The slower life gets, the more it feels like living. I heard the birds chirping this morning. I smell the fresh ground coffee beans dripping fresh brewed coffee. The curtains are gently swaying with cool crisp breezes trickling through the open windows. The sky so lovely bright blue with soft white cottony clouds.
The slower life gets, the more it feels like living. Quiet is the fun new excitement. Stillness is the new action word. Peace is the mantra for these days. Loving is the overall theme and daily goal.
I’ve slowed down and I have never felt more alive. The slower life gets, the more it feels like living!
My husband tells me that I am “aging backwards” I’ll take it! And he would know as we have been together for 34 years now, together since we were just 32 years old. Although this is not the first time I’ve heard this, it is the first time I actually believe it.
I believe that I had aged pre-maturely in my early twenties as I was widowed at age 23 and left alone with a two-year-old toddler to raise. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders as I tried to navigate single motherhood and earning enough to support us. This was definitely not what I had signed up for at such a young age.
“I was so much older then, I am younger than that now” by Bob Dylan
Then came years of a different level of stresses in a new marriage and taking on the mother role for newborn infant twins, as I tried to work my way up my chosen career paths.
Yet today as a retired senior I feel and look better than ever before! There are no “secrets” to living a good healthy lifestyle as so much of it is just common sense.
If I had to make a list of what I believe has contributed to my happiness and wellness, this list would be much of it.
1) Live in love and let go of all that no longer serves you well
2) Eat the good food/eat fresh
3) Exercise and get those 10,000 steps a day
4) Take your vitamins, I am big on taking magnesium and a low dose of aspirin daily, it works for me!
5) Get outside in the fresh air
6) Keep gratitude top of mind as there is always something to be grateful for
7) Live under your financial means so that you are not financially struggling
8) Laugh often it feels so good and is so good for you
9) Get a dog or two!
10) And for me probably the most important of all is marry well, choose wisely and make sure you live in peace and love with your forever friend/partner/lover/spouse
Bonus buy the cute outfit, get your hair and nails done and take the trip … Life is for the living, live it!
This is my list … make one that works for you too. I feel great and I believe you can too!
You have and will learn so many things; some will mold and form you. Others will go unnoticed and yet others will change the very fabric of your heart and soul. Life is a journey and not a destination.
Here we go …
It was a lesson and not a life sentence.
Don’t sweat the small stuff and much of it is small.
No one and I mean no one is worth years and years of tears.
You are only a victim if you choose to be one.
The longest relationship is with yourself. love and care for YOU!
Don’t buy junk, buy quality over quantity.
Real estate is always a good investment.
Not every day is going to go your way and that is okay.
Buy the dress, get the hair done and get a manicure, outside appearances will help you look and feel better inside.
Bubble baths are therapy.
Always trust your gut.
Just because someone said it doesn’t make it true.
Bad boys might be fun for a while, but they are not meant for the long term.
It’s not over until we take our last breath.
No one is coming to rescue you, you must save yourself.
Some of the most messed up people are in the “helping professions” beware.
Buy local and support the artists.
What is meant for you will find you.
Relax.
God is always with you, you are not alone.
What you learned from your first family is not love, and its ok because they taught you who and what you don’t want to be.
Go with the ones that love and support you.
You have always had everything you need, deep within you.
Life seemed so simple when I grew up, there was a code of conduct and rules that we lived by, they were just common sense. Here are the ones I remember that had a lasting impact on me.
Remember your P’s and Q’s (please and thank you)
We are NOT heating/cooling the outside world (reference to leaving doors open)
Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about
Idle time is a devil’s workshop
Clean your plate! There are starving people in the world.
What did YOU do? In reference to any time, you complained about other kids or what others did
Just because everyone else does, does that mean you have to do the same? If they jumped off a bridge, would you?
Because I said so!
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
Doesn’t leave much to the imagination! (In reference to skimpy revealing clothes)
Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
I grew up in a time and in a home where these were the lessons and the house rules. Most of these were from my parents and grandparents. They definitely formed me into the adult I am today.
Recently we met our friends Audrey and Art for breakfast on the day after Easter. We always enjoy getting together with them. During breakfast Audrey mentioned that her daughter calls her every day just to chat and catch up. When she can’t get her mother on the phone, she calls Art. Last summer when the four of us were out to dinner her daughter and boyfriend met up with us. Audrey wanted me to meet them. Our friends live in Maryland but frequent their beach house here in Delaware. Their home is perfect for when Audrey’s daughter comes to visit as they have their own private place in their home to stay. Although the daughter lives in Colorado and far from her mom, she makes the effort to stay close. All I could say and think when Audrey shared the frequent phones calls was “that is a good daughter!”
Then I started thinking about my friend Carole who passed away a few years ago and the loving mother-daughter relationship she had with her daughter Kathleen. You couldn’t be Carole’s friend without knowing and meeting Kathleen. They loved being together as they traveled together, shopped together, dined together and vacationed together. When Carole passed Kathleen said, “she was my mother, she was my best friend, and most of all we just had so much fun together!” how wonderful is that? One of the greatest gifts Carole left me is the ongoing friendship we have with her daughter and granddaughter. Kathleen is definitely the definition of “the good daughter.” And I know for a fact just how proud and how much love Carole had for Kathleen.
Then there is my neighbor Diane who recently had surgery that required a long recovery period. Her daughter came from out of state and stayed a few weeks to help her mother during her time of healing from the surgery. Diane wanted us to meet and when we did, I asked, “how long will you be staying?” Her response was “a month” and her mother was like maybe two weeks, not because she didn’t want her daughter’s company but rather that she didn’t want to disrupt her life for that long a period of time. We watched the care, concern, dog walking and more that Diane’s daughter was happy to provide to her mom. Again, another definition of what a “good daughter” looks like.
I don’t believe that moms ever expect to be on the receiving end when it comes to their daughters as most moms just want to give rather than receive. But how wonderful to witness up close and personal the loving good daughters many of my friends have and I am so thankful for the stories they share and bringing me in to witness so much love between mother and daughter.
So today we lift up all the good daughters out there as they truly are the greatest gift to their mom.
Writers whether they are poets, song writers, authors, bloggers, journalists and more have something to say. Typically, they are “observers of life” and take in, process and then write about it. You have to be motivated but most important is that desire to express yourself.
Over the holidays one of my favorite young people came to visit and she asked; “Have you been writing?” my immediate and rapid response was, “no, I have nothing new to say.” I have definitely been in an observation and reflective mode. I see things, the news, people acting this way or that and I shrug and often think how bad it must feel to live with such angst, most notably about politics.
The other part as you age is choosing your words or your ventures with discernment, do I want to step into that? Many times, I don’t, because I have cared so deeply for so long about so many people, places and things and at this stage of life (retirement) and in a healthy way, I don’t care. I preserve my happiness and my peace.
What I have given much thought to is how grateful and how blessed I am, how much life I have lived and how what is ahead I look forward to … I have ticked off just a few of my biggest accomplishments and here are a few 1) my loving and long-term marriage of 33 years 2) raising millions and millions of dollars for several non-profits, most notably underserved minority children 3) building a beach house after purchasing a lot of land 4) raising three children of which two were adopted 5) surviving abusive and toxic relationships and managing to maintain a loving and peaceful heart and 6) my books that were published and my many articles and blogs 7) connecting with my friends, family and my many readers and 8) most important and life-sustaining is my relationship to Jesus Christ My Savior.
I am blessed … my life began in a small town in Northeastern Pennsylvania as one of five girls. My childhood was filled with angst and upheaval that often left me nervous and anxious. My parents married each other twice and divorced each other twice, that is only one part of my story. We moved a lot. I was insecure and anxiety ridden as a child. I couldn’t wait to escape it. I married young at 19, got pregnant at 20, had my child just three days after 21 and my husband died when I was just 23. Lots of life for such a young woman. All of these life circumstances I have processed thoroughly and am so happy to be on the other side of it. I am richer for all my many life experiences.
When I was just 26 years old, I purchased my first home as a single mom after becoming a Realtor. Another accomplishment for me to be “successful” I was driven!
Last March we retired to our beach house, I have enjoyed so much reflective time. Some travels but mostly getting to know and love myself again. This time not for all my so called “accomplishments” but for coming out the other side, a place of love and of peace.
A few days ago, I read this, “What if your markers of success were how well you slept at night? How many books you read? How easily you laughed? How much time you spent storytelling, feeling warm in the arms and homes of people you adore?” It hit me! This is my life now, retired and living with my handsome hubby Brian, our two precious pooches, at our beach home! Life is good/great!
Right now, our two pups are at the groomers, and we are getting ready to enjoy lunch out at one of our favorite eateries? Simple pleasures living a simple and happy life – as my husband often says, “We earned it!’
Bernadette A. Sahm 