Bummer Box

Bummer Box
By Bernadette A. Moyer

box

Most of us have a first-aid kit, right? So why don’t we have what a writing colleague refers to as a “mental health kit” or at least what I am going to call it a “Bummer Box?”

I’m thinking we could all use a Bummer Box filled with a list or with things that make us happy or cards and pictures from and of people that bring us joy. This way on days that we aren’t feeling our best or when we are struggling we could open up that kit or box of things that would help us to feel better?

So what could go inside our Bummer Box?

A favorite bubble bath or bath bomb, some chocolates, cards with affirmations, a new fresh journal or diary, funny socks, a beautiful new magazine, some crayons, colored pencils and a coloring book, all sound like good stuff to me. New earrings or a bracelet, a $20 bill?

For me I am also thinking it could include cards from my husband, photos of our precious pooches, keepsakes from our many travels, our kids when they were young and some of their childhood drawings and cards and notes too. Inside maybe a pampering list of things to do so that we could get our outside look aligned with our inside feelings.

I think everyone needs a good “bummer box” so when we do have a day where we might need a lift or something to help elevate our moods, it all there, ready and waiting for us.

So here is to the fun in creating that “bummer box” and also to those days when we just might need one!
Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Along The Way and Another Way books available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Managing Anxiety

Managing Anxiety
By Bernadette A. Moyer

calm

I have lived with anxiety my whole life. For me I believed it was a by-product of having been raised in an Italian Catholic family. There was a lot of yelling and calling one another out. There was confrontation. That is just the way it was and often the end result for me was a certain degree of anxiety.

My father wanted us to be good kids and to be smart and involved and there were definite goals and boundaries. We were expected to get good grades be high achievers and to be polite and well mannered. That was the least that was expected of us. Often the expectations created anxiety in me. How would I measure up? Would I and could I achieve good grades?

Later in my life I appreciated my parent’s high standards for me. We were supposed to excel not to just get by but to be our very best. My dad was a proud man. He believed that everyone should work and work for what they needed and wanted. Hand-outs for him were an insult. Yet there were many times when I was a young child that my parents could have used a hand up to help them with raising their five children.

For a long time probably until my late twenties and early thirties I didn’t even know what “anxiety” was just that I could be sick when confronted with pressure. The pressure of a job interview or the pressure of a business meeting often made the pit of my stomach turn.

Looking back what was almost funny was that age 26 I was the youngest Realtor in my office and it was once confided in me “how put together and accomplished you come across” and yet before that big meeting you could find me in the rest room having just dumped my lunch. I would get so nervous and sick and worried that I literally made myself throw up.

Today “anxiety” is referred to as a “mental illness” and recently I spoke with a handful of people that like me have certain degrees of anxiety or have a child or loved one who experiences “anxiety” and like me they do not consider it a “mental illness.” One friend said, “Who doesn’t have anxiety?”

I know there are different degrees of it, some people can’t function, and they become so anxious that they just can’t function to do normal everyday tasks. Even the smallest meeting or taking them out of their comfort zone causes anxiousness and an inability to function. Many are medicated as a result.

For me I have learned to tackle the things that make me anxious and to push through it. There are times I have to talk myself down and tell myself to breathe and to calm down. Mind over matter often works for me. I also imagine what the other side will look like, how will I feel when I accomplish the task that is making me anxious? How will I feel when I have mastered that which makes me nervous and anxious?

On many levels my anxiety made me better, it made me try harder, it made me more aware it contributed to my drive and to being successful. Recently I was watching an interview with Tom Petty and he said that before he performs it “takes him all day to work himself up to perform and then all night to bring him back down” I am sure that every single performer lives with a certain degree of anxiety before they actually take the stage.

And for most all of us life is our stage and it seems normal to me that any time we leave our comfort zone we will experience some degree of anxiety. The single greatest thing that I have found to help with my anxiety is being prepared. Do your homework and know what you are walking into and what you are entering. Nothing helps reduce anxiety like preparation. Take deep breathes and visualize what success will look like and feel like. Imagine how good you will feel when you get past the anxiety and accomplish what you have set out to do.

Today I would tell my younger self, calm down, breathe, take it easy, you will get through this, you will survive!

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

The thing about anxiety is that you have to manage it, because if you don’t it will manage you …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

What is your color?

What is your color?
Bernadette A. Moyer

color

Keith Urban sings “Blue looks good on the sky … Baby, blue ain’t your color …” in the song titled Blue Ain’t Your Color

I remember learning to meditate on colors and what they represented like white was for peace and yellow for energy and black to exhale all that was wrong and bad and negative.

I believe we all have a color? I am most attracted to green and it represents life and growth and all that is living. If I had to pick “my” color is would definitely be green.

Pink, purple and blue are colors that I find pretty and soothing. Black and red for me are power colors. You can have your colors done for your skin tone and hair and eye color, what goes best what looks best.

Browns, tans and sand colors always represent grounding and neutrality and harmony and balance. Why are we attracted to the sun? We know we find energy there.

Darkness is just that … dark … is goes well with sadness and depression. Color can help lift our moods and our spirits. Go to the light for all that is good and alive … the dark side is just what it sounds like.

Advertising agencies have carefully chosen the colors on packaging because they know what colors we will reach for the most. Most things are bring to get us to pick them up.

Color can be a powerful force in our lives. We all react to color. What colors are you most attracted to and what do those colors make you feel?

We all have our color and our colors, what is your color?

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facbook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Our Health Our Responsibility

Our Health Our Responsibility
By Bernadette A. Moyer

health

You can be as ill as you want to be or in many circumstances, as healthy as you will yourself to be! My mother was a Masters educated nurse who always encouraged us to be healthy. Often she made statements like, “sick people are in the hospital and you are not one of them.” She worked for more than 30 years in hospitals from pediatrics to critical care units and later assisted living. The bulk of her career was in a Catholic hospital where all life was valued. She never wanted her children to be ill or require any truly unnecessary hospitalization.

I used to joke that “I wasn’t allowed to be sick!” Not in her eyes and in many ways it served me well. If you ever find me admitted to the hospital, I am ill, very, very ill. People die in hospitals and I don’t want to die and certainly not there.

And yes there are procedures and hospital stays that have turned people lives and health from bad to good, but it NEVER happens without the patient being part of the wellness practices. And YES there are hospital stays that have turned patient’s health from bad to worse. Just ask any medical malpractice attorney. A patient has to want to get healthy; they have to be willing to be a part of the process. If the patient is a child the parent has the responsibility. But there is no hospital or no doctor or no pill that will make us healthy if we don’t want to become healthy.

Since July of this year I witnessed our adult son admitted to the hospital for at least 6 different hospital stays. Most often he was escorted there by a “crisis team” after shocking public displays of odd and assorted behaviors. He is an adult and he alone is responsible for his care. I have come to believe that he likes being admitted and enjoys all the attention he receives at the hospital. It has been communicated to us that since July he has spent the better part of two months in a psych unit of a hospital.

Most people in the hospital can’t wait to get out, he loves going in. I am so sad and conflicted because I believe he does not fully appreciate what he is doing and the long and short term ramifications of his behaviors. I also believe he has all the power and that he will not become healthy until or unless he alone decides to become healthy. There is no magic pill, there is no magic doctor and there is no magic hospital that will bring us to good health if we don’t do the work necessary to be part of the process it takes to heal ourselves.

What I have witnessed is well-intentioned social workers, doctors and nurses that think they are helping him. What I have also witnessed is a slow and steady decline since they have all come together to help him. In many ways his attitude and his behaviors are far worse than they have ever been. The magic doctor, the magic pills and the magic hospital are not helping him at all. He needs to help himself and he is not doing that.

As a small child if he fell and skinned his knee and you babied him and coddled him his screams would become longer and louder and more dramatic. But if you addressed the wound and comforted him and eventually said okay now knock it off he would gently respond with “okay” it was almost like he took all his cues from how you addressed him. I learned early on how to manage him. Not a single one of his “crisis unit” like episodes ever happened inside our home.

The last day that he was admitted, he walked himself into the hospital and as he was waiting to be admitted he posted a video of himself on social media about where he was and what he was doing in the hospital. He clearly was NOT in any distress. And he also seemed to enjoy the camera being on him. If I had any lingering feelings about what to do seeing that post drove home for me that if and when he wants to get well he will and if he doesn’t want to he won’t. It is pretty clear.

Everyone is different some people are born with disabilities and illnesses that do require treatments and hospital stays. What I am referring to here is someone who has displayed an ability to be fully functioning and manage a full life. I am talking about mental health and seeing in the past what someone is capable of and knowing that if they alone decide, they will once again be capable of a fully functioning life. They may also decide not to be fully functioning. So much of the quality of our life is all about the decisions that we alone make for our lives.

Once we become an adult, our health is; our responsibility … and good health can only come about if we want it.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Losing Weight Feeling Great

Losing Weight Feeling Great (part 1)
By Bernadette A. Sahm

bern pic

Getting Started

Like everything it starts with an idea or a spark of interest. My husband and I are members of our local Y and just before Thanksgiving they were posting notices for the annual Turkey Trot fundraiser. I thought why not? It is something that our family could do together and it would help raise money for children and youth programs at the Y. It was just a 5k and that translates to a 3 mile walk or run.

I have never done anything like this before but my husband and our son were just as eager to join in the efforts to raise money and do something healthy for ourselves. All I wanted was to finish and to do so in under an hour and I did. We also met our fundraising goals with the help of a handful of friends. It was a great way to start the day on Thanksgiving.

Then for Christmas I purchased an activity tracker for both my husband and myself. I was unsure if he could like it or go along but he loved it and we started some friendly competition. Many conversations that started with “did you make your goal?” or “how many steps did you take today?” We were having fun and started to take walks together. We supported each other in achieving our goals.

At this same time we were both going to the Y and he was walking/running on the treadmill while I swam. Together we would enjoy the sauna and it became our routine.

During Lent we gave up meat and Brian lost 5-6 pounds and our son started losing weigh too. I was taking off a pound or two but nothing substantial.

The First 10

My tracker goals were not much in the beginning like around 7,500 steps a day and most days I made the goal. On lazy days I was short. Every time we went to the gym my husband would invite me to come and work out on the treadmill and I always declined until one day I said okay I will try it. He was doing about 30 minutes then. When I joined him I started a brisk walk for 40 minutes each day eventually going to an hour. With me by his side he extended his time too. We were good company and good encouragement and together exceeded our individual goals.

After 3 solid weeks of going every single day, brisk walking on the treadmill for an hour and consuming fewer calories I lost 10 pounds. I was thrilled and liked how my clothing were starting to fit me.

At age 56 I am really working hard at working out and loving it! Up until now I was that person who swam a little, walked a little and rode my bike a little. Nothing all that strenuous.

Today

I started trying on my smaller sized clothes that were a little snug and really liked how I feel in them. When I am pushing myself on the treadmill I remind myself of how much better I look taking off the weight. My tracker goal is now over 11,000 steps a day. This week I had several days that I came in with over 14,000 steps a day and one day when I had over 18,000 steps in a day. I am walking between 5 and 7 miles a day and more than half of it is a fast walk.

Overall I feel great except for all the blisters all over my feet in various places. I have been going through the Band Aids and different sneakers!

With the blood circulating more and more, my skin is glowing without any make-up. I sleep better too. Dietary changes are less food intake, much more water and zero calorie beverages. Except on the weekends when I enjoy some wine. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. Nothing like the treadmill to make you acutely aware of how long it takes to burn off that donut or piece of chocolate cake you were certain that you had to have …

The Next Part

In August we celebrate our wedding anniversary and then September is Brian’s birthday and October is mine, I want to take off another 15 pounds. I am determined. I go to the gym once and day and yesterday went twice once alone and in the evening with my husband.

I’m enjoying my workouts and my only weak link is my right foot but I am hobbling through the pain in hopes that this will pass. If not next month I will be seeing a foot doctor. I have tried three different pair of walking and running shoes and don’t think I have found the perfect pair yet. I am having fun though with my workout wear and the high that comes from a really good sweat.

Losing weight the old fashioned way with diet and exercise, I just want to look and feel better and so far I do.

Part 2 when I hit another goal … stay tuned …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Health Care … In My World

Health Care … In My World
By Bernadette A. Moyer

“America’s health care system is neither healthy, caring, nor a system>” Walter Cronkite

We have done absolutely nothing to address the real problem with health care; it is the costs, period! There is no reason on the face of this earth that an aspirin administered in a hospital should be billed for a few hundred dollars? And this is routinely done.

That ambulance ride that drives less than 3 miles is costly at over one thousand and two hundred dollars and it is because of all the risks associated with transporting and administering care. These costs are not just about the salaries of the trained staff but they are about the need to pay medical malpractice insurance premiums.

It doesn’t matter if it is Obamacare or any other type of medical insurance; we have failed to address the root of the problem, the high cost of health care. Much of the costs are driven up by lawyers and their lawsuits and by insurance on the hospitals and all the doctors, nurses and such.

Catholic hospitals always accepted patients and it was not about their ability to pay, if someone, anyone showed up at a Catholic hospital and needed care it was administered because that was what they believed was the right thing to do and for them, what God would have wanted them to do.

Insurance companies continue to get rich, medical coverage is lessened and medical insurance costs are increased and we are still buying it!

In my world everyone would have access to health care even the homeless and those without an ability to pay. I would build free clinics and create services and jobs and this would be afforded the same way that most nonprofits are run. The money would come from donors, appeals, grants and fundraisers.

“If you build it, they will come.” President Theodore Roosevelt

The VA has clinics but sadly like much of our government run programs it is not run effectively because the people in charge are not of a business mindset. Today the most successful nonprofits have learned to embrace some of the principles of running a successful business.

I do not believe the current insurance providers for medical care in our country the United States of America have the best interest of its people at heart. It is the insurance companies that are winning and getting richer and the people being charged outrageous premiums for even lesser coverage that are losing … and continuing to pay these high costs for healthcare has literally done NOTHING to address the real problem.

When an insurance company decides what is covered and needed over the doctors who are medically trained, we have already lost …

And what about “dental insurance” that caps out at $1,000 or $1,500 a year, how much work can you get for that minimal cost? Very little and many people according to my dentist have opted out of dental insurance and would rather just pay their dentist directly.

So many people are confused by the current medical insurance options we are all facing and few people really understand it, so what got better for us? When politicians decided they were the “gate keepers” for our medical insurance needs? And decided what we needed and helped to increase the costs also deciding that their insurance was different from the majority of people?

If the insurance plans being offered are not good enough for our President and our politicians they shouldn’t be good enough for the rest of us either.

Having said that no one in this country should ever have to go about without their medical needs being met … and in my world all people would have medical care. There is another way … there is always a better way and another way …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
NEW BOOKS in 2015! Along The Way and Another Way of