Excitement Ahead

Excitement Ahead
By Bernadette A. Moyer

excited

“Life isn’t lived in the rear view mirror” F. E. Feeley Jr., from Objects in the Rearview Mirror

Through the years I have done so much grief work for myself and with others, first it was about death and later about family estrangement and the overall question is always the same, how did you do it? How did you survive it?

Honestly sometimes I did better than other times but in retrospect and with 20/20 hindsight vision, it was my belief that something good would come of it and that something better was yet to come, and it always turned out that way!

One of the things I have learned to do for myself and for the quality of my life was to look ahead, plan ahead and make sure that I always had something special to look forward to in my life. I am always planning to go somewhere to see something and to spend time with the people that I most enjoy. I also make a point of talking to strangers who I meet along the way. The secret to me for living a happy life is really pretty simple, surround yourself with as much love and light as possible and schedule events that make you happy.

That is what I do and knowing that I have an event, or an outing or an occasion just up ahead helps me to deal with most everything in life. It keeps me happy, it keeps me energized and excited about living.

And yes I have had my share of being stuck, stuck in my upset and stuck in my grief when things didn’t work out like I thought they should. Today those very same things I once grieved over I can now see how blessed I am to have lost them. The lessons were learned and it was time to move past it, so often freeing up space where the voids were allowed me to choose more wisely. I made better choices and how could that ever be a bad thing?

In the past few months I have enjoyed business meetings that were both productive and informative and I have enjoyed meeting new people and going to new and different places. We are only limited by our choices. There is so much excitement ahead.

Even the season that is about to change is cause for celebration, so is St. Patrick’s Day and Easter and day-light saving time and that lunch with a friend, trip to the grocery store, making that special cookie or cake. Just about any activity that we engage in can have the potential to create excitement. And yes the converse may be true as well if that is how we decide to view it.

I don’t want to be sad anymore! Does that mean that I will never experience sadness again? Of course not but it does mean that I don’t have to stay stuck there and the probability is that if I plan something fun and exciting to look ahead to doing, any sadness won’t last and it will be short-lived.

So what lies ahead …lots of life and fun and travel and events and yes hard work too, most notably this week I will do something that I have resisted doing for years. Moving past the pen to paper and by invitation I will be co-hosting a talk radio show. I’ve never done this before and yes I have been asked by television and film producers over the years to share my stories about grief and loss. I wasn’t comfortable nor was I ready.

Today I have moved past the personal parts of it to the greater good; I’ve listened to thousands of others and I’ve swapped stories and it is no longer so personal for me. The events in my life that I have shared through my writings I will now begin to communicate verbally and I am thrilled and happy that I am in a place where it is all about healing our hurts and learning to live with the lessons. We can all make the choice to choose happiness.

So here is your homework, make a list of the things that make you happy and do as many of them as you can and schedule/plan activities that excite you and live with knowing that there is much excitement ahead … because you not only channeled it but planned for it.

Look at how excited small children become when they learn that the things they like to do are planned for them and just up ahead. Take the time to plan for exciting experiences and watch how quickly the hurts, losses and voids are replaced with new and better events, choose healthy, choose wisely and choose fun and exciting … everything/anything is possible.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

When It Is More Important To Be Liked

When It Is More Important To Be Liked
By Bernadette A. Moyer

liked

Who doesn’t want to be liked? We have built a culture in our society that is driven by “likes” how many “likes” do you have on your page, article, post?

We all want that desired feeling of acceptance and likeability. Years ago I had an attorney refer to his client as “A really likeable guy.” The guy he was speaking about left his wife for another woman when she was pregnant and was a confirmed cocaine addict with bill collectors and other unsavory types constantly after him. He was in and out of court with driving offenses and never seemed to accept any responsibility for his choices in life.

But … he was likeable! This guy never took a stand, never had an opinion and never outwardly offended anyone. Was he a good person? I guess it matters whose yard stick is being used to measure him.

Most business owners know that if they display a religious or political statement, they could lose business from potential customers with another view. So they don’t take a stand nor do they speak out on any issues.

I was listening to Dr. Ben Carson from Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and who was recently a Presidential candidate, and during his speech he made numerous examples of how wanting to be politically correct has eroded our abilities to communicate. People are afraid to say what they think and what they know for fear of offending someone.

Parents often have to make decisions in raising their children that deem them unlikeable by their children. I remember a time when one of my kids was failing and they became angry with me? And I said, “Let me get this straight, I should applaud your failure, tell you great job for NOT doing your assignments and for cutting class?” What kind of mother would I have been if being liked was more important than trying to install values like completing your work, being honest and giving it your best effort?

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” Alexander Hamilton

Dr. Carson talked about the importance of communication and of respect. We don’t have to agree on every issue but we should respect everyone’s right to an opinion. The type person, who slams someone with a different point of view without hearing him out, is a bully. No two people agree 100% on every single issue but out of discussion, dialogue and fighting for what you believe is right can help to flush out the best solutions.

Having an opinion might cost us a few “likes” but truth be told, when we fear speaking our truth we have paid a far greater price in our silence. Not taking a stand, not being heard is a stand; it allows the louder voice and the bully pulpit to be heard and in this to win every single time.

Taking a Stand by CD Taylor

Send me a light to guide my way
To carry me through my darkest day
Make my heart warm, soft and pure
But strong enough to endure

Help me to walk a path that’s right
Keep my eyes on the guiding light
Let me harm none as I live my life
Let me not meddle in envy or strife

Let me be humble and to know my place
Help me remember life is not a race
It is not a contest to be lost or won
It should be filled with love, joy and fun

When I meet people who don’t understand
Let me help them as I take my stand
With kind actions, words and a helping hand
Let me not sink into their pits of stand

Being “liked” and winning seems to have taken the place of standing up for what you believe is the right thing to do. What messages are we sending to our children when being politically correct has replaced being morally responsible and true to our own code of values?

Not that long ago I was working with a team of people that openly kept their “truth” and true feelings from their Supervisor because they knew he wouldn’t like it. So to his face they were in complete compliance and as soon as he turned his back they did exactly as they wanted. They knew they would never be heard by this guy and they believed that they were right and he was wrong.

This happens often in the workplace, “truth to power” people are afraid to stand up for what they believe in right and go up against someone is a position of authority.

“Speaking your truth is an essential aspect of living a life of passion, fulfillment and authenticity. However, for many of us it is much easier to talk about speaking our truth than it is to actually do it.” Mike Robbins

Being liked and politically correct might make you popular but it surely won’t be an authentic life of integrity. A really smart man isn’t afraid to hear from the opposition, because he knows that until all voices are heard, all positions are represented, the best solutions are seldom possible.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone
By Bernadette A. Moyer

not alone

Life is tough, let’s face it; we all experience so many challenges. When I am faced with life challenges I always think that I am not the first person to ever go through this, others have triumphed and so will I.

What new experience is there that someone else has not already experienced and made it through to the other side?

No matter what we are facing it always helps to know, “you are not alone.” We know that we come into this world alone and one day we will be called home to our maker. As simplistic as it is every single person has a birth date and a death date. What we do in between is up to us.

When I am faced with upset and conflict, I typically retreat and pray on it and if it is something that is making me feel bad, I go through my list of affirmations. That list usually begins with “you are a child of God and you have a right to be here” then I pray about what am I supposed to learn by this current situation? What message is there in the take away?

Retreat is really underestimated as it can be the very tool necessary to help us regain our center and our sense and place of peace. Withdrawal for the sake of contemplation is not a bad thing but often a necessary exercise that helps energize us and gives us the tools that are required to move forward.

Our answers are within and often in the noise of life we lose our center but we can take the time to reflect and to calm the waters within then our next steps become clear to us.

“Every failure, obstacle or hardship is an opportunity in disguise. Success in many cases is failure turned inside out.” Mary Kay Ash

There are many things in life that we can’t change or do anything about; they are above and beyond our control. And when I can accept this and if it truly is something that I can’t change I have learned wholeheartedly to let them go. I can share my stories and I can connect to so many others who may be struggling as I have struggled too.

As I age I no longer see things as black and white or as good and bad but rather as me learning to live peacefully in any situation that I may find myself. It took some time but when I could finally learn that I wasn’t alone and that I should not take things other people do personally, I was free.

Not only was I free but I was also at peace … and in that free and peaceful state of being, I was able to give and to receive so much more genuine love. Finding that perfect balance between sharing time with people that love us and support us and also taking the time to pause and to reflect and retreat is to me the answer to most all that ails us.

(The following is part of a poem called Desiderata that I have enjoyed for decades and story has it that these words were copied from an inscription found in Old Saint Paul’s Church, Baltimore dated 1692 but was actually written by an Indiana poet named Max Ehrmann and is registered with the Library of Congress in 1927)

Desiderata
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New Books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Always Trust Your Instincts

Always Trust Your Instincts
By Bernadette A. Moyer

f6618f57316a1c7d9a6cd4b5d6cd5c47

The one thing that I do that makes me most-angry with myself is when I don’t trust my gut instincts. Sometimes I think women tend to be polite past the point of trusting in that inner voice. That inner voice that knows when to protect us and that knows when it is time to fight or to flee.

The following is a true story as told by Cindy (not her real name)
On December 1st of last year I was scheduled for a phone interview for a position with a charity that is doing good work, they are housing the homeless.

At this stage of my career I am interesting in using my time and talents for worthy causes. I want to throw my time and talents toward worthy meaningful work.

After the initial hour phone interview with the human resources person I was scheduled for a full in person interview on December 17th. I arrived 10-15 minutes early and was asked to have a seat in the lobby. In the lobby I noticed how sloppy, overstuffed and smelly the area was and I also noticed scotch-taped signs that were hanging on the walls. The one sign that most caught my attention was the one that read “perfume free zone” and went on to say that some people are sensitive to scent. I thought wow I worked in many places and most were run by a really progressive team and they didn’t do that? Neither has any other place that I ever worked, but okay.

My appointment was for 8:30 in the morning and after the clock struck 8:50 I gathered my brief case all my papers and my jacket and I was about to leave. The place was dirty, cluttered and smelly and now they were more than 20 minutes late. Everything inside of me was saying; get out now!

As I had my hand on the door and was ready to leave they called for me to come in for the interview. It was a panel interview with five board members and the current director. She made it clear that she would be staying on for the transition period up to six months. She also moved away from me at the meeting table declaring that she was “sensitive to my cologne.” She was the one that the signs were posted about in the lobby.

Her office was in the trailer in the parking lot and not the dirty, smelly office space that the rest of the staff was using. All I could think about was all the many interviews that I had conducted through the years, how being on time meant something to me and if by chance I was running late my assistant was instructed to make the interviewee comfortable and offer water, or coffee and let them know that I was running late. I would bet that 99% of the time I was on time. I always had respect for the people that came to interview. My standard operating procedure was not only to introduce myself but to hand over my business card, this team didn’t.

I left there with mixed feelings, from the outside property to the inside offices it looked like the housing projects that no one really took any pride in, there were tell-tale signs everywhere. Something inside me said, “stop this isn’t the right fit for you.”

Later I was surprised when I was called back the next week for another panel interview. They had mentioned that someone was expected to be there before but hadn’t shown up.

Once again, don’t ask me why but I agreed to meet with them in the new year on January 7th and it was another panel interview. In my gut it still didn’t feel right to me. My sense was that the director was not going anywhere and that this was some type of smoke screen. I was given little information and then asked how I would proceed and what my vision would be and yet I had no back story except for the word on the street. I also suspected that there was a reason I was not getting the total picture like the director was hiding something, I had nothing concrete but a gut feeling.

Driving away from that second interview I wasn’t sure if I would be a contender for the position. I was really sick with a head cold and not at my best. It was communicated to me the next step would be to meet with the donors before any decision to hire would be made, again this was odd to me but what the director said would happen. She was the one running the show, running the interviews and looking or so she said for her replacement. My gut said otherwise.

Two days later I was surprised to hear from my references that they had been called. So I was sure that an offer of employment would be forth coming and yet nothing … not a word. So after two weeks I e-mailed the initial contact who conducted the phone interview. I e-mailed her asking if anything else was required from my end. No response? Not even a courtesy response.

The entire process my gut said this is not right, something here just does not add up. Now the position is again being advertised and being handled by another human resources professional. Clearly there are problems there. Bottom line for me I should have listened to my gut, something wasn’t right and I knew it yet I stayed engaged. I am only upset with myself.

This story is true and rang true for me and many others, how many times do we ignore our gut feelings and later come to the conclusion why didn’t I just stop myself and listen to my gut feelings? So often we could save ourselves a lot of grief if we just take heart to what our inner core is telling us to do?

“Trust instinct to the end, even though you can give no reason.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can’t tell you how many times I stayed in something whether it was a meeting, or a relationship or a situation and stayed out of politeness when I knew full well my gut was saying, “this is not right for you!” And later felt really bad because I should have been more honest sooner and just excused myself. We live and we learn!

Always trust your instincts …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Adult Children That Love and Respect Their Parents

Adult Children That Love and Respect Their Parents
By Bernadette A. Moyer

adult children

In just this week on social media sites I witnessed adult children that declare their love and respect for their parents. I say Amen to that! These kids just look so much more attractive than the ones who constantly and consistently find fault with the very people that gave them life and raised them, their own parents.

Whether you like Donald Trump or not, his adult children are by his side and working hard for him as they support him. All of his adult children are up to their eyeballs in supporting their father. And clearly with three marriages, much scandal and who knows what else, they could find fault with dear old dad if that was what they wanted to do. I love seeing his adult children supporting him. It makes him look good but also makes them look good too.

I witness my dearest friends that are caretaking for their aging and ailing parents and I see their loving hearts in their caring actions. Again it makes them look good but also credits their parents.

During this same week a post of a newspaper clipping was shared with me of an ailing mother who took to newsprint to post an ad letting her adult son know that he was forgiven, that she was ill and hopeful someone somewhere would see it and encourage him to call his mother before she dies. It’s heartbreaking to see such an ad. Mom is trying to die in peace and her adult son is nowhere to be found.

Other friends share their broken hearts over 1, 2, 3 and even more of their children that want nothing to do with them. They have been dismissed. Through the years I have communicated with thousands of parents and all of them express their broken hearts over their adult children who have chosen to estrange. These kids need and want to make mom and dad look badly so they can justify their actions and their decision to estrange.

I don’t think they factor in just how badly it makes them look to speak so poorly about the mother and father who gave them life and who raised them to then turn around and treat their parents so badly.

When adult kids are successful and appreciate their parents as a result it seems like a natural transition of appreciation and love, and others who are successful and don’t appreciate their mom and dad, it’s hard not to respond with, “so you became a success all by yourself?”

Then there are the adult kids who are failing and struggling and want to blame mom and dad? Either way it just doesn’t add up. At some stage in life you take responsibility for the choices that you make and you grow up enough to stop placing blame on your parents.

We learn from the Ten Commandments; “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Adult children who have loving relationships with their parents tend to have loving relationships period. Each one of us can love just as each one of us can make the decision to withhold our love. Being on the side of love and gratitude is by far the most attractive and healthy side to be associated with. Everyone wears love well and I don’t know of anyone that looks good wearing an angry and unforgiving heart.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

A Time for Reinvesting in Ourselves

A Time for Reinvesting in Ourselves
By Bernadette A. Moyer

12744581_10208895799815367_1670696699599711183_n

It is becoming clear to me that our 50’s are a time of reinvesting in ourselves. For years we were living in the “sandwich” years between supporting ailing parents and raising our children. With two high demand careers, very little in the past ten years was about investing in ourselves. We spent our time and our energy on parents and on our children and we were happy to do it.

Between my husband and myself there is just one remaining parent and he is being well taken care of in an assisted living center. For so many years my husband was running him to the doctors, to the pharmacy and the food store. He literally was his father’s lifeline to the outside world until severe dementia made it impossible for us to continue to support him. He needed 24-hour care. It was a hard decision but a necessary one. (Update John passed in December of 2014) Today all our parents have passed away.

Our three kids have all been raised and no longer need us to support them. It took some getting used to when you have supported children physically, emotionally and financially for decades. But like everything in life there is a beginning, middle and an ending. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

We are still young and investment worthy as both my husband and I are gearing up for what is ahead for us. At this moment in time we have both turned to education and wellness as to where we are putting our energy and support. Brian is studying and securing a Maryland State license that will allow him to further his career. I am taking an updated business class and learning more and more about marketing and social media and blogging.

In 2015 two new books were published and my blogs continue to attract thousands of readers, many who write to me and some who connect in person.

For our health many of the procedures we have put off are being addressed. At this time we are eating healthier and more organic fresh foods. We see the value in laughing more and pacing ourselves as we get through our work weeks and our off time. There is a new balance in our lives of both production and fun. We no longer have to put ailing parents and our children ahead of our own needs. No one told us that this would be the “all about us years.” My husband loves having me all to himself.

Years ago I read that men never really “get their nicest or come into their own until their 50’s” for us this seems to ring true. Going out with my husband is like going on a really great date. This past year we travelled and attended so many functions and events, when he treated us to an Orioles baseball game we had the best time. He secured really great seats on the first base line looking directly into the dugout. We sat just a few feet from all the professional ballplayers. Brian held my hand as we walked through the city streets. And he walked to bring me bottled water and was really tuned into whatever I needed or wanted to enjoy the experience.

There is something so sweet and so nice about being appreciated by a man you have loved and lived with for 24 years. He expresses his gratitude for all the many sacrifices I made, and those that I wanted to make in helping him to raise his twin children. We survived and even thrived in spite of many challenges throughout all these years together.

What we have right now is yet another opportunity to reinvest in ourselves and in our marriage. It is a great feeling to be afforded this opportunity and at this time in our lives. This is a period of time that we never talked about or one that I never even thought about but now that we are here, I am thrilled. I hope that all our friends and family members also get this same special time in their life. All I can say is isn’t being in our 50’s great? We are worth it. We have worked hard and now it really is all about us. And who knows what our 60’s will bring but for now it is all about enjoying life, enjoying the simple pleasure of everyday life.

These are the reinvestment years and what greater cause for making an investment than in our own health and happiness!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way are available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble

What I Learned About Socialism

What I Learned About Socialism
By Bernadette A. Moyer

I learned about socialism when I was in the third grade and I learned it from twin boys that were my own age. Van and Yar along with their parents had fled from Yugoslavia to the United States of America. The word “fled” was their word and not mine. According to them, they came here for a better life and more opportunities.

The twins not only went to my school but they lived in my neighborhood, I am sure this was why I was asked to tutor them in English. They didn’t know our language but they were eager to learn it and I was happy to teach them.

They explained to me that if you had a loaf of bread and your neighbor had none, you were expected to give half that loaf to the neighbor. Their culture in Yugoslavia didn’t allow them free choice. Kids were tested and told what school and ultimately what career would be assigned to them. The government chose for the people. The people did not have the many freedoms that we are afforded here in the United States of America.

It didn’t take long for Van and Yar to integrate into our culture. It has been many decades now but the last time I saw them we were in high school and they were both popular and excelling in school. Their futures were bright and according to them a lot better than anything they would have had back home in Yugoslavia.

This family was willing to leave everything in Yugoslavia behind them and that meant socialism. They knew they could do better here in our country.
As we are into the process to elect our next President of the United States, I can’t help but be struck by the popularity of Senator Bernie Sanders, a self-proclaimed Democratic Socialist. He makes no bones about wanted the rich to pick up the slack of the poor. He makes no bones about a desire to re-distribute wealth.

What also strikes me is how popular he appears to be with so many college aged students. They hear the word “free” like in “free college” for everyone and they are beating the drums for him. “Feeling the Bern” is the new high for a generation of young people that have yet to work for anything. They don’t yet know what it is like to get a job, work hard, set goals, buy a car, purchase a home and raise children. Most students are still living on mommy and daddy’s dime. I can’t help but wonder how they will feel when it is their paycheck that is reduced by 50, 60, 70% or more in taxes to pay for all that “free” college and “free” healthcare.

Seems to me that in order to understand socialism you would want to research the countries that adhere to this way of life and ask yourself are they living a better quality of life? Ask the people that literally “fled” from both socialism and communism and listen to what they know about living this way.

Most educated people know that nothing is “free” somewhere someone along the way is paying. Should the cost of education and the cost of healthcare be so high? Probably not. But expecting a government or expecting other people to pay for our education and/or our healthcare isn’t what our country was ever built upon.

Our country is a melting pot and a country of immigrants. People that came here not because we gave “free” anything but rather because they wanted the American way. They wanted to come to the United States because they knew that if they worked hard that their dreams would be realized.

What bothers me most about today’s young person and their expectations of “free” isn’t as much as their desire for everything to be given to them but their lack of any desire or willingness to work hard.

I don’t know of anyone who is successful and who has a good life where you can’t trace it back to a desire to work towards goals and toward achieving them. It scares me to think that a burning desire for success could be replaced with the apathy that comes from sitting back and expecting everything to just be handed to you.

What I learned about socialism I learned way back in the third grade when a family “fled” their native Yugoslavia to come to the “land of opportunity” also known as The United States of America.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books Along The Way and Another Way available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Sit and Smile

Sit and Smile
By Bernadette A. Moyer

sit

Prayer and meditation doesn’t have to be so complicated, just sit and smile!

Sit and smile through your eyes, your ears, your nose, your heart, your throat and all your being. Smile, smile again and again and sit with that smile.

We get so caught up in the ugly stuff, the deaths and the destruction in life then we look outward to our friends, our families and our churches and therapists for all our own answers. I myself have been caught up in that.

Looking to a clergy person, a friend or a family member to help “fix” me, then when I look really closely at them, I think, they can hardly help themselves, how on earth are they going to “fix” me. And why would they even be motivated to do so even if they could?

Every search I’ve been on has ultimately led me back to my own core. I’ve worked with clergy, I’ve worked with a few life coaches and I’ve worked with many counselors both in group and one on one. My path has always brought me back to my own personal relationship with God, to my core being.

My recent prayers have been coming from a positive place and not a desperate one. My most recent answer came as simply as, “sit and smile.” Just sit, relax and smile. A smile immediately brings relief and can elevate our mood.

In an article by Mark Stibich, Ph.D., and his Top 10 Reason to Smile, he writes; “Smiling changes our mood, next time you are down, try putting on a smile. There is a good chance your mood will change for the better.”

And “Smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers and serotonin. Together these make us make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.”

What have we got to lose? Just sit and smile! So here is to more smiles, more laughter, more sitting and more levity …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New Books! Along The Way and Another Way available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Regret

Regret
By Bernadette A. Moyer

fear_and_regret_by_deathtopanic

One of my professors was famous for saying that “regret is the hardest pill to swallow.” That phrase has stayed with me for decades now and I do my very best to try and live a life that is free of regrets.

Yet most of us probably look back on a time when we may have made decisions that we later live to regret. Bold decisions made in youth and/or in haste seldom hold up over the test of time.

“Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.” Don Miguel Ruiz

We can’t change our past but we can learn from it and when possible we can make amends. To live a life without regrets is to live a life of peace.

No Regrets by Gary Allan (Songwriters: Jon Randall, Jamie Hanna and Gary Allan)
Well time and fate can’t be controlled
You play the hand that you’re dealt
And the dice that you rolled
And who am I to question God anyway

I remember so clearly way back in 1983 when I was leaving the gravesite where my first husband was just buried and I remember thinking; I would rather do and say something I may live to regret rather that regretting that I never did it or said it. I was so fortunate that when Randy died everything that needed to be said and done was so.

There is tremendous peace that comes from knowing we did and we said all that we could during any given life experience.

Simply doing our best is surely the best way to live without regrets!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Another Way and Along The Way are a sold on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Our Shared Journey

Our Shared Journey
By Bernadette A. Sahm

We are all more alike than not and all of us are on a shared journey. Most of us are looking for love to give love and to receive love. Some of us express our love through the work that we do and some of us in our friends and family circle. Our stories are important as are sharing them. This is how we connect with others.

Today we celebrated with our son on his 24th birthday, his father shared stories of what it was like and what transpired up until his birth and the weeks that followed. Along with his twin sister he stayed in the hospital for weeks after his birth and was unable to leave the hospital until late February after a January birthday, his twin was not released until March. I wasn’t there as I met the twins when they were already 87 days old.

The stories that my husband is able to share are both heart- warming and deeply saddening. His wife and the twin’s birth mother went into comma just days after having the twins and she never regained consciousness again. She died.

They were a young couple with a new mortgage, two career jobs and twins on the way. It was the American dream that soon turned into a living nightmare. The soul and character of my husband as he treaded these unknown waters was both concerning for his family and others and inspiring for the people that lived through it with him. His spirit and deep belief in God carried him through it all.

We delight in Brandon’s birthday and are mindful of the many challenges that he has faced since his pre-mature birth. Every single person has a story; some of us have shared experiences. The stories that my husband has to share during that time frame are so close to the heart. Now 24 years later it is still impossible to understand how a 29 year old married woman could go to the hospital to deliver her babies and how she would literally never walk out of that place again.

“When the pursuit of natural harmony is a shared journey, great heights can be attained. – Lynn Hill”

We also can’t imagine our lives being any other way as I have been their “mother” since their infancy. How and why things happen like they do may never be fully understood except that we have a deep faith in God and know that we are all here together and on a shared journey.

Who knows what each day may bring? Will it bring us happiness or heartache? Everyone is looking for something? Something that will help with the meaning of life and we want to know what will come next and what will happen. We are seeking to understand. We are looking to uncover all that we think and feel that we need to feel full.

I didn’t find genuine love and I didn’t find genuine peace until I stopped looking for it? Funny as it may seem that is what happened. When I just loved my life and was doing what I knew that I should be doing all the other things I was searching for and seeking just naturally made their way to me.

Our history and our family stories are so important as they help us to understand who we are and how we came about and just where we come from when our lives began.

So many people think that they need this thing or that job or that relationship or something else before they can be fulfilled and happy. Yet wisdom is born of age and we learn that much of what happens in life literally is beyond our control. We take what we get and hopefully we make the most of it. Take the lessons and leave the rest behind as we proceed on our shared journey called life …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble under author Bernadette A. Moyer

Original artwork attached by Brandon R. Sahm (my son)