Any time that we are “leaving” whether it is a home, a job or a relationship we are afforded the opportunity to practice healthy detachment. Putting your house on the market and letting in the masses is something that never feels good, but by practicing a healthy detachment can be a lot easier to experience.
We went through some strange experiences with a prospective “buyer” for our home. I plan to blog more about it at a later date. For now, all I can say is what we said when I was a real estate agent more than 30 years ago. The line was “buyers are liars” and we certainly did have this experience. More later …
Leaving is a natural part of living. We leave jobs, relationships and home so that we may live differently and experience new things. One door closes to that we may open others.
As you age you let more and more things go, it is just a natural progression of life. I have had my share of loss and leaving things that no longer serve me well.
I started this blog days ago, yet early this morning I heard from the person who accepted the position that I left in August. Another experience of practicing “healthy detachment” I wished her “good luck” and shared very little. She needs to create her own opinions and experiences, just like I had before her.
Letting go and freeing oneself is healthy when we approach it with a positive attitude and are receptive to what is ahead for us. With “healthy detachment” we are afforded the opportunity to experience healthy attachments.
Recently I had an awakening about where when and what I was doing with my support and energy. Most people that know me know that I have an energy that is positive and upbeat. That if you want something done and you want it done properly, I am that “go to” person.
Our energy our disposition is how we carry ourselves and what the world sees in us. Do we inspire others and grow our world and our relationships? Or are we literally watering dead plants by giving our energy to those with an empty cup. The ones with a void so vast that it literally can never be filled. The ones who believe they are entitled and owed. The ones who take and take and give little or nothing back.
By nature, I am a giving person as I firmly believe that giving is for the giver and that it truly is in giving that we receive. As a professional development director and professional fundraiser for more than 25 years I have witnessed the most generous people. And sadly, I have also witnessed the biggest takers who feel entitled and as though the world owes them.
Take stock! Where and who are you giving your time and treasure. Are you watering a thriving garden and growing garden or dead plants that offer little or nothing in return.
As far as fundraising goes successful people want to give to successful organizations. They want to know that their gifts are making a difference and that those in receipt are operating as good stewards. Stewardship is so important to the success of an organization. Simply put, do they take care of all that they have been given? Or do they live large on the donations and gifts of others.
Take the time to research the nonprofits that you support. So many are doing great things and good works. Ask for their financials.
We have a private Catholic school in my community that never loses focus on their mission. Their mission is to provide a good solid Catholic school education. They may receive millions of dollars to support a state-of-the art stadium and gym facility, but they also make it known that regardless of the donation, 20% of the gift automatically goes into school tuition to support kids that otherwise couldn’t afford it. This keeps their mission alive well and thriving. It also allows them to stay true to their mission and purpose.
Like most people I receive donation requests often and almost daily from a host of nonprofit organizations. The easiest ones to support are the ones that offer basic needs like food, clothing, housing and education. Seeing kids with cancer and animal cruelty also pulls at my heartstrings and makes for an easy response. I support my Catholic High school as I benefitted from a wonderful education there and hope to support them in giving others that same opportunity and experience.
United Way and Tunnel to Towers use well over 90% of their gifts and donations to support their primary missions, simply put they are excellent stewards of the gifts that they receive They readily share their financial statements.
We vote with our dollar and with so many in need, take the time to learn as much as possible to support the good stewards who are doing great things and at all costs avoid watering the dead plants.
These past few months we have been “editing” our homes. We are at the age where most people call it “downsizing”, but I don’t like the sound of that, it sounds like living with less or less of a life. That is not the case here at all. We are becoming tired of any clutter and find more joy in open spaces, emptier walls and enjoying taking the time to “edit” what we currently own.
All those collectible items, that we once just had to have, now feel like space takers and dust collectors and things that need to be managed. We are enjoying the “editing” process where we have gifted household items and clothing. We began the process with a dumpster out front for trash, we burned old papers and documents. Multiple trips to Goodwill and clothing drop off bins, we had family in to take what they could use. We gave much away, and we donated so much too. It feels good and it feels so freeing.
Just like in nature and with seasonal changes, it is time to let the dead things go.
We like the emptier closets and managing our favorite things, where less just feels better. So many things just didn’t make the cut anymore. I was hanging on to certain furniture items from Eathan Allen. Items that were re-upholstered and well made. When my husband said, “we have had them for over thirty years, I think we have gotten our money’s worth out of them.” He was 100% correct. It was time to purge and time to edit them out. It was time for someone else to enjoy them just as we had done.
There is joy in both the gifting and joy in managing less stuff. It’s been a process and time consuming, but well worth the efforts. What can you get rid of that no longer serves you, what can you remove to create open space and free yourself?
There was a time when I was a “people pleaser” and a “yes” girl but not anymore. Today I absolutely delight in saying “no” “no thank you” and “that’s not for me.” When I go with my gut, I instantly feel better. This past July I decided to leave my job and almost immediately the pain in my knee ceased and my stomach issues went away. The job was making me sick. The stress of it was wearing on my body. The demands being made were unattainable and unrealistic. It was time for me to say “good-bye” and I did. Not one day since my departure have, I missed the job and all the work and effort that went with it.
If I go to a movie or a restaurant and it isn’t going well or not up to my expectations, I have no desire to stay as I will politely leave. I have been offered jobs with great compensation packages and kindly stated, “thank you so much but no thanks.” Life is short and whatever time I have left is more valuable than agreeing to say “yes” just to please someone else when I know deep down inside it is not what I want, and isn’t right for me.
And when I do respond with “yes” I am all in and passionate about what I agree to doing. A halfhearted “yes” is not where I want to be, my ‘no” response is with love and respect. Thank you kindly for thinking of me but I will pass.
Earlier this weekend I received a phone call with interest in me for an Executive Director position. I did not seek out this position but was truly honored to be considered. I am not 100% sure what I want at this stage of my life, but I am 100% certain of what I don’t want. Peace is the goal, period. I want to feel good physically, mentally and emotionally. I want my spirit to soar and to shine. The only thing I know for sure is that responding with my gut reaction is always the best way to maintain my highest and best self.
So here is to the wisdom in knowing, when to say “yes” and when to say “thanks, but no thanks, that’s just not for me” Young people often believe there is power in a positive “yes” response, even when they know deep down inside it isn’t right. Maturity teaches us that “no” is a much better answer when it aligns with our true self…
That famous line about when one door closes another door opens, often we need to close doors so that we may make other choices. Our days here are like dollars in the bank, how do we want to spend them and how much do we have to spend.
We never know what is up ahead or what is just around the corner, we live in faith and move along in trust and faith. We make choices, whatever I have done with my life and my life choices I have done with conviction and pure passions. If I haven’t loved it, I didn’t do it. Life is just so short to settle for anything less.
No matter my choices I always took on both my career choices and personal choices with love and with determination. I strived to be the best that I could be, always wanting to do well and achieve at the highest and best level. Being a mother was one of the greatest joys and greatest challenges in my life. For 38 consecutive years I had children in my home. The oldest one left over 25 years ago and the last one just a few years ago. I loved having them and when it was time, I was so happy that they were out the door and on their own. I had given raising them my all, and when it was over, it was over. I was done.
As much as I loved raising children, the years that followed in our home with my husband Brian and our precious pooches, have been some of the happiest in my life. When we lost our pups Happy and Chipper, we grieved this loss. It was sad, down the road we brought home Bailey and Buddy, brother and sister Bichon Frises. If we didn’t lose Happy and Chipper, we would never have gotten Bailey and Buddy. One life change was the catalyst for another life change. When one door closed, we chose to open another one.
For years my husband and I have been discussing moving to our beach house full time, this would translate into leaving our jobs and selling our primary residence. A home that we have lived in for coming up on 32 years. Big decisions.
Sometimes we make life altering decisions and sometimes they are made for us. A few months ago, my job moved into an office after moving out of a Center that was located in a park-like setting complete with a Chapel, dining room and numerous meeting rooms, offices and 1-, 2- and 3-bedroom apartments. It was a move that I reluctantly went along with, yet my heart was never in it.
Previously I’ve been blessed to work at a beautiful bright special needs school, a retreat house on 55 acres with a recreational pool facility, and a historic opera house. All beautiful locations with much room to roam and places and spaces to create.
As I have matured, there have been less and less anxiety around my choices and my decisions. History has taught me that I will always land right where I am meant to be, I have been blessed. Each and every change and challenge afforded me an opportunity to grow, to mature, and to develop.
We close doors to that we will have an opportunity to open new doors. Here is to not ever staying past your welcome and always seeing the opportunities that closing one door may lead us as we open new doors and create new beginnings.
My husband and I have more than 50 years collectively as “managers” and have witnessed all kinds of behaviors in the workplace from both management and employees. With Covid-19 still being so fresh, we see how this has left a lasting impact on both leadership and their workforce.
Much has changed since we entered the workforce more than 40 years ago. It used to be that if you held one or more career jobs that was the norm and those that garnered many jobs were looked at with a discerning eye. Why can’t “they” keep a job? Today it is not uncommon for very successful employees to hold numerous positions with varied companies in their career and it is often deemed both healthy for the employer and the employee.
There are all kinds of management styles from the micro-manager to the absent manager. Some managers like to be hands on, and control all their teams and some delegate to varied skilled staff members and others are absent.
In my career I have been very blessed with managers that were so positive that they promoted much productivity. These were the cheerleaders and the appreciative ones. When I was a Realtor, my manager was so positive and thought so highly of you that you never wanted to let her down. I was highly successful and as the youngest agent was consistently in the top 25% in productivity. Her replacement was the complete opposite and was critical, untrusting and a micro-manger. She never seemed happy, and our office production suffered as a result. She didn’t last long.
Later I went into nonprofit work and had the absolute best time working for the company President. He was a true visionary and a real character, with limitless energy and deep dedication to the mission. Almost immediately he tied me to the Leadership Development Team where I was 1 of 17 members. I was so energized, and I learned so much about nonprofit work and special needs education. The best part of the leadership team was taking in other ideas and contributions from colleagues that were engaged in everything from teaching, social work, psychiatrists, doctors, operations, finance, and development. The ability to share and to view our work and the company mission through other paradigms was priceless.
Some of the best conversations my husband and I share is our kinship in management style. We both believe that you hire the best people and then give them the necessary tools to do their job. In today’s market there is no room for micro-managers. Old school techniques are often viewed as abusive by the younger generation. They are hungry to succeed and want the support they need with guidance that comes from those who came before them with experience. My husband is a great manager because he is so level and even keeled, he is honest, and kind and mission driven. He knows how to last and how to get along with all kinds of people.
Skills can be taught, the ability to get along with co-workers that come from different skill sets and offer diverse abilities and talents are so valuable. Getting along in a positive and productive environment is stellar for any organization.
When it comes to my style, I like to promote people from within and give them the room to grow and the necessary tools for success. My greatest contributions to the workforce might not be my own gifts and talents as much as the young people who learned from me or interned for me and have gone on to do great things in their own careers.
Positivity promotes productivity … it really is that simple!
Bernadette Sahm began working as a teenager as a volunteer Candy Striper at a local Catholic Hospital and a Camp Counselor, later she became a real estate agent, shop owner and author before a long career in fund development for a few nonprofit organizations.
Very recently a close associate said to me, “I tell everyone Bernadette lives a beautiful life.”
I had to think about that as it never occurred to me, but she was so right! I do live a “beautiful life” and it is my intention and by design. It is a choice and a choice I make over and over again. I do it so easily and I don’t even give it much thought … it’s how I enjoy my life, the most … I surround myself with people who have a beautiful soul and spirit. I seek out beauty in art, objects and all furnishings.
There is beauty in food, in nature and in the ordinary. You have to have eyes that wish to see beauty because it is there. When you look for beauty, you find it.
Live your most beautiful life … peace, love and beautiful you!
Not that long ago a religious woman said to me, “thank you for the gift of your presence!” I never thought of it that way. But every day since I thought about the people in my life that truly are a “gift” just by being “present.”
What if every time someone showed up for us, we treated them like a gift? We were just thankful for seeing them and for them “gifting us with their presence.” There has been a profound paradigm shift in me after hearing that statement. I reflect on that sentiment often.
This month is so busy with all kinds of events and appointments on my schedule. Sometimes it can feel so overwhelming. Sometimes I have a tendency to withdraw. But I believe that if I thought more along the lines of “gifting with my presence” I might feel more like it is a giving/gifting experience rather than a bother or a burden.
You are the gift! Each one of us brings something new and different to the table. Thank YOU for the gift of your presence and for reading and meeting me here.
Easter is one of my all-time favorite holidays! Do you celebrate Easter? What does it mean to you? Did you celebrate it as a child? Was it different then or now? What changed and what remains the same?
This Lenten season I took a much-needed pause and break, and I reflected on Easter and what it once meant to me as a child and what it now means to me as an adult. This year for Lent I gave up “no food no phone” from 7:00 in the evening until the next morning. This served me well both spiritually and physically. I lost weight and I gained insight and centered myself more than I could have imagined. I feel so much healthier not being tied to an electronic device and not over consuming on calories before bedtime.
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
Growing up Catholic made Easter a very special time with Holy Week and all our holy days of obligation, going to church and to religious instruction, I learned about Jesus Christ and the Resurrection. As a little girl, I had “Easter outfits.” Pretty little dresses, new MaryJane shoes, lacy anklets, gloves, Easter hats and cute little white purses. My Sunday best Easter outfits were something that my parents put much thought into as they dressed five daughters for the Easter holiday.
We had Easter baskets filled with Easter candy and Easter treats, I remember large chocolate covered cream eggs with my name written on top in pink edible icing and pink chocolate bunnies on a lollipop stick, and small eggs made with hardened sugar and to look like a tiny house with scenic spring like settings inside them. Although the sugar eggs were deemed “edible” we never really ate them but appreciated their beauty and the tiny little scenes inside often made up of bunnies and lambs and flowers in soft pastel spring colors. One year we went to our local Farmers Market and came home with tiny live chicks that were soft and yellow and quite active too.
PARENTING MEMORIES
As a mother raising children, I was always big on treating them to video movies and books like the Beatrix Potter series. Each year we visited the local Easter Bunny and often attended the “Bunny Breakfast” for kids. Of course, we taught them our Catholic faith and we outfitted them with their own special Easter outfits for Sunday service. Like my parents we made Easter a big family celebration with dying Easter eggs and traditional Easter dinner of baked ham, several side dishes and most often coconut cake or coconut cupcakes.
Recently I was walking through a department store and strolled by little Easter outfits for boys and girls, cute complete spring outfits suited for church and for celebrating. It warmed my heart to see it. Our society has become so casual that it felt good to see that there is still a market for cute Easter outfits for kids.
Many times, Easter was also Spring Break, and the kids were off from school so we either spent time in our beach house in Delaware or we travelled to Florida. We tried to venture outdoors as much as possible taking in all the signs of spring with blooming trees and flowers and warmer weather.
TODAY AS AN ADULT
Many of the traditions that my parents taught me and that we shared with our children still ring true today. We still dye eggs, we still enjoy the classic ham dinner, we watch The Ten Commandment every Palm Sunday when it airs on local television. Most often we are at the beach and ride bikes, take long walks and take in all that nature offers.
But Easter has taken on an even deeper meaning as I have aged. I pray more, I reflect more on what Jesus’ life meant and how I might continue to live my best Christian life. There is that traditional Catholic Easter celebration but more and more each year it resolves around life in its many forms and with a deep nod to gardens and gardening. Trees that bloom and flowers that are growing again and all the Easter flowers in itself are cause for pause and for celebration. We begin again in Easter! We see signs of new life all around us, our days are longer and lighter. Grass is soft and green; the sky is blue, and the birds are chirping again.
I still love the Easter bunny and Easter candy and all the traditions of the Easter holiday, but I have also come to view it as a celebration of Spring and in being so, it is a celebration that we can all share in … Happy Easter! Happy Spring!
Love mirrors love, it’s that simple. What we put out into the world comes back to us. It begins and ends with us. If we look into the mirror and don’t like what we see, it is time for us to change. In order to love others, we must operate with a full cup. God loves us and wants us to see the face of God in all living things.
“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.” Saint Augustine
Self-care and self-love are not a selfish act, as it is necessary for us to first love ourselves so that we may begin to love all others.
We see what we want to see both in ourselves and in others. My husband of more than 25 years sees the best in me, and I see the best in him too. Love breeds more love. When we operate from a loving heart, all things are possible.
If you want more love in your life, give more love into the world. We reap what we sow. Mirror what you want to see and always remember that love mirrors love.
Bernadette A. Sahm 