directed toward me, I don’t just walk away, I run and I seal the door shut. I now know better.

Brian and I both knew there was a better way … and together we created that better way. That doesn’t mean that during the early years we weren’t challenged and we certainly did our fair share of hurting one another. Our commitment to our union was always stronger than any desire to flee. We loved each other and we wanted to work through our challenges and we wanted to do it together as a team.

We truly enjoy each other and I can’t tell you how often I have heard, “Brian doesn’t talk to anyone or Brian doesn’t talk to me.” Yet from day 1 we had conversations that went on for hours. I literally couldn’t shut him up! Today he may not initially talk to new people but he does once he trusts them.

He is really good at checking people out and makes really great character decisions. So back to ours is a love story and what makes it so …

First off we are attracted to one another I think he is handsome and he finds me attractive, yep it’s pretty primal but then right after that is that we have so much in common and that we like the same things. We grew up in the same period of time and still enjoy classic rock and roll music and much of what the 70’s were all about.

And even though we are really close, travel a lot together and spend so much time together he makes me laugh with conversations like this one that just took place yesterday. Me: so what are you watching? Him: Football because that’s what men do on Sunday’s. I just laugh and keep cooking! Oh my God, did he really just say that!

My husband really loves me and I really love him, we really like each other too. Pretty basic but that is the secret to our happy marriage and we respect one another. We have boundaries that we have built a very safe, loving and lasting love affair upon … ours is a favorite love story and I hope that yours is too.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Perfection is God’s Business

Standard

Perfection is God’s Business
By Bernadette A. Moyer

quote-i-am-careful-not-to-confuse-excellence-with-perfection-excellence-i-can-reach-for-perfection-is-michael-j-fox-64725

Life isn’t perfect; it wasn’t designed to be perfect. Life is real. It is real life lessons in love, joy, peace, hurt, loss and grief. We are afforded a wide range of experiences in our lifetime.

Who is to say which ones are good and what is bad. Every experience is intended as an experience and a lesson. The question we need to ask ourselves, are we learning? Are we getting “it” whatever “it” is?

“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.” Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Nothing in life is all good or all bad; no person is all good or all bad either. We are complicated people with a happy healthy side and sometimes we are not happy nor are we healthy and whole. No one gets through this life unscathed.

We celebrate the birth of a new baby and we see 100% pure innocence. A new life that is fresh and clean and unharmed by life experiences. We see an old man and we listen to his stories of his youth and his loves and we try and imagine it. Our hearts could never have known what we could not see.

The more we age, the older we get, the more tattered we become by life and from our life experiences. As parents we love and support our children, knowing there will come a day when they are no longer our children but their own adult.

“Parents give their kids two gifts; one is roots and the other wings.” Author Unknown

As friends we love and support one another, we try and straddle that balance that line between healthy support and enabling. We want to be supportive but we want to be real and honest too. As a life partner, a husband and a wife come together to create a union, a family, both sides know that there will be an ending. A parting at some point in time even if it holds up in this lifetime, there will be an ending, “until death do us part.”

We aren’t designed or built to last forever; we aren’t designed to be perfect. We are meant to be real. Happiness like grief can come and can go; being content can be sustainable. Finding contentment wherever you are, whether it is in your happiness or in your grief can be the real trick.

Knowing that whatever we are experiencing, this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever, not us nor any of our relationships or experiences. Everything has a beginning, middle and an ending. It is the life cycle.

We can’t waste this lifetime worrying about what we have no control over or what will happen when we are gone. The only thing that matters is to be present in this moment in time. This is all we have, this moment, this life that is not perfect but so very real.

Chasing happiness and perfection is just that a chase, coming to a place of contentment can be lasting and sustainable. “Contentment as defined as mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are, assenting to or willing to accept circumstances, peace of mind, mental or emotional satisfaction.” Dictionary.com

The Bible says about contentment, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” (Timothy 6:6) our physical circumstances of poverty or riches does not necessarily reflect our contentment or discontentment with God nor should it with ourselves. Being content doesn’t mean we are giving way to growing and becoming more successful, it means we appreciate the process and know that we are where we are supposed to be for this moment in time.

The challenge isn’t when we are standing at the top of the mountain but rather in the climbing to get there. The experience is in the climb not in the arrival. I am happy in my life right now but more than that I am content. I know that I am right where I am supposed to be, this is a stage and a phase and that it too shall pass. The good passes as does the grief. Nothing was meant to last forever. This should give us the incentive to get every little drop out of every single experience. Take it for what it is, a lesson and a moment in time, not perfect but real.

“For we brought nothing into the world, and we take nothing out of it.” (Timothy 6:7) Nothing was meant to last forever, it was meant to be appreciated. We were meant to be appreciated and we should strive for contentment.

“When all the details fit in perfectly, something is probably wrong with the story.” Charles Baxter

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.” Michael J. Fox

Imperfectly yours, Bernadette

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books are available at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Forget New Year’s Resolutions!

Standard

Forget New Year’s Resolutions!
By Bernadette A. Moyer

affirmations

Forget resolutions this year I am going with affirmations! Can anyone remember what “resolutions” they made last year?

And I bet that if you do it is because you have the same ones lined up yet again for this year. Me, I am not doing them, not again, no resolutions this year! Nope! Nada not!

Every year it is the same thing all the home shopping networks are selling gym equipment and all the weight loss places have a special “FREE this month” join us now ads. This probably after most of us packed it on during the holidays. Well I didn’t overindulge this year nor did I pack it on with that I will get to it later approaches to diet and good health.

Then how long does it last before we are “off” of our plan and binge eating again? It seems like a push me pull me existence.
So this year I have decided to go with affirmations, all positive talk in an effort to meet my goals. Things like “you rock!” “you are great” “you are full” “enough” “love more” “live more” all positive talk speak to reach my target. I am deliberately NOT going to deny myself but affirm myself. Going with the positive affirmations, messages like “you can do it!”

I am jumping in and I am naming the year 2016 as my affirmation year! No resolutions, no more setting myself up or starting something I won’t or don’t finish. The year of positive living and affirmations already sounds so much better than “my resolutions!”

I have affirmations! I already feel light and free and like there are endless possibilities and I won’t be limited or boxed in, like the sky is the limit and there are so many wonderful things I want to affirm … positive living = positive outcomes.

Okay here goes …

I love and accept myself unconditionally
I approve of myself and feel great about myself
I am unique and a very special person
I am free and make my own choices and decisions
I radiate love and respect
I am well loved
I deserve all that is good and I release any need for misery and suffering

My mind is full of gratitude for my lovely and wonderful life
I am never alone, the universe supports me.

Today and every day the door is open for endless opportunities
Bye bye to New Year’s resolutions and hello affirmations! It already feels so much better!

Happy New Year 2016! It is going to be the best year ever!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Christmastide

Standard

Christmastide
By Bernadette A. Sahm

best_christmas_pictures_9

Merry Christmas! It is the season …

Songs are swirling around my head and I am singing, “this Christmas I gave you my heart …”

The cookies are baked and decorated; the trees are adorned with decorations and lit.Presents are in abundance and wrapped in pretty holiday papers and ready to be gifted.

There is wine and whiskey and an abundance of food, music is playing and everything is pretty and laced with hope and love and peace.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Last night it was a beautiful Candlelight Church Service with Lessons and Carols and a special dinner with friends that have long ago become family to me. A woman my mother’s age who became my other mother and her special needs daughter born the same year that I was born. We ate and we drank and we chatted the night away, it was a special evening sure to remain in the memory books.

Hark! The Herald, the Angels sing …

Tonight we are off for a romantic evening in “the sweetest place on earth” Hershey, Pennsylvania where we will take in the Christmas decorations and music and a special holiday dinner. Then we will proceed the next day to visit the gravesite of family members that have departed this life.

Our hearts are full and are hearts are at peace and they are filled with joy and with so much love. We are grateful; so truly grateful for the life that we live and grateful for all the riches that have been afforded us these past 24 years in our home.

We are reminded that the greatest gifts that we can give are love and peace and kindness and we know that is what we want for everyone this Christmas and all through the holiday season!

For many people the New Year is about resolutions but a few years ago I gave up making “resolutions” for “affirmations” it even sounds more positive. This year we are for better health and even more happiness.

“Take out the trash!” will be the mantra for the New Year! Let go of the garbage and all that is dark and dirty and unhealthy. If you can’t say and do anything nice … then don’t say and do anything at all … “Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!”

Wishing you all “Green and silver, red and gold and a story born of old, Peace and love and hope abide this Christmastide …”

Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy Brand New Year! Let hope and love and peace reign …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Eighteen Christmas Seasons

Standard

Eighteen Christmas Seasons
By Bernadette A. Moyer

thZ4BOILYK

You don’t get over it you get through it … it starts with just breathing. You learn to breathe again when you have been knocked over and kicked in the gut by an adult child that grows up and decides that the life you afforded them and gave them didn’t and doesn’t measure up. They decide alone that you are unworthy.

This Christmas will be my eighteenth Christmas without my daughter, a daughter who is now gone longer than what I had her. This was a daughter who initially shattered my heart and my soul. And a daughter who re-created her past so that she could have a new and different life. Initially I couldn’t believe it or accept it, and I now so freely do.

Not only do I accept it but I appreciate the gift and what it was; a blessing in disguise. I am no longer tethered to a past. A past life that was filled with hurt with loss and with abuse. I am free. Yet there was a time when I thought I couldn’t live without her. I learned that I can live and that I will live and that I can be happy and healthy and whole again.

I gave her everything I had to give. I gave her more of a life and a better life than what my parents ever afforded me. And in the end I appreciated my parents more. There is a lesson here for parents that just give and give.

More and more people are writing to me and contacting me about my writings and about my then teenage daughter who at age eighteen decided to estrange, and their biggest question is, “How did you do it? How did you survive it?”

There is no cure; you take one minute at a time, one day at a time and one month and one year at a time. You work through it, through the heartache and through the disappointment. You work through the grief and through the loss. You purge your pain. Then one day they are gone longer than what you had them.

What you are left with is your memories and for me I have wonderful memories of a beautiful little girl who was bright and beautiful and the absolute love and joy of my life. I have no regrets. I played the hand that I was dealt and I did the best I could with what I had and what I knew at that time. Today my heart and my soul are at peace.

She chose her life and I have mine. I am able to look at my friends and my peers who now have adult children and many are married and having children of their own. I absolutely love seeing those healthy loving and growing parent-child relationships.

I am not soured as I am truly happy for them. I look on with love and a happy heart. I know that, that was not to be for me and it wasn’t going to be my lot in life. I have not only learned to accept it but to move past it.

People tell me things about her and I have been sent photos of her and I don’t bite. I am not interested in anything related to her and yet there was a date and a time when I was desperate to know anything at all about her. Today I think and believe that if she wanted me to know about her life, she would not have estranged and gone out of her way to make sure that I am not included. I know my place. I got the memo and I heard her loud and clear.

There is life after our children. I do not believe that my marriage would be as happy as it is with the continued drama that was represented in that relationship. She has declared it unhealthy and today I agree. Because of all the loss that she experienced as a small child I took it on that it was my job to fill those voids and in reality it was not. I was there. I was there 100% if not more. I tried my hardest and I did my best.

The decision to estrange was solely her decision, I have learned to live with that decision and she too will have to live with her choices.

Factually speaking she may be my daughter but the reality is that she has not been a daughter to me for eighteen years now. You can’t miss what you don’t have. I don’t miss her at all anymore. I have created a very full and very happy and a very loving life. This past year was one of the happiest years of my life! I had pure joy and much love.

“If God takes you to it, He will take you through it.”

My new books Along The Way and Another Way have many articles, blogs and essays about my journey. It has been an amazing journey and just like any journey there is a beginning and middle and an ending. When it is over, it is over.

I was married for more than 15 years before I legally changed my name, in part because when I was getting married she said, “then I will be the only Moyer left” her dad died when she was just two. I was always trying to fix things and make things better for her.

As this year 2015 ends, I will begin the new year writing under my married name Sahm, Bernadette A. Sahm. Bernadette A. Moyer has many writings that have addressed love, loss, death and estrangement.

The new writings will be about love, happiness and beauty and hopefully even more inspiring and healthy. I have purged my pain, I have written much and I have helped many.

My greatest hope in sharing my experiences and my life story is that anyone that is experiencing this kind of loss, please know that you are not alone, others have survived it and you will too!

I am not saying it is or was easy but what I am sharing is that it is possible … you can be happy again and you can be happy after losing a child to estrangement.

The page has turned … and life is good and beautiful and happy again …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Surrounded by Angels

Standard

Surrounded by Angels
By Bernadette A. Moyer

-Christmas-Angels-christmas-32932909-500-781

I have always had angels around me, my entire life I was aware of the spiritual powers that surround me. Angels are defined as ‘the messengers of God.” In order to receive them you must open both your heart and your mind.

We hear stories about guardian angels, angels of protection during war and people that are helped by angels. We see angels in art, on cards, notes and décor. After my first husband died, within hours I felt a strong spiritual presence over my right shoulder. This was more almost 30 years ago; however I remember it so clearly. The message I received was, “you are not alone.” I was heavy hearted with a two year old daughter. My faith walk as an adult truly began at this time. I believe that God sent that angel with that message.

Years ago I wrote a children’s book titled, Angel Stacey, Earth Angel to Guardian Angel. It was a tribute to our children’s parents and our previous spouses that passed on at such young ages. We raised our children to believe that although God had taken their parent pre-maturely, they may have left this life but that they were still there in Heaven.

When my parents died, I knew they had returned home to God, to their maker. My sense was that my father had made his peace before leaving this earthly life. My dad knew his last days were coming and he took all the necessary steps to make peace with the people in his life that mattered most.

To me, my mother would struggle since she left so much unattended to and certainly left much unrest. But shortly after her departure, I had a strong message from what I believe was an angel. The message was simple, “God knew then and now so does your mother, and you must carry on with peace and love in your heart.”

Having faith is no doubt, the single greatest gift my parents gave to me. I live with less and less anxiety as I age. There are so many wonderful and beautiful angels; I personally have quite a collection in books, wall hangings, ornaments and more.

As a collector, they make me happy. I choose to surround myself with angels and I am receptive to hearing their messages. I truly believe that if and when we are ready to receive our angels, they are there for us. And when we receive the messenger, that angel sent by God, then we truly hear the voice of God.

Angel Stacey books are available at amazon.com

New book Along The Way and Another Way are available on amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Follow Bernadette on http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

In Bethlehem

Standard

In Bethlehem
by Bernadette A Moyer

41055_11

When Mary had her baby
There was no place to be
They had come to be counted
Each with a family
No one had expected
The town to be so full
Rough shelter turned stable
Amidst straw, smells and wool
Joseph said, “It will be okay”
Much better than the cold
The animals are gentle
This is what I have been told
Into the cave they entered
Quite happy for that warm space
Mary had her baby boy
God’s gift of love and grace

Soon after she nursed him
So tiny, sweet and special
They looked around to find a bed
A place for him to nestle
And yes they found a substitute
It was just a trough
For then they had no cradle
Just swaddling bands of cloth
So straw was used to cushion
Covered by a rug
Then little baby Jesus
Was placed there with a hug
Meanwhile on the hillside
Shepherds guarded sheep
Surrounded by a brilliant light
They were too scared to peep!

When suddenly an Angel spoke
In voice so crystal clear;

“Please shepherds do not worry
You have no cause to fear,
We Angels sing a message
This message with great joy
Please go in haste and visit
A special baby boy
For he has come to God on high
A present to this earth
He lies in a manger
From the stable of his birth.”

Where Mary had the Christ child
Was just right after all.
For God, had not planned a palace
But this warm cave and a stall.

Merry Christmas!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New Books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble