Best Parenting Advice I Ever Heard

Best Parenting Advice I Ever Heard
By Bernadette A. Moyer

parenting

When it comes to advice about parenting, everyone is an expert or so they think. I once had a dear friend tell me “advice is free and maybe that is what it is worth, nothing!”

In retrospect there are probably two lines that I have heard in my more than 30 years of parenting. The first came to me from movie producer James Robinson when I was just a young waitress in my early twenties. He had seven children of his own and they all seemed to be doing really well.

He said, “Kids, when they deserve your love the least is when they need your love the most.” Through the years I have reflected upon his statement.

However just recently I read a line that really stuck with me. I wish I had this stream of consciousness much sooner. The line was; “Don’t handicap your children’s lives by making their life too easy for them.” After reading that I had an immediate moment and thought about how often both my husband and I have been guilty of this one.

Our intentions were good and we thought we were helping but it wasn’t helping but definitely enabling them to do less for themselves and for them not to take responsibility for their choices and their own decisions. Simply put we gave them much too much and did them an injustice by making life far too easy for them. We couldn’t see it at that time. Today we clearly do.

For us our parenting years are far behind us but to anyone who is still in the parenting trenches I believe both lines seem to be 100 % true.

Kids, when they deserve your love the least is when they need your love the most.
Don’t handicap your children’s lives by making their life too easy for them.

Prayer for Grown Children – Marian Prayer Book
Lord, as Mary’s Son, you experienced the love between parent and child, a love that begins as one of total dependency and matures into a love of equals. A parent ought to feel a job finished at that point, but it doesn’t work that way, at least not for me. I continue to worry about my grown children, and their lives, jobs, and families. If I could I would probably try to protect them from all problems, much as I tried when they were small. Fortunately for them and me, I have no such power.

I know that they must make mistakes in order to develop to maturity. I know their lives will include problems, and in fumbling for solutions thy will discover themselves and their values. I pray, therefore, not that You protect them from all evil, but that You give them strength to conquer the evil they meet. I pray for myself, too.

Let me learn as Mary learned that day You remained behind in the temple, and gently reminded her that You were about Your Father’s business. Help me to know when to be silent and when to speak, when to help and when to refuse. Develop in me the discretion and tact I need to be a good parent for my grown children. Amen.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

An Easter Blessing

An Easter Blessing
By Bernadette A. Moyer

easter-flowers

And He will raise you up on Eagle’s Wings Psalm 91:4
The Lord has risen
May you find peace and an abundance of love and light
In the spirit of the season
With bright pink tulips
Cherry blossoms abound
Vibrant yellow forsythia
New rich green grass
Lit with bright and shiny endless blue skies
There are miracles in every moment
A fullness and newness in the air
Hope lives eternal
May you know the richness and exuberance of every single day
The belief that every moment in every life truly matters
And that life is so much bigger than any single soul
Because I live, you also shall live John 14:19
Rejoice in the resurrection of the Lord
May He fill your heart with happiness and joy this Easter season!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Dear Baby “E”

Dear Baby “E”

grandparents_house_rules_print-rf1dca551869b4384a7f65e9b511aead6_wvg_8byvr_512

Your name could be ”Elizabeth” or “Eric” or any other name; you are the innocent child of a parent or parents that decided for you that your grandparents were not worthy. They have issues with their mom and dad and have dragged you into their battles. Whatever war they are raging and for whatever reason you are the collateral damage. You will miss out by no fault of your own.

Sometimes your parents chose this to hurt their parents, sometimes they chose it because they are petty and jealous and most often you will be told it was for your own good. You will be told a distorted version of the truth so that you are easily manipulated into their scenario. They have reduced you to a pawn. And because you are a minor child there is nothing you will be able to do about it. Well at least not right now.

You should be concerned and even angry and you should be upset and you should find out for yourself as soon as you are of age to do so. You may have grandparents that you would have loved and adored and they would love and adore you too. Sadly that would make mom and dad furious. They want you to be a part of their life choices, they want you to estrange from their parents the very same way that they have done. The difference is that it was their choice and you never had a chance to choose for yourself.

Your grandparents are another place for you to receive love and support. Your grandparents are the place where you would learn about your family history and your roots. Most grandparents are loving and supportive and have so much to offer you.

There are grandparents that have moved clear across the country to help raise another grandchild so the parents could work, that child is lucky and well-loved and that child is your cousin. You could have shared that same love and experiences that they are receiving.

Grandparents are givers, givers of love, givers of wisdom, givers of experiences, treats, toys and treasures. They want to teach you and they want to share with you and they want to give to you. They want to be a part of your life.

One day when you become a grown up, you will have questions of your own. You could blindly believe mom and dad or you could seek out your grandparents on your own and then decide for yourself. Be wary of any adult that doesn’t want you to think for yourself and formulate your own opinions. Be wary of the person who decides for you that someone else is not worthy. Be concerned about anyone, mom or dad or otherwise that may have manipulated you so that they could be right and someone else would be wrong.

For decades I have worked with parents that are estranged from their adult children, and grandparents that were either cut off from their grandchildren or never allowed to formulate a relationship with their grandchildren. This is happening in record numbers and happening all around the world. It is not just happening in your family.

What I know for sure is that your grandmother and grandfather will welcome you with open arms. I know this because I have witnessed first- hand just how big their hearts are and how much they have to give you and how much they want to give to you.

Don’t fall for the “abuse excuse” it’s the biggest excuse out there and used by an overwhelming large majority of adult children as to why they chose to estrange themselves. Once the word “abuse” is thrown out there, everyone gets behind the self-proclaimed victim, without even considering that it may be for the sole purpose of manipulation. This single declaration could be used to get the reaction that estranged adult children need and want to help them to justify their decision and behaviors.

And many parents/grandparents will just give up and walk away after hearing such declarations, grandparents that would never have chosen to turn their backs on their grandbabies and grandchildren.

In life, there are always two sides to every story, make informed decisions by listening to all the sides before deciding for yourself what the best decision is for you.

Until that day when you get to decide for yourself and meet your grandparents, I want you to know that due to your very existence, there is so much in this world that is there and it is there just for you!

In God’s Peace and Love

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone
By Bernadette A. Moyer

not alone

Life is tough, let’s face it; we all experience so many challenges. When I am faced with life challenges I always think that I am not the first person to ever go through this, others have triumphed and so will I.

What new experience is there that someone else has not already experienced and made it through to the other side?

No matter what we are facing it always helps to know, “you are not alone.” We know that we come into this world alone and one day we will be called home to our maker. As simplistic as it is every single person has a birth date and a death date. What we do in between is up to us.

When I am faced with upset and conflict, I typically retreat and pray on it and if it is something that is making me feel bad, I go through my list of affirmations. That list usually begins with “you are a child of God and you have a right to be here” then I pray about what am I supposed to learn by this current situation? What message is there in the take away?

Retreat is really underestimated as it can be the very tool necessary to help us regain our center and our sense and place of peace. Withdrawal for the sake of contemplation is not a bad thing but often a necessary exercise that helps energize us and gives us the tools that are required to move forward.

Our answers are within and often in the noise of life we lose our center but we can take the time to reflect and to calm the waters within then our next steps become clear to us.

“Every failure, obstacle or hardship is an opportunity in disguise. Success in many cases is failure turned inside out.” Mary Kay Ash

There are many things in life that we can’t change or do anything about; they are above and beyond our control. And when I can accept this and if it truly is something that I can’t change I have learned wholeheartedly to let them go. I can share my stories and I can connect to so many others who may be struggling as I have struggled too.

As I age I no longer see things as black and white or as good and bad but rather as me learning to live peacefully in any situation that I may find myself. It took some time but when I could finally learn that I wasn’t alone and that I should not take things other people do personally, I was free.

Not only was I free but I was also at peace … and in that free and peaceful state of being, I was able to give and to receive so much more genuine love. Finding that perfect balance between sharing time with people that love us and support us and also taking the time to pause and to reflect and retreat is to me the answer to most all that ails us.

(The following is part of a poem called Desiderata that I have enjoyed for decades and story has it that these words were copied from an inscription found in Old Saint Paul’s Church, Baltimore dated 1692 but was actually written by an Indiana poet named Max Ehrmann and is registered with the Library of Congress in 1927)

Desiderata
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New Books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Adult Children That Love and Respect Their Parents

Adult Children That Love and Respect Their Parents
By Bernadette A. Moyer

adult children

In just this week on social media sites I witnessed adult children that declare their love and respect for their parents. I say Amen to that! These kids just look so much more attractive than the ones who constantly and consistently find fault with the very people that gave them life and raised them, their own parents.

Whether you like Donald Trump or not, his adult children are by his side and working hard for him as they support him. All of his adult children are up to their eyeballs in supporting their father. And clearly with three marriages, much scandal and who knows what else, they could find fault with dear old dad if that was what they wanted to do. I love seeing his adult children supporting him. It makes him look good but also makes them look good too.

I witness my dearest friends that are caretaking for their aging and ailing parents and I see their loving hearts in their caring actions. Again it makes them look good but also credits their parents.

During this same week a post of a newspaper clipping was shared with me of an ailing mother who took to newsprint to post an ad letting her adult son know that he was forgiven, that she was ill and hopeful someone somewhere would see it and encourage him to call his mother before she dies. It’s heartbreaking to see such an ad. Mom is trying to die in peace and her adult son is nowhere to be found.

Other friends share their broken hearts over 1, 2, 3 and even more of their children that want nothing to do with them. They have been dismissed. Through the years I have communicated with thousands of parents and all of them express their broken hearts over their adult children who have chosen to estrange. These kids need and want to make mom and dad look badly so they can justify their actions and their decision to estrange.

I don’t think they factor in just how badly it makes them look to speak so poorly about the mother and father who gave them life and who raised them to then turn around and treat their parents so badly.

When adult kids are successful and appreciate their parents as a result it seems like a natural transition of appreciation and love, and others who are successful and don’t appreciate their mom and dad, it’s hard not to respond with, “so you became a success all by yourself?”

Then there are the adult kids who are failing and struggling and want to blame mom and dad? Either way it just doesn’t add up. At some stage in life you take responsibility for the choices that you make and you grow up enough to stop placing blame on your parents.

We learn from the Ten Commandments; “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Adult children who have loving relationships with their parents tend to have loving relationships period. Each one of us can love just as each one of us can make the decision to withhold our love. Being on the side of love and gratitude is by far the most attractive and healthy side to be associated with. Everyone wears love well and I don’t know of anyone that looks good wearing an angry and unforgiving heart.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Our Shared Journey

Our Shared Journey
By Bernadette A. Sahm

We are all more alike than not and all of us are on a shared journey. Most of us are looking for love to give love and to receive love. Some of us express our love through the work that we do and some of us in our friends and family circle. Our stories are important as are sharing them. This is how we connect with others.

Today we celebrated with our son on his 24th birthday, his father shared stories of what it was like and what transpired up until his birth and the weeks that followed. Along with his twin sister he stayed in the hospital for weeks after his birth and was unable to leave the hospital until late February after a January birthday, his twin was not released until March. I wasn’t there as I met the twins when they were already 87 days old.

The stories that my husband is able to share are both heart- warming and deeply saddening. His wife and the twin’s birth mother went into comma just days after having the twins and she never regained consciousness again. She died.

They were a young couple with a new mortgage, two career jobs and twins on the way. It was the American dream that soon turned into a living nightmare. The soul and character of my husband as he treaded these unknown waters was both concerning for his family and others and inspiring for the people that lived through it with him. His spirit and deep belief in God carried him through it all.

We delight in Brandon’s birthday and are mindful of the many challenges that he has faced since his pre-mature birth. Every single person has a story; some of us have shared experiences. The stories that my husband has to share during that time frame are so close to the heart. Now 24 years later it is still impossible to understand how a 29 year old married woman could go to the hospital to deliver her babies and how she would literally never walk out of that place again.

“When the pursuit of natural harmony is a shared journey, great heights can be attained. – Lynn Hill”

We also can’t imagine our lives being any other way as I have been their “mother” since their infancy. How and why things happen like they do may never be fully understood except that we have a deep faith in God and know that we are all here together and on a shared journey.

Who knows what each day may bring? Will it bring us happiness or heartache? Everyone is looking for something? Something that will help with the meaning of life and we want to know what will come next and what will happen. We are seeking to understand. We are looking to uncover all that we think and feel that we need to feel full.

I didn’t find genuine love and I didn’t find genuine peace until I stopped looking for it? Funny as it may seem that is what happened. When I just loved my life and was doing what I knew that I should be doing all the other things I was searching for and seeking just naturally made their way to me.

Our history and our family stories are so important as they help us to understand who we are and how we came about and just where we come from when our lives began.

So many people think that they need this thing or that job or that relationship or something else before they can be fulfilled and happy. Yet wisdom is born of age and we learn that much of what happens in life literally is beyond our control. We take what we get and hopefully we make the most of it. Take the lessons and leave the rest behind as we proceed on our shared journey called life …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble under author Bernadette A. Moyer

Original artwork attached by Brandon R. Sahm (my son)

Christmastide

Christmastide
By Bernadette A. Sahm

best_christmas_pictures_9

Merry Christmas! It is the season …

Songs are swirling around my head and I am singing, “this Christmas I gave you my heart …”

The cookies are baked and decorated; the trees are adorned with decorations and lit.Presents are in abundance and wrapped in pretty holiday papers and ready to be gifted.

There is wine and whiskey and an abundance of food, music is playing and everything is pretty and laced with hope and love and peace.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Last night it was a beautiful Candlelight Church Service with Lessons and Carols and a special dinner with friends that have long ago become family to me. A woman my mother’s age who became my other mother and her special needs daughter born the same year that I was born. We ate and we drank and we chatted the night away, it was a special evening sure to remain in the memory books.

Hark! The Herald, the Angels sing …

Tonight we are off for a romantic evening in “the sweetest place on earth” Hershey, Pennsylvania where we will take in the Christmas decorations and music and a special holiday dinner. Then we will proceed the next day to visit the gravesite of family members that have departed this life.

Our hearts are full and are hearts are at peace and they are filled with joy and with so much love. We are grateful; so truly grateful for the life that we live and grateful for all the riches that have been afforded us these past 24 years in our home.

We are reminded that the greatest gifts that we can give are love and peace and kindness and we know that is what we want for everyone this Christmas and all through the holiday season!

For many people the New Year is about resolutions but a few years ago I gave up making “resolutions” for “affirmations” it even sounds more positive. This year we are for better health and even more happiness.

“Take out the trash!” will be the mantra for the New Year! Let go of the garbage and all that is dark and dirty and unhealthy. If you can’t say and do anything nice … then don’t say and do anything at all … “Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!”

Wishing you all “Green and silver, red and gold and a story born of old, Peace and love and hope abide this Christmastide …”

Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy Brand New Year! Let hope and love and peace reign …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Eighteen Christmas Seasons

Eighteen Christmas Seasons
By Bernadette A. Moyer

thZ4BOILYK

You don’t get over it you get through it … it starts with just breathing. You learn to breathe again when you have been knocked over and kicked in the gut by an adult child that grows up and decides that the life you afforded them and gave them didn’t and doesn’t measure up. They decide alone that you are unworthy.

This Christmas will be my eighteenth Christmas without my daughter, a daughter who is now gone longer than when I had her. This was a daughter who initially shattered my heart and my soul. And a daughter who re-created her past so that she could have a new and different life. Initially I couldn’t believe it or accept it, and I now so freely do.

Not only do I accept it but I appreciate the gift and what it was; a blessing in disguise. I am no longer tethered to a past. A past life that was filled with hurt with loss and with abuse. I am free. Yet there was a time when I thought I couldn’t live without her. I learned that I can live and that I will live and that I can be happy and healthy and whole again.

I gave her everything I had to give. I gave her more of a life and a better life than what my parents ever afforded me. And in the end I appreciated my parents more. There is a lesson here for parents that just give and give.

More and more people are writing to me and contacting me about my writings and about my then teenage daughter who at age eighteen decided to estrange, and their biggest question is, “How did you do it? How did you survive it?”

There is no cure; you take one minute at a time, one day at a time and one month and one year at a time. You work through it, through the heartache and through the disappointment. You work through the grief and through the loss. You purge your pain. Then one day they are gone longer than you had them in your life.

What you are left with is your memories and for me I have wonderful memories of a beautiful little girl who was bright and beautiful and the absolute love and joy of my life. I have no regrets. I played the hand that I was dealt and I did the best I could with what I had and what I knew at that time. Today my heart and my soul are at peace.

She chose her life and I have mine. I am able to look at my friends and my peers who now have adult children and many are married and having children of their own. I absolutely love seeing those healthy loving and growing parent-child relationships.

I am not soured as I am truly happy for them. I look on with love and a happy heart. I know that, that was not to be for me and it wasn’t going to be my lot in life. I have not only learned to accept it but to move past it.

People tell me things about her and I have been sent photos of her and I don’t bite. I am not interested in anything related to her and yet there was a date and a time when I was desperate to know anything at all about her. Today I think and believe that if she wanted me to know about her life, she would not have estranged and gone out of her way to make sure that I am not included. I know my place. I got the memo and I heard her loud and clear.

There is life after our children. I do not believe that my marriage would be as happy as it is with the continued drama that was represented in that relationship. She has declared it unhealthy and today I agree. Because of all the loss that she experienced as a small child I took it on that it was my job to fill those voids and in reality it was not. I was there. I was there 100% if not more. I tried my hardest and I did my best.

The decision to estrange was solely her decision, I have learned to live with that decision and she too will have to live with her choices.

Factually speaking she may be my daughter but the reality is that she has not been a daughter to me for eighteen years now. You can’t miss what you don’t have. I don’t miss her at all anymore. I have created a very full and very happy and a very loving life. This past year was one of the happiest years of my life! I had pure joy and much love.

“If God takes you to it, He will take you through it.”

My new books Along The Way and Another Way have many articles, blogs and essays about my journey. It has been an amazing journey and just like any journey there is a beginning and middle and an ending. When it is over, it is over.

I was married for more than 15 years before I legally changed my name, in part because when I was getting married she said, “then I will be the only Moyer left” her dad died when she was just two. I was always trying to fix things and make things better for her.

As this year 2015 ends, I will begin the new year writing under my married name Sahm, Bernadette A. Sahm. Bernadette A. Moyer has many writings that have addressed love, loss, death and estrangement.

The new writings will be about love, happiness and beauty and hopefully even more inspiring and healthy. I have purged my pain, I have written much and I have helped many.

My greatest hope in sharing my experiences and my life story is that anyone that is experiencing this kind of loss, please know that you are not alone, others have survived it and you will too!

I am not saying it is or was easy but what I am sharing is that it is possible … you can be happy again and you can be happy after losing a child to estrangement.

The page has turned … and life is good and beautiful and happy again …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

A Restored Trust

A Restored Trust
By Bernadette A. Moyer

trust2

Earlier today I wrote an essay about Broken Trust and how important trust is to every relationship. After writing it I was reminded of a “broken trust” that was restored. It was with our son.

A few years ago over July 4th holiday when my husband and I went to the beach our son was scheduled to work so he remained home. At that time he was 19 years old. We never had any real trust issues with him, he is an Eagle Scout and we often tease him. We tease him about his honesty; let’s just say you wouldn’t want to rob a bank with him. Because in a second he would give both himself and you right up!

That holiday he invited a few guys over to swim in our pool he is a lifeguard and we have no issue with this. The problem was that a few friends turned into about 60 people and it was obvious by all the empty beer cans and empty booze bottles in and around our home that underage drinking had taken place. Not to mention the cigarette butts and huge fat cigar remnants.

He thought he had cleaned the place up but he missed many things and the youngest coolest neighbor came by to tell us just how loud the music was and how many people were here. He was busted!

Father and son had words, I was disappointed and at that time our son wasn’t sorry but rather defiant and we all agreed it best if he went to stay with a friend until things cooled off a bit. My husband’s very expensive watch was missing and probably stolen. The kids that came, many were not his friends. There were so many people in and around the house that by our son’s own admission “It was out of control.”

I did something similar when I was a kid and I wanted to use this as a teaching opportunity, my husband never did such a thing and saw it as a huge disrespect and that trust was broken. Within a month our son returned home. He was really sorry and made amends. Even though he couldn’t afford to replace the expensive watch that was gone, he did buy his father another watch.

He vowed it would never happen again and we impressed upon him all the issues with allowing underage drinking to take place on our property and in our home. How bad this could have been.

It is really easy to forgive someone when they are sorry and when they try and make it right. The take away for me is and remains, that the love and respect we have for our son and that he has for us far outweighed this lapse in judgment. He was a kid and doing what many kids do, today he has learned something and we are all closer than ever before.

Even though we felt hurt and disappointed and somewhat disrespected, he didn’t have a pool party to try and hurt us. Things happen in all relationships but it is what we do with what happens that determines whether we move ahead together or not.

Forgiveness is always possible but first we have to accept our role and if we are in the wrong, be sorry and try and make it right.

Today more than four years later, our son now 23 appreciates everything. Just about every card he gives us for birthdays and other holidays he talks about maturing into being an adult and how much he loves us and sees things so differently from when he was a child.

Trust in relationships can be tested and what we do during that “test” often determines in what direction the future of the relationship will take. Thank goodness we all grew and learned and that the love in our family was far greater than a temporary lapse of good judgement and a broken trust.

A broken trust doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship; it can be the beginning of a greater understanding and appreciation.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New book! Along The Way available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Happiness is An Inside Job

Happiness is An Inside Job

By Bernadette A. Moyer

559904_3599312224560_1358482741_n

It has taken a long time for me to understand that happiness is an inside job. It was my husband who taught me this. Overall he is very content and can take or leave most things. Brian has an inner peace and strength about himself. He is always so supportive of me. For more than 15 years, when I was running huge social fundraisers he never missed a single event. He never hung onto me for his good time either. He would circulate and was okay with being in a crowd and with people or by himself.

Through the years people have told me, “you two look good together” but what they could never have known was our back story, our family history. We are very much alike and have a deep understanding on what it is like to move past the limitations of your first family. We also had the same track record in love. Brian and I both had a spouse who died and left us with children and another significant relationship end when they cheated on us and left us for someone else. We know what it is like to be hurt by love.

My husband Brian is one of 6 children, I am one of 5. Neither one of us is close to our siblings. He is the only one who moved away. He grew up in the inner city of Baltimore, in the “hood” the projects. They were really poor as kids. None of his siblings left there, not one of them owns a house or an automobile. He pushed past his initial life circumstances. Brian got an education and continues to educate himself as he is still moving up the corporate ladder.

He is the most responsible of all his siblings. When his mother passed his father had him take over. He isn’t the oldest but was appointed the guardian for his father’s care. Brian learned how to live without his siblings. In childhood family photos most often Brian is on one side of the picture alone in contrast to the other 5 who are grouped together. It appears to have started when he was just a toddler.

I am one of 5 girls and like my husband I have no relationship with my siblings. We weren’t exactly well off as kids either. They have not been in my life for almost 25 years now. And just like my husband they appear when they want to try and bring me down. They presume to know me but have not been in my life for decades. I don’t allow myself to get caught up in their cauldron of hatred.

My husband had and has an easier time accepted that his siblings are not a part of his life. I always wanted my situation to be different; I mourn for how I would have wanted it to be not for how it truly is and was with them. Like my husband’s family they don’t add anything positive to my life.

It took a long time for me to learn that my happiness was my responsibility. Mine alone. I have so many friends and even more acquaintances. Every job I ever held was in a highly social setting. Many people have lifted me up. And I have been called “inspirational” by more than a few people.

No matter how many people enhance our lives, we come into this world alone and we leave it alone. Today I am probably more content and happier than I have ever been. It isn’t based on other people or on things but truly comes from self-love and self-acceptance. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. I know who I am and I know my truth. I have an easier time discarding those relationships that are unhealthy and non- supportive.

Accepting that my happiness is my responsibility has allowed me to create an inner peace of love supported by my own strength. I don’t know why it took me so long to understand that everything I ever needed was already there inside of me. Better late than never … I suppose …

What I would say to anyone who is unhappy is you need to fix that. You alone have all the tools to be happy. It is there and it is inside of you. People may try and bring you down and may try to hurt you but that is their unhappiness and not yours.

We are all responsible for the life choices we make and the way we live our life. If it isn’t right for you, then it just isn’t right. Change it. No one can make you happy, no one, but you.

Happiness is an inside job!

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble