You can tell a lot about a person by their responses after a win and also by their response after a loss. I enjoyed watching the Baltimore Raven’s Championship game when they played the Buffalo Bills. Although the Raven’s lost, what struck me was the good sportsmanship of the Raven’s quarterback Lamar Jackson. After this defeat that literally ended the season for the Raven’s, you could see Lamar hug and wish Josh Allen the Bill’s quarterback good luck. It seemed like he was wishing him the best as the Bill’s would then proceed to the next Championship game. I have also witnessed Lamar throw down his helmet during other games when things weren’t going his way. We all want to “win” but sometimes how we handle a “loss” is also part of the game and a part of life.
I have been struck by the “sore losers” in our politics over the past many years. Normally sane people seem to go off the deep end when their side does not win but loses. It can be difficult to witness. Seems to me that any “loss” is a time for reflection. What did I do? What could I have done? What is the lesson here that I am supposed to learn?
One of the lessons we learn as young children is about sportsmanship both when we win and when we lose. I thought Timothe’e Chalamet was wonderful playing Bob Dylan in the movie; A Complete Unknown, I thought he would win an Oscar Award, he did not. It was widely publicized that Demi Moore would win an Oscar this year. She has such a long list of noteworthy movies to her credit. She didn’t win. I can only imagine that both these actors were deeply disappointed in the outcome, however, both showed good sportsmanship in their loss.
When I was a Realtor, it was a highly competitive profession, and many seasoned successful agents often presented as though they should “win” and get all the listings. I never felt that way. I was always happy for an associate doing well, I would think to myself, good for them and now it’s one time closer to my turn.
There are so many valuable lessons to be derived when we win and again when we lose. Take the lessons and leave the rest behind. Today’s winner could very well be tomorrow’s loser. Winning is great! But I have also come to believe that things I may not have “won” on just so happened to be the ones that truly were not meant for me.
How we handle a win and how we handle a loss says a lot about us, and who we are, and I personally don’t believe that poor sportsmanship looks good on anyone. It just isn’t a good look. It is hard enough to see it in a child, but even more astonishing to witness it in an adult.
Writers whether they are poets, song writers, authors, bloggers, journalists and more have something to say. Typically, they are “observers of life” and take in, process and then write about it. You have to be motivated but most important is that desire to express yourself.
Over the holidays one of my favorite young people came to visit and she asked; “Have you been writing?” my immediate and rapid response was, “no, I have nothing new to say.” I have definitely been in an observation and reflective mode. I see things, the news, people acting this way or that and I shrug and often think how bad it must feel to live with such angst, most notably about politics.
The other part as you age is choosing your words or your ventures with discernment, do I want to step into that? Many times, I don’t, because I have cared so deeply for so long about so many people, places and things and at this stage of life (retirement) and in a healthy way, I don’t care. I preserve my happiness and my peace.
What I have given much thought to is how grateful and how blessed I am, how much life I have lived and how what is ahead I look forward to … I have ticked off just a few of my biggest accomplishments and here are a few 1) my loving and long-term marriage of 33 years 2) raising millions and millions of dollars for several non-profits, most notably underserved minority children 3) building a beach house after purchasing a lot of land 4) raising three children of which two were adopted 5) surviving abusive and toxic relationships and managing to maintain a loving and peaceful heart and 6) my books that were published and my many articles and blogs 7) connecting with my friends, family and my many readers and 8) most important and life-sustaining is my relationship to Jesus Christ My Savior.
I am blessed … my life began in a small town in Northeastern Pennsylvania as one of five girls. My childhood was filled with angst and upheaval that often left me nervous and anxious. My parents married each other twice and divorced each other twice, that is only one part of my story. We moved a lot. I was insecure and anxiety ridden as a child. I couldn’t wait to escape it. I married young at 19, got pregnant at 20, had my child just three days after 21 and my husband died when I was just 23. Lots of life for such a young woman. All of these life circumstances I have processed thoroughly and am so happy to be on the other side of it. I am richer for all my many life experiences.
When I was just 26 years old, I purchased my first home as a single mom after becoming a Realtor. Another accomplishment for me to be “successful” I was driven!
Last March we retired to our beach house, I have enjoyed so much reflective time. Some travels but mostly getting to know and love myself again. This time not for all my so called “accomplishments” but for coming out the other side, a place of love and of peace.
A few days ago, I read this, “What if your markers of success were how well you slept at night? How many books you read? How easily you laughed? How much time you spent storytelling, feeling warm in the arms and homes of people you adore?” It hit me! This is my life now, retired and living with my handsome hubby Brian, our two precious pooches, at our beach home! Life is good/great!
Right now, our two pups are at the groomers, and we are getting ready to enjoy lunch out at one of our favorite eateries? Simple pleasures living a simple and happy life – as my husband often says, “We earned it!’
Change is the norm, yet we seem to push back and fight it! I know I do … well at least sometimes I do. This year started just a few weeks ago and already we had to replace our 1) garage refrigerator/freezer 2) my beloved Keurig duo coffee pot and 3) my laptop. All unexpected and all successfully replaced. However, the one item that is giving me a bit of a run for my money is the new laptop. Here we go again … upload new programs, move files, learn your way around yet another device.
So, the new refrigerator/freezer slid into place without skipping a beat and its nice, new, clean and perfect for our extra needs and garage usage. Letting go of my coffee pot brought about one bad purchase, it was small for us and our everyday usage, and we decided to give up the duo machine. I love the new turquoise colored pot that we went with it and a stand-alone Keurig. All is good.
Now the lap top while still in “learning mode” is nice, sleeker, updated system and programs but definitely causing me to use my brain! Things that came naturally with the old computer, I now have to give some thought too. I know, I know, learning again is good even when it brings about a certain number of frustrations. My internal dialog is something like; I could use a young tech savvy intern, as I soldier on.
I was told by the computer salesperson that the number one reason people don’t upgrade their computer is fear. Fear of losing content and files and fear of having to learn a new device. That would be me.
So, the bigger question is why do we try so hard to resist change? Isn’t that how we grow and learn? The changes that we feel are forced upon us, when we may not be ready seem to be the most difficult for us. The ones like a vacation to a new destination we seem to openly embrace.
Change is a constant in life, we know that and embracing it more often leads to a better experience. When we fight it or when we are not open to it, it does feel different and more difficult. In the big scheme of things my changes since the new year are small. We know there are those facing major life changes like a move, a death, marriage, divorce, an accident, a newborn child and more. Some are happy and some are sad. The big changes are life altering. Some we embrace and others we fight.
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” James Baldwin
What I have come to understand is that change is necessary, and it represents life, movement and growth. As much as we may fight it, who really wants to stay stuck in the same old place, situation etc.
And then there is success! I am writing this and uploading it to my WordPress website from my brand-new laptop! Yippee!
What are you waiting for, what are we waiting for, when is the “right” time?
“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Through the years, my husband and I have had many conversations about our retirement and downsizing to our home in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. Brian has worked in his line of business for 42 years and I began working at age 13. At first, I was a volunteer candy striper at our local hospital Sacred Heart in Allentown, PA and served as a camp counselor for a Y-based camp and a resident Girl’s Club camp. Then I transitioned in several career jobs before my final position as a Director of Mission Advancement for a nonprofit Catholic Community of Sisters.
We raised three children and lived in our home in Northern Baltimore County, Maryland for over 32 years. A beautiful corner lot with an all-brick rancher, and an inground backyard pool and deck private oasis. It was once a host site for kids and parties and barbecues and more. During Covid-19 is served as the perfect respite and haven for us while we both maintained our full-time jobs.
Then one day in July of 2023 I gave my job the required 2-weeks’ notice that I was leaving. Almost immediately the pain in my knee ceased and my stomach issues went away. I knew it was time when I would return from summer vacation and just not feel as refreshed and ready as I normally would have. I was done. I didn’t want to do the job anymore and it was the “right” time for me to leave it behind me.
Just before my last day on the job, we listed our home for sale and within days it went under contract and soon to settle by the end of the month. It may have seemed like it was happening so fast, but the reality was we had so many discussions about when and what dates would be the best time for us.
When the house contract fell through due to the buyer’s inability to get a mortgage, we initially felt defeated. It was a setback. Going into the fall and winter we decided to take it off the market and to re-group. We spent the next few months freshening up the entire house with new paint and some other minor fixes. We knew that we wanted to sell and to move away. In January we listed again at a higher price and the first day it went under contact again and this time for full-price and no contingencies.
The next few weeks and months we donated many household items and furnishings and by mid-March we settled and were finally able to move into our beach home full time. They say “timing is everything” it was definitely the right time as all the pieces fell together perfectly.
What initially seemed like a setback was just an opportunity to do things better with a better outcome and looking back it all made so much more sense. My husband always believed we would end up at the beach full time. I never gave it much thought about it as I was always under the impression that I would work and keep working. Retirement and being “off” was not something I spent time pondering.
But the funny thing is that we have transitioned into our retirement seamlessly, it was the right thing to do, certainly right for us. We love doing things and we love doing nothing at all. There is power and there in peace in living your life free of anxiety, free of worry and free of many obligations and responsibilities.
My entire life I have never known this kind of contentment, nor have I ever smiled so much! Life is good, we live in gratitude and in grace and peace, what more could we ask for?
Simple considerations and kindness are always appreciated, and they never go out of style. Recently while attending an Orioles baseball game in Baltimore, Maryland we experienced unexpectedly kindness that wasn’t lost on us. We decided to take the train to the game and as soon as we entered it was clear that it was packed with standing room only. Not long after we took off a middle-aged man offered me his seat. He was seated next to his wife. I declined his offer but gave him two thumbs up and told him, “Thank you! What a gentleman!” They both smiled at me.
Soon after as we were sitting in our stadium seats the three ladies in front of us took a selfie and we ended up in their photos. The woman with the camera turned to me and asked if we minded if she put the photo on her social media. How considerate I thought and replied with “no problem, as far as I know we aren’t in the witness protection program” we all laughed. Her consideration wasn’t lost on me.
In a city like Baltimore, sadly often known for violence it’s nice to witness that “Charm City” hasn’t lost its charm. The next morning as we were about to leave town we went for coffee. As I was leaving the coffee shop a young man held the door open for me. He held it for as long as it took for me to completely exit, again I was thankful for his kindness and consideration.
So … what can you do today to make someone’s day that is rooted in consideration and kindness?
Bernadette A. Sahm 