Jealousy and Envy

By Bernadette A. Moyer

“Jealousy is defined as resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, or against another’s success or advantage itself and mental uneasiness from fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness. It is also defined as vigilance in guarding something.” Dictionary.com

“Envy is defined as a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions etc.”  Dictionary.com Envy is one of the seven deadly sins according to Christian views.

My own view is that jealousy or envy is an indicator that you aren’t living your life the way you should be living it, because if you were there would be no need for any jealousy or envy. There is not a single person alive or dead that I have any jealousy or envy toward or about, my life isn’t supposed to look like someone else’s life, it is supposed to look like my own unique life. Your life is supposed to look like you, which is why it’s called your life.

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” Bette Midler

If you want that relationship, that house, that car, that life then create it, create your life the way that you want it to be, you have that choice.

A few decades ago, I invited a girlfriend to my mother’s house for Thanksgiving, we worked together that day and although the day was almost over, she did in fact join me.  On this occasion she had an opportunity to meet my family and see our family dynamic. As we were about to drive out of the driveway, she said, “Your sisters are all jealous of you.” That never occurred to me until she said that. They always acted like they were better than me, often targeting me with nasty comments like, “Bernadette Cycle 3 for the overweight dog!” or “You are just like dad, why don’t you go live with him.”

Recently another friend accused one of my friends of being jealous of me. That statement doesn’t make me feel good; and if true it actually makes me sad for them. I think everyone who is doing what they should be doing in their own life, has no reason for jealousy over someone else’s life.

When people say to me, “You are so lucky, you have a great husband.” “You are so lucky to have twins.” “You are so lucky to have a house.” Or this or that, and I think to myself, luck has nothing to do with it, but hard work and being responsible does.

Yes I have a great husband, our relationship and our marriage is work, it doesn’t just happen. And it is not always easy. Raising twins was work, raising any child is a huge amount of work as is maintaining a home. Everything we have comes with work and with responsibilities.

Every once in a while I look at luxury cars, a white BMW convertible, we could afford it and I could go get one if I really wanted it. But then I think about the payments and the upkeep and I think do I really want that car? Do I need to have it? When I see them on the road I appreciate their beauty but I’m not jealous or envious of the person who owns it?

When someone else is having success, I always think to myself, good for them, now it is one more time closer to my turn. There isn’t anything that anybody else has that I want that I couldn’t go get or make for myself and it I can’t then I accept that it isn’t meant for me. That my life isn’t supposed to look like that, it is supposed to look like my life not theirs.

“Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistible urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.”  J.R. Ward

When we create the life that we want to live, the life that we were meant to live, there is no reason for jealousy or for envy.

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer