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Eighteen Christmas Seasons

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Eighteen Christmas Seasons
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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You don’t get over it you get through it … it starts with just breathing. You learn to breathe again when you have been knocked over and kicked in the gut by an adult child that grows up and decides that the life you afforded them and gave them didn’t and doesn’t measure up. They decide alone that you are unworthy.

This Christmas will be my eighteenth Christmas without my daughter, a daughter who is now gone longer than when I had her. This was a daughter who initially shattered my heart and my soul. And a daughter who re-created her past so that she could have a new and different life. Initially I couldn’t believe it or accept it, and I now so freely do.

Not only do I accept it but I appreciate the gift and what it was; a blessing in disguise. I am no longer tethered to a past. A past life that was filled with hurt with loss and with abuse. I am free. Yet there was a time when I thought I couldn’t live without her. I learned that I can live and that I will live and that I can be happy and healthy and whole again.

I gave her everything I had to give. I gave her more of a life and a better life than what my parents ever afforded me. And in the end I appreciated my parents more. There is a lesson here for parents that just give and give.

More and more people are writing to me and contacting me about my writings and about my then teenage daughter who at age eighteen decided to estrange, and their biggest question is, “How did you do it? How did you survive it?”

There is no cure; you take one minute at a time, one day at a time and one month and one year at a time. You work through it, through the heartache and through the disappointment. You work through the grief and through the loss. You purge your pain. Then one day they are gone longer than you had them in your life.

What you are left with is your memories and for me I have wonderful memories of a beautiful little girl who was bright and beautiful and the absolute love and joy of my life. I have no regrets. I played the hand that I was dealt and I did the best I could with what I had and what I knew at that time. Today my heart and my soul are at peace.

She chose her life and I have mine. I am able to look at my friends and my peers who now have adult children and many are married and having children of their own. I absolutely love seeing those healthy loving and growing parent-child relationships.

I am not soured as I am truly happy for them. I look on with love and a happy heart. I know that, that was not to be for me and it wasn’t going to be my lot in life. I have not only learned to accept it but to move past it.

People tell me things about her and I have been sent photos of her and I don’t bite. I am not interested in anything related to her and yet there was a date and a time when I was desperate to know anything at all about her. Today I think and believe that if she wanted me to know about her life, she would not have estranged and gone out of her way to make sure that I am not included. I know my place. I got the memo and I heard her loud and clear.

There is life after our children. I do not believe that my marriage would be as happy as it is with the continued drama that was represented in that relationship. She has declared it unhealthy and today I agree. Because of all the loss that she experienced as a small child I took it on that it was my job to fill those voids and in reality it was not. I was there. I was there 100% if not more. I tried my hardest and I did my best.

The decision to estrange was solely her decision, I have learned to live with that decision and she too will have to live with her choices.

Factually speaking she may be my daughter but the reality is that she has not been a daughter to me for eighteen years now. You can’t miss what you don’t have. I don’t miss her at all anymore. I have created a very full and very happy and a very loving life. This past year was one of the happiest years of my life! I had pure joy and much love.

“If God takes you to it, He will take you through it.”

My new books Along The Way and Another Way have many articles, blogs and essays about my journey. It has been an amazing journey and just like any journey there is a beginning and middle and an ending. When it is over, it is over.

I was married for more than 15 years before I legally changed my name, in part because when I was getting married she said, “then I will be the only Moyer left” her dad died when she was just two. I was always trying to fix things and make things better for her.

As this year 2015 ends, I will begin the new year writing under my married name Sahm, Bernadette A. Sahm. Bernadette A. Moyer has many writings that have addressed love, loss, death and estrangement.

The new writings will be about love, happiness and beauty and hopefully even more inspiring and healthy. I have purged my pain, I have written much and I have helped many.

My greatest hope in sharing my experiences and my life story is that anyone that is experiencing this kind of loss, please know that you are not alone, others have survived it and you will too!

I am not saying it is or was easy but what I am sharing is that it is possible … you can be happy again and you can be happy after losing a child to estrangement.

The page has turned … and life is good and beautiful and happy again …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Surrounded by Angels

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Surrounded by Angels
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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I have always had angels around me, my entire life I was aware of the spiritual powers that surround me. Angels are defined as ‘the messengers of God.” In order to receive them you must open both your heart and your mind.

We hear stories about guardian angels, angels of protection during war and people that are helped by angels. We see angels in art, on cards, notes and décor. After my first husband died, within hours I felt a strong spiritual presence over my right shoulder. This was more almost 30 years ago; however I remember it so clearly. The message I received was, “you are not alone.” I was heavy hearted with a two year old daughter. My faith walk as an adult truly began at this time. I believe that God sent that angel with that message.

Years ago I wrote a children’s book titled, Angel Stacey, Earth Angel to Guardian Angel. It was a tribute to our children’s parents and our previous spouses that passed on at such young ages. We raised our children to believe that although God had taken their parent pre-maturely, they may have left this life but that they were still there in Heaven.

When my parents died, I knew they had returned home to God, to their maker. My sense was that my father had made his peace before leaving this earthly life. My dad knew his last days were coming and he took all the necessary steps to make peace with the people in his life that mattered most.

To me, my mother would struggle since she left so much unattended to and certainly left much unrest. But shortly after her departure, I had a strong message from what I believe was an angel. The message was simple, “God knew then and now so does your mother, and you must carry on with peace and love in your heart.”

Having faith is no doubt, the single greatest gift my parents gave to me. I live with less and less anxiety as I age. There are so many wonderful and beautiful angels; I personally have quite a collection in books, wall hangings, ornaments and more.

As a collector, they make me happy. I choose to surround myself with angels and I am receptive to hearing their messages. I truly believe that if and when we are ready to receive our angels, they are there for us. And when we receive the messenger, that angel sent by God, then we truly hear the voice of God.

Angel Stacey books are available at amazon.com

New book Along The Way and Another Way are available on amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Follow Bernadette on http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

You Won But Did You Really

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You Won But Did You Really
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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When you have to kill and to destroy to make your point, have you won? Really won? I have been relatively quiet since the recent mass murders in San Bernardino California; however I have read much and processed much about this subject since it happened.

What argument or disagreement or different way of thinking and living merits mass murder? As a woman and as a mother I think the hardest part for me to process is how any young mother could willingly destroy lives and risk their own life and in doing so leave their six-month old baby behind?

Seems so very selfish to have a child and then take actions that will virtually ensure they will have lost their father and their mother due to their choice of terrorism. To kill innocent people just because they don’t think and believe like you do, over an ideology over a belief in a different God?

Then I think about people that don’t take a life but kill other relationships and other people so that they can get their way, selfishly at the expense of other people. People that lie and people that manipulate and people that willingly play the victim because their need to win and to be right is much more important to them than the well-being of others and for peace and love.

When the mission is purely to destroy, there are no winners. Who won in California? The people who killed innocent people are dead and their child is left without parents. That same anger and hatred that this young female terrorist used to destroy lives, that same amount of energy and that same amount of passion could just as easily been used to better her community and her family and her baby’s life.

A choice was made to destroy …

A choice was made to kill innocent people …

People’s lives are destroyed every day by the actions of other people, it happens in families; it happens on the job, it happens in a community. When the individual need to be right, when a group of people believe that their faith and way of thinking is superior to all others, who really is the winner here?

Whatever decisions we face in life, I would be willing to bet if it starts with hatred and with anger and with a willful desire to hurt others, it can’t possibly be good for anyone nor can it render a winner.

“Anger is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” Mitch Albom from The Five People You Meet in Heaven

The terrorist actions they don’t make me want to stop going out or to go to public places but it does make me look closely at other people and their behaviors. It makes me less willing to openly embrace people I don’t know and I find myself saying to myself, “there are a lot of crazy, sick and hate-filled people in this world.”

A sad statement I know but then again there were no winners when terrorist attack and it doesn’t matter to me who the terrorist is and where they come from as much as the fact that it comes from another human being, and the harsh reality of how horribly some people, another human being is willing to go to treat other people so hatefully and with such callousness and cruelty …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New Books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

To Know Someone’s Heart

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To Know Someone’s Heart
By Bernadette A Moyer

“If you want to know someone’s heart, you have to know what breaks it.” President George H. Bush

During a recent television interview with the elder President Bush part of the discussion was about a child they had that passed away as a toddler. I can’t imagine the pain that is associated with having a baby and seeing that child suffer and then ultimately die as a young toddler. It almost seems too cruel to even imagine.

When asked about this loss and the heartache the former President replied with the above quote. For days now I have reflected upon that statement as we do learn so much about another person by what breaks their heart. We all have something and/or someone in our lives that with their loss could literally break our hearts. It could be our mother or our father or a dear friend; it could be a spouse or even a child.

Losing a child is probably the most unnatural loss of all as a child truly represents the future, and comes far too soon for anyone to truly conceive.

In the last day I have received two lengthy e-mails from people that only know me through my writings. It is a common occurrence for me to receive these kinds of messages. They write to me because of the loss and heart break they are experiencing because of an estranged child.

This is where their heart lives as the parent of a child that they loved and raised and who has ultimately decided to delete mom and dad from their lives. To parent any child is to know the depth of your own heart.

“Making a decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

I don’t believe we truly understand the depth of our ability to love until we birth a child. There is absolutely nothing else like it!

Then there are other loves that also show our hearts. A very dear friend is mourning this week just a year ago her longtime friend of over 4-decades died of cancer. She was just mid-50 with a husband and two sons and grandchildren. I see my friend who is brokenhearted and I see her heart. She has the capacity for love.

Losing a love does reveal many things about us; it reveals how we carry on and how we face what comes next. With any heartbreak we grieve the loss. Our broken heart humbles us and it opens us up in our vulnerability.

One of the greatest gifts that we share with others is when we share our loves. To truly know another we must know where their heart lives and for most of us that includes our family and our friends. It includes the people that matter most to us.

When someone passes on or leaves us it does not mean that we still can’t enjoy and feel the love that we shared. When I see a clock and the time is 3:33 I think of my old friend and mentor Ed who died many years ago, I smile and I say a prayer. He liked those numbers and played them often in the lottery.

And when I catch a clock at 2:41 the time of day that my daughter was born I instantly say, “God Bless her wherever she is and whatever she is doing!”

Today my heart lives most closely with my husband and our son who is still at home with us and our two precious pooches. Like most people I also share my heart with a close knit group of friends and my writing is where my heart lives.

I no longer allow my heart to live in the past as I have learned that love is a living thing, it is okay to reflect fondly on past loves but to stay there is to be stuck and to cease moving forward. To seek more love and new love we must be willing to take the steps that are ahead of us while letting go of what was behind us. Easy to say and often difficult to do.

We all know that to love is to risk loss and yet without love we cease to live. To really know someone and to really know ourselves we do in fact need to not only know about our hearts and their capacity for love but also what breaks our hearts …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

NEW BOOKS! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

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Pictures Down

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Pictures Down
By Bernadette A. Moyer

Most people that know me know that I am a positive and upbeat person always seeking and striving for the truth and for the lessons that were to be learned. We learn so much about ourselves when we are faced with challenges and when things don’t go the way that we had hoped they would go. But that is life, isn’t it?

Facing change and facing our challenges help to show our character and sometimes our lack of character too.

Not everything is going to end with a happy ending but that doesn’t mean that our happiness has to end. When we are willing to take the “pictures down” and to dream another dream and to go off in a new direction our hearts and our souls have the chance to grow and to love again.

Parents often have the hardest time with “pictures down” as if in defiance keeping that lost person alive by showing their photos will change the outcome of their departure. It doesn’t. We can reflect on our past memories and we can hold near and dear the love that was shared.

In the beginning I used to overly cherish my pictures of people that left my life because that was what I had left to hang on to and to validate that they existed. The pictures served as the witness. But they also serve as a chain that keeps us tethered to our past.

A new husband or a new wife typically doesn’t want to start a fresh new marriage with pictures of the person who came before them. We can respect those people and appreciate who they were and what they represented but to be present in our lives and to be fully aware and able to embrace our future we take the pictures down.

When my first child left home so unexpectedly and without a normal transition I was so hurt and so angry and most of all so deeply disappointed. I remember taking a collage of photos with her pictures and smashing the glass against a chair. It shattered just like our relationship. It would be the love of my husband that would come behind me and clean it up. That single act is so meaningful to me in so many ways. He saved me and he helped me to save myself.

If pictures make you happy and bring you peace they should be up and around but when a relationship hurts you and has come to its own conclusion it may be time for you to take the pictures down.

I have other photos and I have other memories but the pictures are down and they are boxed and put away. The pictures that we keep up are the ones that make us happy and they make us smile, they make us feel good to have them around. Pictures down and I am fine and good and happy again.

What are you keeping up that really should be taken down? What are you holding onto that is getting in the way of what should come next?

Who or what are you keeping out of the frame that really should be in there?
Think about “pictures down” and all that could take that same place and space in your life …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
NEW BOOK! Along The Way available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

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Mind over Matter

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Mind over Matter
By Bernadette A. Moyer

If you don’t mind, it really doesn’t matter. It is amazing how freeing it is when you let go of what other people say and think about you. “What other people think about you is none of your business.” Paulo Coelho

What matters is what you think and feel and what you know about yourself. How we feel about ourselves shows itself in how we look, how we act and even how we react. There are many things in my life that I am most proud of and when I think of it, it isn’t about my achievements or my success but rather in all the times that I was true to myself.

I am most proud of the times when I stood up for myself and the times when I brushed off the actions and words of bullies and angry people; people that try and put their stuff on you. They want you to look bad so they can justify their own poor behaviors. It truly is mind over matter, if you don’t mind it really doesn’t matter!

During a three hour birthday celebration lunch just yesterday with my “other mother” who repeatedly told me how great I look and how beautiful I look and how happy I look, I had to smile and to laugh and to accept that I feel great! This woman has known me for over 20 years when I was her Real Estate agent. She is 80 years old and witnessed my life during some of the highest points and lowest ones too. Upon reflection, I know that I look good because I feel good because I have genuine peace in my heart and because I am surrounded by love.

The people in my circle are people that love and support me, period. I have cut out and I have deliberately cut off people and situations that cause undue drama and where I am no longer learning or growing or feeling good and happy. Life really is too short for other people’s sh –!

My most recent book Along The Way includes so many valuable lessons about life that I literally learned Along The Way, much of it was not so attractive and most of it came from the people that really should have been family and they should have been kind and loving. It just was not to be for me and for many years I struggled and I couldn’t accept it. I fought against the natural tide and the natural ebb and flow. Looking back I can see where this was a huge mistake and cost me much love and peace. I was looking for love and for acceptance in all the wrong places, looking for it outside of myself when it reality I have and I had everything I ever needed deep within myself, I always had God and a deep sense of faith. My life today is so good I want to get up and scream all about it!

I was getting in my own way of peace, love and happiness due to the unwarranted judgements of others, sad but true and truly a waste of time. I am so much bigger and better than that. For years I suffered in silence, feeling so much shame that related to my first family and later due to the untimely death of my husband, branding me a widow at 23 made me feel different than my peer group. Then later again feeling all the shame associated with abuse. I felt it so deeply and I initially took it all in and isolated myself. When the healing began I not only could speak about it but I wrote about it. This all helped me to heal. So did the thousands of connections I made with others by sharing my stories and my life experiences. Many of the most painful stories shared drew thousands of “likes” in just one platform; Facebook.

In one book Along The Way I bound all those lessons, the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. I am over it. I did the work. I grieved my losses and I moved on, parts of the book were written as far back as 1998. The entire book is past history and past lessons learned. Many people have shared with me how much my writings have helped them in their own life journey and for this I am eternally thankful.

Today I am in the midst of completing the next book titled; Another Way and it contains blogs, articles and essays that are happier and more fun and include more and different life lessons, experiences and observations. I have closed the door on all the hurtful stuff associated with my family of origin and opened the doors to much more love and peace and it shows on my face and in my heart.

Last week I turned 56 years old and I had another wonderful birthday celebrated in Las Vegas, Nevada. I have experienced so much Along The Way and today more than ever I know that there is Another Way … when things don’t go like you think they should, it really comes down to mind over matter and to seeking out a newer and better and Another Way … there is always Another Way …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New book! ALONG THE WAY available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

ANOTHER WAY coming out November 1, 2015

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A Restored Trust

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A Restored Trust
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Earlier today I wrote an essay about Broken Trust and how important trust is to every relationship. After writing it I was reminded of a “broken trust” that was restored. It was with our son.

A few years ago over July 4th holiday when my husband and I went to the beach our son was scheduled to work so he remained home. At that time he was 19 years old. We never had any real trust issues with him, he is an Eagle Scout and we often tease him. We tease him about his honesty; let’s just say you wouldn’t want to rob a bank with him. Because in a second he would give both himself and you right up!

That holiday he invited a few guys over to swim in our pool he is a lifeguard and we have no issue with this. The problem was that a few friends turned into about 60 people and it was obvious by all the empty beer cans and empty booze bottles in and around our home that underage drinking had taken place. Not to mention the cigarette butts and huge fat cigar remnants.

He thought he had cleaned the place up but he missed many things and the youngest coolest neighbor came by to tell us just how loud the music was and how many people were here. He was busted!

Father and son had words, I was disappointed and at that time our son wasn’t sorry but rather defiant and we all agreed it best if he went to stay with a friend until things cooled off a bit. My husband’s very expensive watch was missing and probably stolen. The kids that came, many were not his friends. There were so many people in and around the house that by our son’s own admission “It was out of control.”

I did something similar when I was a kid and I wanted to use this as a teaching opportunity, my husband never did such a thing and saw it as a huge disrespect and that trust was broken. Within a month our son returned home. He was really sorry and made amends. Even though he couldn’t afford to replace the expensive watch that was gone, he did buy his father another watch.

He vowed it would never happen again and we impressed upon him all the issues with allowing underage drinking to take place on our property and in our home. How bad this could have been.

It is really easy to forgive someone when they are sorry and when they try and make it right. The take away for me is and remains, that the love and respect we have for our son and that he has for us far outweighed this lapse in judgment. He was a kid and doing what many kids do, today he has learned something and we are all closer than ever before.

Even though we felt hurt and disappointed and somewhat disrespected, he didn’t have a pool party to try and hurt us. Things happen in all relationships but it is what we do with what happens that determines whether we move ahead together or not.

Forgiveness is always possible but first we have to accept our role and if we are in the wrong, be sorry and try and make it right.

Today more than four years later, our son now 23 appreciates everything. Just about every card he gives us for birthdays and other holidays he talks about maturing into being an adult and how much he loves us and sees things so differently from when he was a child.

Trust in relationships can be tested and what we do during that “test” often determines in what direction the future of the relationship will take. Thank goodness we all grew and learned and that the love in our family was far greater than a temporary lapse of good judgement and a broken trust.

A broken trust doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship; it can be the beginning of a greater understanding and appreciation.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New book! Along The Way available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

 

My New Book is Out

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My New Book is Out
By Bernadette A. Moyer

My new book titled; ALONG THE WAY has finally been published and of course I am excited. Writing and creating a book is a lot like birthing a baby as you go from conception to birthing, it is a process!

And just like having a baby when that book is finally birthed/published you are just over the moon happy and so giddy with glee.

This isn’t my first book and yet every book feels like a first. I know that it is my best work, well at least, to date. Most writers know that you just get better and better the more that you write.

It is a long road and a lengthy process to create a book and like my favorite Stephen King quote states; “there is no such thing as writing, there is only re-writing.” I don’t think there is a writer out there that is ever finished/ done, we want to edit, to correct, and to rephrase and we want to do it over and over again.

ALONG THE WAY includes more than 220 articles, blogs and essays and covers a wide range of topics. Some titles include; It Isn’t About You, Dads and Daughters, Perfection is God’s Business, Dear Estranged Adult Sons and Daughters (has over 1,000 “likes” on Facebook) and Happiness is an Inside Job.

You can find a detailed book description at http://www.createspace.com/5705583?ref

My new book is out and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed creating it!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

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Sweet Sweet Surrender

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Sweet Sweet Surrender

By Bernadette A. Moyer

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Surrender as in letting go of control and to yield to power. I am thinking about surrender is the sense of letting go and accepting that we are not in charge that there is a greater power. Our world and our existence here is bigger than just us. Not one of us decided on our birth date or our natural death date. In life there is really very little that we control. We didn’t pick our parents nor did they choose us. We take what we receive and we make the most of it.

As a marketing and salesperson for the bulk of my career in both for profit and non-profit, most of my sales training taught me to go after what I want. In my personal life I have done the same. Then there comes a time when you know that you’re not going to be the President or a model or any other fantasy that we may have thought was achievable at a certain age. We grow up and accept what our own unique gifts are as well as our limitations. It is nice to strive for goals, to set a goal and then go after it. Some things in life are a natural fit and meant for us and others may be a dream or a fantasy.

When we mature, we accept that we came with a game plan unlike anyone else’s, our life is unique to us just as God created for us. It is not for someone else to put their plan, their agenda on us. Our surrender is to the highest and greater power in the Lord, our God.

The most wonderful thing about growing older is the sweet surrender than comes from accepting ourselves “as is” and letting go of ego. Giving way to God rather than ego, (Edging God Out) is the sweetest surrender, we no longer have to be better than them or better than that, we are good and good enough as we are, just as God created us to be.

Jesus Take The Wheel

(Lyrics by James/Lindsey/Sampson)

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can’t do this on my own

I’m letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I’m on

Jesus take the wheel

There is a natural happiness that comes from accepting ourselves and in that sweet surrender. Where we are, where we are supposed to be, what is ahead is exactly as God intended for us. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

It is through the struggle that we find enlightenment. So many lessons are born of pain, but they are born to us. We are good and we are acceptable and we are perfect as only God created us to be.

“I have been driven many times upon my knees by overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” Abraham Lincoln

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt away into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change, the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.” Marianne Williamson

There is no beauty in the fight, fighting is never attractive, but there are gifts, blessings and true beauty in the surrender. Surrender is sweet, it is humble, it is without ego and false pride, our surrender allows us to be open and receptive and ready for us to receive God’s will. And God’s will is so much better than anything we could have imagined for ourselves.

“You cannot fulfill God’s purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans.” Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

There is nothing sweeter than our surrender …

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Happiness is An Inside Job

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Happiness is An Inside Job

By Bernadette A. Moyer

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It has taken a long time for me to understand that happiness is an inside job. It was my husband who taught me this. Overall he is very content and can take or leave most things. Brian has an inner peace and strength about himself. He is always so supportive of me. For more than 15 years, when I was running huge social fundraisers he never missed a single event. He never hung onto me for his good time either. He would circulate and was okay with being in a crowd and with people or by himself.

Through the years people have told me, “you two look good together” but what they could never have known was our back story, our family history. We are very much alike and have a deep understanding on what it is like to move past the limitations of your first family. We also had the same track record in love. Brian and I both had a spouse who died and left us with children and another significant relationship end when they cheated on us and left us for someone else. We know what it is like to be hurt by love.

My husband Brian is one of 6 children, I am one of 5. Neither one of us is close to our siblings. He is the only one who moved away. He grew up in the inner city of Baltimore, in the “hood” the projects. They were really poor as kids. None of his siblings left there, not one of them owns a house or an automobile.  He pushed past his initial life circumstances. Brian got an education and continues to educate himself as he is still moving up the corporate ladder.

He is the most responsible of all his siblings. When his mother passed his father had him take over.  He isn’t the oldest but was appointed the guardian for his father’s care. Brian learned how to live without his siblings. In childhood family photos most often Brian is on one side of the picture alone in contrast to the other 5 who are grouped together. It appears to have started when he was just a toddler.

I am one of 5 girls and like my husband I have no relationship with my siblings. We weren’t exactly well off as kids either. They have not been in my life for almost 25 years now. And just like my husband they appear when they want to try and bring me down. They presume to know me but have not been in my life for decades. I don’t allow myself to get caught up in their cauldron of hatred.

My husband had and has an easier time accepted that his siblings are not a part of his life. I always wanted my situation to be different; I mourn for how I would have wanted it to be not for how it truly is and was with them. Like my husband’s family they don’t add anything positive to my life.

It took a long time for me to learn that my happiness was my responsibility. Mine alone. I have so many friends and even more acquaintances. Every job I ever held was in a highly social setting. Many people have lifted me up. And I have been called “inspirational” by more than a few people.

No matter how many people enhance our lives, we come into this world alone and we leave it alone.  Today I am probably more content and happier than I have ever been. It isn’t based on other people or on things but truly comes from self-love and self-acceptance. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses.  I know who I am and I know my truth. I have an easier time discarding those relationships that are unhealthy and non- supportive.

Accepting that my happiness is my responsibility has allowed me to create an inner peace of love supported by my own strength. I don’t know why it took me so long to understand that everything I ever needed was already there inside of me. Better late than never … I suppose …

What I would say to anyone who is unhappy is you need to fix that. You alone have all the tools to be happy. It is there and it is inside of you.  People may try and bring you down and may try to hurt you but that is their unhappiness and not yours.

We are all responsible for the life choices we make and the way we live our life. If it isn’t right for you, then it just isn’t right. Change it. No one can make you happy, no one, but you.

Happiness is an inside job!

Bernadette on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble