When It Is More Important To Be Liked
By Bernadette A. Moyer
Who doesn’t want to be liked? We have built a culture in our society that is driven by “likes” how many “likes” do you have on your page, article, post?
We all want that desired feeling of acceptance and likeability. Years ago I had an attorney refer to his client as “A really likeable guy.” The guy he was speaking about left his wife for another woman when she was pregnant and was a confirmed cocaine addict with bill collectors and other unsavory types constantly after him. He was in and out of court with driving offenses and never seemed to accept any responsibility for his choices in life. But … he was likeable!
This guy never took a stand, never had an opinion and never outwardly offended anyone. Was he a good person? I guess it matters whose yard stick is being used to measure him.
Most business owners know that if they display a religious or political statement, they could lose business from potential customers with another view. So they don’t take a stand nor do they speak out on any issues.
I was listening to Dr. Ben Carson from Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and now he is running for President; during his speech he made numerous examples of how wanting to be politically correct has eroded our abilities to communicate. People are afraid to say what they think and what they know for fear of offending someone.
Parents often have to make decisions in raising their children that deem them unlikeable by their children. I remember a time when one of my kids was failing and they became angry with me? And I said, “Let me get this straight, I should applaud your failure, tell you great job for NOT doing your assignments and for cutting class?” What kind of mother would I have been if being liked was more important than trying to install values like completing your work, being honest and giving it your best effort?
“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” Alexander Hamilton
Dr. Carson talked about the importance of communication and of respect. We don’t have to agree on every issue but we should respect everyone’s right to an opinion. The type person, who slams someone with a different point of view without hearing him out, is a bully.
No two people agree 100% on every single issue but out of discussion, dialogue and fighting for what you believe is right can help to flush out the best solutions.
Having an opinion might cost us a few “likes” but truth be told, when we fear speaking our truth we have paid a far greater price in our silence. Not taking a stand, not being heard is a stand; it allows the louder voice and the bully pulpit to be heard and in this to win every single time.
Taking a Stand by CD Taylor
Send me a light to guide my way
To carry me through my darkest day
Make my heart warm, soft and pure
But strong enough to endure
Help me to walk a path that’s right
Keep my eyes on the guiding light
Let me harm none as I live my life
Let me not meddle in envy or strife
Let me be humble and to know my place
Help me remember life is not a race
It is not a contest to be lost or won
It should be filled with love, joy and fun
When I meet people who don’t understand
Let me help them as I take my stand
With kind actions, words and a helping hand
Let me not sink into their pits of stand
Being “liked” and winning seems to have taken the place of standing up for what you believe is the right thing to do. What messages are we sending to our children when being politically correct has replaced being morally responsible and true to our own code of values?
Not that long ago I was working with a team of people that openly kept their “truth” and true feelings from their Supervisor because they knew he wouldn’t like it. So to his face they were in complete compliance and as soon as he turned his back they did exactly as they wanted. They knew they would never be heard by this guy and they believed that they were right and he was wrong.
This happens often in the workplace, “truth to power” people are afraid to stand up for what they believe in right and go up against someone is a position of authority.
“Speaking your truth is an essential aspect of living a life of passion, fulfillment and authenticity. However, for many of us it is much easier to talk about speaking our truth than it is to actually do it.” Mike Robbins
Being liked and politically correct might make you popular but it surely won’t be an authentic life of integrity. A really smart man isn’t afraid to hear from the opposition, because he knows that until all voices are heard, all positions are represented, the best solutions are seldom possible.
Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer