life

And The Summer Became The Fall

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And The Summer Became The Fall
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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“And the summer became the fall I was not ready for the winter” from the song Nightbird by Stevie Nicks. I am never really ready for winter, I mean yes I have the coats, the hats, the boots, the gloves and scarves but mentally I am a summer and a sunshine girl.

I’ve come to appreciate the fall more and more each year, its harvest time. I like the cooler temps in the evening and “sweater weather.”

Right now although we are still in August, some schools have gone back from summer break and I can see a few leaves that have already fallen from our trees. Recently I heard the weather man say that it is now becoming dark just before 8:00 in the evening.

I love pumpkins and making more “comfort foods” and taking advantage of the harvest.

Apples and apple pie making always makes me happy. It won’t be long before all the leaves have fallen and the days get shorter and darkness comes earlier, and we witness the fields plowed and in rest mode.

“And when I call, will you walk gently thru my shadow”

“And the winter is really here now and the blankets that I love, sometimes I am surrounded by too much love” Quotes from Nightbird written by Stevie Nicks.

Winter always feels like that like, the shadow of night after the summer filled with light. Let us pray that this fall and winter season is filled with an abundance of both blankets and love for all. Tis the season to remember everyone with love and warmth and light …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

 

Sweet Sweet Surrender

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Sweet Sweet Surrender

By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Surrender as in letting go of control and to yield to power. I am thinking about surrender is the sense of letting go and accepting that we are not in charge that there is a greater power. Our world and our existence here is bigger than just us. Not one of us decided on our birth date or our natural death date. In life there is really very little that we control. We didn’t pick our parents nor did they choose us. We take what we receive and we make the most of it.

As a marketing and salesperson for the bulk of my career in both for profit and non-profit, most of my sales training taught me to go after what I want. In my personal life I have done the same. Then there comes a time when you know that you’re not going to be the President or a model or any other fantasy that we may have thought was achievable at a certain age. We grow up and accept what our own unique gifts are as well as our limitations. It is nice to strive for goals, to set a goal and then go after it. Some things in life are a natural fit and meant for us and others may be a dream or a fantasy.

When we mature, we accept that we came with a game plan unlike anyone else’s, our life is unique to us just as God created for us. It is not for someone else to put their plan, their agenda on us. Our surrender is to the highest and greater power in the Lord, our God.

The most wonderful thing about growing older is the sweet surrender than comes from accepting ourselves “as is” and letting go of ego. Giving way to God rather than ego, (Edging God Out) is the sweetest surrender, we no longer have to be better than them or better than that, we are good and good enough as we are, just as God created us to be.

Jesus Take The Wheel

(Lyrics by James/Lindsey/Sampson)

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can’t do this on my own

I’m letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I’m on

Jesus take the wheel

There is a natural happiness that comes from accepting ourselves and in that sweet surrender. Where we are, where we are supposed to be, what is ahead is exactly as God intended for us. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

It is through the struggle that we find enlightenment. So many lessons are born of pain, but they are born to us. We are good and we are acceptable and we are perfect as only God created us to be.

“I have been driven many times upon my knees by overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” Abraham Lincoln

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt away into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change, the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.” Marianne Williamson

There is no beauty in the fight, fighting is never attractive, but there are gifts, blessings and true beauty in the surrender. Surrender is sweet, it is humble, it is without ego and false pride, our surrender allows us to be open and receptive and ready for us to receive God’s will. And God’s will is so much better than anything we could have imagined for ourselves.

“You cannot fulfill God’s purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans.” Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

There is nothing sweeter than our surrender …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Memorial Day beyond Hotdogs and Burgers …

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Memorial Day beyond Hotdogs and Burgers, Our Great Men and Women Who Serve

By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Today for most of us Memorial Day is the start of summer with the opening of community pools, picnics and outdoor gatherings. We celebrate it by grilling our hotdogs, hamburgers, chicken and barbecue on the grill. Many take advantage of the Memorial Day weekend sales at the mall, car dealerships, big box stores and grocery stores. For many American’s it is a three day weekend.  Beach communities see it as the beginning of the summer season.

Memorial Day started as a holiday to remember the Civil War. It was a time in our history when our country that was at war with itself. It has been said to have been the bloodiest and most deadly war on United States soil.

We have expanded our definition of Memorial Day to include all military service men and women. Many of us reflect and think about all those who served and returned home, those who were injured in service and those who lost their life defending our country.

My husband Brian and I both have fathers who served during the Korean War. His father John and my father Bernie never met but they both returned from service honored with a purple heart. My dad was injured and medicated for the rest of his life as a result of a head injury he received while in Korea.

As a teenager I wore a P.O.W. bracelet, Prisoner of War and it was during this time that the Vietnam War was going on. In my early twenties I married Randy Moyer who was a two-term Vietnam veteran. Randy was in the Navy and honorably discharged after 6 years of service with a purple heart. He was blown off a ship and as a result he became an epileptic. In order for him to be fully functioning he had to be medicated every single day of his life. There was never a night’s sleep where he wasn’t shaking in our bed. He suffered from post-traumatic syndrome.

I will never forget when I was 8 months pregnant with our daughter the seizure he endured while driving to work. He totaled our car and almost killed the driver in the oncoming lane.  His driver’s license was taken away and eventually he lost his job as an auto mechanic. He needed a license to work.  His neurologist said to me, me who was just one month away from delivering our first child, “I don’t want to tell you that your husband can’t hold your baby but I think you should know that if he had a seizure while holding her, he could kill her.”  It was my sister who came to get me in the middle of the night when I went into labor. My husband, a real macho kind of guy was not allowed to drive a vehicle.

When he died in 1983 he was just 37 years old and his autopsy read, “Drowning as a consequence of seizure.” He was taking a shower, preparing to go to work and had a seizure in the shower. After he died I was left as a single mother to raise our then 2-year old daughter.

Many benefits were afforded me as a surviving widow. The VA accepted 100% responsibility for his untimely death. I was given financial support and could have used my benefits to go to school and for medical care and even to purchase a home. I never accepted any of the benefits except for the financial support. All money received was used for the best private education money could buy for our daughter. I wanted it to be used for something that would live on long after his death. The only stipulation on this support was I could receive financial aid until the day that I died. I decided to accept support until our daughter was of legal age. I remarried and it ended. I was always so thankful that Randy’s service was honored by the very government that he gave his life to serve.

The flag pictured in this blog was given to me on February 25, 1983 after the 21-gun salute and his burial. I visit his gravesite at least once every single year. On Memorial Day I celebrate like everyone else with my share of hotdogs and hamburgers but I also remember my first husband Randall H. Moyer who gave up his life to service in the United States Navy during Vietnam. He served for his country that he loved.

Many of us have friends and family members who serve in our military; it is about service above self. Let’s all remember to remember them this Memorial Day and every day in between.

Happy Memorial Day! We remember …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Bitter or Better is Our Choice

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Bitter or Better is Our Choice
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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I could be bitter but I am better! Earlier today I caught up with an old friend, she is like a sister to me. She is that friend that makes me happy, she calls me out when I am wrong, supports me at my best and at my worse. She gets me and in many ways we understand each other, in many ways we are alike. In her company I am lifted up and we always learn from one another.

Today she said something to me and about me. She said. “After everything you have been through and I could name the list, you continue to amaze me because you could be bitter and you aren’t, you have one of the biggest hearts I have ever witnessed. I know a lot of people and most would be bitter but not you and your heart.”

She is right I could be bitter! She knows me well as we have been friends for 18 years now. The list is long on what I have experienced in my lifetime. Some of it is really very hateful, hurtful and unattractive. But my heart doesn’t work that way. I have always viewed every single experience as something I could learn from. What was this or that supposed to teach me and by viewing everything as a learning opportunity I grew my heart bigger and I became better and not bitter.

We don’t get to control what happens in our lives or what other people do but we do get to control how we choose to respond to it. I may not always be happy with the outcomes of the things that have hurt me. But I always responded with a heart and with a conscience and in a way that I could live with, this allowed me to be better and not bitter.

When we rise above it, when we are faced with adversity and heartache, our own character is tested. Real character isn’t about how we handle the easy stuff in life, it is about how we handle the challenges and often it is about how we act when no one else is looking.

On reflection one of the things in my life that I am most proud of is how I handled my first husband’s death and his funeral. He was previously married and divorced with two children. When he died his kids were young and still in elementary school. When I was asked who I wanted to be in the first car with me my response was swift and heartfelt. I had his children and their mother with me. To me, it was the right thing to do. When I met him he was already divorced, his ex-wife and his children never did anything to hurt me. My view was that having them with me and close to their father was the right thing to do and it was one that I could easily live with.

The single line that has helped me the most in my life is from the book, The Four Agreements and I have written about it often, the quote is; “nothing other people do is because of you, it is because of themselves.” Not only has this made sense to me but it has virtually saved me and released me from the hate and the lack of love from others. Their actions are their choices, when someone chooses to behave in a certain way that is all about them.

The people that set out to hurt other people are lacking peace and love and there is usually a good reason for that and normally it comes from what they have done and their own actions. They are living in a way that requires them to justify their behaviors. If they can make someone else look bad they can justify what they have done. This may work in the short run, but in the long run, they have to live with themselves. We may be able to fool others, but we know who we are and what we are made of, we know better than anyone else.

I have never viewed myself as a “victim” but rather as a “survivor” and this allowed me to “survive” and even thrive in the face of adversity. I have also learned that just because I have a heart and a conscience that I shouldn’t necessarily expect the same from others. Some people just don’t have it.

We could all be “bitter” over something if that is what we decide but we also can choose to be “better” and being “better” just feels so good and right and contributes to making us better! Given the choice I choose better over bitter every single time…

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette are sold on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

 

Everyone Has “A Story”

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Everyone Has “A Story”
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Everyone has a story! We all do! They say, “Writers are observers of life.” Every few months if not every month I hear from someone that thinks they want to write and they have a “story.” They have a story to share. Usually it is about something they experienced and learned from and wish to share with other people.
I think we all crave a “connection” the ability to connect to others and find common ground and share. We are all more alike than not. That is probably why I have a hard time when people do things to others that they wouldn’t want done to themselves. But that is another story.

When I am approached my answer is always the same, “just write! Jump in and start!” For most of us our “story” is already written we just need to get it down and share it. Often times the hardest part is the jumping off point and just getting started. Most often I find after starting is just flows and takes on a life of its own. It is for me, a truly organic process.

I also ask the same question, “Who is your target market audience?” If you are writing for yourself that is a diary or a journal. If you are planning to write your story and you wish to share it with an audience, who is that audience? What group of people will read your written work? What do you wish to accomplish by writing and then sharing?

Most everyone can relate to someone else and their experiences. We are not alone. There isn’t something that has happened that someone else hasn’t already experienced but the difference might be how we handled it and what we learned from it. Can we now inspire another person with our writings and our story, our life experience?

I have also heard it said that you need to have a certain amount of life experiences that most often come with age, until you really have something to write about and that is worthy of sharing. I always encouraged my kids to write. Many times they would ask me, “But what should I write about?” I always had a list that I could just rattle off things like 1) what is feels like to be a twin 2) what it feels like to know that your birth mother died and you never got to know her? 3) What you had to do to become an Eagle Scout 4) baking your first cake 5) first dates and the list goes on and on.

We all have “a story” and we all have something we can share. Stephen King wrote a book years ago titled, On Writing that I found helpful. I also used to read books about marketing your story and your book. There is no greater high for a writer than to be read, to be understood and to have that reader connect. I have often said, “That is my paycheck” when someone reads me, gets me and can connect to me from something I have written and shared.

There is a lot of healing for many people in writing, I, myself included and everyone has their own form. I think of it as an art form, the way we express ourselves and how and what we share. Just like an artist with a painting. That art makes you feel something and it is an expression from the artist. Writing to me, is that same experience. It should make you feel something.

So here is to all the writers out there that have a story to share, my advice, just write! Jump in and just get started, you never know where it will lead until you write it! Write!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New book ALONG THE WAY available at http://www.createspace.com/5705583?ref

The Excitement of Newness

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The Excitement of Newness
By Bernadette A Moyer

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There is something so exciting about trying something new, whether it is a new restaurant, a new vacation destination, a new recipe or a new class. There is that excitement of the unknown and the ability to try a new experience without any expectations.

It could be a new book or a new movie release just about anything that we are experiencing for the very first time offers us a new exciting experience without any previous point of reference. I am a junkie for trying new things! It doesn’t matter if it is a new hair conditioner or a new food item. I’ll try most anything at least once.

Over the weekend we tried the new BLK, Black water and I have to say “never again.” Not only didn’t it taste good to me but I literally felt like I was drinking really dirty black water!

Tonight my husband and I tried the newest Corner Bakery in our neighborhood, it is a chain and new to our area. Like most experiences we put a toe in the water and started with just a soft drink and a dessert. The place was nice, new, neat and clean. The menu had more than one item that piqued my interest and we will return for a breakfast, lunch or dinner meal at another time.

Recently I began taking a new business class at our local college here in Maryland, Loyola has a campus close to my home and I wanted a refresher business class to add to my resume. As an adult student you just want that “A” grade and it is important to do the very best you can, at my age you take every learning opportunity more seriously. You don’t have to be there, you are there because you alone made the decision to attend and you want to be there.

My husband like myself enjoys travelling to new locations, it could be a car ride or a plane flight away but we are always open minded and without a previous experience “there” we have no expectations which often makes for a guaranteed great time. We have also learned how to make everything old like new again. As frequent travelers to our resort home in Delaware we set out every single summer season to try a new restaurant. We also try parking on new to us streets, and taking in our beach place from a new and different angle. This helps to keep our trips fresh, new and allows us to discover and uncover new places.

Making time for new experiences and deliberately setting out on an unknown course allows us to broaden our horizons and makes for new learning experiences. Having a partner who enjoys trying new things as much as I do keeps our marriage fresh and alive. Where it may be easy to become a creature of habit, for me, not trying something new feels like a slow death and a boring life.

This week I have several “new” things lined up and I am both excited and curious and probably a tad bit nervous too! So here is to trying new things, setting out to experience a new experience and attending new places with opportunities to meet new and different people. Life is about change and growth and taking in as many new things as we can during our lifetime.

So … go somewhere new! Try a new food item! Make a new friend! Travel to a place you have never been before! Take a new class! Whatever it is … there is always excitement attached to newness …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette A Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble