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What’s In Your Heart

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What’s In Your Heart
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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What is in your heart? Is your heart filled with love and gratitude? Or is your heart filled with anger and resentments? Is your heart full or is it empty?

Like most things in life, our hearts are our responsibilities and what we allow in them says everything about us and who we are …

Lately I find myself making definitive choices about what I will put on my heart. I find myself turning away from hatred and conflict until I am able to come to a peaceful and loving conclusion. I no longer allow the hatred and anger of others to enter my heart. It is their stuff, not mine.

Making the choice on those that I allow into my heart has allowed me to be a better and brighter and happier more loving person.

And if and when a confrontation is necessary, I lead with and I speak from my heart. There is a lot of hatred and garbage out in this world; we choose what we allow to enter into our hearts. Where I will always feel compassion and love for others, I have learned to draw the line when it comes to who and what I allow to enter my heart and my soul.

I can’t change anyone else but when I present my best heart, change naturally occurs for the better. Fill your heart with love. Fill it with people, places and things that you love. Plant the seeds of love within yourself and watch them grow in you and in those that you attract and associate.

What is in your heart? Might just be the single best question you can ask yourself every single day …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes& Noble

Enjoying Life!

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Enjoying Life!
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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“So what have you been up to?” This question was from someone that I ran into at the grocery store, someone I have not seen in about ten years. And even before I could think about it I responded with “enjoying my life!” Then I almost started to feel guilty and started rattling off a series of ongoing projects that keep me busy but I quickly doubled back to actually “I am enjoying my life more and more these days!”

Earlier in the day, I had just run some errands with my son who is always so appreciative of all that we do for him and with him. I am starting a new series of blogs and spent time with the dogs, downloaded a new recipe I plan to try and accepted a friend’s request to help proofread her latest book project. Next week when I have jury duty I will busy myself with her new book. So what have I been up to? Lots of stuff, lots of fun and rewarding stuff like the little things in life but doing them with much more enjoyment.

My husband and I are at the age where we appreciate everything more and we are genuinely happy. We talk about our aging and even when our lives end. He says, “I want my face to be the last thing you see when you die.” I know he doesn’t want me to ever die and leave him but we know that isn’t how life works. What he is telling me yet again is that I can count on him; he will be there for me until my time comes unless of course he goes first. We are blessed and we know it. Our marriage has survived so much and all the struggles and all the trials and tribulations made us stronger and more appreciative of each other and more in love.

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It is all about how we look at things, we can complain about having to scrub the kitchen floor or we can be thankful we have a kitchen floor to scrub. It is all about how we choose to see things. It is also about what we surround ourselves with and who we engage.

There are a lot of things we just don’t care about anymore, mainly what other people do and say. We know who we are and we know what we are made of, what other people think and say isn’t a concern of ours. There is something so freeing about not giving your power away and not allowing others to judge. Happiness comes from within and when we are doing what makes us happy it is so easy to enjoy life.

We can complain about aging and our aching back or this ailment or that one or we can remember that life is limited and so we must decide how we want to spend it. “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” Unknown Author

It doesn’t take much to make us happy we are easily amused and laugh more and more each day. Again it’s a choice. So what have I been up to? I have been up to the best possible things on earth and the most simplistic ones too. Enjoying my life more and more each and every single day because only God knows how many days we will have here in this lifetime to enjoy. Have fun! Do what makes you happy and surround yourself with people that you love and that love you too!

If this is what you get in older age, we will take it …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Appreciation Doesn’t Coexist With Depression

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Appreciation Doesn’t Coexist With Depression
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Our adult son is battling “severe depression” after his place of employment closed their doors, and he lost his job. One thing that stands out is how much his thinking has changed. Not that long ago he was happy and so appreciative. He appreciated everything. If you gave him a gift, even clothing he was thrilled with it. If you treated him to the movies or out to eat, he was happy and he was appreciative.

He respected and he appreciated his job too. It made him happy to have a place to go, to have connections to other people and of course to be earning his own money. He often worked 10-12 hour days in retail, he worked full time and he greeted customers and waited on them. He was very social there. When you watched him in motion you would see his joy. He was also doing this while being on the autism spectrum and no medications. He was active, always walking and going out to the gym to workout.

What stands out today is his lack of appreciation. And not just lacking it but his deep sense of entitlement. He is now like a walking encyclopedia on all the free programs that the government provides for people with disabilities even though he has been told by his doctor that he is “not disabled.” With the help of social workers he knows more about food stamps, rent vouchers, social security benefits, SSI, SSDI, form 500 and much more.

He says he wants to live “independently” when in reality he wants to live dependent on the government. Well intentioned social workers have put all kinds of ideas into his head. They did not know him when he was happy and productive and truly independent. They did not know him when he was appreciative and grateful.

The more he is handed the less he seems to appreciate and the more “depressed” he has become. The more he thinks he can get, the less he is interested in doing for himself. Today and with the team of his doctors and social service workers he is taking 9-different medications and 27 pills in a single day. He has gained more than 50 pounds in less than two months and while being hospitalized.

On so many levels it is so hard to witness such decline in someone who is so young. This entire experience that we have witnessed has made us see the connection between appreciation and gratitude and how they do not coexist with depression. Someone that is depressed is unable to appreciate what they have, they spend their time thinking about all the things they lost and all the things they don’t have. It also drives home for us the importance of how we think, how we all think.

If we can find things to appreciate and to be grateful for we can fight off depression. We can fight depression naturally with a gratitude journal or diary. We can fight depression with a gratitude jar. We can focus on all the things we already have rather than on what we don’t have.

There is no pill that will cure depression! There are many people that find relief in medication but pills won’t make a depressed person happy and they don’t take depression away. We can all be depressed if we want and yes I am aware that we are all wired differently. Some people are pre-disposed to depression. Sometimes it runs in the family genetic make-up. Sometimes changing how we think actually changes our brain chemistry. Like a car that isn’t wired properly and won’t start and run, a person who isn’t properly wired won’t start and run either.

We always knew our son was on the autism spectrum, and we take great pride in knowing that we parented an autistic child that made national honor roll and achieved Eagle Scout. He worked hard and so did we in our support of him. He made it into the United States Navy and he held down a full time job for over three and a half years all the while that we supported him and encouraged him and rooted for his success. He was so grateful. He was so creative and he was interested in other people and less self-absorbed.

When we love someone, anyone it is hard to witness them being on the decline, destructive and making poor choices. It is hard to watch someone, anyone with so much life ahead of them spiral so far downward when all you want to do is pick them up and help them and yet you know there is really nothing that you can do. You have done all that you can do. This is his journey and not ours.

The biggest takeaway for us is that with appreciation and with gratitude, depression is far less likely to take root and stick around. A happy person is a productive person and a thankful person.

Today and every day we pray for people with mental illness and that they may find the strength, and the desire to pull themselves up and find gratitude for all that they do have rather than focusing on what they may have lost …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Excitement Ahead

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Excitement Ahead
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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“Life isn’t lived in the rear view mirror” F. E. Feeley Jr., from Objects in the Rearview Mirror

Through the years I have done so much grief work for myself and with others, first it was about death and later about family estrangement and the overall question is always the same, how did you do it? How did you survive it?

Honestly sometimes I did better than other times but in retrospect and with 20/20 hindsight vision, it was my belief that something good would come of it and that something better was yet to come, and it always turned out that way!

One of the things I have learned to do for myself and for the quality of my life was to look ahead, plan ahead and make sure that I always had something special to look forward to in my life. I am always planning to go somewhere to see something and to spend time with the people that I most enjoy. I also make a point of talking to strangers who I meet along the way. The secret to me for living a happy life is really pretty simple, surround yourself with as much love and light as possible and schedule events that make you happy.

That is what I do and knowing that I have an event, or an outing or an occasion just up ahead helps me to deal with most everything in life. It keeps me happy, it keeps me energized and excited about living.

And yes I have had my share of being stuck, stuck in my upset and stuck in my grief when things didn’t work out like I thought they should. Today those very same things I once grieved over I can now see how blessed I am to have lost them. The lessons were learned and it was time to move past it, so often freeing up space where the voids were allowed me to choose more wisely. I made better choices and how could that ever be a bad thing?

In the past few months I have enjoyed business meetings that were both productive and informative and I have enjoyed meeting new people and going to new and different places. We are only limited by our choices. There is so much excitement ahead.

Even the season that is about to change is cause for celebration, so is St. Patrick’s Day and Easter and day-light saving time and that lunch with a friend, trip to the grocery store, making that special cookie or cake. Just about any activity that we engage in can have the potential to create excitement. And yes the converse may be true as well if that is how we decide to view it.

I don’t want to be sad anymore! Does that mean that I will never experience sadness again? Of course not but it does mean that I don’t have to stay stuck there and the probability is that if I plan something fun and exciting to look ahead to doing, any sadness won’t last and it will be short-lived.

So what lies ahead …lots of life and fun and travel and events and yes hard work too, most notably this week I will do something that I have resisted doing for years. Moving past the pen to paper and by invitation I will be co-hosting a talk radio show. I’ve never done this before and yes I have been asked by television and film producers over the years to share my stories about grief and loss. I wasn’t comfortable nor was I ready.

Today I have moved past the personal parts of it to the greater good; I’ve listened to thousands of others and I’ve swapped stories and it is no longer so personal for me. The events in my life that I have shared through my writings I will now begin to communicate verbally and I am thrilled and happy that I am in a place where it is all about healing our hurts and learning to live with the lessons. We can all make the choice to choose happiness.

So here is your homework, make a list of the things that make you happy and do as many of them as you can and schedule/plan activities that excite you and live with knowing that there is much excitement ahead … because you not only channeled it but planned for it.

Look at how excited small children become when they learn that the things they like to do are planned for them and just up ahead. Take the time to plan for exciting experiences and watch how quickly the hurts, losses and voids are replaced with new and better events, choose healthy, choose wisely and choose fun and exciting … everything/anything is possible.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Mind over Matter

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Mind over Matter
By Bernadette A. Moyer

If you don’t mind, it really doesn’t matter. It is amazing how freeing it is when you let go of what other people say and think about you. “What other people think about you is none of your business.” Paulo Coelho

What matters is what you think and feel and what you know about yourself. How we feel about ourselves shows itself in how we look, how we act and even how we react. There are many things in my life that I am most proud of and when I think of it, it isn’t about my achievements or my success but rather in all the times that I was true to myself.

I am most proud of the times when I stood up for myself and the times when I brushed off the actions and words of bullies and angry people; people that try and put their stuff on you. They want you to look bad so they can justify their own poor behaviors. It truly is mind over matter, if you don’t mind it really doesn’t matter!

During a three hour birthday celebration lunch just yesterday with my “other mother” who repeatedly told me how great I look and how beautiful I look and how happy I look, I had to smile and to laugh and to accept that I feel great! This woman has known me for over 20 years when I was her Real Estate agent. She is 80 years old and witnessed my life during some of the highest points and lowest ones too. Upon reflection, I know that I look good because I feel good because I have genuine peace in my heart and because I am surrounded by love.

The people in my circle are people that love and support me, period. I have cut out and I have deliberately cut off people and situations that cause undue drama and where I am no longer learning or growing or feeling good and happy. Life really is too short for other people’s sh –!

My most recent book Along The Way includes so many valuable lessons about life that I literally learned Along The Way, much of it was not so attractive and most of it came from the people that really should have been family and they should have been kind and loving. It just was not to be for me and for many years I struggled and I couldn’t accept it. I fought against the natural tide and the natural ebb and flow. Looking back I can see where this was a huge mistake and cost me much love and peace. I was looking for love and for acceptance in all the wrong places, looking for it outside of myself when it reality I have and I had everything I ever needed deep within myself, I always had God and a deep sense of faith. My life today is so good I want to get up and scream all about it!

I was getting in my own way of peace, love and happiness due to the unwarranted judgements of others, sad but true and truly a waste of time. I am so much bigger and better than that. For years I suffered in silence, feeling so much shame that related to my first family and later due to the untimely death of my husband, branding me a widow at 23 made me feel different than my peer group. Then later again feeling all the shame associated with abuse. I felt it so deeply and I initially took it all in and isolated myself. When the healing began I not only could speak about it but I wrote about it. This all helped me to heal. So did the thousands of connections I made with others by sharing my stories and my life experiences. Many of the most painful stories shared drew thousands of “likes” in just one platform; Facebook.

In one book Along The Way I bound all those lessons, the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. I am over it. I did the work. I grieved my losses and I moved on, parts of the book were written as far back as 1998. The entire book is past history and past lessons learned. Many people have shared with me how much my writings have helped them in their own life journey and for this I am eternally thankful.

Today I am in the midst of completing the next book titled; Another Way and it contains blogs, articles and essays that are happier and more fun and include more and different life lessons, experiences and observations. I have closed the door on all the hurtful stuff associated with my family of origin and opened the doors to much more love and peace and it shows on my face and in my heart.

Last week I turned 56 years old and I had another wonderful birthday celebrated in Las Vegas, Nevada. I have experienced so much Along The Way and today more than ever I know that there is Another Way … when things don’t go like you think they should, it really comes down to mind over matter and to seeking out a newer and better and Another Way … there is always Another Way …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New book! ALONG THE WAY available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

ANOTHER WAY coming out November 1, 2015

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How Can I Make You Happy

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How Can I Make You Happy

By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Not that long ago I was visiting Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville is a favorite travel destination for both my husband and me. We try and go at least twice a year. We love country music, the downtown club scene and Opryland at Christmas. The people are kind and so friendly.

On this occasion we travelled to Franklin to shop and check out a few antique places. When I walked into a shop the owner came to greet me. Instead of the usual “hello” and “can I help you?” He said, “How can I make you happy?” It immediately made me smile and I thought, how nice!

What a refreshing way to greet someone, “how can I make you happy?” Do we even think that thought, let alone say it out loud? What if we did approach everyone with a mindset of “how can I make you happy?” Rather than a “What can I get from you today?” Or “What can you do for me today? “What a nice shift in our mindset.

Just thinking that thought of how I can make someone else happy, makes me smile. So often we are stuck on ourselves, our feelings, our wants, our desires. Yet most mature adults know that a life of service and of giving is much more fulfilling.

Last week I was driving through a Delaware self-serve toll that costs 50 cents, the guy ahead of me tried using the coin changer machine, it appeared it wasn’t working. I could sense his anxiety. His tag read Pennsylvania tags, he looked just like my father, and I easily had the 50 cents so I drove around him and paid his toll. This guy was so appreciative. He had enough money to pay but watching him become flustered I felt compelled to help. The appreciation from this old man was well worth the 50 cents and so much more, he made my day.

There are opportunities every single day to be a giver, to be a positive life force. To make some else’s day better is a gift too. Yesterday I was walking through a big box store when a father and son were coming up directly in front of me. The father gently guided his son over so that my pathway was open for me to proceed. I gave the father who seemed a bit serious a big smile of appreciation. The smile that he returned to me was priceless. Those smiles cost absolutely nothing and yet I know that it made me feel good and I have to assume that father was feeling good. His huge smile was wonderful!

Today, go out into the world, maybe not saying it to every single person we meet along the way but in thinking it, “how can I make you happy?” Little acts of giving and of kindness go a long way. Be the do-gooder and watch just how much goodness comes right back at you.

How can I make you happy?

Bernadette on Facebook www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer