life

Bitter or Better is Our Choice

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Bitter or Better is Our Choice
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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I could be bitter but I am better! Earlier today I caught up with an old friend, she is like a sister to me. She is that friend that makes me happy, she calls me out when I am wrong, supports me at my best and at my worse. She gets me and in many ways we understand each other, in many ways we are alike. In her company I am lifted up and we always learn from one another.

Today she said something to me and about me. She said. “After everything you have been through and I could name the list, you continue to amaze me because you could be bitter and you aren’t, you have one of the biggest hearts I have ever witnessed. I know a lot of people and most would be bitter but not you and your heart.”

She is right I could be bitter! She knows me well as we have been friends for 18 years now. The list is long on what I have experienced in my lifetime. Some of it is really very hateful, hurtful and unattractive. But my heart doesn’t work that way. I have always viewed every single experience as something I could learn from. What was this or that supposed to teach me and by viewing everything as a learning opportunity I grew my heart bigger and I became better and not bitter.

We don’t get to control what happens in our lives or what other people do but we do get to control how we choose to respond to it. I may not always be happy with the outcomes of the things that have hurt me. But I always responded with a heart and with a conscience and in a way that I could live with, this allowed me to be better and not bitter.

When we rise above it, when we are faced with adversity and heartache, our own character is tested. Real character isn’t about how we handle the easy stuff in life, it is about how we handle the challenges and often it is about how we act when no one else is looking.

On reflection one of the things in my life that I am most proud of is how I handled my first husband’s death and his funeral. He was previously married and divorced with two children. When he died his kids were young and still in elementary school. When I was asked who I wanted to be in the first car with me my response was swift and heartfelt. I had his children and their mother with me. To me, it was the right thing to do. When I met him he was already divorced, his ex-wife and his children never did anything to hurt me. My view was that having them with me and close to their father was the right thing to do and it was one that I could easily live with.

The single line that has helped me the most in my life is from the book, The Four Agreements and I have written about it often, the quote is; “nothing other people do is because of you, it is because of themselves.” Not only has this made sense to me but it has virtually saved me and released me from the hate and the lack of love from others. Their actions are their choices, when someone chooses to behave in a certain way that is all about them.

The people that set out to hurt other people are lacking peace and love and there is usually a good reason for that and normally it comes from what they have done and their own actions. They are living in a way that requires them to justify their behaviors. If they can make someone else look bad they can justify what they have done. This may work in the short run, but in the long run, they have to live with themselves. We may be able to fool others, but we know who we are and what we are made of, we know better than anyone else.

I have never viewed myself as a “victim” but rather as a “survivor” and this allowed me to “survive” and even thrive in the face of adversity. I have also learned that just because I have a heart and a conscience that I shouldn’t necessarily expect the same from others. Some people just don’t have it.

We could all be “bitter” over something if that is what we decide but we also can choose to be “better” and being “better” just feels so good and right and contributes to making us better! Given the choice I choose better over bitter every single time…

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette are sold on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

 

Everyone Has “A Story”

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Everyone Has “A Story”
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Everyone has a story! We all do! They say, “Writers are observers of life.” Every few months if not every month I hear from someone that thinks they want to write and they have a “story.” They have a story to share. Usually it is about something they experienced and learned from and wish to share with other people.
I think we all crave a “connection” the ability to connect to others and find common ground and share. We are all more alike than not. That is probably why I have a hard time when people do things to others that they wouldn’t want done to themselves. But that is another story.

When I am approached my answer is always the same, “just write! Jump in and start!” For most of us our “story” is already written we just need to get it down and share it. Often times the hardest part is the jumping off point and just getting started. Most often I find after starting is just flows and takes on a life of its own. It is for me, a truly organic process.

I also ask the same question, “Who is your target market audience?” If you are writing for yourself that is a diary or a journal. If you are planning to write your story and you wish to share it with an audience, who is that audience? What group of people will read your written work? What do you wish to accomplish by writing and then sharing?

Most everyone can relate to someone else and their experiences. We are not alone. There isn’t something that has happened that someone else hasn’t already experienced but the difference might be how we handled it and what we learned from it. Can we now inspire another person with our writings and our story, our life experience?

I have also heard it said that you need to have a certain amount of life experiences that most often come with age, until you really have something to write about and that is worthy of sharing. I always encouraged my kids to write. Many times they would ask me, “But what should I write about?” I always had a list that I could just rattle off things like 1) what is feels like to be a twin 2) what it feels like to know that your birth mother died and you never got to know her? 3) What you had to do to become an Eagle Scout 4) baking your first cake 5) first dates and the list goes on and on.

We all have “a story” and we all have something we can share. Stephen King wrote a book years ago titled, On Writing that I found helpful. I also used to read books about marketing your story and your book. There is no greater high for a writer than to be read, to be understood and to have that reader connect. I have often said, “That is my paycheck” when someone reads me, gets me and can connect to me from something I have written and shared.

There is a lot of healing for many people in writing, I, myself included and everyone has their own form. I think of it as an art form, the way we express ourselves and how and what we share. Just like an artist with a painting. That art makes you feel something and it is an expression from the artist. Writing to me, is that same experience. It should make you feel something.

So here is to all the writers out there that have a story to share, my advice, just write! Jump in and just get started, you never know where it will lead until you write it! Write!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New book ALONG THE WAY available at http://www.createspace.com/5705583?ref

The Excitement of Newness

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The Excitement of Newness
By Bernadette A Moyer

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There is something so exciting about trying something new, whether it is a new restaurant, a new vacation destination, a new recipe or a new class. There is that excitement of the unknown and the ability to try a new experience without any expectations.

It could be a new book or a new movie release just about anything that we are experiencing for the very first time offers us a new exciting experience without any previous point of reference. I am a junkie for trying new things! It doesn’t matter if it is a new hair conditioner or a new food item. I’ll try most anything at least once.

Over the weekend we tried the new BLK, Black water and I have to say “never again.” Not only didn’t it taste good to me but I literally felt like I was drinking really dirty black water!

Tonight my husband and I tried the newest Corner Bakery in our neighborhood, it is a chain and new to our area. Like most experiences we put a toe in the water and started with just a soft drink and a dessert. The place was nice, new, neat and clean. The menu had more than one item that piqued my interest and we will return for a breakfast, lunch or dinner meal at another time.

Recently I began taking a new business class at our local college here in Maryland, Loyola has a campus close to my home and I wanted a refresher business class to add to my resume. As an adult student you just want that “A” grade and it is important to do the very best you can, at my age you take every learning opportunity more seriously. You don’t have to be there, you are there because you alone made the decision to attend and you want to be there.

My husband like myself enjoys travelling to new locations, it could be a car ride or a plane flight away but we are always open minded and without a previous experience “there” we have no expectations which often makes for a guaranteed great time. We have also learned how to make everything old like new again. As frequent travelers to our resort home in Delaware we set out every single summer season to try a new restaurant. We also try parking on new to us streets, and taking in our beach place from a new and different angle. This helps to keep our trips fresh, new and allows us to discover and uncover new places.

Making time for new experiences and deliberately setting out on an unknown course allows us to broaden our horizons and makes for new learning experiences. Having a partner who enjoys trying new things as much as I do keeps our marriage fresh and alive. Where it may be easy to become a creature of habit, for me, not trying something new feels like a slow death and a boring life.

This week I have several “new” things lined up and I am both excited and curious and probably a tad bit nervous too! So here is to trying new things, setting out to experience a new experience and attending new places with opportunities to meet new and different people. Life is about change and growth and taking in as many new things as we can during our lifetime.

So … go somewhere new! Try a new food item! Make a new friend! Travel to a place you have never been before! Take a new class! Whatever it is … there is always excitement attached to newness …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette A Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble