Be The Friend That You Would Want To Have


Be the Friend That You Would Want To Have
By Bernadette A. Moyer

Be the friend that you would want to have, treat others the way that you would want to be treated. Just like the golden rule. It sounds pretty simple and yet so many friendships are challenged by jealousy and doing things to another that you wouldn’t want done to you.

Luke 6:31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
Over the past few years I have been looking closely at my friendships but also my friends and how they relate to their friends. A few conversations have come out of this idea and overall the number one deal breaker was a friend that was either jealous and/or not supportive.

What makes a good and true friend?
1) A good friend is honest and when something doesn’t seem quite right they let you know.
2) A good friend is fun and interesting and you look forward to being together.
3) A good friend supports you with your dreams, goals and ambitions.
4) A good friend is someone that you can trust who won’t steal your boyfriend or husband or your children.
5) A good friend shows that they care about you.
6) A good friend sees you at your best and at your worst and supports you either way.

Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10

What are the deal breakers with a friend?
1) Being dishonest and talking negativity behind your back.
2) Someone who always requires more attention and care than what they contribute. Not just on occasion but most often
3) A Debbie-downer, no matter what you want to accomplish they just can’t see it or are openly non supportive.
4) Someone who can’t be trusted, they steal your boyfriend or husband or your children.
5) Their actions tear you down and show that they don’t care about you.
6) They are only present if they can gain by being with you.

“But your back turned and the knife fell and you swear that payback is gonna be hell. Now you just can’t trust anybody cuz a friend was just a snake in the grass, can’t you see you can’t see tomorrow as long as you are looking back. Got your feet wet, got your heart broke, didn’t pan out like you hoped” As Long As Your looking Back by Gary Allan
Years ago I invited a friend over for dinner and the first question was, “Who else is going to be there?” That immediately struck me as odd; shouldn’t just being with me and my husband have been enough? This person turned out to be a social climber and not a friend at all.

I watched another friend who was openly proud that they had more access to her friend’s husbands’ business and business accounts. If there was trouble in paradise this friend was in it for the husband and not for her girlfriend. It seemed odd to me? It was weird the displaced loyalty or lack of loyalty and the open acknowledgement? All I could think was I wonder what the wife, your so called friend would say and think and feel if she heard that?

Another friend shared with me how their friend told them that they weren’t good enough to remain friends. Even if true, why would you say that to someone? Clearly this wasn’t a friendship at all.

When you have a friend who is happy and successful in their own right, they have no interest in being jealous or trying to tear you down. Friends that are accomplished want to be with others who are accomplished.

A good friend is that friend you can call when you get in a jam and they will drop what they are doing to come and help you. A good friend is invested in you r success both personally and professionally, your success makes them even happier to know you.

A good friend makes the effort, the effort to see you and be with you and be a part of your life and your milestone accomplishments.

A friend is not someone who tries to come between you and any of your relationships. They don’t tear at you to try and make themselves look good. They aren’t jealous of who you are and of what you have.

Having friends isn’t the same as having a husband or life partner, yes my husband is my friend he might even say he is my best friend but he doesn’t take the place of my girlfriends. Girlfriends lift you up; when you beam they are beaming too. When you are happy they are happy for you and when you are sad, they lend an ear and offer support.

A friend may see you do something they don’t agree with or like or even approve of but they don’t divide you from the ones you love over it. They don’t try to gain at your expense. That’s not a friend but rather someone who wants what you have and is jealous and self-serving.

In the end we learn forgiveness or as Jesus would say in Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Be the friend that you would want to have and if you can’t, excuse yourself and say goodbye.

In order to have a friend, you must first be a friend …

Bernadette on Facebook at


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