Recently we met our friends Audrey and Art for breakfast on the day after Easter. We always enjoy getting together with them. During breakfast Audrey mentioned that her daughter calls her every day just to chat and catch up. When she can’t get her mother on the phone, she calls Art. Last summer when the four of us were out to dinner her daughter and boyfriend met up with us. Audrey wanted me to meet them. Our friends live in Maryland but frequent their beach house here in Delaware. Their home is perfect for when Audrey’s daughter comes to visit as they have their own private place in their home to stay. Although the daughter lives in Colorado and far from her mom, she makes the effort to stay close. All I could say and think when Audrey shared the frequent phones calls was “that is a good daughter!”
Then I started thinking about my friend Carole who passed away a few years ago and the loving mother-daughter relationship she had with her daughter Kathleen. You couldn’t be Carole’s friend without knowing and meeting Kathleen. They loved being together as they traveled together, shopped together, dined together and vacationed together. When Carole passed Kathleen said, “she was my mother, she was my best friend, and most of all we just had so much fun together!” how wonderful is that? One of the greatest gifts Carole left me is the ongoing friendship we have with her daughter and granddaughter. Kathleen is definitely the definition of “the good daughter.” And I know for a fact just how proud and how much love Carole had for Kathleen.
Then there is my neighbor Diane who recently had surgery that required a long recovery period. Her daughter came from out of state and stayed a few weeks to help her mother during her time of healing from the surgery. Diane wanted us to meet and when we did, I asked, “how long will you be staying?” Her response was “a month” and her mother was like maybe two weeks, not because she didn’t want her daughter’s company but rather that she didn’t want to disrupt her life for that long a period of time. We watched the care, concern, dog walking and more that Diane’s daughter was happy to provide to her mom. Again, another definition of what a “good daughter” looks like.
I don’t believe that moms ever expect to be on the receiving end when it comes to their daughters as most moms just want to give rather than receive. But how wonderful to witness up close and personal the loving good daughters many of my friends have and I am so thankful for the stories they share and bringing me in to witness so much love between mother and daughter.
So today we lift up all the good daughters out there as they truly are the greatest gift to their mom.
You can tell a lot about a person by their responses after a win and also by their response after a loss. I enjoyed watching the Baltimore Raven’s Championship game when they played the Buffalo Bills. Although the Raven’s lost, what struck me was the good sportsmanship of the Raven’s quarterback Lamar Jackson. After this defeat that literally ended the season for the Raven’s, you could see Lamar hug and wish Josh Allen the Bill’s quarterback good luck. It seemed like he was wishing him the best as the Bill’s would then proceed to the next Championship game. I have also witnessed Lamar throw down his helmet during other games when things weren’t going his way. We all want to “win” but sometimes how we handle a “loss” is also part of the game and a part of life.
I have been struck by the “sore losers” in our politics over the past many years. Normally sane people seem to go off the deep end when their side does not win but loses. It can be difficult to witness. Seems to me that any “loss” is a time for reflection. What did I do? What could I have done? What is the lesson here that I am supposed to learn?
One of the lessons we learn as young children is about sportsmanship both when we win and when we lose. I thought Timothe’e Chalamet was wonderful playing Bob Dylan in the movie; A Complete Unknown, I thought he would win an Oscar Award, he did not. It was widely publicized that Demi Moore would win an Oscar this year. She has such a long list of noteworthy movies to her credit. She didn’t win. I can only imagine that both these actors were deeply disappointed in the outcome, however, both showed good sportsmanship in their loss.
When I was a Realtor, it was a highly competitive profession, and many seasoned successful agents often presented as though they should “win” and get all the listings. I never felt that way. I was always happy for an associate doing well, I would think to myself, good for them and now it’s one time closer to my turn.
There are so many valuable lessons to be derived when we win and again when we lose. Take the lessons and leave the rest behind. Today’s winner could very well be tomorrow’s loser. Winning is great! But I have also come to believe that things I may not have “won” on just so happened to be the ones that truly were not meant for me.
How we handle a win and how we handle a loss says a lot about us, and who we are, and I personally don’t believe that poor sportsmanship looks good on anyone. It just isn’t a good look. It is hard enough to see it in a child, but even more astonishing to witness it in an adult.
Writers whether they are poets, song writers, authors, bloggers, journalists and more have something to say. Typically, they are “observers of life” and take in, process and then write about it. You have to be motivated but most important is that desire to express yourself.
Over the holidays one of my favorite young people came to visit and she asked; “Have you been writing?” my immediate and rapid response was, “no, I have nothing new to say.” I have definitely been in an observation and reflective mode. I see things, the news, people acting this way or that and I shrug and often think how bad it must feel to live with such angst, most notably about politics.
The other part as you age is choosing your words or your ventures with discernment, do I want to step into that? Many times, I don’t, because I have cared so deeply for so long about so many people, places and things and at this stage of life (retirement) and in a healthy way, I don’t care. I preserve my happiness and my peace.
What I have given much thought to is how grateful and how blessed I am, how much life I have lived and how what is ahead I look forward to … I have ticked off just a few of my biggest accomplishments and here are a few 1) my loving and long-term marriage of 33 years 2) raising millions and millions of dollars for several non-profits, most notably underserved minority children 3) building a beach house after purchasing a lot of land 4) raising three children of which two were adopted 5) surviving abusive and toxic relationships and managing to maintain a loving and peaceful heart and 6) my books that were published and my many articles and blogs 7) connecting with my friends, family and my many readers and 8) most important and life-sustaining is my relationship to Jesus Christ My Savior.
I am blessed … my life began in a small town in Northeastern Pennsylvania as one of five girls. My childhood was filled with angst and upheaval that often left me nervous and anxious. My parents married each other twice and divorced each other twice, that is only one part of my story. We moved a lot. I was insecure and anxiety ridden as a child. I couldn’t wait to escape it. I married young at 19, got pregnant at 20, had my child just three days after 21 and my husband died when I was just 23. Lots of life for such a young woman. All of these life circumstances I have processed thoroughly and am so happy to be on the other side of it. I am richer for all my many life experiences.
When I was just 26 years old, I purchased my first home as a single mom after becoming a Realtor. Another accomplishment for me to be “successful” I was driven!
Last March we retired to our beach house, I have enjoyed so much reflective time. Some travels but mostly getting to know and love myself again. This time not for all my so called “accomplishments” but for coming out the other side, a place of love and of peace.
A few days ago, I read this, “What if your markers of success were how well you slept at night? How many books you read? How easily you laughed? How much time you spent storytelling, feeling warm in the arms and homes of people you adore?” It hit me! This is my life now, retired and living with my handsome hubby Brian, our two precious pooches, at our beach home! Life is good/great!
Right now, our two pups are at the groomers, and we are getting ready to enjoy lunch out at one of our favorite eateries? Simple pleasures living a simple and happy life – as my husband often says, “We earned it!’
Change is the norm, yet we seem to push back and fight it! I know I do … well at least sometimes I do. This year started just a few weeks ago and already we had to replace our 1) garage refrigerator/freezer 2) my beloved Keurig duo coffee pot and 3) my laptop. All unexpected and all successfully replaced. However, the one item that is giving me a bit of a run for my money is the new laptop. Here we go again … upload new programs, move files, learn your way around yet another device.
So, the new refrigerator/freezer slid into place without skipping a beat and its nice, new, clean and perfect for our extra needs and garage usage. Letting go of my coffee pot brought about one bad purchase, it was small for us and our everyday usage, and we decided to give up the duo machine. I love the new turquoise colored pot that we went with it and a stand-alone Keurig. All is good.
Now the lap top while still in “learning mode” is nice, sleeker, updated system and programs but definitely causing me to use my brain! Things that came naturally with the old computer, I now have to give some thought too. I know, I know, learning again is good even when it brings about a certain number of frustrations. My internal dialog is something like; I could use a young tech savvy intern, as I soldier on.
I was told by the computer salesperson that the number one reason people don’t upgrade their computer is fear. Fear of losing content and files and fear of having to learn a new device. That would be me.
So, the bigger question is why do we try so hard to resist change? Isn’t that how we grow and learn? The changes that we feel are forced upon us, when we may not be ready seem to be the most difficult for us. The ones like a vacation to a new destination we seem to openly embrace.
Change is a constant in life, we know that and embracing it more often leads to a better experience. When we fight it or when we are not open to it, it does feel different and more difficult. In the big scheme of things my changes since the new year are small. We know there are those facing major life changes like a move, a death, marriage, divorce, an accident, a newborn child and more. Some are happy and some are sad. The big changes are life altering. Some we embrace and others we fight.
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” James Baldwin
What I have come to understand is that change is necessary, and it represents life, movement and growth. As much as we may fight it, who really wants to stay stuck in the same old place, situation etc.
And then there is success! I am writing this and uploading it to my WordPress website from my brand-new laptop! Yippee!
Bernadette A. Sahm 