Dear Moms …

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Dear Moms …

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We are about to celebrate yet another Mother’s Day. For some of us our children will be here to celebrate with us. And for some of us our children will not be. Our adult children make that decision. Each year my adult son takes me out to lunch and a movie to celebrate Mother’s Day. It has become our tradition. Half the fun for me is witnessing his excitement in planning it and making it happen.

My husband always treats me special on Mother’s Day. I think the thought that he could have been left alone to raise newborn infant twins when his first wife unexpectedly died was terrifying for him. He has always appreciated me for stepping up and assuming the mother role and raising his twin children with him. Today we can’t imagine our lives any other way.

My oldest and I were extremely close when she was coming up; so many people thought we had the “ideal” mother – daughter relationship. I have the most vivid memories of her as a toddler and later as a young teenager. She was strikingly beautiful and just as intelligent. Often I sat in amazement at her spunk and spirit. My memories are mine and no one can take them away from me.

For some families the kids will come home to see mom and celebrate together with family. Some will travel to the cemetery and lay flowers in remembrance.

Today there are statistics that show that 1 in every 5 families has an estranged family member, many are the adult children who have mothers that will grieve their loss and the void left behind on Mother’s Day. Through the years and because of my writings I have heard from thousands and thousands of mom’s who suffer a broken heart because “John” or “Jane” decided that mom was just not worthy of any relationship. It is hard not to be angry when I hear such hurtful stories. It seems that many adult children have no love and no respect for the very person that gave them life.

But for all of us mom’s we can share in the knowledge that we were brave and filled with faith and trust in just becoming a mother. There is no greater task in life than the awesome responsibility of bringing another life into the world and then the depth of commitment that it takes to raise one until adulthood. My heart was never so filled with pure joy and genuine love as the day that I first became a mother.

Often we beat ourselves up or second guess ourselves when the truth is that for most all of us we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew at that time. Know that you did the best that you could have with what you had and what you knew at that time. Our parents were not perfect and neither are we nor are our adult children. Flowers, cards and gifts are often a big part of the Mother’s Day celebration.

If you are on the receiving end of acknowledgement this Mother’s Day know that giving is for the giver and although we may be the receiver, relish in knowing that your child thought of you and did so in a way that lets you know that he/she is capable of love and of giving.

If you are feeling the pain and the loss of an adult child who does not acknowledge you or appreciate you, just know that you are not alone. Allow yourself a few minutes alone to grieve it, let it out. Cry it out, shout it out, write it out, whatever it takes just release the grief so that you are freer and can cleanse some of the loss and heartache away. Know that it is normal to feel the grief and that you will always have a soft spot for your child no matter what they have said and done. Say a prayer for them and for yourself.

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Then do your best to pick yourself up and treat yourself with kindness and care. Whether you are acknowledged or not you deserve to be appreciated. Appreciate yourself! Take a walk or a long hot bubble bath. Buy your own flowers or candy. Go to lunch or dinner with a friend. Buy a new book and get lost in a story, treat yourself to a movie. Buy a new dress or new shoes. Take a day trip. Go to an event. Do something outwardly that shows that you are important and that you have value. You do have value, believe it!

We give others too much power over us; we allow their judgement to take center stage. The only person who truly knows you and your heart is you. Try not to get caught up in the negativity that your child has placed upon you. Estrangement is not an act of love or of kindness nor does it come from a caring person. We are not our children. We are not responsible for any of their adult decisions.

We gave them life. We gave them the ultimate gift. Celebrate! You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have peace and love. There are always people that can and will love you. Love yourself. Treat yourself well.

Always remember that you gave your child the greatest gift ever when you gave them life and you raised them, you deserve to be celebrated. If not celebrated by them then with others who can appreciate you and celebrate from within yourself.

Happy Mother’s Day with much love and peace,

Bernadette

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

 

Birth Date

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Birth Date
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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They just keep coming, don’t they? Until one year they don’t! We celebrate our life each year as it reminds us of how finite time truly is for us. We remember. We remember ours and we remember others. We remember how we celebrated those special years and the special years of our children. Every stage of our lives bringing us its own wonder and then the anticipation of what may come ahead for us, we celebrate each year.

I love being an October baby and a Libra, I certainly own my “Libra-ness” with my ability to be fair, balanced and see all sides of every issue. And I cherish all my Libra friends who also share in our soulfulness!

Every birth date I remind myself of all that I have done and all that I have accomplished in my lifetime, to date, and then I remind myself that although our futures are never certain I am excited about the endless possibilities of life and what may come ahead. I think about the endless opportunities that afford us with so many choices.

“Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.” Sammy Hagar

I wonder … I wonder about how my parents were when I was born. How did they feel with the birth of their second child? I wonder about those early years when I have no memories and about what transpired. I think it is normal to think about the two people that came together so that we could be born. I think about the two people that created a new life, and went on and lived their lives, now with greater purpose and responsibility. The unity they shared just by virtue of the fact that they chose to become parents … together … again for their second time.

What if they never met? What if they only had their first child? Their decisions to pro-create would leave lasting results and history long after their lives would end. It sounds so simple. Yet we all know the gravity of life and death decision. A child is born! A new birth date is revealed to us. It is all so amazing the actual miracle of life of birth and of birth dates.

“Today you are YOU, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is YOUER than you.” Dr. Suess

And then of course I think about my own offspring that would come just three days after my own birth date. Another Libra born, but this time I have all the memories of those early days, months and years. They remain so clear. The way that just moments after her birth she would lift her head and turn to the other side. The thoughts and the reflection I would experience within the long 20 plus hours of labor that occurred so that I would become a first time mother. I think about her father who was there to welcome her. How that union of this man and woman would create that one unique child. And a new birth date would be established and logged into our family history.

In just a few days I will celebrate yet another birth date, I feel blessed to still be here, many have not been afforded long lives. I know how blessed and how lucky that I am. I appreciate all the actual living that has gone into this one unique not to be duplicated life.

Happy Birth Date to all my October friends and Libra sisters and brothers … given the alternative I am thrilled to be here and so grateful that I am still loving and appreciating my life and just plugging right along …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

For the Love of Pie

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For the Love of Pie
By Bernadette A Moyer

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Who doesn’t like pie? Sweet banana cream pie, classic apple pie, peace crumb pie and savory chicken pot pie just to name a few. I am known for my mile high apple pie and classic pumpkin pie.

Recently after a trip to the Finger Lakes in upstate New York where they are known for their grapes and wineries I had to try the local grape pie. It was made from concord grapes with a crumb topping and pretty good! Of course my husband was like I’m not trying “grape jelly pie.” His loss.

“We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.” David Mamet

When I was just a little kid we lived on a farm that was once an orchard and we had apple trees, peach trees and a cherry tree. Mom would hand us that classic old fashioned wire fold up basket to go pick our own fruits and she would make us individual pies.

It may seem decadent today but life on the farm was simple and fruit trees grew fruit in abundance. Pie was just one answer to all that fruit so was canning and making homemade jelly and jams. We loved our fruit trees but Mom and her pie was always a welcome treat.

As an adult I often celebrated George Washington’s birthday by baking my own cherry pies, harvest season meant many pumpkin and apple pies and in the summer I love making peach pies and blueberry pie. To me there are two important components to a truly great pie. You need a nice flaky crust and a wonderful filling. I love fresh fruit pies.

The Amish are known for their pies and for their Shoofly pie. Traditionally they come in either wet or dry bottom. Since I am the only family member that enjoys them I do buy a slice when I visit Lancaster, PA and my choice is the wet bottom version.

As a teenager I worked in a restaurant/diner where when you walked through the front door you were greeted by a revolving glass pie case. They had onsite baking and made wonderful pies. One of the most popular was a fresh strawberry pie.

My husband is known for saying, “in business, do one thing and do it really well.” We had this experience at Monica’s pies in Naples, New York just a few days ago. That is all they do really great pies, all the fruit pies and chicken pot pie. Monica’s pies are well known and she was once featured on the food network however, they no longer ship their pies. You can stop in and buy their pie or enjoy a slice at the many area eateries who serve them. I do recommend the concord grape pie if for no other reason that eat local when you visit!

In the summer season with so many wonderful fruits and the fall with apples I do go into pie making mode. I could see myself like Monica with a little pie shop and a sign on the door that reads, “ring bell for service” Monica appears in full apron as she is making pie until it is time to sell her assorted pies.

I left her shop inspired to try to make my first ever concord grape pie and a chicken pot pie. I also plan to make many more pies. Who doesn’t like pie? There is virtually a variety for every taste. So here is to lots more pie making, pie eating and pie enjoying.

Pumpkin pie, apple pie, pecan pie all are favorites for the Thanksgiving holiday. So go ahead and make a homemade pie or buy a pie and support a pie maker!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

NEW BOOKS in 2015! Along The Way and Another Way are available at Amazon a