You Have to Forgive Them

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You Have to Forgive Them
By Bernadette A. Moyer

forgiveness

You have to forgive them; you have to do it for yourself and for them. You have to take the high road. This week alone I have heard from a father who is coming to the end of his life and been estranged from his two daughters for decades. He is looking for help in mediation with his adult girls. He wants to talk to them before he dies.

Another mother wrote to me that this is the week her daughter is getting married and once again she feels the pain, the loss and is at risk of losing her peace over it … all over again. Every other day or week I get letters and messages from parents that are heartbroken over the loss through estrangement of their adult children.

These kids are our kids and its forever, whether they are in our lives or not and no matter what they have said and done to you, you have to forgive them. Pride is foolish. It is not a good enough reason. Even when they are not sorry or don’t show the remorse that you believe that they should, you must forgive them. And if and when they do say they are sorry, you have to accept it, let it go and work towards picking up the pieces and building a new and healthier relationship.

Remember when we thought we knew it all and that we could and would do it better than our parents did, in raising us? We were going to be better parents. We were going to be the best parents ever. Then life happens and you get thrown a curve. You do something, they did something, someone did something and the bond breaks down. Are they better off without you? Are you better off without them? They probably are not and you probably are not either. And what good comes of the anger, the hurt and the outrage? Justified or not, who does it serve?

All three of my now adult children have done things that I would never have done but they didn’t do it to me, they did it to themselves. Sometimes they are influenced by outside sources, people that enable them. You don’t know what they may have said to get support and what the motivation really is but you have to forgive them. Even the so called well intentioned “enablers” that help to break apart a family, you have to let it go, you have to forgive them. They hear one side. And there is always another side, always. Getting angry with the “enablers” is like being angry with the girl that your guy cheated on you with? She doesn’t owe you anything. The relationship you had was with the guy not her. Your relationship is with your child, they made the choice, others may have helped but this was their choice.

Adult children make their own decisions. Our kids do things that we don’t like or that we don’t agree with. They make decisions good ones and bad ones but at the end of it all, they have to live with their decisions as we must live with ours. Even if your estranged child doesn’t allow it or present themselves to you, forgive them. Again do it for you and do it for them. Take the high road.

No one was more shocked and stunned than I was when my first born child left home at age eighteen. But it was her decision to make. It is always their decision. Just like with any other adults we choose who we allow in our lives and we choose who we let go of.

I know the stories, I have heard them all and we lived through many ourselves. Yes the pain is real, the loss is real and the hurt and anger and disappointments are real. But we have to take the high road. We have to take care of ourselves first. We have to get through it. We have to accept that we only control our side of the relationship. They can and they will do what they do. Get on with your life, live. Do new things, make new friends and have new experiences. Allow yourself the process, the process of going through the loss, the voids, the hurts and all of it. Try not to be bitter.

You absolutely have the right to your hurt and anger. It’s real. But in the final analysis hanging on to it serves no one well, it just doesn’t. I am not suggesting that you continue to try, call, or send notes etc. if a wall has been put up accept it and respect it. But also be open. Be open if there is a chance to reconcile, be open to whatever comes next. And no matter what forgive them and forgive yourself too. You did the best you could with what you had and what you knew at that time. We are not perfect people. We are not perfect parents and our kids are not perfect kids.

If they are not in your life, pray for them. Pray for them again and again and pray for your own peace and wellness too. Jesus said, ”Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

One of my adult children recently came home. Life has a way of making more sense to us when we grow up from some life experience and gain some wisdom. I know now that she is sorry. I know now that it hasn’t been easy for her. It hasn’t been easy for any of us. But we all survived.

I had to learn to let go of how I thought it should be I had to learn that forgiveness truly is the gift that we give to ourselves. You can stay connected in your heart to people that may have gone away from you. You can wish them well even when you don’t see them.

One of the things that I have learned is that my children didn’t do it to me, they did it to themselves. Don’t take it personally, hard as that is to do, it wasn’t about you, it never is, nothing other people do is because of you. It is always because of themselves. Read more about this philosophy in the book The Four Agreements. It will help, it helped me immensely.

Peace and love and forgiveness …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebbok.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

What is your color?

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What is your color?
Bernadette A. Moyer

color

Keith Urban sings “Blue looks good on the sky … Baby, blue ain’t your color …” in the song titled Blue Ain’t Your Color

I remember learning to meditate on colors and what they represented like white was for peace and yellow for energy and black to exhale all that was wrong and bad and negative.

I believe we all have a color? I am most attracted to green and it represents life and growth and all that is living. If I had to pick “my” color is would definitely be green.

Pink, purple and blue are colors that I find pretty and soothing. Black and red for me are power colors. You can have your colors done for your skin tone and hair and eye color, what goes best what looks best.

Browns, tans and sand colors always represent grounding and neutrality and harmony and balance. Why are we attracted to the sun? We know we find energy there.

Darkness is just that … dark … is goes well with sadness and depression. Color can help lift our moods and our spirits. Go to the light for all that is good and alive … the dark side is just what it sounds like.

Advertising agencies have carefully chosen the colors on packaging because they know what colors we will reach for the most. Most things are bring to get us to pick them up.

Color can be a powerful force in our lives. We all react to color. What colors are you most attracted to and what do those colors make you feel?

We all have our color and our colors, what is your color?

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facbook.com/bernadetteamoyer
Books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Home

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Home
By Bernadette A. Moyer

home

“There is no place like home.” From The 1939 Wizard of Oz is probably one of the most famous movie quotes. But did Dorothy always appreciate her “home” or did it take the loss of her “home” for her to truly appreciate it and all that came along with her home including all the special people, her family.

“The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back.” Wendy Wunder

This past holiday season was so special and so calm and so peaceful and the truth is unlike many previous Christmas holiday seasons because we purposefully chose to do very little. For the first time in over 10 years we did not travel but rather we stayed home and enjoyed that entire experience of just being at home. It was also the first Christmas in our 25 years together that my husband and I did not have any of our children with us at home. They are all adults now and out in the world doing what they want to do. Living their adult lives the way that they have chosen to live them.

We didn’t know what to expect living with just ourselves, two adults and our two precious pooches. We decided not to go anywhere but rather to enjoy our “home” we bought very few gifts and made our own food and drink. It was a pretty paired down holiday from so many that we experienced before and yet it was truly special. We appreciate everything so much more as we age. Our next big birthday will arrive in just a few short years when we both turn 60. We’ve never known “home” with just us.

During the holidays several celebrities died that were younger than us and others who were really close to our age, it drives home for us that each and every holiday is a gift and that we have no way of knowing when our time here will end too. How many more Christmas holidays will we share together? And how many more will be shared here in our home?

What made this year so special? It was the combination of complete gratitude and appreciation for all that we have and the peace that we share in the “home” that we created together. There was no family drama, no pressures and just pure bliss. We cooked together, we cleaned up together, we watched movies together, we ate together, we drank together and we prayed together.

Home can be anything that we want it to be just like life; it can be a place of peace and of rest or a place of drama and upsets. Being at peace means that we didn’t need many gifts or big yahoo type celebrations, we had everything we ever needed right here at home. We were together.

And like many kids with their toys, we did have fun playing with our new electronic gifts. It was fun, it was simple, it was peaceful and above all it was Christ centered and filled with love and that special feeling we all know as “home.”

Of course our two precious pooches Happy and Chipper were right there with us and a part of our “home” experience too because with them and for us, there really is “no place like home!”

Oh and because it’s always good to change it up each holiday season, we see you again next year Nashville, Tennessee! We did miss you this year but we were just as happy to be home.”

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Goodbye to All That

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Goodbye to All That
By Bernadette A. Moyer

goodbye

Letting go of possessions, people and places that once held value in our lives can be so difficult to do and yet at the same time it can also be so freeing.

Lately and probably over the past few years I find myself purging possessions and people that no longer give me the same pleasure and/or opportunity for growth that they once did.

For years I collected Barbie dolls and probably had about 30 highly collectable dolls in my collection. I had an original 1959 Barbie from the year she was born, Scarlett O’Hara Barbie from Gone With The Wind, 101 Dalmatians Barbie, Angel Barbie, Birthday Barbie, Christmas Barbie and Wedding Day Barbie just to name a few. Then a few years ago I started donating them just a handful at a time as a mini collection to silent auctions for nonprofits that I supported and held dear. I was so happy that they brought in much needed funds and were going to make someone else happy just as they did for me. Last week I gifted two favorites; Angel and Holiday Barbie to two precious little girls. Their joy and their glee was just so rewarding and seeing how happy those dolls made them made me equally if not even happier.

My husband caught the giving bug in his decision to support me in my professional fundraising goals while breaking up his sports memorabilia collection. One year he gave me his prized autographed Ted Williams baseball to donate. It was after Ted’s death and came complete with a full set of authentication papers. That ball was used in a live auction to benefit disadvantaged children. My husband paid a mere $60 for it and it gave him joy for many years. The night of the auction that $60 signed baseball brought in $2,400! My husband was thrilled and admired by some of the most elite in that gala dining room on the evening of this black tie fundraising event. He was filled with joy and I was so proud to have him as my husband.

As I have gotten older and through the years I have received some high end gifts like authentic Burberry pieces. Last week I re-gifted a Burberry scarf to a friend that I adore. I wanted her to have something special and something that was of value but also once belonged to me. The joy for me was in the giving. I’ve believed for a long time that, “giving is for the giver.”

There are organizations that need just about anything that can be donated to lift up someone else that doesn’t have. Some organizations collect shoes for people who have none and work suits and professional attire for people who need them to secure employment and food for the hungry.

When our twins were younger they learned the gift of giving at a very young age. Often they had birthday parties and invited their entire class. Because they were twins they didn’t want their guests to feel the burden of purchasing two gifts. Our twins asked that donations be made to nonprofits they named and who supported kids who had less than what they did. I can recall several years when they raised somewhere between $600 and $1,000 each year by doing this. I also remember how empowered and joyful they were by their own abilities to help by raising money, kids helping kids.

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.

I have come to believe and to understand that some people and places have a time and a place too. Sometimes you have to let go for they no longer add to your life but take in ways that leave you in an unhealthy place. I have learned for me it is best to do so with love. Given the choice I can be a forever friend and yet at times this is impossible to achieve.

My friends have often filled many roles in my life, many voids that were left by my family. In my history with them and my desire not to lose more people I have been guilty of hanging on to relationships that I had either outgrown or ones that were destructive. In my rose colored glasses approach to life, I let many things go that in retrospect should have been dealt with in an appropriate and respectful manner.

In my decisions to purge possessions, people and places that no longer fit for me, I have freed myself up to entertain other people, places and yes other possessions too. I have allowed myself the opportunity to continue to grow and to learn and to make room for that which can allow me to do so. My giving away and giving way to letting go has allowed others to benefit as well.

I have always been so much better at “hello” but I am learning the necessity of saying “goodbye” with grace. It is often said that the closing of one door opens another as does the freeing and giving away those things that no longer serve us well.

Letting go, giving away and giving up can be a gift. Here is to knowing when to let go in love and how to do it with grace, and when it is time to say Goodbye to all that …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Autumn Shows Us

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Autumn Shows Us
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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The season is changing and so are we! Autumn leaves show us exactly how beautiful it is to let go and let live and let die. What can you let go of? What can you make room for? The seasons change and so do we. We change how we dress and what we eat and we change what we do and where we go.

I remember as a little girl listening to a song that my father liked it was called Autumn of My Life by Bobby Goldsboro. He sings “and I’m content in the Autumn of my life.”

“Autumn the wind blows colder than the summer, Autumn my loves gone with another. Did you ever lose something that you thought you knew, did you ever lose someone that was close to you?” From the song Autumn written by Edgar Winter.

The seasonal changes teach us so much about life and about letting go and living in each and every moment. The seasons pass and eventually so will we.

I want to celebrate this autumn with leaves, and sweaters and hot cider and apples and pies. I want to celebrate it with open windows and with warm beef stew. But more than that I want to celebrate by reminding myself there is a season for everything and a time and a passing.

What is important now? What do we need to do to prepare our homes, our families and ourselves for what is directly in front of us? Seasons change and so do I, and so do you. Time waits for no man.

Every Autumn represents the letting go of and making room for all that is next in the life cycle. In living our lives much like the same way that the leaves change colors and eventually fall away, so it will affirm for us again and again how life changes just like the seasons change.

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In each decision that we make; we must consider our life and how it not only defines us but impacts those that are closest to us.

Each day I pray to God for the wisdom as to what I give my time and attention, and asking for His help for me to be busy with the right things and to give my best to those things. Amen.

Autumn gives us so much to embrace and also so much to let go …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

And Then We Die …

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And Then We Die …
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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But have we truly lived? We all know that death is a definite, no one escapes it! If I live to be 100, I will only have known and experienced 100 summers and 100 Christmas holidays. It doesn’t seem like that is a whole lot so I have tried my best to live as full of a life as I can live.

When I was widowed at just 23 years old, I learned how quickly and unexpectedly life can be taken away. Through the years I have encountered people who when they learn this fact say, “oh I am sorry.” But for me it was a huge gift. It drove home for me how precious life is and that I wanted to get the full experience out of every single day and every single experience. I learned NOT to take anything for granted, our time here is not a given and it is limited.

I learned to appreciate the here and the now. My husband was also left at just 32 years old, when his wife Stacey unexpectedly died. Together we are mature beyond our years and often associate with people that are much older than us. Our peer group never really got it. Why would they? When I was 23 and declared a “widow” my peers were immersed in living while I was trying to comprehend death.

This “gift” has strengthened my faith in God, my understanding of life and of death. Initially when it first happened I couldn’t understand it. Then one of my older work associates stated, “Find a tree and visit that tree. Visit it in the spring and the summer and then again in the fall and the winter. That is life and that is death.” I learned this almost 30 years ago and it has been the view of life that I have come to understand. We are living and then we die just like that tree I visited in every season and every stage of its life.

When my first husband Randy died I had the following poem, Comes the Dawn, read at his funeral in 1983. I still live by it today. He was the one who shared it with me and it wasn’t that long before his passing that he shared it. Although his death was accidental and unexpected, I have often thought to have shared this with me, he might have known he was coming close to the end of his life and it was his way of saying good-bye.

Comes the Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security

And you begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes wide open

With the grace of a man, not the grief of a child
You learn to build your roads
On today, because tomorrows ground
Is uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of going down in mid-flight
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone else to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn … and you learn
With every good-bye you learn

(Author Unknown)

Through the years, people have told me, “Your life is so interesting!” Some of it is by design and some of it is purely by life circumstances. However, I can and do appreciate it all. I do my best to squeeze every moment of life out of this life, this life that God has given to me.

As much as we know that death is coming nothing really prepares us for it, or for the loss of the people that we eventually lose to death. My mother was famous for saying, “We live in hope and we die in despair.” I don’t know how I will die but I do know that I do live in hope. I hope and I pray for love, for health, for understanding, for compassion amongst other things and I hope and I pray that when my time ends here on earth I will know that I have lived fully and with few if any regrets.

And as much as I know that I want to live, and to live for as long as I can, and with as much zest and exuberance as I can, I also know “and then we die.”

So let us all live and live fully and with no regrets …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Living in Balance

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Living in Balance
By Bernadette A. Moyer

Healing Crystals Love

Healing Crystals Love Chakra Affirmation

From enjoying a hearty slice of chocolate cake to a fierce 500 plus calorie workout, striving for and living in balance is always the challenge. Finding the perfect balance of work and play can at times elude us. I truly believe that peace and love of life are a direct result of our achieving that balance. That perfect balance when we are achieving and contributing and when we are having fun and unwinding.

It is important to have a meaningful existence in our work and within our role in our family and in our community, just as fun and recreation are also necessary for a balanced and meaningful life.

Sometimes we fling from excessive work and being up and on to excessive play where we have freedom and free time. Often anxiety is born in too much time or as my grandmother was famous for sharing “idle time is a devils workshop.”

We have a need and a want, a desire to be needed but we also crave that alone time where we can recharge and retreat. We can give too much and come up empty or we don’t give enough and end up feeling unfulfilled.

It can be like our diet when we overindulge or when we starve ourselves; neither extreme is viewed as healthy. A life of leisure without any responsibilities or commitments can make us feel hollow and empty. Being valued is important.

Identifying all the pieces that are necessary to achieve balance is the first step. We come to the understanding that our social life, our purpose in life, our nutritional life, intellectual life, emotional life and physical life must all be in balance for us to live our best life.

We know better than anyone when our life is out of balance and what the side effects and suffering that come about as a result. Today I strive for balance more than ever. I see that place where grace and gratitude come together to help me in all the pieces of life.

Take stock … are you living in balance? If not what are the side effects? What do you need to do to reach that balance? I truly believe that the single best things we can do to live a long and happy life is maintaining balance in our life. That just right amount of work and play and diet and exercise and filling our soul and our brains with healthy thoughts and prayers helps everyone and anyone achieve a better balanced life!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Glory Be To God

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Glory Be To God
By Bernadette A. Moyer

god

God is good! God is great! I am so very thankful for my faith in God, I have lived long enough to know, that for me, without my faith in God, I may not have survived. And not only have I survived, but I thrived and often in the face of much adversity.

If you are not a God person or a faith filled person, this blog may not be for you and so be it. As a writer I have opened myself up to both compliment and criticism, I have been chastised by some who are angered by my faith and I have been blessed by those that concur with me. I hold no harm to non-believers and I fully appreciate that not everyone has faith nor believes in a God. But I do have faith and for me God has always been an integral part of my life.

God was with me when things went my way and when they came easily to me He was also there with me and for me when I struggled. I was lucky that I never felt alone as I had faith and I had God.

I can also see where many people are turned off by faith and religion and yes a God. When people that protest to be faith-filled and yet act in unloving and uncaring ways, I too have struggled with what some religious have done in the name of God, things that no man should do to any others. So I understand when people are hesitant and skeptical. I get it.

All I can do is speak from my heart and from my own experiences. I learned about God as a child but I didn’t fully appreciate His value in my life until I struggled as a fully matured adult. God was there for me! He is with us when we shine on our very best days and also with us when we feel the darkness of defeat and hurts and loses.

As my life matures I am more and more convinced that I am not alone, there is a force that lives deep within me, a higher power, a conscience and a voice that comes from God. For me there is no other way, it works!

When faced with situations and with people that act in ungodly ways, I do my best to try and see the face of God in them. We may never fully appreciate what others are going through and what is happening in their lives but when we have faith and when we have God, we know that everything here on earth is a blessing.

Even the darkest days and the darkest moments can be turned around to find their blessings! We are alive, we are here, we are breathing and until we take our last breath it is not over.

Earlier today I watched two people in public pray together in public before they ate their lunch. A simple act and yet one that we don’t witness often these days, prayers for their meal that they were about to share together, it meant something to them and to me as I passed by their table.

For some people God seems to have lost fashion here in America and yet I personally can’t imagine living my own life without the presence of God. Life is tough enough and having faith and having God just makes it so much less difficult for me.

Glory be to God! It’s Sunday and I am happy and blessed and filled with faith and love for God above. It sounds so simple and for me it truly is … live and let God in … and you just may find if you haven’t already that life is sweeter and lovely and better with faith, hope and yes God.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Books by Bernadette are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Two Words – “Autistic Behaviors”

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Two Words – “Autistic Behaviors”
By Bernadette A. Moyer

 

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Our son is different and we always knew it. At home and in familiar places he is fun loving and easy to be around. Yet many times and throughout his 24 years there was a cause for pause, it could have been an anger issue or how easily he was to sway or seem out of it. It could have been the impulsive literally not looking at traffic before he would dodge across the busy street times. Sometimes it was a simple goofy thing that he said.

At the top of his game he would achieve National Junior Honor Society all through middle school and become an Eagle Scout when he turned 18 and a few years later pass the ASVAB and join the United States Navy. He would successfully help run a yogurt shop at the local mall for more than three years until they closed.

But there was always something off, in his words, “why can’t I be normal?” and most recently his declaration of “I always knew that I had something.”

Were we living in denial as his parents when we witnessed his lack of a desire for a driver’s license, his inability to relate to most people his age, his immature temper tantrums and high anxiety? We may have missed it but so did many others. Shouldn’t his teachers have said something? Did they know but were being politically correct when they called about his behaviors but never went “there” there as in “autistic behaviors?” And what about the times we took him to be a therapist and a psychiatrist and they concluded with “he is a very likeable guy.”

I wanted to scream out loud with YES! yes very likeable but could you dig a little deeper! But I didn’t and went along as we continued along with so many of his issues and cries for help. He is an artist and an actor and quite dramatic so we talked to him and continued to counsel him and support him.

According to his therapist he is “very well supported” or he might never have had the many achievements he did achieve. Earlier this year his job of more than 3 and a half years ended abruptly when the shop closed their doors for good, within days this would send him into a severe depression and to the hospital. In the six months that followed he would spend two more hospital stays of five nights each. After the first stay he was diagnosed with “severe depression” and for me it just didn’t square. I knew it was more than that.

At home he was up early and doing things, he always ate with a healthy appetite between the first and second hospital stay he went to two art fairs, the movies, out to lunch, out to breakfast to the mall and sang in a talent contest, he went to the gym, to an Orioles baseball game, he swam and interacted with my husband, his best friend, me our two dogs and our neighbors. Severe depression? It just didn’t add up and two weeks after that diagnosis he ended up back in the hospital.

This time would be different. Because he is a legal adult they never bothered to ask us, his parents about him. It was frustrating. But then a social worker called me and asked if he could talk about our son. I said, “get your pen and paper because I have a lot to say.” With that my voice quivered and I began to cry. It was time to put it all out there, there was no room for shame, the only way he could receive the care he needed was to get an accurate diagnosis.

For the record, before writing this blog I asked his permission to write it and to share it and he was eager to have me do so.

When you have a child that you love so much, it is so hard to watch them struggle and what is even harder is to see kids in school that not only don’t want to be his friend but take joy in teasing him and making fun of him. It breaks your heart.

He was asked when he first thought about suicide and his answer was devastating to us his parents, he replied with, “when my twin sister was mocking me and taunting me and saying and doing things to make me feel bad about myself, I wanted to jump off the bridge in our neighborhood.” We always knew they bickered and that there was a rub but we never knew the depth of his desire to end their relationship nor did we fully understand why.

Things that many young people take for granted he has struggled with, things like eye contact and proper communication, dating skills and passing his driving test. Yet in one day and after 15 failed attempts he would finally secure that driver’s license and the same day secure a new job.

The job wouldn’t last though and within a few weeks he would be fired. More failure for a young guy that would take it so personally and send him in a tailspin and to the hospital. He wanted to quit he wanted to give up he wanted to end his struggles. This time the doctors and his psychiatric team would go deeper and do more tests and acknowledge his impulse disorder, his anxiety and there it was the big one, “autistic behaviors.”

Many times through the years I would think it was “high performing Asperger syndrome” even though today they don’t use that term. Today everything falls on the autism spectrum. When his father and I read his papers there it was “autistic behavior” and my husband immediately said, “you were right!” I knew we all knew. All I felt in that moment was relief. He would have his answers he would receive therapy and medication and we would help him to grow the support team around him.

In the short run, we would lower our expectations on him moving out and stop putting any pressure on him to get a job, we would help him to go back to school. Today we are all more hopeful and healthier as a result of the honest analysis and diagnosis.

Our son is a great young man with a lot to offer this world. I enjoy spending time with him. He is painting more and has started to keep a journal. He has forged a strong relationship with a neighbor who also suffers with depression. He has goals that he wants to achieve in learning to develop more relationships. Recently he has secured a fully funded college scholarship and wants to be a Vet Tech.

What I know for sure is that with proper treatment and the right team supporting him, he is once again on his way and he will decide, now armed with much knowledge what his future will look like, and God willing we will be there with him cheering him on, all along the way.

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Our Children Are Not Placed Here

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Our Children Are Not Placed Here
By Bernadette A. Moyer

 

children

Our children are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
It is not their job to complete us
Or to go along with what we need or want
Or feel is best for them or us

Our parents are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
It is not their job to complete us
Or to go along with what we need or want
Or feel is best for them or us

We strive for love and we strive for acceptance
We strive to be understood and we strive to understand

Did we receive the child we hoped for
And/or the child that God alone gave to us

Did we receive the parents we wished for
And/or the parents that God alone gave to us

Our children are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud
Our parents are not placed here to please us
Or to make us proud

Oh … but isn’t life easier and oh so sweet when they do …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble