Who Cares

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Who Cares
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Seldom does a day go by when my husband and I see something or hear about something and our united response is “nobody cares” or “people just don’t care anymore.” It is often in reference to old fashioned values like respect or concern.

We can’t begin to imagine raising kids in today’s climate. Where the political anger has spilled over into all areas of life and a little boy can “demand” that the Vice President of the United States must apologize for accidentally hitting him when he raised his arm.

Almost daily we witness behaviors that stun and even shock us. We see people that openly and willingly do things to others or say things about others that they would never want done to themselves and they do it for the entire world to see.

I see grandparents openly denigrate and disrespect political figures. This is the “norm” and the behaviors that many young people are subject to and witness and are sure to model later in life.

My husband and I also talk about how lucky we are to have each other and to care for one another. It is team work and based on love and respect and it wasn’t always that way either. We learned often through trial and error how to care for one another. We learned that we are better together than apart. That doesn’t mean that we haven’t experienced our share of issues either. We have.

The bottom line is that when you have found someone that cares; cares about you and cares about all the things and the people and the places that you care about that it is special and to be cherished.

At a time when our culture seems so self-absorbed … care and care often and see just how much goodness comes into your life as a result and watch who then comes forward and cares about you.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Shamed Into Silence

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Shamed Into Silence
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” Brene Brown

You will never understand unless you are willing to listen! All during this past Presidential campaign I watched and witnessed the direct and not so direct attacks made upon anyone that openly supported Donald Trump. All that did was to drive his supporters into a silent majority of people that were unwilling to risk the attacks by being honest. They never let the opposing side hear their true thoughts and feelings. They were literally shamed into silence.

People and very dear friends came out with loud and open criticism, contempt and even distain for Trump supporters. Often laughing at them and even calling them stupid. While this was going on I thought about teenagers who often find it difficult to be open and honest with adults in their lives. They are exploring life and often doing things that they know their parents won’t like or will openly disapprove of and the end result is kids that are afraid of speaking their truths. They feel shamed into silence.

A few days ago a man was openly berated by a complete stranger who happened to be seated next to him on an airplane. She did not like it that he was “celebrating” our new President Donald Trump. Ultimately she was escorted off the airplane for her behaviors. I don’t think I ever witnessed anything so unattractive in my life as to how she treated him and how it was her way of thinking, period. They were complete strangers. Why did it matter to her that he held a different opinion than the ones that she held?

She was closed off to anyone that didn’t think and believe like she did. Her way of thinking was right and everyone else was deemed wrong. How does this happen? What good comes from the unwillingness to be civil to others that don’t think and act just as we do?

Through this past election cycle I lost some respect for people that I otherwise had a high opinion of and it wasn’t because of the side that they chose or the beliefs that they held, it was simply because when the election didn’t go their way just how unglued they became. It was shocking for me to witness. It seemed to me that it went well beyond being a sore loser. It was as if their way was the only way. Their thinking was the only way to think. Their open inability to accept the outcome and to adjust and adapt made me question who they were.

For many years I had a sense that the “media” was more like all editorial all the time. They seemed to have their own agenda and full of their own opinions. What bothered me most wasn’t even the position that they held but that my sense was they were contributing to what I call “lazy brained” telling everyone how to think and what to think and believe. Trying to do the thinking for others rather than giving them all the facts and allowing them to come to their own thought out conclusions. Lots and lots of manipulation seemed to be taking place.

I personally like hearing both sides of the story and then processing the information and coming to my own conclusion. I wasn’t the least bit surprised when Donald Trump won this past Presidential election. I knew many people and many groups of people that felt as though they were “shamed into silence” that they would be berated and laughed at for having a different idea or opinion of what was being reported in the main stream media.

I’ve always viewed myself as a strong independent woman both personally and professionally. At age 23 when my husband died leaving me with a 2 year daughter to raise I became I am woman hear me roar as I managed being “mom” and a career too. Later in life I held many executive positions as a professional career woman. I never once felt that because I was a woman I wasn’t just as capable as any man. It never occurred to me that I was somehow “lesser” because I was born female.

There is a lot going on today in society that I really don’t understand but I do believe one thing for sure, you will never appreciate another person views when you are unwilling to listen to them or to anyone who doesn’t think and believe just as you do.

And to me a large part of this presidential election outcome has to do with about half of the country feeling as though their voices and opinions didn’t count and largely went unheard.

When we shame people into silence we can’t act surprised, when they finally do speak …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

No Trust – No Relationship

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No Trust – No Relationship
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Think about it? You might tolerate someone that you don’t trust but you won’t be close to them. A lack of trust equals a lack of closeness and the ability to form truly close interpersonal relationships.

I know people that worked through their trust issues in marriages and in family relationships but it took time, it took maturity, it took forgiveness, it took ownership and most of all it took the ability and the desire to fix and to attempt to repair what was broken.

Because of all my writings I hear from parents around the world, parents who had adult child estrange themselves for whatever reasons and the number one take away when that adult child makes an attempt to come back is “guard your heart” and “I could never trust them again.”

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When we hurt others and when we are truly sorry most people will forgive us and if the relationship is important and meaningful, they may try to repair it. But when you have someone in your life that not only hurt you but shows no true sense of remorse, it is virtually impossible to have a relationship with them. You may decide to tolerate them but there is no true closeness and no real relationship.

Every single one of us has done something in our life that we regret and are sorry for and about, and if we want to be forgiven and to be acknowledged and accepted we must start by 1) owning what we did and 2) try to right any of our wrongs.

Sometimes it is worth the time and the effort to work on repairing and in other relationships it may just be healthier and better to let sleeping dogs lay. Some people just don’t deserve another chance. Some people do.

In my lifetime, I have forgiven everyone, everything and I didn’t do it for them or because I wanted to have a relationship with them, I did it for myself, I did it so I wasn’t stuck and burdened with that kind of garbage. I have also owned my stuff, what did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Sometimes ownership is all it takes.

My husband and I have been together for over 24 years now soon to be 25years, in that length of time we have hurt each other, we have done things to one another that required true forgiveness.

“It takes seconds to destroy what it takes years to build.” Lou Holtz

Forgiveness that was always followed by our truest sense of sorrow, sorrow over our hurts toward one another and our willingness to put our ego aside and humble ourselves enough to not only be sorry but willing to accept the consequences of our actions and work toward rebuilding those hurts.

Anyone in a long term relationship or marriage knows that inevitably we will hurt our partners either knowingly or unknowingly but the desire to work through it is greater than the need to be right. The greater goal and the greater good are always to get through it together and remember than there is no “I” in “we.”

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble