Let it Go, Let it Go, Let it Go …

By Bernadette A. Moyer

Bishop TD Jakes words of advice “Let it go” and Disney’s Frozen was about “let it go.”  How often do we hang on to things that people did and said to us? And we would be so much better served if we just “let it go?”

“When people walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anyone that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it is dead.” Bishop TD Jakes

Not everything or everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. How often do we hang on to that which no longer serves us? Let it go!

How much mental illness or our suffering points back to an inability to let go? Forgiveness is the ability to let it go, it is what we do for ourselves when we forgive.

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” Ajahn Chah

Anger keeps us connected in negative ways, letting it go allows us to move forward with love and with grace. Brain scientists suggest that nearly 20% of us suffer “complicated grief” when we long for someone that we lost and we romanticize the memories of the relationship. Often when people die we make them God-like, all of a sudden they become perfect. We don’t speak ill of the dead.  Even if they were far from “angelic” they become angels to us. It is healthy for us to forget and forgive the bad stuff, it allows us to let go.

The secret is to know when it is time to let go. Hanging on to hurts or to anger or to any loss is often at the expense of wellness and growth. When we are stuck we are unable to move forward.

Remember the movie Up, iIt is a Disney film that came out in 2009 and told the story of a widower who couldn’t let go. He couldn’t let go of the past and the house that he previously shared with his wife. Basically he couldn’t “fly” and lift off without letting go. Once the main character could let go of the objects that weighed him down, he literally was able to fly and move on and ahead.

There was no much angst in my family and so much hurt and loss. For years I kept it alive by carrying it in my head and in my heart. After my mother died I was initially indignant as to how her lack of any desire for any reconciliation and how it affected me. But the truth is she was dead and gone from me for decades before her actual passing. It was an open wound until the finality of her death.

Recently I visited her grave which is littered with messages from her other children. Their grief and loss is so new to them. I am finally free and at peace. When we can finally “let it go” we have a full and open heart that has a greater ability to love and is peaceful.   I know because that is where I live now. It is a choice. I find it easier to let many more things go. So little is really worth hanging on to and what this has done for me is it allows me to be present in the moment and to live in the moment and literally one day at a time. My anxiety is far less and my joy is far greater.

The real gift is not in the holding on but rather in our ability to let it go …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just a Few Things I Learned Along the Way

By Bernadette A. Moyer

Life is about experiences and learning along the way. It is about the ability to be open and receptive to new experiences and to be humble enough and willing enough to learn. We live and we learn.

Change is a constant, nothing lasts forever and nothing stays the same forever. This summer will obviously be “summer” but different from any past summers and unique from any that are yet to come.  

Recently I read a quote that I believe and just love, and it went like this, “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” Lao Tzu

This is probably the greatest lesson I have learned over the past few years. Live in the present. Be there and be available, be open and receptive.

Where putting ourselves into places and spaces that are new, and being open to new people and new experiences is a great catalyst for change, always remember that what you are and your core principles are what allows you to remain strong in this ever changing world that we so often find ourselves. Don’t give in or give up on what matters most to you. Stay true to yourself. Fight the good fight.

Nothing takes the place of passion. Without passion we are just going through the motions. With passion we excel and can move forward with ease and speed. We go above and beyond our own imagination. Living in the moment, turning off other people’s drama and noise allows me to stay true to my core, my center.

In a world full of phonies and back stabbers, I am a really good person. If someone speaks negatively about others, don’t be surprised if/when they do it to you. Many will profess to be a friend, but a real friend is harder to find and will never tear at you.  “As I age I have learned that when it comes to friends, I’d rather have 4-quartes than 100-pennies.” Steve Maraboli

Never give up on your dreams. If you have a passion for something, do it. We are meant to soar with our own unique gifts and talents. 

Treat others the way that you want to be treated, do it for yourself because there is no guarantee that they will be as good to you as you are to them.

“Never wrestle with a pig, you will both get dirty and the pig likes it.” George Bernard Shaw Don’t let other people pull you into their hate and drama, their fight is theirs and not yours. Side-step them and move on. It isn’t about you, nothing other people do is about you, it is about themselves.

Love yourself unconditionally. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. When we care for ourselves, we are better at everything else that we do and touch. Love as many things, people and places as you can. You only have one life and at the end of your life all that will matter is how much love you gave and how much love you received.

You can’t please everyone so make yourself happy, and the ones that are meant to be with you and around you will be there.

Always do your best, give everything and anything that you do 100% so that when it ends, and it will, you know that you gave it everything you had and can move forward with no regrets.

A confident person is a successful person and confidence comes from knowing who and what you are all about. Take the time to know yourself … you are a child of God and therefore good enough for everything and everyone.

 

 

 

Along the Way

By Bernadette A. Moyer

How many people will we meet along the way? How many experiences will be having along the way?

We hear the old phrase, “one door closes and another door opens.” Many times we must close out one endeavor so that we are afforded the opportunity of engaging in another. Simply put we must give up something to be in a position to accept something new.

I watched a woman fight back tears today and I heard her say, “I am doing my best to accept this.” Her Pastor was reassigned to another parish and will be leaving. I immediately could feel for her. Just four years earlier it was me who was fighting back the tears. That same Priest was leaving his assignment with me to move on to the parish that this woman attends. She has grown fond of him.

Today I watched him in action; he was different from how I remembered him. He was more mature, more embracing and much more open.   He wouldn’t have changed if not for moving about and going in a new direction. He closed one door and opened another; soon he will close his current door as he takes on a whole new challenge.

The same can be said for me, these past four years I have opened doors and I have closed doors. I have experienced much “along the way.”

One of my favorite quotes is, “You will always miss 100 percent of the shots that you do not take.” Wayne Gretzky

Every life has a beginning and middle and an ending and in the final analysis our life will be about all that we encountered along the way. Letting go used to be so hard for me, like the classic Italian Momma I wanted to hang on and hang on tightly with much love and passion. And yet today there is very little that I am interested in hanging on to.

We hang on at the expense of NOT letting go and therefore we are closed off when what we truly need to do is be open and receptive to what is next. Life is a living and a moving thing; it is about the journey and not the destination.

People choose the path in their lives and often fall into either a victor or a victim. We claim our role by the choices we make along the way. Each choice has its own consequences and each choice opens up something often at the closing of something else.

And my new favorite quote about change is “May the bridges I burn light the way!” Dylan McKay

“20 years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

Here is to heading out and getting about and all that we experience “along the way.”

Surrounded by Angels | Bernadette Moyer | Article/Story/Poem/Essay | Red Room.

The Agony of Defeat, Post-Election 2012 | Bernadette Moyer | Blog Post | Red Room.

Is Homelessness and Poverty By Chance or By Choice | Bernadette Moyer | Blog Post | Red Room.

The Courage to Say, "No, Thank You" | Bernadette Moyer | Blog Post | Red Room.

Sit and Smile for Awhile | Bernadette Moyer | Blog Post | Red Room.

Two Dogs are Even Better Than One! | Bernadette Moyer | Blog Post | Red Room.