Dear Moms …

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Dear Moms …

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We are about to celebrate yet another Mother’s Day. For some of us our children will be here to celebrate with us. And for some of us our children will not be. Our adult children make that decision. Each year my adult son takes me out to lunch and a movie to celebrate Mother’s Day. It has become our tradition. Half the fun for me is witnessing his excitement in planning it and making it happen.

My husband always treats me special on Mother’s Day. I think the thought that he could have been left alone to raise newborn infant twins when his first wife unexpectedly died was terrifying for him. He has always appreciated me for stepping up and assuming the mother role and raising his twin children with him. Today we can’t imagine our lives any other way.

My oldest and I were extremely close when she was coming up; so many people thought we had the “ideal” mother – daughter relationship. I have the most vivid memories of her as a toddler and later as a young teenager. She was strikingly beautiful and just as intelligent. Often I sat in amazement at her spunk and spirit. My memories are mine and no one can take them away from me.

For some families the kids will come home to see mom and celebrate together with family. Some will travel to the cemetery and lay flowers in remembrance.

Today there are statistics that show that 1 in every 5 families has an estranged family member, many are the adult children who have mothers that will grieve their loss and the void left behind on Mother’s Day. Through the years and because of my writings I have heard from thousands and thousands of mom’s who suffer a broken heart because “John” or “Jane” decided that mom was just not worthy of any relationship. It is hard not to be angry when I hear such hurtful stories. It seems that many adult children have no love and no respect for the very person that gave them life.

But for all of us mom’s we can share in the knowledge that we were brave and filled with faith and trust in just becoming a mother. There is no greater task in life than the awesome responsibility of bringing another life into the world and then the depth of commitment that it takes to raise one until adulthood. My heart was never so filled with pure joy and genuine love as the day that I first became a mother.

Often we beat ourselves up or second guess ourselves when the truth is that for most all of us we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew at that time. Know that you did the best that you could have with what you had and what you knew at that time. Our parents were not perfect and neither are we nor are our adult children. Flowers, cards and gifts are often a big part of the Mother’s Day celebration.

If you are on the receiving end of acknowledgement this Mother’s Day know that giving is for the giver and although we may be the receiver, relish in knowing that your child thought of you and did so in a way that lets you know that he/she is capable of love and of giving.

If you are feeling the pain and the loss of an adult child who does not acknowledge you or appreciate you, just know that you are not alone. Allow yourself a few minutes alone to grieve it, let it out. Cry it out, shout it out, write it out, whatever it takes just release the grief so that you are freer and can cleanse some of the loss and heartache away. Know that it is normal to feel the grief and that you will always have a soft spot for your child no matter what they have said and done. Say a prayer for them and for yourself.

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Then do your best to pick yourself up and treat yourself with kindness and care. Whether you are acknowledged or not you deserve to be appreciated. Appreciate yourself! Take a walk or a long hot bubble bath. Buy your own flowers or candy. Go to lunch or dinner with a friend. Buy a new book and get lost in a story, treat yourself to a movie. Buy a new dress or new shoes. Take a day trip. Go to an event. Do something outwardly that shows that you are important and that you have value. You do have value, believe it!

We give others too much power over us; we allow their judgement to take center stage. The only person who truly knows you and your heart is you. Try not to get caught up in the negativity that your child has placed upon you. Estrangement is not an act of love or of kindness nor does it come from a caring person. We are not our children. We are not responsible for any of their adult decisions.

We gave them life. We gave them the ultimate gift. Celebrate! You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have peace and love. There are always people that can and will love you. Love yourself. Treat yourself well.

Always remember that you gave your child the greatest gift ever when you gave them life and you raised them, you deserve to be celebrated. If not celebrated by them then with others who can appreciate you and celebrate from within yourself.

Happy Mother’s Day with much love and peace,

Bernadette

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

 

The Traveling Blueberry Pie

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The Traveling Blueberry Pie, Thanks Café Hon!
By Bernadette A. Moyer

blueberry pie

I won! I won! I won a blueberry pie from Café Hon. Denise Whiting (the owner) was so excited when she called to tell me. It was a Facebook contest and I was the lucky “like” number to win it.

Café’ Hon is located in Baltimore City and in one of my favorite city neighborhoods Hampden. There is a real sense of community there and the houses remind me of the row houses from where I grew up In Allentown, Pennsylvania. There are lots of brick houses with large front porches. It is a community where residents walk to school to their places of worship to the grocery stores and to restaurants and small boutique businesses.

At Christmastime people from all over flock to 36th Street to view the entire street of beautifully well-lit decorated houses. The shops in the area are typically owned by individual shopkeepers, truly small unique retail and restaurants with their own unique offerings. There is a “Hon” Festival (it’s a Baltimore thing) that takes place every summer. Remember mom’s beehive hairdo, lots of that and more …

Anyway back to the pie. It was Lent and I was failing miserable at keeping with my giving up sweets and then comes this pie. So what to do with it? At first I thought about donating it to a shelter but it seemed kind of rude not to go get it and I hadn’t been in the area for a while so I wanted to revisit it. I thought about having lunch there to show my appreciation but I was alone and then thought I will wait and return with my husband. We have eaten there in the past and it was always good home style food.

Many years ago when I was a Realtor I had two neighboring properties with multi-family units inside listed and it was nice to see they had been renovated. And nice to see how clean all the streets were.

I picked up the pie myself and it was beautifully wrapped and waiting for me with my name on it. The restaurant was as welcoming and charming as I remembered. You can’t miss it as it has a big pink flamingo just outside. My husband likes their meatloaf platter and I love the French fries with gravy and the crab soup. If you are interested check them out Café Hon at 1002W. 36th Street Baltimore Maryland 21211 or by phone 410 243-1230 and website cafehon.com

So now what to do with this pie …

I decided to stop at the store and pick up some to-go containers as I was going to cut it up and share it with as many people as I could. The next day I was having lunch with a Priest friend to celebrate his 45th birthday and of course I showed up with his slice of blueberry pie. Then I dropped off a slice for an elderly female friend who doesn’t get out much and lives in a high rise. I sent my husband to work with a slice for himself and an extra piece to give to a favorite co-worker. Our son had one or two pieces and I enjoyed a slice myself. So the pie went to several locations and was enjoyed by many. It truly was a traveling pie!

Thanks Denise Whiting and Café Hon! We will be back soon for some good home style food …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Let Me Take Care of You

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Let Me Take Care of You
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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“Let me take care of you!” he said. It was a father to his son, a son who was struggling with mental health issues. It was probably the sweetest thing I ever heard him say. But he says it wasn’t the first time he said it. The first time was when his almost 19 year old daughter wanted to leave home to be with her boyfriend. He tried like only a father can to get her to come home and finish her education.

This time his son took his father up on his offer because at age 24 he is struggling, struggling in ways that we could never conceive of, but what does a loving father do but jump in and take care of the one that is most needy and most vulnerable. It’s called love, real genuine love when all you want is to help and to care for the one child that needs you.

Even as a strong woman who has been handling her life for most all her life the sounds of “let me take care of you” sounds so loving and so good and so genuine, when in fact it comes from such a God-loving place with no agenda and no ulterior motives.

That’s all we really have, how we treat one another and what we do in a crisis says a lot about our depth of love and of caring. The ability to be selfless and the desire to put another person’s needs above all else is the highest form of giving and of love.

Helping someone else just because we can is what sets us apart from being civilized to uncivilized people. We all need love, we all need care, and we may need it in different times during different periods of our lives but having family or friends that genuinely love and care for you is the greatest gift in life.

And the capacity and ability to be that person who comes from a position of strength and genuine caring reflects so beautifully on the one who has it to give. Selfless giving is truly our highest ideal.

In life there are times when we are the caretakers and caregivers and other times when we may need to hear, “let me take care of you.” It feels good to hear someone say, “take care” but it feels so much better to hear someone say, “I will take care of you.”

Prayers for all those in need and prayers for all those that are willing and able to provide genuine heartfelt love and care.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

If You Could Be Santa Claus

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fc_santa_claus_rovaniemiIf You Could Be Santa Claus
By Bernadette A. Moyer

If you could be Santa Claus what would you give to people? If price was not an object would it come from a store or something more?

Recently I read an article that stated it wasn’t money that made people happy but rather the experiences that money affords primarily travel. And although it is the destination that makes people happy it is also the anticipation of that destination.

Anticipated trips and travel give people something to look forward to and something to get excited about, sharing that anticipation of what is yet to come.

Kids light up with that special toy, it could be a train set or a special doll or maybe a game or gaming system but what would Santa give to most adults? Perhaps the greatest gift is peace and to be surrounded by love and our loved ones.

We give gifts as tokens of our love and appreciation of another person. How are we as the receiver of a gift? Do we appreciate it or critique it? Are we happy with the gesture and the thought that went into it?

Giving is for the giver, there is no greater high than to be in a position to give a gift. It could be a store bought gift or a homemade gift or a gift of service. When we give we show our heart and our spirit and our generosity.

Some people are easy to please and no matter what you gift them they respond with joy and appreciation. Others take more to wow them but if you were lacking good health, peace of mind or unable to have your basic needs met, just imagine the gift of health or of peace of mind or of not having to worry about where your next meal will come from or warm clothing or a soft and safe comfy place to sleep.

If I was Santa Claus, I would give gifts that opened people’s heart and allowed them to let go in love and to understand that forgiveness is the gift that you give to yourself. I would give gifts that changed people’s lives for the better.

As I waited for my rings to be cleaned at a local jewelry store I browsed around looking at all the pretty watches, bracelets, necklaces and rings and I didn’t want for anything … I had what I like and what means something to me, most of my jewelry has sentimental value.

Imagine gifting a new puppy to a dog lover or a high end car or an expensive this or that, it really comes down to who gave it to us as much as what the gift actually is?

If I was Santa Claus I would give the most to the children that had the least and I would give adults who appreciated what they received more than to those that are never satisfied or happy.

If a gift could make someone happy I would give it … if it could change someone’s world and their life for the better I would be all in … every single one of us can be just a little bit like Santa Claus.

As Santa what would you give and to whom would you give your gifts? Giving truly is for the giver … we could all become someone’s, anyone’s Santa …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

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