Christmastide

Christmastide
By Bernadette A. Sahm

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Merry Christmas! It is the season …

Songs are swirling around my head and I am singing, “this Christmas I gave you my heart …”

The cookies are baked and decorated; the trees are adorned with decorations and lit.Presents are in abundance and wrapped in pretty holiday papers and ready to be gifted.

There is wine and whiskey and an abundance of food, music is playing and everything is pretty and laced with hope and love and peace.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Last night it was a beautiful Candlelight Church Service with Lessons and Carols and a special dinner with friends that have long ago become family to me. A woman my mother’s age who became my other mother and her special needs daughter born the same year that I was born. We ate and we drank and we chatted the night away, it was a special evening sure to remain in the memory books.

Hark! The Herald, the Angels sing …

Tonight we are off for a romantic evening in “the sweetest place on earth” Hershey, Pennsylvania where we will take in the Christmas decorations and music and a special holiday dinner. Then we will proceed the next day to visit the gravesite of family members that have departed this life.

Our hearts are full and are hearts are at peace and they are filled with joy and with so much love. We are grateful; so truly grateful for the life that we live and grateful for all the riches that have been afforded us these past 24 years in our home.

We are reminded that the greatest gifts that we can give are love and peace and kindness and we know that is what we want for everyone this Christmas and all through the holiday season!

For many people the New Year is about resolutions but a few years ago I gave up making “resolutions” for “affirmations” it even sounds more positive. This year we are for better health and even more happiness.

“Take out the trash!” will be the mantra for the New Year! Let go of the garbage and all that is dark and dirty and unhealthy. If you can’t say and do anything nice … then don’t say and do anything at all … “Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!”

Wishing you all “Green and silver, red and gold and a story born of old, Peace and love and hope abide this Christmastide …”

Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy Brand New Year! Let hope and love and peace reign …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Eighteen Christmas Seasons

Eighteen Christmas Seasons
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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You don’t get over it you get through it … it starts with just breathing. You learn to breathe again when you have been knocked over and kicked in the gut by an adult child that grows up and decides that the life you afforded them and gave them didn’t and doesn’t measure up. They decide alone that you are unworthy.

This Christmas will be my eighteenth Christmas without my daughter, a daughter who is now gone longer than when I had her. This was a daughter who initially shattered my heart and my soul. And a daughter who re-created her past so that she could have a new and different life. Initially I couldn’t believe it or accept it, and I now so freely do.

Not only do I accept it but I appreciate the gift and what it was; a blessing in disguise. I am no longer tethered to a past. A past life that was filled with hurt with loss and with abuse. I am free. Yet there was a time when I thought I couldn’t live without her. I learned that I can live and that I will live and that I can be happy and healthy and whole again.

I gave her everything I had to give. I gave her more of a life and a better life than what my parents ever afforded me. And in the end I appreciated my parents more. There is a lesson here for parents that just give and give.

More and more people are writing to me and contacting me about my writings and about my then teenage daughter who at age eighteen decided to estrange, and their biggest question is, “How did you do it? How did you survive it?”

There is no cure; you take one minute at a time, one day at a time and one month and one year at a time. You work through it, through the heartache and through the disappointment. You work through the grief and through the loss. You purge your pain. Then one day they are gone longer than you had them in your life.

What you are left with is your memories and for me I have wonderful memories of a beautiful little girl who was bright and beautiful and the absolute love and joy of my life. I have no regrets. I played the hand that I was dealt and I did the best I could with what I had and what I knew at that time. Today my heart and my soul are at peace.

She chose her life and I have mine. I am able to look at my friends and my peers who now have adult children and many are married and having children of their own. I absolutely love seeing those healthy loving and growing parent-child relationships.

I am not soured as I am truly happy for them. I look on with love and a happy heart. I know that, that was not to be for me and it wasn’t going to be my lot in life. I have not only learned to accept it but to move past it.

People tell me things about her and I have been sent photos of her and I don’t bite. I am not interested in anything related to her and yet there was a date and a time when I was desperate to know anything at all about her. Today I think and believe that if she wanted me to know about her life, she would not have estranged and gone out of her way to make sure that I am not included. I know my place. I got the memo and I heard her loud and clear.

There is life after our children. I do not believe that my marriage would be as happy as it is with the continued drama that was represented in that relationship. She has declared it unhealthy and today I agree. Because of all the loss that she experienced as a small child I took it on that it was my job to fill those voids and in reality it was not. I was there. I was there 100% if not more. I tried my hardest and I did my best.

The decision to estrange was solely her decision, I have learned to live with that decision and she too will have to live with her choices.

Factually speaking she may be my daughter but the reality is that she has not been a daughter to me for eighteen years now. You can’t miss what you don’t have. I don’t miss her at all anymore. I have created a very full and very happy and a very loving life. This past year was one of the happiest years of my life! I had pure joy and much love.

“If God takes you to it, He will take you through it.”

My new books Along The Way and Another Way have many articles, blogs and essays about my journey. It has been an amazing journey and just like any journey there is a beginning and middle and an ending. When it is over, it is over.

I was married for more than 15 years before I legally changed my name, in part because when I was getting married she said, “then I will be the only Moyer left” her dad died when she was just two. I was always trying to fix things and make things better for her.

As this year 2015 ends, I will begin the new year writing under my married name Sahm, Bernadette A. Sahm. Bernadette A. Moyer has many writings that have addressed love, loss, death and estrangement.

The new writings will be about love, happiness and beauty and hopefully even more inspiring and healthy. I have purged my pain, I have written much and I have helped many.

My greatest hope in sharing my experiences and my life story is that anyone that is experiencing this kind of loss, please know that you are not alone, others have survived it and you will too!

I am not saying it is or was easy but what I am sharing is that it is possible … you can be happy again and you can be happy after losing a child to estrangement.

The page has turned … and life is good and beautiful and happy again …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Surrounded by Angels

Surrounded by Angels
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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I have always had angels around me, my entire life I was aware of the spiritual powers that surround me. Angels are defined as ‘the messengers of God.” In order to receive them you must open both your heart and your mind.

We hear stories about guardian angels, angels of protection during war and people that are helped by angels. We see angels in art, on cards, notes and décor. After my first husband died, within hours I felt a strong spiritual presence over my right shoulder. This was more almost 30 years ago; however I remember it so clearly. The message I received was, “you are not alone.” I was heavy hearted with a two year old daughter. My faith walk as an adult truly began at this time. I believe that God sent that angel with that message.

Years ago I wrote a children’s book titled, Angel Stacey, Earth Angel to Guardian Angel. It was a tribute to our children’s parents and our previous spouses that passed on at such young ages. We raised our children to believe that although God had taken their parent pre-maturely, they may have left this life but that they were still there in Heaven.

When my parents died, I knew they had returned home to God, to their maker. My sense was that my father had made his peace before leaving this earthly life. My dad knew his last days were coming and he took all the necessary steps to make peace with the people in his life that mattered most.

To me, my mother would struggle since she left so much unattended to and certainly left much unrest. But shortly after her departure, I had a strong message from what I believe was an angel. The message was simple, “God knew then and now so does your mother, and you must carry on with peace and love in your heart.”

Having faith is no doubt, the single greatest gift my parents gave to me. I live with less and less anxiety as I age. There are so many wonderful and beautiful angels; I personally have quite a collection in books, wall hangings, ornaments and more.

As a collector, they make me happy. I choose to surround myself with angels and I am receptive to hearing their messages. I truly believe that if and when we are ready to receive our angels, they are there for us. And when we receive the messenger, that angel sent by God, then we truly hear the voice of God.

Angel Stacey books are available at amazon.com

New book Along The Way and Another Way are available on amazon.com and Barnes and Noble

Follow Bernadette on http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

In Bethlehem

In Bethlehem
by Bernadette A Moyer

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When Mary had her baby
There was no place to be
They had come to be counted
Each with a family
No one had expected
The town to be so full
Rough shelter turned stable
Amidst straw, smells and wool
Joseph said, “It will be okay”
Much better than the cold
The animals are gentle
This is what I have been told
Into the cave they entered
Quite happy for that warm space
Mary had her baby boy
God’s gift of love and grace

Soon after she nursed him
So tiny, sweet and special
They looked around to find a bed
A place for him to nestle
And yes they found a substitute
It was just a trough
For then they had no cradle
Just swaddling bands of cloth
So straw was used to cushion
Covered by a rug
Then little baby Jesus
Was placed there with a hug
Meanwhile on the hillside
Shepherds guarded sheep
Surrounded by a brilliant light
They were too scared to peep!

When suddenly an Angel spoke
In voice so crystal clear;

“Please shepherds do not worry
You have no cause to fear,
We Angels sing a message
This message with great joy
Please go in haste and visit
A special baby boy
For he has come to God on high
A present to this earth
He lies in a manger
From the stable of his birth.”

Where Mary had the Christ child
Was just right after all.
For God, had not planned a palace
But this warm cave and a stall.

Merry Christmas!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer
New Books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

You Won But Did You Really

You Won But Did You Really
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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When you have to kill and to destroy to make your point, have you won? Really won? I have been relatively quiet since the recent mass murders in San Bernardino California; however I have read much and processed much about this subject since it happened.

What argument or disagreement or different way of thinking and living merits mass murder? As a woman and as a mother I think the hardest part for me to process is how any young mother could willingly destroy lives and risk their own life and in doing so leave their six-month old baby behind?

Seems so very selfish to have a child and then take actions that will virtually ensure they will have lost their father and their mother due to their choice of terrorism. To kill innocent people just because they don’t think and believe like you do, over an ideology over a belief in a different God?

Then I think about people that don’t take a life but kill other relationships and other people so that they can get their way, selfishly at the expense of other people. People that lie and people that manipulate and people that willingly play the victim because their need to win and to be right is much more important to them than the well-being of others and for peace and love.

When the mission is purely to destroy, there are no winners. Who won in California? The people who killed innocent people are dead and their child is left without parents. That same anger and hatred that this young female terrorist used to destroy lives, that same amount of energy and that same amount of passion could just as easily been used to better her community and her family and her baby’s life.

A choice was made to destroy …

A choice was made to kill innocent people …

People’s lives are destroyed every day by the actions of other people, it happens in families; it happens on the job, it happens in a community. When the individual need to be right, when a group of people believe that their faith and way of thinking is superior to all others, who really is the winner here?

Whatever decisions we face in life, I would be willing to bet if it starts with hatred and with anger and with a willful desire to hurt others, it can’t possibly be good for anyone nor can it render a winner.

“Anger is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” Mitch Albom from The Five People You Meet in Heaven

The terrorist actions they don’t make me want to stop going out or to go to public places but it does make me look closely at other people and their behaviors. It makes me less willing to openly embrace people I don’t know and I find myself saying to myself, “there are a lot of crazy, sick and hate-filled people in this world.”

A sad statement I know but then again there were no winners when terrorist attack and it doesn’t matter to me who the terrorist is and where they come from as much as the fact that it comes from another human being, and the harsh reality of how horribly some people, another human being is willing to go to treat other people so hatefully and with such callousness and cruelty …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New Books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

You Can Find a Reason

You Can Find a Reason
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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You can find a reason to love just like you can find a reason to hate, a reason to give and a reason to take. We can all find reasons to justify our actions if that is what we decide to do. Love is a choice and so is hatred.

Imagine any relationship where you are presented with a “list” of all the things that you did wrong or were deemed unattractive to another person? A list that documents your “flaws” and “shortcomings” this “list” was presented at the culmination of the relationships. I don’t know many relationships, no matter how loving that could withstand such a list.

Nor do I fully comprehend why anyone would take the time to create pages upon pages of their grievances. (This actually happened to a friend where one of their family members took the time to write down all the things that they deemed wrong with them.)

Needless to say it didn’t make anything better… I wonder if the list maker ever even thought about how it would be received and if they did what they expected the outcome to be? And if they were presented with a “list” how they would respond?

What I do know is that the same efforts that went into creating the” list” of flaws could have just as easily been the same energy that went into creating a list of love. The same effort that goes into hurting people can just as easily be the effort that goes into loving them.

There is a lot of talk in our society today about “anti-violence” toward women and several anti-bullying campaigns. One of the ads recently came across as though we are expected to love every single person and anything less was deemed as less than noble. As human beings we are drawn to the people that we like and we aren’t going to like/love everyone.

As kids we were taught that if we didn’t like someone to just stay away from them, I still think that works? Right? Not every person out there will be someone that we welcome into our lives. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is stay away from people that are not good for us or bring out the worst in us.

We are a judgment based society, we judge people we judge them by how they look and how they speak, and we judge them by their actions and their lack of actions. We judge people by their education or their lack of education. We judge them by their religious beliefs and their political views. We all have our own yardsticks on how we decide to measure others. The problem is that our yardstick is based on our views and in an ever changing world people change, society changes and we change.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Teresa

We can all find reasons …

NEW BOOKS! Along The Way and Another Way are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble
Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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We all have one! We all have a comfort zone where things come easily to us and where we are most comfortable. However, it has been said that “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Neale Donald Walsch

Most of us would agree that real growth happens when we do step out of our norm and that which is known to us and when we try something new. It could be a new job or a new relationship or travel to a foreign country and learning a new language.

As soon as we try something new, we begin to learn again. Over the Thanksgiving holiday I entered into a 5k walk/run for a local charity. I am not a runner! I never had any intention of running but I did want the experience and to support the cause. My goal was a fast paced walk and to complete the course and do so in under an hour. I met all my goals. Not only did I meet the goal I had set but I also took at least three photos along the way, stopped to tie my sneakers and grabbed a complimentary sip of a drink. Point is that if I was really serious about my time I wouldn’t have hesitated for photos, shoes and a drink. Next year the goal will be to beat my own time!

Entering in a race is completely out of my comfort zone and considering I was tasked with cooking a complete traditional Thanksgiving dinner later that day I could have easily opted out. But the race was my idea and I had engaged my husband and our son too. We were all thrilled to do it and it was a great weather day and a perfect early morning start to our Thanksgiving holiday. It looks like we may have created a new family tradition.

I felt so good after and yet this was completely out of my comfort zone … age 56 and yet another experience I can now add to my life!
Setting goals and trying new things is what life and living is all about. It renews our spirits when we challenge ourselves and when we leave our comfort zone to do so.

“The real value of setting goals is not the recognition or reward; it’s the person we become by finding the discipline, courage and commitment to achieve them.” Catsmiley.com

So here it to living a life that includes brand new experiences, meeting new goals and accepting new challenges as we take a step outside of our own self-created comfort zone …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

One Different Decision

One Different Decision
By Bernadette A. Moyer

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When I think about all the decisions we make in a day in a year and in a lifetime my head just wants to spin right off my shoulders! So many decisions and so many choices and some will be good ones and others maybe not so much.

There are studies out there that say an average person has remotely conscious decisions in a day that equals about 35,000 whereas a young person makes about 3,000, clearly we are making many decisions each and every single day.

My husband likes to sleep in late and I am an early riser, I could get so much accomplished by 10:00 and by 3:00 in the afternoon I have generally accomplished what it takes most people a few days to do.

Last week we were supposed to spend a day together at our favorite beach location and do some Christmas shopping when I was up and running and hubs was snug in bed with our two furry friends. I said, “That’s okay why don’t you just get your rest I will just go alone” and he agreed. Later he confessed he really wanted to go, the problem was I didn’t feel like waiting, rousing him and then putting up with his well … early morning personality!

It was a lovely and peace-filled day where I was able to move about at my leisure. I went to the beach and I shopped and I had lunch and I was all alone but it felt great. I arrived home refreshed and ready to go again. It turned out to be a good decision.

During this trip and my alone time I also thought about life and how one different decision could have easily put us in a different place. We make decisions about education and about career choices and our decisions about marriage and divorce and to have children or not and where to live are all huge decisions.

A different town and different friends affords us a different life, the decision to have one child or many children all create another lifestyle and reality for us. Some decisions are huge and others are as simple as what to eat for dinner or to have that second cup of coffee.

Each one of us is faced with numerous decisions in a day, a week, a month and a lifetime. Some decisions will bring us joy and others may bring us grief but having free will allows us to have the capacity to choose how we live our lives by the decisions that we make.

“When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.” Paul Coelho, The Alchemist

Regardless of what decisions we have made in our past and if we want to live our lives in a better way and in a healthier way and in a peace-filled way we are just one different decision away from achieving those goals … so here is to better and happier decision making and making our most loving best decisions ever …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

All books by Bernadette A. Moyer are available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble

If You Could Be Santa Claus

If You Could Be Santa Claus
By Bernadette A. Moyer

If you could be Santa Claus what would you give to people? If price was not an object would it come from a store or something more?

Recently I read an article that stated it wasn’t money that made people happy but rather the experiences that money affords primarily travel. And although it is the destination that makes people happy it is also the anticipation of that destination.

Anticipated trips and travel give people something to look forward to and something to get excited about, sharing that anticipation of what is yet to come.

Kids light up with that special toy, it could be a train set or a special doll or maybe a game or gaming system but what would Santa give to most adults? Perhaps the greatest gift is peace and to be surrounded by love and our loved ones.

We give gifts as tokens of our love and appreciation of another person. How are we as the receiver of a gift? Do we appreciate it or critique it? Are we happy with the gesture and the thought that went into it?

Giving is for the giver, there is no greater high than to be in a position to give a gift. It could be a store bought gift or a homemade gift or a gift of service. When we give we show our heart and our spirit and our generosity.

Some people are easy to please and no matter what you gift them they respond with joy and appreciation. Others take more to wow them but if you were lacking good health, peace of mind or unable to have your basic needs met, just imagine the gift of health or of peace of mind or of not having to worry about where your next meal will come from or warm clothing or a soft and safe comfy place to sleep.

If I was Santa Claus, I would give gifts that opened people’s heart and allowed them to let go in love and to understand that forgiveness is the gift that you give to yourself. I would give gifts that changed people’s lives for the better.

As I waited for my rings to be cleaned at a local jewelry store I browsed around looking at all the pretty watches, bracelets, necklaces and rings and I didn’t want for anything … I had what I like and what means something to me, most of my jewelry has sentimental value.

Imagine gifting a new puppy to a dog lover or a high end car or an expensive this or that, it really comes down to who gave it to us as much as what the gift actually is?

If I was Santa Claus I would give the most to the children that had the least and I would give adults who appreciated what they received more than to those that are never satisfied or happy.

If a gift could make someone happy I would give it … if it could change someone’s world and their life for the better I would be all in … every single one of us can be just a little bit like Santa Claus.

As Santa what would you give and to whom would you give your gifts? Giving truly is for the giver … we could all become someone’s, anyone’s Santa …

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

New books! Along The Way and Another Way on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble

For the Love of Pie

For the Love of Pie
By Bernadette A Moyer

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Who doesn’t like pie? Sweet banana cream pie, classic apple pie, peace crumb pie and savory chicken pot pie just to name a few. I am known for my mile high apple pie and classic pumpkin pie.

Recently after a trip to the Finger Lakes in upstate New York where they are known for their grapes and wineries I had to try the local grape pie. It was made from concord grapes with a crumb topping and pretty good! Of course my husband was like I’m not trying “grape jelly pie.” His loss.

“We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.” David Mamet

When I was just a little kid we lived on a farm that was once an orchard and we had apple trees, peach trees and a cherry tree. Mom would hand us that classic old fashioned wire fold up basket to go pick our own fruits and she would make us individual pies.

It may seem decadent today but life on the farm was simple and fruit trees grew fruit in abundance. Pie was just one answer to all that fruit so was canning and making homemade jelly and jams. We loved our fruit trees but Mom and her pie was always a welcome treat.

As an adult I often celebrated George Washington’s birthday by baking my own cherry pies, harvest season meant many pumpkin and apple pies and in the summer I love making peach pies and blueberry pie. To me there are two important components to a truly great pie. You need a nice flaky crust and a wonderful filling. I love fresh fruit pies.

The Amish are known for their pies and for their Shoofly pie. Traditionally they come in either wet or dry bottom. Since I am the only family member that enjoys them I do buy a slice when I visit Lancaster, PA and my choice is the wet bottom version.

As a teenager I worked in a restaurant/diner where when you walked through the front door you were greeted by a revolving glass pie case. They had onsite baking and made wonderful pies. One of the most popular was a fresh strawberry pie.

My husband is known for saying, “in business, do one thing and do it really well.” We had this experience at Monica’s pies in Naples, New York just a few days ago. That is all they do really great pies, all the fruit pies and chicken pot pie. Monica’s pies are well known and she was once featured on the food network however, they no longer ship their pies. You can stop in and buy their pie or enjoy a slice at the many area eateries who serve them. I do recommend the concord grape pie if for no other reason that eat local when you visit!

In the summer season with so many wonderful fruits and the fall with apples I do go into pie making mode. I could see myself like Monica with a little pie shop and a sign on the door that reads, “ring bell for service” Monica appears in full apron as she is making pie until it is time to sell her assorted pies.

I left her shop inspired to try to make my first ever concord grape pie and a chicken pot pie. I also plan to make many more pies. Who doesn’t like pie? There is virtually a variety for every taste. So here is to lots more pie making, pie eating and pie enjoying.

Pumpkin pie, apple pie, pecan pie all are favorites for the Thanksgiving holiday. So go ahead and make a homemade pie or buy a pie and support a pie maker!

Bernadette on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bernadetteamoyer

NEW BOOKS in 2015! Along The Way and Another Way are available at Amazon a