When I was a kid, I was friends with all the kids. Friends with the jocks, the artists, the pot heads, the brainiacs, the religious, the non-believers, all of them. I still have that same belief that each person, each type of person has something special to offer. And I was interested in knowing them.
Although I am personally a Christian and Conservative, I never force my beliefs on others. I do my best to live by the “golden rule” treat others as you wish to be treated. It’s not my place to change anyone else but rather to continue to work on and improve myself. If I live a live that is worthy of friends and followers, so be and if not, that is fine too,
What I find increasingly difficult to understand is our current culture or “group think” and the desire to hate and even hurt those that think differently. I find our current political discourse to be soul crushing. I see people that I love and adore spew political hatred at their so called “opposition” and it saddens me. Not because of the target of their wrath and hatred because of how small it makes them look. Often, I shake my head. How could someone so smart and so accomplished spew hatred toward another group of people just because they think/believe in a different way?
We used to believe that shared ideas from opposing viewpoints meted out the best outcomes, today we aren’t even able to have those conversations. I worry for anyone who lives with any hatred in their hearts. I believe it is like a cancer that will harm them from the inside out. Peace and love and acceptance are so much healthier.
My parents taught me that “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” what if someone said something you didn’t like, you just walked away, turned them off, didn’t listen?
Today it’s apparent that there are people who believe that if you don’t think and believe as they do, you deserve to be murdered. How can this even be possible? How on earth did we get here? And more importantly, where do we go from here?
Written on the day after Charlie Kirk was murdered …
My husband tells me that I am “aging backwards” I’ll take it! And he would know as we have been together for 34 years now, together since we were just 32 years old. Although this is not the first time I’ve heard this, it is the first time I actually believe it.
I believe that I had aged pre-maturely in my early twenties as I was widowed at age 23 and left alone with a two-year-old toddler to raise. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders as I tried to navigate single motherhood and earning enough to support us. This was definitely not what I had signed up for at such a young age.
“I was so much older then, I am younger than that now” by Bob Dylan
Then came years of a different level of stresses in a new marriage and taking on the mother role for newborn infant twins, as I tried to work my way up my chosen career paths.
Yet today as a retired senior I feel and look better than ever before! There are no “secrets” to living a good healthy lifestyle as so much of it is just common sense.
If I had to make a list of what I believe has contributed to my happiness and wellness, this list would be much of it.
1) Live in love and let go of all that no longer serves you well
2) Eat the good food/eat fresh
3) Exercise and get those 10,000 steps a day
4) Take your vitamins, I am big on taking magnesium and a low dose of aspirin daily, it works for me!
5) Get outside in the fresh air
6) Keep gratitude top of mind as there is always something to be grateful for
7) Live under your financial means so that you are not financially struggling
8) Laugh often it feels so good and is so good for you
9) Get a dog or two!
10) And for me probably the most important of all is marry well, choose wisely and make sure you live in peace and love with your forever friend/partner/lover/spouse
Bonus buy the cute outfit, get your hair and nails done and take the trip … Life is for the living, live it!
This is my list … make one that works for you too. I feel great and I believe you can too!
Life seemed so simple when I grew up, there was a code of conduct and rules that we lived by, they were just common sense. Here are the ones I remember that had a lasting impact on me.
Remember your P’s and Q’s (please and thank you)
We are NOT heating/cooling the outside world (reference to leaving doors open)
Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about
Idle time is a devil’s workshop
Clean your plate! There are starving people in the world.
What did YOU do? In reference to any time, you complained about other kids or what others did
Just because everyone else does, does that mean you have to do the same? If they jumped off a bridge, would you?
Because I said so!
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
Doesn’t leave much to the imagination! (In reference to skimpy revealing clothes)
Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
I grew up in a time and in a home where these were the lessons and the house rules. Most of these were from my parents and grandparents. They definitely formed me into the adult I am today.
There comes a day when you learn that letting go is so much healthier than hanging on. That love can be and is the best gift and best medicine for most all that ails us.
That laughter releases the negatives and soothes the soul and that you listen and see and hear and yet never feel the desire to speak. And then comes the day when just like your garden, that changes daily, weekly and with each season, so too have you changed.
Then comes a day when you accept and embrace the flaws within yourself and in others and you come to that place of peace where there is nothing that you are willing to engage in, if it isn’t love or coming from a truth based place of love.
Then there comes a day when you find all the joy, love and peace within your own heart and soul. Rather than seeking out others to fill your own voids.
There comes a day when you are content with little and lots just looks like more to manage. There comes a day when you realize that enough, truly is enough.
There comes a day when you are in alignment with your own heart and centered enough to know who and what you are all about, that nothing other people do or say is about you. It never was or will be about you, but rather all about them.
There comes a day when you are free and understand what freedom means, what it really is and brings with it and places upon us.
There comes a day … when we finally trust enough to let go and let God lead us and we know that there was never a need for control or fear or anxiety.
No one wants to be that person, the one who gets left behind. Sooner or later we all have that experience and it never feels good. Whether we are left by choice, by divorce or by death, being left behind is hard and it is a scary feeling.
We build our lives with others, we have friends, we have families and we have our pets. When they leave and we are left behind we feel that void. That special place they once held now is an open space.
Our bichon Chipper is grieving his sister Happy who passed over just a few weeks ago. We have never heard such deep intense cries from him in all our seven years with him.
Every time when of our children grew up and left home, we almost immediately replaced them with a furry baby. Each dog has held our heart much like our young children once did, today we grieve Happy. It drives home again, that feeling of being left.
Yet with Happy is was a soft pain and loss because we have so many happy memories with her. She was just so easy to care for and to love. It was natural.
“Those we love never truly leave us, Harry. There are things that death cannot touch.” – Jack Thorne, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
From day one my husband Brian and I acknowledged that one of us would be “widowed” again, one of us would know that feeling again … that feeling of being left behind. We do everything in our power to honor all the time that we share together by living our best life and living it as centered and honest as possible.
So many people live within us… we remember … we grieve… we rejoice …we are better for having known them and loved them …
Each of us finds that day when we move past the loss … past the grief … and truly celebrate what once was and what was once shared. We learn once again that life is for the living and that we must live it!
“If you focus on what you left behind, you will never see what lies ahead.” – Gusteau, Ratatouille
What could you use one less of? What could you use one more of?
One less paper cup
One less wasted purchase
One less heart break
One less angry moment
One less unkind word
One less disposable plate
One less unhappy day
One less missed opportunity
One less unprepared experience
One less fruitless exchange
One less regret
One more hug
One more kiss
One more I love you
One more flower
One more sunshine
One more friend
One more beach day
One more glass of water
One more glass of wine
One more live musical concert
One more fruit salad
One more road trip
What is in your heart? Is your heart filled with love and gratitude? Or is your heart filled with anger and resentments? Is your heart full or is it empty?
Like most things in life, our hearts are our responsibilities and what we allow in them says everything about us and who we are …
Lately I find myself making definitive choices about what I will put on my heart. I find myself turning away from hatred and conflict until I am able to come to a peaceful and loving conclusion. I no longer allow the hatred and anger of others to enter my heart. It is their stuff, not mine.
Making the choice on those that I allow into my heart has allowed me to be a better and brighter and happier more loving person.
And if and when a confrontation is necessary, I lead with and I speak from my heart. There is a lot of hatred and garbage out in this world; we choose what we allow to enter into our hearts. Where I will always feel compassion and love for others, I have learned to draw the line when it comes to who and what I allow to enter my heart and my soul.
I can’t change anyone else but when I present my best heart, change naturally occurs for the better. Fill your heart with love. Fill it with people, places and things that you love. Plant the seeds of love within yourself and watch them grow in you and in those that you attract and associate.
What is in your heart? Might just be the single best question you can ask yourself every single day …
Bernadette A. Sahm 