Passion and Patience

Standard

Passion and Patience

By Bernadette A. Moyer

10487498_775794859174078_2542833456177946164_n

“A life without passion is not living, it’s merely existing.” Leo Buscaglia

“Seek patience and passion in equal amounts. Patience alone will not build the temple. Passion alone will destroy its walls.” Maya Angelou

Striking that perfect balance between patience and passion may be a real challenge for many of us. The life without passion is a life limited in color and yet we need to temper our passion with a certain degree of patience.

Prayer for Patience

“Let us not become weary in doing well, for at that time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

Our world is filled with “fast” we want it now! We want instant gratification; seldom do we see young people with patience. Like a child that has just two times on their internal clock, all they understand is “now” and “later.” Many young people don’t understand that many things; good things take time to develop and to evolve.

How much value do we put on anything that comes too easily for us? Opposed to the value of the things we had to work and work hard at doing or achieving?

The happiest people seem to be the ones that live a life of passion. They understand that we cannot do anything about being born or dying, but we can do so much about how we live. What makes us get out of bed in the morning? What excites us? What do we think about?

When we uncover our passion and temper it with the right amount of patience, we are on our way and on the road to happiness and fulfillment.

Here is to living a life of passion … and adding just that right amount of patience …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

You Can Find a Reason

Standard

You Can Find a Reason

By Bernadette A. Moyer

1902969_10203225121171945_469971652_n

You can find a reason to love just like you can find a reason to hate, a reason to give and a reason to take. We can all find reasons to justify our actions if that is what we decide to do. Love is a choice and so is hatred.

Imagine any relationship where you are presented with a “list” of all the things that you did wrong or were deemed unattractive to another person? A list that documents your “flaws” and “shortcomings” this “list” was presented at the culmination of the relationships. I don’t know many relationships, no matter how loving that could withstand such a list. Nor do I fully comprehend why anyone would take the time to create pages upon pages of their grievances.  (This actually happened to a friend where one of their family members took the time to write down all the things that they deemed wrong with them.)

Needless to say it didn’t make anything better… I wonder if the list maker ever even thought about how it would be received and if they did what they expected the outcome to be? And if they were presented with a “list” how they would respond?

What I do know is that the same efforts that went into creating the” list” of flaws could have just as easily been the same energy that went into creating a list of love.  The same effort that goes into hurting people can just as easily be the effort that goes into loving them.

There is a lot of talk in our society today about “anti-violence” toward women and several anti-bullying campaigns. One of the ads recently came across as though we are expected to love every single person and anything less was deemed as less than noble. As human beings we are drawn to the people that we like and we aren’t going to like/love everyone.

As kids we were taught that if we didn’t like someone to just stay away from them, I still think that works? Right? Not every person out there will be someone that we welcome into our lives. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is stay away from people that are not good for us or bring out the worst in us.

We are a judgment based society, we judge people we judge them by how they look and how they speak, and we judge them by their actions and their lack of actions.  We judge people by their education or their lack of education. We judge them by their religious beliefs and their political views. We all have our own yardsticks on how we decide to measure others. The problem is that our yardstick is based on our views and in an ever changing world people change, society changes and we change.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Teresa      

We can all find reasons …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

A Lazy Sunday

Standard

A Lazy Sunday

By Bernadette A. Moyer

1497536_10206086258338586_7949557979446195122_n

Today is that kind of a day; a lazy Sunday. There are pork chops and sauerkraut in the slow cooker, the fireplace is burning wood and Happy and Chipper have been close by my side for much of the day. We didn’t have any obligations today and it feels wonderful! Normally our days are full of activities and our “to do” list and a variety of work related projects. For me it is mostly writing projects and wedding officiant projects and home decorating and improvement projects.

My husband is on a wellness kick and working out regularly at the gym, he walks the dogs and tends to many home improvement projects too. Some days we accomplish so much but today we made an effort to enjoy that classic “lazy Sunday.” We make no apologies for our lack of doing today. Most days we are on the run moving from here to there, always something to do and somewhere to go.

It feels great …

My favorite line that I heard from a retired professional is “So what have you been up too?” The response was “As little as possible.”  Love that!

“Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.” Joseph Addison

How often do we fill our days and our schedules with meetings and activities and “things we must do and accomplish” and how wonderful to have a day and a time where the less you do the better you feel. Resting, reading, writing, hanging out with the dogs, talking with my husband, making and eating food … it all sounds so heavenly and it is all right here and right now on this lazy Sunday!

Enjoying my Sunday and I hope you are too …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

No Rain No Rainbow

Standard

No Rain No Rainbow

By Bernadette A. Moyer

rain-and-rainbow_77687-1600x1200

It’s raining! And it looks like the rain will keep coming for several more hours if not a full day or so of unrelenting rain. My flowers and plants look great! The lawn is green and we haven’t had to do a thing. Mother Nature has provided rain, cooler temps and just the right amount of sunshine. Today we are just one full week into the month of June.

In the past few years we have had scorching hot sunny days by now, we seem to have enjoyed earlier and longer summer temps. Some people are enjoying the rain; I know that I have as I slept with the French doors open and could hear the gentle tapping of the rain throughout most of the night. There is a cool breeze with clean and fresh air.

Others are having some anxiety since they have outside plans that will be impacted by the rain. I bet the beach population for this weekend is less than anticipated in the absence of sunshine. There are numerous events like graduations, fairs, festivals, concerts, yard sales and weddings that will go with plan B or cancel all together.

Today I will officiate an outdoor wedding by water’s edge and at a lighthouse location, there will be no cancellation. Tents and umbrellas will be used to shield the rain. I can’t help but reflect on my own wedding when immediately after our wedding vows, the rain stopped and the sun started to shine. Minutes later there was a double rainbow and all we could think was “no rain, no rainbow.”

I love sunshine but I also love the rain. There is that sense of calm that you can hear and a desire to slow down that overcomes us. Take your time, it is raining!

In life we all have our sunny days and we all experience the rainy ones too. To know “up” we must know “down” to know “happy” we must know “sad.” The weather reminds me of life and that we are not in charge. We don’t get to pick what days will be sunny or rainy what days will be happy or sad and there is probably a good reason.

How many of us might want all sunny days? Or all beach weather? Or weather that suits our outside events? But we know that it doesn’t work that way. We need the rain to cleanse the earth and to help the plants grow and to add to our water table and water sources. We would literally burn up without the rain.

Our tears and sadness are often just like the rain as they cleanse us from our hurts and heartaches. We need to cry so that we may cleanse and become new again. Every life has its own share of rain. We should learn to embrace our rainy days just like our sunny ones.

I have often thought that death must be just like life, like giving birth. A mother who goes through childbirth knows that her body takes over and that she is literally out of control. That child comes through the mother and arrives when it is ready. I imagine death to be the same; that it just takes over us and we are out of our control. That is all happens in its own natural time.

Today’s rain isn’t going to dampen the wedding I am officiating later today; the couple getting married is in love and ready to begin their life together as a married couple. This is their day, whether it rains or the sun is shining. The weather today will serve to remind me and others that we are not in charge and that there is a natural life force that determines things like weather and what happens in our life.

We learn that fighting the natural elements in life is unnecessary and that we should embrace them all. I love the rain and I love when the rain is over, because just like in life, after the rain, the sun returns and often shines even brighter!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Why We Hate Liars

Standard

Why We Hate Liars

By Bernadette A. Moyer

B9Kh7r0IYAABW19

Today’s edition of the New York Post has a picture of Brian Williams with a Pinocchio nose. The general public is upset because they feel deceived and lied to by newscaster Brian Williams. We want to believe that these guys are given a platform like live television and that they are reporting the truth. When we learn otherwise we are upset and feel deceived. We proclaim to hate liars.

Does everyone lie? Some people tell the small white lies, you know when they run around telling everyone how good they look or some other obvious flattering statement that can easily be viewed as a “white lie” or the whopping big lies? Most people don’t like to be lied too. I’ve heard it said so often; “there is nothing worse than a liar.” And yet so many people do it.

I was recently having a conversation with a young adult in his twenties and when I confronted with what I thought was a lie his immediate response was, “everyone lies.” And then he abruptly ended the conversation. Does everyone lie?

We want to believe that most people are honest and truthful but what happens when we learn for a fact that we have been deceived and lied to? How does that make us feel and why do we hate liars when it seems that many people do in fact lie. I think it is because we want to believe that everyone can be honest with us and yet many people have difficulty with the truth.

Without trust there is no relationship. People lie for many reasons but often it points back to shame or fear. Some people lie because they are selfish and they are pathological in the lies, they lie even when it would be easier to tell the truth. When we are faced with a lie, we feel disrespected and unimportant and often we feel like a fool for having believed the lie.

The best thing to do to redeem yourself is to confess and accept the consequences, don’t expect the relationship to be the same and if you truly want to make it better don’t lie anymore.

For me I get upset because I don’t think you can ever really be close to someone who is a liar. When we can’t trust people whether it is a friend or a family member there is distance that is created by their lies. We used to have someone in our life that was a well- documented liar. She did it where ever she went; she lied on the job, with her friends and with her family. It didn’t just happen once but was routine with this person and it wasn’t little white lies either. They were really skilled liars and when I say that I mean you really wanted to believe them and they were passionate about their lies, held on to the lie until you literally went through the entire process of uncovering the truth.

This person never seemed to have any heart or any conscience about the depth of their lies either. In the end we knew that we could never trust them and that we could never be close to them. Hard as we tried their constant lies both big and small was a deal breaker for us. We just couldn’t make it better or make it right. Their commitment to their lies was stronger than any love they had, if in fact they ever had any love at all.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – Fredrich Nietzsche

Brian Williams may be deemed less effective on the job now that it has been disclosed that he lied. Remember Nixon and Watergate, his lies and the ultimate cover up cost him his job as the President. Then Bill Clinton and his lies and deception, it happens from the top down and the bottom up. I have known liars and often I just shook my head. I might not have confronted the lie but it was a ding in the character of the person disclosed to me as a liar.

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.”  – Thomas Jefferson

Without trust and honesty, there is no foundation for love, they go hand in hand and it is virtually impossible to have a lasting love when it is built upon lies. Lies act as a wedge and keep people away from us; no one can be close to someone who lies to them. It is impossible and that is why we hate liars …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Boots, Books and …

Standard

Boots, Books and …

By Bernadette A. Moyer

cropped-1513672_10205709957851309_2003996513408393247_n.jpg

Every time the Bravo show Watch What’s Happening Live host Andy Cohen talks about the three things he is currently obsessed with and then rattles this off, I think about what I am currently most obsessed with. Most of us are collectors, there are things that we like and admire and collect. For some people it is sports memorabilia and for others it might be art or music. I have a small salt and pepper shaker assortment that I like collecting. In the past I have collected Barbie dolls and dishes in a variety of china patterns.

I have a record collection of vinyl records that I have held on to through the years, I am told they are making a “comeback” but for me they were never out. I have fond memories of many occasions at our beach house with my husband and us just playing our vinyl albums together. We have the original Beatles records on Apple Records and a huge collection of The Who along with dozens and dozens of other artists. We like the music but they also represent our teen years when we saved our money and ran out and purchased vinyl records. He tells his stories and I tell mine and we are reminded as to why we are together and just how much that we have in common. We grew up during the same time and enjoyed being teenagers in the 70’s.

Today the three things that I am obsessed with are my boots and my books and an Apple iPad application that allows me to make short clips of video film. I am having fun with the film!

The boots are amazing and I want to wear them every single day, they were a Christmas gift from my husband and something I would never have afforded for myself. I tease him that when I die please bury me with these boots on because I love them so much and quite frankly I don’t want anyone else getting them. Is that bad?

Then there are my books, I collect them and I hoard them and I am kind of selfish about them too. Mostly because I like the pages to be clean and crisp. I can remember borrowing a book from the library and opening a page and finding somebody’s left over “yuck” on the page and that about did it for me. Now I purchase what I want to read and I do it for two reasons; 1) to enjoy the book over and over again and 2) so that I can support the writer. As a writer myself, supporting other writers is really important to me.

So what three things are you currently obsessed with? What do they mean to you and what do you have that you love so much that you really would not enjoy sharing it?

Right now I am on a quest for Easter related salt and pepper shakers; I haven’t really seen any that speak to me. I saw ones at Cracker Barrel restaurant recently but they were really small and plain. I want ones that make you smile when you look at them and yes I do share them with our guests …

My books make me happy, my boots make me happy (and keep my feet really warm and they look great) and my salt and pepper collection is both useful and decorative. Now who is next to being featured in my next home spun Apple FxGuru video?

Have fun and surround yourself with the things that you love and that make you smile and help to create memories …

(Okay so who knows where I can find some fun, cute and unique looking Easter salt and pepper shakers?)

Bernadette on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Jealousy and Envy

Standard

Jealousy and Envy

By Bernadette A. Moyer

527033_3594965755901_1326175372_33475595_1025006861_n

“Jealousy is defined as resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, or against another’s success or advantage itself and mental uneasiness from fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness. It is also defined as vigilance in guarding something.” Dictionary.com

“Envy is defined as a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions etc.”  Dictionary.com Envy is one of the seven deadly sins according to Christian views.

My own view is that jealousy or envy is an indicator that you aren’t living your life the way you should be living it, because if you were there would be no need for any jealousy or envy. There is not a single person alive or dead that I have any jealousy or envy toward or about, my life isn’t supposed to look like someone else’s life, it is supposed to look like my own unique life. Your life is supposed to look like you, which is why it’s called your life.

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” Bette Midler

If you want that relationship, that house, that car, that life then create it, create your life the way that you want it to be, you have that choice.

A few decades ago, I invited a girlfriend to my mother’s house for Thanksgiving, we worked together that day and although the day was almost over, she did in fact join me.  On this occasion she had an opportunity to meet my family and see our family dynamic. As we were about to drive out of the driveway, she said, “Your sisters are all jealous of you.” That never occurred to me until she said that. They always acted like they were better than me, often targeting me with nasty comments like, “Bernadette Cycle 3 for the overweight dog!” or “You are just like dad, why don’t you go live with him.”

Recently another friend accused one of my friends of being jealous of me. That statement doesn’t make me feel good; and if true it actually makes me sad for them. I think everyone who is doing what they should be doing in their own life, has no reason for jealousy over someone else’s life.

When people say to me, “You are so lucky, you have a great husband.” “You are so lucky to have twins.” “You are so lucky to have a house.” Or this or that, and I think to myself, luck has nothing to do with it, but hard work and being responsible does.

Yes I have a great husband, our relationship and our marriage is work, it doesn’t just happen. And it is not always easy. Raising twins was work, raising any child is a huge amount of work as is maintaining a home. Everything we have comes with work and with responsibilities.

Every once in a while I look at luxury cars, a white BMW convertible, we could afford it and I could go get one if I really wanted it. But then I think about the payments and the upkeep and I think do I really want that car? Do I need to have it? When I see them on the road I appreciate their beauty but I’m not jealous or envious of the person who owns it?

When someone else is having success, I always think to myself, good for them, now it is one more time closer to my turn. There isn’t anything that anybody else has that I want that I couldn’t go get or make for myself and it I can’t then I accept that it isn’t meant for me. That my life isn’t supposed to look like that, it is supposed to look like my life not theirs.

“Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistible urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.”  J.R. Ward

When we create the life that we want to live, the life that we were meant to live, there is no reason for jealousy or for envy.

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer