Arrested Development

By Bernadette A. Moyer

Arrested development has been defined as “an abnormal state which development has stopped prematurely.”  To me that is exactly what estrangement does, it is an abnormal premature ending to both the development of the relationship and the stopping prematurely of the relationship.

My relationship with my mother ended abruptly when she was in her early 50’s the age where I am at in my life now. I would never know her in her sixties and her seventies until when she died. We lost decades of interacting and history that was never to be. I have health questions and as I face my own “change of life” it would have been nice to have that family perspective and family history.  Obviously I know my birth date but not the time of my birth. There are pieces missing from the puzzle. There are pieces that only a mother would know and would have within her to share.

My kids would miss out on their grandmother and in knowing and seeing my family and our roots and history.  My daughter estranged at just shy of her 18^th birthday, she will have huge voids in her life as well. Voids that just may contribute to a state of “arrested development.”

We often replace that which has been lost to us; I have “other mothers” and “other daughters” that have filled many of the voids. Those relationships are highly valued loving relationships. However, nothing can truly take the place of the woman who gave you your life or who you gave life.

Today I read a piece about “Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime” the list included; the post office, the check, the newspaper, the book, the land line telephone, music, television and even privacy. We all grew up with these things.  But is family on its way out too?

Many of us will face our futures without our adult children, kids that we raised that decided we weren’t important or worthy. My estrangement support groups continue to grow in numbers. Parents are sharing their stories and many are no longer embarrassed by the estrangement of their adult children.

Many parents have been forced to live without ever having an adult relationship with their children. The most common things you hear is that the kid’s state 1) abuse 2) control 3) no control 4) stalking and 5) disagreements over issues. The adult children feel justified in dismissing mom and dad from their life.  Often taking the next generation with them, and leaving the next generation without ever knowing their grandparents and therefore their family history and their roots.

I’ve heard stories where parents call to tell their adult children that they” love” them and days later receive a legal “no contact” order in the mail. There are adult children that regularly use the law to distance themselves from the very people who gave them life and raised them, their own parents. It is surprisingly common in estrangement. Family courts where children literally want a “divorce” from mom and dad.  Kids accuse mom and dad of all sorts of things to justify their choice of estrangement. Some are founded and many are deemed unfounded.

What is the real cost though to “abnormal premature ending” of family relationships, namely parental?

How does that adult child continue with normal maturation and life experience when they have chosen a form of “arrested development?”  How well adjusted can you possibly be when you don’t have peace, love or any relationship with the people that raised you, cared for you and parented you?

I really believe that to hate your mother, is to hate yourself because that is where you came from. Anyone that has the power to disregard their past will disregard most anything in life. If you don’t value your own mother, what will and do you value?

As a daughter who felt I had no choice due to sexual abuse in the family to sever ties with my mother, I was acutely aware of the cost. I knew the voids I had and I did my best to fill them with healthy relationships. Some voids would never become filled. What I did have though was a husband that always loved me. And a desire to forgive and move past it, learn from it and continue on without adding any more hurts.

I have often said, “I had to do so much more that most people just to feel normal.” That was my response when people told me “you are so accomplished” or “your life is so interesting.”  I knew the holes I had and all the wounds that I suffered. I did my best to heal and to minimize any “arrested development.”

Many parents have lost a big piece of themselves when their children have made the choice to exit their life. Some talk about the loss of a “will to live.”

But what about those adult children, what have they lost? All their reasons and the rationale, their stories and excuses aren’t going to make up for the abnormal premature loss of parents. Somewhere “arrested development” is sure to show itself.

What will they use to fill their voids? Will they make healthy choices? Or will they medicate their feelings away? Could these same adult children hold up to the yardstick they have chosen to use to measure their own parents?

It is in many ways a throw- away society with disposable everything, sadly many have chosen to devalue and throw mom and dad away too. It will be interesting to see what history does with these adult children and how their own relationships with their children will fare for them when they themselves have set the example.

How many of them will have children that will follow this parent and model those same behaviors. How many will suffer from some sort of “arrested development?”

Only time and history will tell …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Dear Estranged Adult Sons and Daughters,

This open letter is for you. Every single day I hear from mothers and fathers who are grieving your loss. They can’t imagine how this happened and how the son and/or daughter that they loved and raised could so easily dismiss them from their lives.

For almost 17 years now my child has been estranged from me. She left home as a teenager. At one point she was the absolute love of my life. I would have died for her, period. I wanted more for her than what I ever wanted for myself. When she was growing up many friends shared with me that they wished they had the kind of relationship we shared. I really believed we were close, very close. I never dreamt that one day she would walk away and never turn back. Nor did I ever comprehend her hatred and deep desire to hurt me.  More than 15 years into the estrangement and she still tries to hurt me.

When children are little they are easy and often their love for us comes easily. When they grow up they begin to judge us. I can say that I have letters in my child’s own handwriting that told me how much she loved me. I can say that she attended numerous proms and the one time I could not go to the dress shop with her, she shared this dialogue with me; “Mom all my friends were bringing me dresses, lots of dresses and none of them were right for me. Then I asked myself “what would my mom do?” and “I knew that you would look for an ivory colored gown and as soon as I realized that, I immediately found the perfect gown.”

I share this because it was unsolicited when she shared this with me. My sense was that although I had to work and couldn’t make the appointment she had at the dress shop with her girlfriends, I was in essence there with her! Yet not long after this she would estrange.

For more than 23 years I was estranged from my own mother. What did my mother do to me that I felt this was an appropriate thing to do? It was confided in me that my mother’s husband was a sexual abuser. I believed the child that shared this and I never wanted my children around him after this information was made known to me.  My mother didn’t want to hear it or to believe it. It was easier for her to make me out to be a bad person rather than face the truth about the man that she married and stayed married to until he died. She loved him above all else. I was eliminated from the family. And I made it easy for her to do this by walking away.

Regardless of how justified I thought I was in removing myself and my children, this was not an ideal situation. I was angry and I was hurt and I was disappointed in my mother. This lasted for many years until I came to peace and acceptance.  We never reconciled before she died. My sisters would decide to delete my existence from her obituary. Today I have more peace than ever before, I know that she knows the truth now.

Regardless of the details of my story I am here to tell you that there are no winners in estrangement. As justified as you may believe that you are in estranging from your parents, it is not healthy. It is not normal. It is not an act of love. If anything it is an act of intolerance.

The saddest thing for you is that if you have children, no matter their ages and or how close you may be at this time, by virtue of the fact that you have chosen this, you have now modeled behavior for your own children.  They are very likely to dismiss you from their lives the same way they have witnessed you do it to your mother and/or father. Believe it. Case studies support this.

What you are in essence modeling for your own children is that 1) parents aren’t important and can be easily erased from your life 2) disrespect 3) silent treatment 4) judgment 5) lack of tolerance and lack of forgiveness. What you are losing is your roots, your family history and heritage. If you are a biological child you miss out on your family health history. Your children are missing out on knowing their family and their grandparents. Lost years can never be made up.

I believe that most all parents love their children. Maybe it isn’t perfect but they aren’t perfect and neither are you. No one is perfect.

If you are estranged because of what you have done you should try and make amends before they die. As bad as it may be, most mothers and fathers are loving toward their children. If you do the work and fix what you broke they will probably at least try and forgive you.  And if for some reason they can’t at least you will know that you tried.

Like many of you I have other relationships that I created through the years, I have “other mothers” and “other children” that I have loved and have loved me too. They have helped me to heal and to fill many of the voids. But the reality is that no one can take the place of our birth parents. That history cannot be re-written. And our children come from us. They are a part of our being and our souls and our hearts are forever connected.

Do you need to be “right?” or do you need “peace?” Loving ourselves allows us to love others, loving our parents is an extension of self-love because whether you like it or not, that is where you come from.

No one said that you have to see them every day, no one said you have to speak with them every day but having peace with your parents is what you do for yourself. Remember one day your child will grow up and they too will judge you. Could you measure up to the same yardstick you have chosen to use to measure mom and dad? Would you want your grown adult child treating you the same way that you have chosen to treat your parents?

It’s not over until we take our last breathe. Making peace with your parents is making peace with yourself. Forgiveness is the gift that you give to yourself!

Make 2015 the year of love and of forgiveness and watch how much better your life becomes when you aren’t holding onto anger or ill will toward others.

Peace and love,

Bernadette A. Moyer

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Or e-mail and connect at bmoyer37@aol.com

New book ALONG THE WAY includes this article at http://www.createspace.com/5705583?ref

The Capacity to Love

By Bernadette A. Moyer

Does everyone have the capacity to love? And how much of our capacity to give and to receive love has to do with how we feel and think about ourselves? Do we learn love? Or is it something that we are just naturally born with?

Does love beget love and hatred begets hatred? Can you love yourself if you hate the very people that gave your life, your parents? You come from your parents, so doesn’t hate for your parents the same as hating yourself? To hate your child, is to hate yourself? Are we capable of loving everyone? Or do we have a type?

Is the opposite of love, hatred or indifference? What makes love grow and what makes love turn? How much of our ability to give and to receive love is predetermined or predestined? Can we change our own capacity to love?

Lots of questions I know, it seems like some people are just better at love than others. Some people naturally seem to attract love while others seem to have difficulty finding and keeping love in their life.

I am more and more convinced that the relationships we have with others is directly related to how we feel about ourselves. To love another, you must first be able to love yourself. The longest relationship we will ever have is with ourselves.

“And I think real healing — healing that lets us hold ourselves and the injured parts of the world in our hearts, healing that teaches us how to live fully, comes from intimacy, from the ability to be with what is no matter how hard.” The Dance – Oriah

“Many Christians get mixed up about what love really is. They know they should love God and others, but don’t understand that loving yourself is one-third of God’s equation. Instead, they mistakenly think of it as being selfish or egotistical.” Love Out Loud – Joyce Meyer

I believe that all things, all things are possible with love just as I believe that without love we are disadvantaged. Loving ourselves is the first step to opening the door for others to love us too.

More Love, Lord

And this is my prayer: that my love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that I may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.” PHILIPPIANS

If you would like to respond to any of the questions above or have your own thoughts and would like to share please e-mail Bernadette at bmoyer37@aol.com

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

More Fun Times … Please

By Bernadette A. Moyer

We just enjoyed the best holiday season ever! We had so many fun times. We set out for fun and we found it everywhere. We had fun in our home and in our neighborhood we had fun on our day trips and on our holiday vacation.  We had fun with our friends and with our family. It started out as a mindset and then moved beyond to our actions. We were determined to have a fun filled holiday season and we achieved it.  

It was a conscious choice and a decision that we made and the more fun we had the more fun times we found! During our road trip and during our hotel stay I vowed to wear my white fur lined snow flake tiara every place we went and I did. People were always smiling at me and commenting to me “how happy I looked” and I was happy!

After a while I would forget that I was wearing it and my thoughts were “the people here are so nice and so happy and they are all smiling!” But the truth is/was they were smiling because when they saw the snowflake tiara you couldn’t help but smile.

The take way for me was that we put into motion how we will be viewed and how we will be received. We do this by our own actions and how we present ourselves to the world. Whoever waited on us during our recent trip to Nashville when I wore that tiara out and whether we purchased gas or were eating out or just walking around received us with joy and with smiles and with their own happiness.

My snowflake tiara brought me so much joy but it also set the stage for others to smile and to laugh and to communicate with me. We had so many fun times! Now all I can think is more fun times … please … and where will I find my next tiara, for the next season or holiday?

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

When the “Bill” Becomes Due for Love

By Bernadette A. Moyer

All of our relationships end one day, they leave or they die but sooner or later the “bill” becomes due on what our relationships cost. Just weeks ago a dear friend lost her childhood friend of more than 50 years. They have a huge amount of history and in her death my friend is “paying” for all that love and friendship. She misses her friend terribly. You don’t replace or make up for a 50 year history with anyone.

When we marry we state “until death do us part” and sooner or later when death arrives we will fully understand that statement. In marriage we build a life with our partner and often we can’t imagine our lives without them. We want more. Few people are really ready to lose a life partner unless they have been ill for some time and death is viewed as merciful.  There is a price to be paid for the love and often it is paid in our grief and the void that a lost spouse and life partner and loved ones leave with us.

People leave our lives and sometimes it is a good thing as it frees us up for other people to enter our lives. Sometimes departure creates an opportunity to learn and to grow again.

To love any living being is to open up our hearts as we give, we engage, we invest and we relate. We were the parents that were invested in our children. You don’t get that back, the years and years of giving and the huge investment of time and treasure to love a child. When I remember my husband with his twins, I remember the time and the energy and the commitment he gave to love and care for them.  He never missed a soccer game or a scouting event. When they weren’t driving and took on pool jobs he became a pool operator so that he could work with them. After a crazy busy work week he would give up his weekends to be with them.  His actions in being there for them showed his love.

Most widows understand in their grief and in their loss that loving another comes with a price and one day that “bill” becomes due for love. Love is costly and yet a life without love isn’t really worth living.

I love many people and I love many things.  I invest my time and I care for them and about them. We love our dogs, they bring us joy. But they are work and a commitment and come with their own costs. In a few days one of our dogs will require surgery. It is costly but the expense is even greater in the love and the care we expend for her. One day, we know and we hope it won’t come for many more years we will lose her too. The average age for a dog of her breeding is 15-17 years. She is 5 now. One day we know that we will feel the loss that she leaves us with when her time comes. Yet we love her so much, she is such a big part of our lives.

A colleague and friend suddenly passed away after Christmas and before New Year’s this past year. No one expected him to die. The void he will leave is tremendous. He was loved by many. The cost of knowing him and loving him will be felt by the many voids that he leaves behind. When someone is so full of life, you can’t imagine that they could ever die and yet they do.

When parents give life to their children they can’t imagine a life that doesn’t include them, we imagine our children are forever. It has been said that there is no greater loss, pain and heartache than when a parent loses a child. Loving a child is the most pure form of love. A love where we give and we give. When that love is lost by death or by departure we feel that void. The paycheck we experienced was in the relationship and the “bill” often comes to us when the relationship is over. We pay with our grief and we pay with the huge voids they leave in our lives.

We cry and we grieve for ourselves because so often we are selfish and we want more, yet every relationship is a gift.  In the relationships that make us feel good and alive we want more of them.  To love is to be courageous; it takes courage to open ourselves up and to love. We risk it all never fully appreciating the cost until it is over and it ends. Yet we know that in life everything has a beginning, middle and an ending. We know going in that one day it will end.

Love is fragile and it can be broken, love can also be mended and repaired. Real love never dies it may transform us and take on a new shape or new look but it lives on inside of us forever. Love as much as you can and love as often as you can for in this lifetime regardless of the cost and even when the “bill” comes due, love is the only thing that truly matters and has any lasting value.  And love is always worth the price, no matter the cost.

Grocery Store “Bernie” My Angel

By Bernadette A. Moyer

Today I got up early to beat the rush at the grocery store, it is New Year’s Eve day and after being away from home for several days it was definitely time to restock the refrigerator. I made it through the Amish Market before the crowds and then on to the grocery store. I was in “get it done” mode. Barely awake as I left home I hadn’t even had my coffee yet. I was out and about.

When I made my way to the line at the check-out I was feeling pretty accomplished since there was only one person ahead of me and I had secured everything I needed to cook for the evening. The checker was a guy and he was nice. Almost too nice since like I stated I had not yet had my coffee. He was talking and talking telling me how he separated my foods in their bags, where the eggs were and how he protected the glass jars I was purchasing. And I was like it’s early; I am on a mission and wow you are talking up a storm!

I took each bag from him placed them in the cart and handed over my card, this time he was telling me to have a safe and Happy New Year and not just for me and for my family and it seemed like he was going on and going on … it was much more involved than the normal quick “Happy New Year.”

When I finally took the time to look at him I noticed his name tag that read “Bernie” and I said “I’m Bernadette” he immediately said “did they call you Bernie” I responded with “yes my father is Bernie and I was named after him.” He smiled large and said “Bernie?” I said “well actually Bernard.” His smile grew. He continued to chat with me and from the beginning he was so sincere, so caring, you would have thought they were his groceries that he was taking such good care of when placing them into the bags for me.

The thing is I could have missed the whole thing. I wasn’t really present as I was so geared up to what I was doing and what I needed to do next.  I smiled wide as I left there. I thought it was a sign from my dad above. It was “Bernie” alright the one that went to heaven several December’s ago. For me, it was my dad Bernie who has been looking out for me in a whole new way since he departed this life.

This past year 2014 has been filled with blessings and angel signs and I have been so blessed …. Most of us are blessed but so often we aren’t open and we are rushed and closed off. When we open our hearts and our souls and when we are receptive our own “Bernie” angels light our way and protect us. Soon after my joy I looked up and said “thanks dad, happy new year to you too!” and then I had a few tears that rolled down my cheeks …

Whatever is ahead I am able to face it because I know that God is with me  and that my angels are always with me. I am never ever alone and that is as simple as a visit to the grocery store or any other places that I find myself.

Happy New Year 2015 and May you be blessed and open and receptive to all the angels that surround you too!

Sudden Death and Heaven Has a New Angel

By Bernadette A. Moyer

It has been said that death is our final teacher. Yesterday on a long car ride home I would learn of the sudden and unexpected passing of a former colleague and friend. To say that he was respected and admired by many would be a huge understatement. Everyone loved Mark he made sure of that. I have my memories of him. Memories of overnight working retreats and memories of the interview process before he hired me to be part of his team with the Archdiocese of Baltimore. I have so many memories of special events, memories of our lunches, drinks and dinners together and memories of his many attempts at mentoring me.

You don’t last as long as he did within the highly charged political arena like the Archdiocese without learning how to maneuver, he managed to get along with all sorts of people; a  task that few in that same community manage to do and certainly unlike Mark who seemed to do it so effortlessly.

He never let his ego get in the way of his faith and his love for the Catholic Church, although he was tested. I remember meeting him for Mass and lunch downtown one day after he had been moved to another position within the Church. Many others might have left but not Mark as he made the best of it. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t human though, he felt it but his love for the Catholic Church and the work that he did was far greater than his ego. He made it work and he made it work well.

It was during the long 700 mile car ride that we learned of his death, that my husband and I would recall our own experiences with death and the sudden deaths of our own spouses so many years earlier. Our hearts are so sincerely with his wife and his daughter at this time; their lives are forever changed in his passing. Our faith teaches us many things and there is no more of a test of our faith as when our loved ones pass away.

When I woke up this morning I immediately went looking for all the photos I had taken through the years that I worked with Mark, I have some great ones! His spirit will live on long after his passing. I can’t imagine heaven receiving any better of an angel. The sadness I feel isn’t for Mark as I know that he has gone on to Glory but I am sad for all those left behind that are sure to miss him immensely.

Mark was one of the first to reach out to my husband when his mother died and he was one of the first to call me when he learned that my mother had passed away. He always knew what to send and what to do and what to say when death came. Now so many are lost with grief in his passing and sudden death. But I know Mark enough to know that he would want everyone to carry on and to be better for having known him. And we are all better for having known Mark. When I think of Mark, like most people, I smile. Here is to you Mark, Godspeed.

There is No Death

There is no death! The stars go down

To rise upon some other shore;

And bright in heaven’s jeweled crown

They shine forevermore.

There is no death! The dust we tread

Shall change beneath the summer showers

To golden grain, or mellow fruit,

Or rainbow tinted flowers.

There is no death! An angel form

Walks over the earth with silent tread;

He bears our best loved ones away,

And then we call them “dead”.

Born unto that undying life,

They leave us but to come again;

With joy we welcome them – the same.

Except in sin and pain.

And ever near us, though unseen,

The dear immortal spirits tread;

For all the boundless universe

In life – there are no dead.

John Luckey McCreery

The Longest Relationship You Will Ever Have is With Yourself

By Bernadette A. Moyer

The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, and for me, it also includes God. The way we treat people and our honesty and dishonesty is something that only we can reconcile. So many of us are hugely invested in our parents, our children, our friends and our neighbors and where this is quite noble, the truth is that the sustainable relationship is the one we have with ourselves. Friends come and go, family comes together and drifts apart, parents age and die and children grow up and go on their way.

The biggest investment made should be where it will have staying power and last, and that is within our own self. When we look to others for our value, whether it is an employer, a parent, a child, a friend or any other we have given way to letting everyone else determine our value.

As a child who was born as raised Catholic, I learned many wonderful life lessons. I learned to live by the golden rule and to treat other people the way that I wanted to be treated. I learned the value in living for the greater good and about service above self.  I watched both Priests and Nuns put everyone else above themselves. I learned to believe I was going to hell if I didn’t honor the Catholic code for living. It is only recently that I have discovered that if and when you put everyone else above yourself you have basically taught people how to treat you. You have taught them that you deserve to be last.

Life is a journey and not a destination, each one of us is evolving as we age, learn and grow. Just like a flower that comes back year after year, where it may be the same type of flower it never returns looking exactly like it did in its previous bloom.

When we are young we have no way to fully comprehend how our decisions will impact us later in life. Like the teenager who decides to become a teen mom, they can never fully understand that life altering choice until they age. Parents fret over their teenagers and young adult decisions, because unlike the teenager and the young adult a mature adult has a better understand of poor choices. The choice to walk away and not take advantage of a fully funded four year college education means much more to that same adult, now grown, who does not have the advantage of a college degree that was afforded them as a teenager.

Decisions made in anger and in haste seldom stand up in the test of time. Whether our parents were great parents, mediocre parents or even terrible parents, they are the parents that God gave to us. Every single adult knows the impact of their childhood both good and bad and the importance of their roots and their home. Even in the most highly dysfunctional families, social workers and mental health care providers work to restore the health of the first family or neonatal family. They get it that the parental relationships will impact a child’s life for the rest of their life.

Life is long

Most people state “life is short” or “life is so short” but it was my husband who first shared the statement, “life is long’ with me. Life is long and it feels even longer when as a young person you make life altering decisions that impact your life in a negative way, for the rest of your life.

One of the fastest growing populations of people is estranged parents and adult children. This week alone I received 6 e-mails from across the country and from both men and women, fathers and mothers who are estranged from their adult children and grandchildren. The pain and heartache is insurmountable and almost every single case has set the same cycle up for the next generation. Statistically it has been proven that once this pattern of family estrangement begins, it plays itself, over and over again in future generations.

I have heard from parents, who had social services involve themselves and when it was deemed it was a troubled teenager, the rift between parent and child was broken beyond repair. I heard from a father who was arrested after his teen daughter claimed abuse. It didn’t take long for the investigation to uncover that the teen was angry. She was angry with dad, because he took the car away from her. So she got him back by slamming herself up against the car, getting a bruise, calling police, saying dad did this and when they saw her redness and bruise, he was immediately arrested.

Now dad sees how dangerous and without boundaries, his daughter is and in his anger and hurt he doesn’t want the teen back in the home. The teen daughter is limited in her ability to function without her parents support. The stage is now set for years of estrangement. The social workers once there and involved are long gone as they have moved on helping truly abused children. This family is left with the destruction and the aftermath.

Try Not to Make Mistakes that You Can’t Recover From

It wasn’t until one of my later career jobs that I was applauded for making any mistakes. My supervisor always saw the value in lessoned learned and in the ability to try. According to him, if you made a mistake, at least you were trying. For the effort you were applauded then came the dialogue about what went wrong and how to make it better. Everything was viewed as a learning opportunity and a chance for growth and development.  

Some mistakes can’t ever be repaired, nor can you ever come back from them. Murder and rape are not actions that once crossed can be repaired. Where we want to live in a world of second chances and of reform, there are actions that can be taken that you can never take back.

When you put your life in someone else’s hands and when you no longer have the power over your own destiny in life you have all but ended your relationship with yourself. No one is going to know what you like, need or want in life better than you do. Advice is great and often it is free and perhaps in being free that is what it is worth, nothing. People often have their own agenda and their own idea.

Coming from a place of strength and of self-love and acceptance and contributing to our own success and investing in our own self allows us to be fully developed mature adults. We can’t get our value or devalue ourselves by what other people do or don’t do.

As parents, maybe we need to do better and teach our children that the longest relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. If you are not full-filled and you are angry, only you can do what is necessary to fix that inside of yourself.

Investing in our own self is not selfish but rather contributes to wellness and to the greater good. We all know that “hurt people, hurt people.” And most often when teens and young adults are lashing out at others, at their parents and at their friends, family and community, it is because they are hurt and troubled.

I can’t say it enough, the longest relationship you will ever have is the relationship that you have with yourself. Invest in you, take care of you and do what is right. A pretty good measure for me has always been that if you wouldn’t want something done to you, you most probably shouldn’t be doing that same thing to someone else.

Peace and all good things …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

So Much to Be Thankful For in 2014

By Bernadette A. Moyer

If we don’t appreciate what we have, what makes us think we will appreciate even more?

Last year around this time I created my own gratitude jar and throughout the year I used it. I wrote down things that I was thankful for in my life. It was not a difficult exercise. Little did I know when I started to do this just how many things and people and places and opportunities would come my way. It was a year filled with much love and abundance.

It was also around this time last year that I interviewed for a new job in the state of Delaware. Somehow I managed to compete with more than 70 other professionals for that position. It was a position that I eventually secured after a very challenging series of filters that began with a Skype interview and included my 30-60-90 day action plan before the actual face-to-face interview. The team that interviewed me I immediately liked every single one of them.

I loved the small town of Smyrna, Delaware and so many of its residents. It was a huge job with extremely limited resources. In my time there I was very successful. It was a beautiful place. Sadly the lack of unity just burned out the two people they hired to replace me. They lasted as long as I did before moving on too. In about a year they had three different Directors I hope that 2015 brings them better luck and an aligned board of trustees. However I will be forever thankful for my experiences there. I met some of the best people. Some remain in my life as good friends and others will live on in my heart.

After exiting the job I decided to travel some with my husband. So off we went up and down the East coast and I appreciated it all. We will end our year in one of our favorite cities; Nashville Tennessee.  We have so many fond memories of past holidays with our children there and try and go back at least twice a year. I am so thankful that we remain healthy and are afforded so many travel opportunities.

This year job opportunities literally just fell into my lap, many of them I declined however I remain grateful for them and ponder the variety. One was a position in upstate New York working in economic development. We actually house hunted before declining. Another possibility came my way via a dear friend who asked me to help be part of the care giving team for her aging parents. She reached out to me because of my “giving and caring heart.”  Hard as it was I said “no” but her prayers were soon answered with a team of three wonderful qualified adults. Another opportunity I accepted locally and another is based in Washington, D. C. My take away is that there are many opportunities and I am so thankful to be afforded them.

My husband remains at the very top of my gratitude list. What a great life partner he continues to be to me. He is always so supportive of my many projects. I couldn’t ask for better.  And I appreciate my closest friends who are like family to me.

I’ve peaked inside of my gratitude jar for 2014 although I have decided to wait until New Year’s eve before reading each slip of paper where I wrote what I appreciated and was so thankful for in my life. This will be a tradition now as I plan to begin 2015 with a fresh new gratitude jar.

Isn’t that the beauty of life, not knowing what is ahead? What will the New Year afford us? What will we attain or achieve or receive that we will be thankful for? I know that I have so much to be grateful for that came my way in 2014 and I truly look forward to receiving the many gifts that life has to offer for 2015.

Have a most happy and healthy New Year 2015 and be sure to take the time to ponder all that you appreciate are most thankful and grateful for in your own life …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer