Just Because


Just Because
By Bernadette A. Moyer

dining room flowers

Today after about a month of “social distancing” I decided to start this weekend off with a nice dinner/drinks/dessert at home and in our dining room. I wanted to make it nice and special but also support local businesses that have supported me through my years in the nonprofit arena, work I have done for more than two decades.

So I opened up the china cabinet as I thought “why don’t we use this pretty stuff and why is it just for company?” so I took the inserts out of the table and made it more comfortable for two people. It would be dinner for two at Chez Sahm!

The crystal champagne ice bucket and champagne glasses reminded me of all the special occasions that we used them for and toasted with in the past, and I thought why not now? Why not celebrate “just because” and I pulled them out and cleaned them up. I thought about the people that gifted us those crystal pieces during much happier days. Warm and welcome thoughts embraced me. It felt good.

I had placed a grocery order days earlier that would be coming from Wegmans through Instacart and I decided our table needed flowers. I wanted to support Radebaugh’s Florist in Towson. Normally I would go pick out my own floral arrangement partly because of the added expense of delivery and partly because I enjoy picking out exactly what I want. But in “isolation” and “social distancing” I ordered online.

As I was placing the order I was asked if it was a special occasion like a birthday, thank you, thinking of you etc. and it was not any of them but rather “just because” just because we are going to be home all weekend and I wanted to celebrate being home, life and living it with my husband. Midway through the week he expressed feelings of depression. And I wasn’t in a much better place myself. You can call it what you want but often it does feel like “home detention” and given that we normally lead very active and social lives, it was sad and heavy on our hearts just like everyone else.

Just because my husband is “essential” and works really hard and he deserves it. Just because it is Friday, the start of the weekend when we would normally be going out for dinner and drinks. Just because my husband mentioned late last evening that I might consider getting “gussied up” since I have been wearing tattered old worn sweat clothes for several weeks now. Honestly clothes that even Good Will wouldn’t embrace accepting. Just because I might consider wearing something a little nicer and not my I am cleaning the house attire.

Next up I wanted to support Fairgrounds Discount Beverages in Timonium, again a liquor store that has supported many of my special event fundraisers. So I ordered champagne, the good stuff, the champagne we normally only drink for truly special occasions. Again tonight’s dinner theme is just because! We often run around town and beyond a lot and never truly appreciate our pretty dining room that has been here with us for almost three decades now.

I knew that like myself, my husband needed some joy, some happiness and a night when we didn’t grab dinner from the kitchen and rush to the family room so we could watch endless hours of the news regarding COVID-19. We needed a break and to celebrate life, just because we still have a life to celebrate.

Many of my followers and readers know that I have written about death and about estrangement and many sad stories tied to my life and life experiences. Brian and I share coming up in poverty, he was city poor I was country poor. We knew losing a spouse to death and having adult children estrange. All of our parents are long gone. We have experienced extended periods in our life with deep sadness and sorrow.

One of the great gifts of grief is getting through it and to the other side. One of the greatest gifts is learning that your happiness comes from within and not from other people or things or places.

We have lost much in our lives and have learned to view each loss as a gift, we learned to be better people and to never take life or the quality of life for granted. We learned very early on that life can change in a moment with no advance notice.

Today we appreciate everything we have and share as much as we can with many that are in need. I am a firm believer that giving is for the giver.

But last night was giving to ourselves, taking care of ourselves and one another. We talked for hours without the interruptions of the news and electronic devices. We paused and looked deep into ourselves, each other and our home where we have lived for over 28 years. We are God people and believers who know that like everything this is temporary and will pass.

Last night was so fun, we ate a nice dinner with a few drinks in a pretty dining room with pretty china that we seldom use. We prayed together and we played together. We dusted off our old vinyl records and Brian played DJ as we listened to music from being teenagers and forward. We played games and even danced together.

During this pandemic I have thought deep and long about what is happening. I continue to work from home making phone calls and sending notes and cards to many supporters. Everyone has been thankful to hear from me. People want to talk and to connect.

The hardest part for a person like me who loves people (most people) is the inability to be with them. But maybe that is exactly what this period in time is all about. How do we treat others? What are we saying about them and doing to them to this planet and to the earth? We have a lot to think about and the time to reflect.

We have many friends with many views on life, on religion, on God and on politics and many that are not necessarily on how we view things but we enjoy hearing and seeing from different perspectives. I try hard to see the best in people even the ones that are adults and resort to name calling our political leaders. In my mind, though, I think if you don’t like it and you can do better join forces with others who believe as you do and be the change that you want to see. Sitting back on your sofa and making fun of or calling leaders names does not bring about change.

Peace is so important to me, inner peace where I can be alone with myself and accept myself warts and all, and that came after years and years of working through so much grief, loss and heartaches in my lifetime.

I have nothing to complain about, all in all I have lived a very full life and I don’t want to die of COVID 19 or any other disease, but if I did and when I do, I don’t want to regret not living each day to its fullest no matter where I am and what situation I find myself. We need to appreciate everything and celebrate all that we have no matter how much or how little … just because … it is not over until we take our last breath.

At age 23 I was widowed and I learned the single most valuable lesson, life is for the living, live it, just because you still can …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

The Title of Your Life


The Title of Your Life
By Bernadette A. Moyer


She lived, she loved and she learned! I was reading an article about what would the title of your life story be and how would you define it.

The very first phrase that came to mind was “she lived” and then she loved and boy did she learn. Today as I write this we are in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and most of us are self-isolating and social distancing. We are alone with our inner thoughts and have the time for self-reflection.

As I made my bed this morning, (yes I still start each day with making my bed) I looked out the window to the bright red bird feeder surrounded by birds. There is a tiny red cardinal among the others. It stands out for me as I do believe in the folklore that suggests that red cardinals are like angels and messengers from those that have passed.

This is the week that nine years ago my mother passed and then a week later her mother my grandmother passed. I don’t dwell on these dates and am aware of them due to legacy.com e-mails that remind me.

Who we are and how we live and have lived our lives is centermost on my mind these days with death dates and rampant illness all around us. I am also Catholic and thinking about Easter and Christ and his last days before he was risen again, and about spring, renewal and rebirth. This year more than ever they are not just words but point to my inner being and how I have lived my life.


I am certain turning 60 just 6-months ago has also been a catalyst on my life and how I have lived it, and continue to live it. What will I do with the remainder of my days here on earth, these days I have the time to truly think about my best life and how it has changed through the years and what it may look like down the road.

If nothing else I have been true to myself and where I don’t live in the past I do trip down memory lane and look at myself through the years and with so many lessons learned. What made me who I am today, for some reason I thought about my school uniform and how I received a “demerit” for wearing a non-regulation sweater over my blue wool jumper with the peter pan blue collar blouse. This was during my senior year in high school when I was pulling away from family, becoming more independent and trying to figure myself out. I have always been a bit of a rebel.

One of the greatest gifts with aging is the quiet that rolls over you where you have a thought, a feeling, or a comment but do not feel the need to share it. You become more accepting. You enter less battles.

I live in gratitude for all the living that I have behind me and in excitement for what I hope and pray lives ahead for me. There is nothing that I view as all good or all bad just what is and what was, I never view life as what happened to me but rather as what happened for me.

Every time I thought that I was losing, it always turned out to be a win. What was let go was replaced with new and better. Today I look at this Easter as a profound time in history to practice grace, gratitude and peace and to remember each life is different and unique. We have but this one life and how do we choose to live it?

What would the story of your life be called? Who would the characters in your story be? What work would you do? What belief system would you hold? Who would you love? What would best life living look like?

For so many people this pandemic will create loss and yet an opportunity to begin again, a time for renewal and a time for rebirth.

For this Easter and always I pray that you are living true to yourself and taking the time to ponder and to decipher what would the title of your life story be called?

Peace and abundance of all that is good …

This Sucks!


This Sucks!
By Bernadette A. Moyer


This sucks and I am not going to put lipstick on a pig and say otherwise. This is NOT the “American Way” as we enjoy freedom, our ability to work and travel and share exchanges of hugs and handshakes. Whatever routine you have, this is most certainly, NOT it!

But what are we learning or have we learned so far? Mostly just how vulnerable that we humans are in life. That one virus could stop us, literally dead in our tracks. That no matter how much we have if we don’t have the right mindset and the right spirit to handle whatever we must face, we fail.

Like many people I suffer from anxiety and we all know that there is much to be anxious about these days. What am I doing about my anxiety you ask? Breathing and keeping busy. My grandmother was famous for saying “idle time is the devil’s workshop.”

Simple things like cleaning and cooking. I hand washed and neatly folded something like 15 scarves that I own. I wear a scarf all year long. To me it is like an adult version of a baby blanket. It comforts me and keeps me warm even in the summer when the air conditioning in many places is a deep freeze. I love having a scarf on. And I have NEVER hand washed them before. Each scarf has a memory and they are all good memories of places we travelled or occasions that we celebrated.

What else am I learning, well I think, how I look at my life during this period in life will help define how it plays out for me. Believe me I think to myself, so this must be how “home detention feels” but then I quickly think about all the rest/sleep that I am getting and how thankful I am for my husband our home and our precious pooch. Thankful that we both have the ability to work from home. Thankful for the time for self-reflection and self-analysis, thankful for a chance to re-boot and re-connect with myself.

I think about how little we really need in life, certainly if we are staying home, why do I need dress clothes or dress shoes? And yet I can’t wait for the day to put them back on and march out the door with a purpose and with work and to see friends, co-workers and other people.

It continues to amaze me just how much can be delivered to me at home, pretty much whatever we need can be dropped off at our front door. I am also mindful of those that don’t have and make a point of giving and donating even more that we normally do. Even in the best of times, I hate to see people do without having their basic needs met.

It is through the struggle that we find enlightenment and I certainly believe that most of us will survive this with a greater understanding of who we are and what makes us tick. In the meantime I pray that our leaders lead us quickly and safely out of this and that we can all work together to re-build what has been lost and worthy of coming back.

In the meantime, let us all agree, “this sucks” and then get up, take our showers, drink our coffee or tea, share what we know and what we have with the ones we can, and pray together for the people most in need of our prayers.

I pray for the caregivers and the sick and the most vulnerable but I am also praying for you, for all of us that we remain calm and kind and look to the future. Today I look out my window and I see the morning sun shining and the green grass and new growth in plants that are coming back from the dead of winter.

Just like those plants coming back to life, so will we, we must believe and we will receive!

God’s peace and prayers,


Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

A Good Cry


A Good Cry
By Bernadette A. Sahm


Like most of us facing the new altered state of living, thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic and “shutting” down of places of gathering and our instruction to “social distance’ I found myself near tears. I was fighting back a good cry. Toughen up I told myself, soldier on, life goes on, we are all in this together. You are a leader and leadership demand that you … (fill in the blank)

But the truth is/was that I just wanted to cry, cry out of fear and out of frustration. What on earth is going on in this world? No church service, no Saint Patrick celebrations at our local restaurants and bars, cancelled meetings, stay 6-feet apart, don’t congregate in groups. What do we turn to in times like these? How do we get through it? I dislike most catch phrases, but I find myself saying “these are unprecedented times” and no “norm” to follow. Thank God, I have God and I have faith.

How do we get through this? For different people there will be a different answer and for me I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband who I enjoy spending time with and our favorite little pooch Chipper. The ocean gives my soul the peace and ability to just breathe, so fortunate to have a place to run too and appreciate the beach even more. And here at home, I have work that I enjoy and keeps my mind busy, and much can be done with my computer and telecommunications. I just came out of a very busy period.

Maybe just maybe I am supposed to relax and take in this “social distancing” for some soul searching and re-connecting with myself and all that is close to my heart and I hold dear. So thankful that we are experiencing an early spring in moderate temperatures and I can’t wait to work in the garden this weekend. Weeding and planting and fertilizing sounds extra special and even more comforting this year.

After over a week of feeling like I was constantly on the verge of crying I finally confided this in a dear friend and I was surprised at her quick response, “that is what I did yesterday” she said. She cried for all her good friends and family in Italy that have been hit so hard by this virus.

There have been many times in my life that I good cry served me well, like when Randy died and left me widowed to raise a toddler alone, or when our children made decisions that were heart breaking, when my dad died and years later when my mom passed. Life altering events that would bring tears to any human being. But this was different.

This was just inner sadness that covered me until I finally let the tears of anger and tears of frustration go, and then a long night of sleep. Extra hours of sleep that allowed me to awaken stronger. So far yesterday ,was one of the rough days for me. My coping skills were diminished, and I wasn’t feeling well, a small stomach thing that seemed to become more irritated by the news. Constant e-mail from stores I frequent and restaurants, churches, city news, county news my neighborhood news, my support group, my professional group and friends, co-workers and others communicating what they were doing in regard to handing this new situation we all found ourselves living through … even if I wanted to escape it, communications about it were every place that I turned.

I was reluctant to just cry but the truth is that was what I needed most, I needed to grieve the loss of all that was normal and try somehow some way to accept what is right here and right now.

“This is the day which the Lord has brought about; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” PSALM 118:24

One of the most important lessons in life is to enjoy every day of our lives as we look forward to the future. Tomorrow is the first day of spring, certainly something to look forward to and I can already see the signs of spring with the blooming of trees and the daffodils pressing through the earth.

Maybe this is the time for a good cry and grief and a time for a reset with Easter being just around the corner. Perhaps we are supposed to remember not to take things for granted. A literal cleaning and disinfectant might just be really healthy in all areas of our lives.

I know that just like the way the rain cleanses the earth, my good cry and those tears helped me to shed my grief, my upset and disappointment. As I finish writing this Country Music Artist Gary Allan’s Every Storm Runs Out of Rain comes on the radio, reminding me that this shall pass and the sun will return and shine even brighter after that healthy good cry!

So here is my short list on what I plan to do during “social distancing” where we are encouraged to stay home.

1) Deep clean my entire house
2) Sort through the closets and give to the needy
3) Clean out my office
4) Communicate more sincerely and with much love
5) Sketch out the garden
6) Prepare the garden for more plantings
7) Open the pool earlier, it’s just prettier open
8) Read more
9) Write more
10) Make food from scratch
11) Paint a room
12) Tackle a home improvement project with my husband (the deck)
13) Work more from home where/when I can
14) Retreat …
15) Self-reflection time
16) Personal care
17) Q & A like what does my best life look like now/today?

Cheers! And remember we are ALL in this together … life is for the living, live it!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

We Choose


We Choose
By Bernadette A. Sahm


We choose how we think, how we feel and how we respond. Every situation in life affords us choices. Do we want to respond with love and in peace or with anger and hatred. If you follow me and read my blogs you know that I have experienced my share of loss and hurts, it hasn’t always been easy nor did I ever expect it to be smooth sailing. A full and rich life is about gathering as many lessons and experiences as you can. It is about knowing love and knowing hurt, it is the ability to know up and down.

Not every day is going to go your way. Just like we will come to know sunshine we will come to know a rainy day.

A few days ago I had a special event fundraiser, it happened to fall on the same date as the anniversary death of my first husband. Of course I thought of him, I always do, he has been gone for 37 years now. I remember that day so clearly, it was a Tuesday morning when I would learn of his accidental death. He had a seizure in the shower and drown to death in just a few inches of water. His death was shocking and completely unexpected. It taught me much, most of all that life is for the living, live it!

I was only 23 when Randy died, very young and inexperienced in life. I had this idea that my bad days and ugly hurts were behind me. I had that experience and believed the rest of my life would be happy, smooth sailing and full of joy. That was not at all realistic.

Through the years my life would be impacted by abuse, by family estrangement and family diagnosed with mental illness. More life, more living, more experiences. What did I learn? I l learned that regardless of what I am facing and experiencing in life, I choose how I will respond. Do I wish to be a victim or a victor? It is and always was my choice.

choices quote

How we view things has so much to do with how we respond, and when we make the choice to respond with love and with peace then whatever we are facing allows us to move forward in humility and kindness. The only way I know is what my faith in God teaches me. I choose to see the face of God in every single person, I believe we are all created by God Almighty.

When I see an act of violence or hatred in people, I think what happened? What happened to that person who thought it was okay to rob someone or rape or murder. What caused them to make that choice? I may never know the answer to that question but what I do know is that everything we do in life, every decision we make is our choice.

Through the years I have learned to look at the people in my life as either a “teacher” where I am to learn from them and the experience or a “lover” where I am to give love and/or receive love. The choice to see even the most difficult people in my life as a “teacher” gives the situation value as opposed to being a negative. Certainly I could have done without the “haters” in my life, but then I would not have learned the lessons.

I choose to view my life as being filled with blessings, I am blessed. For the past 28 years, I have lived in the same house with the same man. My husband loves me and in that unconditional love I have healed from many hurts.

“… the Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.” –EXODUS 14:13-14

There are plenty of people who are bitter and unhappy they carry a grudge and grievances, and then wonder why they have the life that they do? It’s a choice, it’s all a choice. Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. What we choose ultimately determines the outcome. I am happy and it isn’t by accident. I choose happiness and I choose it over and over again …

We witness ugliness and unattractiveness in life and for me, I choose to combat it with healthy relationships, more God, more love, more kindness, more generosity. And sometimes when I feel low I reach out to God and others, and a few flowers, chocolates and pretty things don’t hurt either.

Simple pleasure are often the best! Make good choices … make a good life and one that you can reflect back on and be proud of how you handled yourself and all the situations that you found yourself in … all we have is this moment in time, why not make the best of it with good solid heartfelt choices?

Peace and much love…

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

It is Valentines!


It is Valentines! Share your story …
By Bernadette A. Sahm

BB wedding

This is ours …

How we met: His former mother-in-law introduced us as I was babysitting his pre-mature newborn infant twins so that the family could attend his wife’s funeral.

Where was your first date: Oriole Park at Camden Yards (he took me to a baseball game to thank me for babysitting his twins)

Age difference: 32 days, he is older!

Who was interested first: he would say he was and I say I was but more as a friend

Who is taller: Brian

Who said I love you first: Brian

Most impatient: Me

Most sensitive: Brian

Most crazy: Both in different ways

Loudest: Me

Most stubborn: Brian

Falls asleep first: Me

Cooks the best: Me

Better morning person: Me

Best driver: Me

Most competitive: Brian

How long has it been: Married for 23 years, together for 28 years


Gone to God … Gone to Glory


Gone to God … Gone to Glory
By Bernadette A. Sahm


When I go to God
St. Peter gives a wink and a nod
When I get to Glory
They already know my story

At the pearly gates of heaven
I hope this is what I will hear
You did good your heart is pure
God is ready now be rest assured

When I go to God
I will have passed through this life
When I get to Glory
God knows no more strife

St Peter leads me to God’s grace
There are angels abound
Now we meet face to face
Calm cool and quiet, not a sound

Heavenly Father embraces me
Once again I am whole
The songs they are singing
Pierce my angel spirit soul

As I move forward, who do I see
To my right and to my left
All those before, that mattered most to me
God stands before us, He is our host

When I go to God
When I get to Glory
I won’t have to speak a word
God knows my story

The Lord is my light and my salvation
So why should I be afraid?

The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger
So why should I tremble? PSALM 27:1

When I go to God
When I get to Glory

The Ocean is Always Where I Left It


The Ocean is Always Where I Left It
By Bernadette A. SahmReho

Changing world, places lost
Friends in heaven, parents now gone
Businesses found to be enjoyed
Now leveled, replaced with new

Sun that shines, rain that minds
Fast one day, slow the next
The ocean is still
What I like best

Age can harden and hurt the soul
People and places they come and they go
Count on me, then you are gone
The ocean is a place, I always know

Tree’s we grow them, cut them back
Children raise them, don’t turn back
Count on me, you say you know
Count on me, promising not to go

What I’ve learned is all I have
My heart is steady
It is sincere, peaceful and ready
The ocean is always where I left it

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

It’s a Wonderful Life


It’s a Wonderful Life
By Bernadette A. Sahm


For Christmas I received an authentic Bevin Bell. I love it! It reads “It’s a Wonderful Life” and beautifully etched into the silver bell. The sweetheart card shows the picture from the movie. The bell sounds beautiful and what is the line “every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.”

I can’t help but read it and think of the movie but also that I have a wonderful life! The movie is a favorite Christmas movie in our home. My husband insists on viewing it on Christmas day.

There are many small towns that we frequent that have that same It’s a Wonderful life feeling and look, Rehoboth Beach Main Street is just one example. This past year this is where we spent the Christmas holidays. It truly was/is a “wonderful life.”

Most people might see the bell as a Christmas decoration and one that should be put away after the holiday ends, and then bring it back out again for future Christmas celebrations. However, I have decided to keep it out and in sight all year long. What a great way to look at the New Year and every day after that and do so daily. Imagine saying that to yourself, ‘it’s a wonderful life!”

How could it NOT be if that is what I am projecting out into the universe? It just sounds so good and makes me smile every time I say it.

It’s a wonderful life! It’s a wonderful life! It’s a wonderful life …

(Thanks Nancy B for such a neat new gift, I love it!)

What can YOU do to create a wonderful life? What are you doing that creates a wonderful life? What does a wonderful life entail and look like to you? How would you define a wonderful life?

Happy Healthy 2020, make it your own version of a “wonderful life!”

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble



By Bernadette A. Sahm


Today I had an opportunity for reflection. It was work related and prayer filled. You can call it regaining my center or re-connecting with my soul or a spiritual awakening. I knew I was bone tired and disconnected from my core. I’ve been busy, very busy not just in my work projects but in my home projects as well. And it’s the holidays, his birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving, two big special events and a new home purchase. Ongoing family drama that never ceases to end. Spinning plates and managing life putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward, always moving forward.

I have been completing one task after another picking off my “to do” list for the past 11 months with no real stop and time for reflection. I haven’t written in weeks and probably more like months unless it was work related. My last blog was months ago. I felt choked up and uninspired. I was going from pillar to post. I was getting it done. But at what cost?

In quiet reflection I regained my sense of self and my spirit was re-awakened. I went to Chapel and choose NOT to take my cell phone. Then I chose to stay put in the same seat for 2-hours. The first hour was inter-active with others the second hour was alone time. What a tremendous gift this was to me. A gift that I was not aware that I needed until I was fully immersed in thoughtful prayer. I could hear my inner voice I could sense clarity that I was unaware of inside me.

I thought about Advent and I thought about the Blessed Mother as a young girl deciding to take on the birth of Jesus. I thought about my own motherhood experience where I married so young at age 19, became pregnant at age 20 and gave birth just days after I turned 21. And when I learned that I was pregnant I didn’t run to tell my husband but rather ran home to tell my mother. I remember gasping and saying, “I’m pregnant! What should I do, I am not ready.” And I thought how young Mary must have been and how did she decide to give birth to Jesus. Was she scared or brave and fearless? Who did she tell?

I prayed Hail Mary and Our Father, my fall back prayers and then meditated on colors. Black and gray colors to release any anger or ugly issues and breathed in white for holy and pure thoughts. Then blue for peace and green for health as I breathed in and mediated on healthy colors and thought, I released all the bad in black and gray. This went on for a good ten minutes until I prayed more.

Then like magic I have 2 new blog ideas and the desire to complete one that was started weeks ago. I felt new and refreshed and ready to go again. All it took was some down time and much needed time for reflection. I didn’t enter with any expectations but rather with a desire to re-connect with my soul, my core being was neglected and I didn’t even know it!

Reflection – what a wonderful gift to give myself during this second week of Advent.

Peace and blessings …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer